Inescapable Destiny

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize, all of that belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.

A/N: Today is the two year anniversary of the day I joined fanfiction! So to celebrate I'm posting this sad oneshot… But when inspiration strikes for a sad, 1000 word oneshot, what can you do besides write it? I have to admit that this is a great deal different than anything I have ever written, but that is part of the reason it appeals to me so much. I hope you guys like it, despite the fact that it's kind of depressing… Don't forget to REIVEW at the end!

Also, all of the information here, about the Grey Lady being alone, and never finding a man who was good enough is taken from the wikipedia bit on the Grey Lady, with a letter written by J.K. Rowling who said that the Grey Lady was alone because she never found someone who was good enough.

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Sometimes I wish I hadn't been so stubborn. Sometimes I wish I had just allowed myself to be swept off of my feet by some lovely knight who came to me, hoping for my heart. It was certainly what my father wanted. He wanted me, his only daughter, to be married off to a man I loved. But that never happened.

At the time, it seemed like the sensible thing to do, to keep my heart guarded off. I always thought that one day someone I truly loved would come along. But no one ever was good enough for me, and if I didn't like them at first meeting, I figured I could never grow to like them. And so, every contender that came knocking on my father's door was shot down.

I figured I would have time to wait until a worthy man came. I was 18, fresh out of school, and I had time. I was 20, and I still had time. I was 25, and my time was starting to run thin. I was 30, and I was almost considered a hopeless case. I was 32, and my father had given up on me. I was 33, and the last of the men stopped coming. When I was 34, I had finally given up on myself. All of my youthful beauty, the thing that kept all of those men coming to our door, was gone. I was no longer desirable, and by this time I had realized that even if I found a man I loved, he would not love me back.

My father was sad, needless to say, but there was nothing that could be done. I think he had always thought there was time too. He always told me that it was my choice, and I know that he just wanted me to be happy with my husband. Sometimes I wish that he had just forced me into marriage at a young age like every other girl at the time. I think he wished that too.

I think that the only hope I had left was that after death, my loneliness would not be so bad. I don't think I ever believed in heaven and hell. I think I always figured that after death, life was just over, there was nothing more to it. That was really what drove me to it, the thought that I would not be so alone after death. That was what drove me to the dagger.

I didn't know that my soul was too attached to this Earth to let me move on. I didn't know when I plunged the dagger through my flesh that it would bring upon me the worst ending imaginable.

I was damned in a way I had never considered, being stuck on the Earth as a ghost with no idea of how to move on. I haunted Father's mansion at first, but I couldn't put him through all of that grief. Finding my body on the floor was enough, he didn't need to see me floating around the house as well.

So after a few months I took off, floating around the English countryside, looking for a good place to haunt. It came to me all at once: I would go to Hogwarts.

At the time I thought it was the perfect choice, returning forever to the place I had loved so much as a girl. But not long after I became a permanent resident of the castle, I realized that it was not the ideal paradise I had planned on it being.

I might have known it would have been torture in the back of my mind. Somewhere, in the self-destructive part of me, the same part that drove me to end my own life, I probably knew that residing at Hogwarts would be nothing but torture. Maybe I thought I deserved it after wasting all of my time, and then cutting the rest of my life short.

Because for the rest of time I am destined to float the halls of Hogwarts and watch couple after young couple fall in love. I am destined to float into rooms and hear hushed whispers between lovers. I am destined to overhear discussions during meals between friends about how wonderful someone's boyfriend is. I am destined to watch people live the very thing I had always yearned for but never got.

I've watched many couples pass through these corridors, and certain ones stuck more than others did. I watched Arthur Weasley and Molly Prewett fall in love, and later watched all seven of their children go through Hogwarts as well, living proof that their love lasted. I watched Frank and Alice Longbottom, as their childhood friendship slowly bloomed into love throughout their years.

I watched James Potter and Lily Evans, and their love is one that perhaps strikes me as the most pure. That is what made it hurt so much. I watched Lily shoot James away countless times, and I watched James keep up his pursuit. He never took no for an answer, and somehow that led Lily to fall completely in love. Sometimes I think that if one of the knights had only come back again after the first rejection, I would not be in the situation I am in now. But not one did.

That is how I know that even if I hadn't been stubborn, I still never would have been happy. No one who came to me loved me enough to come back. And so, something tells me that even if I had been married, I would still have been unhappy. I would still have found that dagger, and I would still have ended my life.

Even if the events of my life had played out differently, I would still have ended up the Grey Lady of Hogwarts. I had an inescapable destiny from the time I was only a girl. And that is the thought that hurts more than anything.

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So, there you guys go! I really hope you liked it! Don't forget to drop me a review as an anniversary present :) Merci!