AN: RL, RL, RL always gets in the way D: Hopefully 2009 will be nicer. ilu all.

We're in the men's room.

Sora, he's waiting for me to open my mouth wider so he can let his tongue into my mouth. Me, I'm not catching the hint completely so I keep my mouth shut longer than I ever have. Ever. So, obviously, he stops and glares at me like he's tearing my insides out with his eyes.

"God Hosokawa, will you fucking open your mouth?" he snaps, frustrated. I smile at him, and he asks "What?" still frustrated, by the way.

"You've never really called me Hosokawa before...I like it." I say, licking a line up his neck. "It's kinda hot."

Sora lets out a moan as my tongue touches his skin, and he jerks his head back. Which is extremely hot, in case you hadn't envisioned it that way. I start nibbling on his neck, slow, teasing, just to hear how loud his moans would go. I always took him as a moaner. Before I have time to overly expand on that thought like I always do, he pushes me into a stall that just happened to be right behind us, and this time, his tongue is doing the work on my neck. He takes off my blazer, and starts unbuttoning my shirt, all the while pressing kisses to my chest.

"Now who's the horny bastard?" I ask, cocking an eyebrow.

"Shut up, Hosokawa," and I do, letting Sora explore me as much as he wants to. To be honest, I really don't mind. I'm kind of liking it, just a little. Just a tiny bit, barely noticeable amount of pleasure.

He continues trying to unbutton my shirt, trying being the key word. Fumbling with his fingers a few times. Muttering shit under his breath when one of the buttons happens to fall off. "Don't worry; Axel is surprisingly good with sewing things..." I said, and Sora giggled. He finally got the shirt all off and was now making his way down to my pants. I quickly stopped him, as a reflex. "Just...wait a few seconds, ok?"

"What? You're not hard?" Sora said and glanced down. I chuckled and shook my head.

"Trust me, that's not the problem. I just..." I take a pause to reform the sentence in my head. How does one ask the guy who's about to give him a blowjob if he's a filthy little slut who's done this before? "I... have you... uhm..." I start and Sora interrupts.

"Once..." Enter: awkward moment. Did he actually just say that he's done this before? "But like...it's been a year now and..." Sora began. "Fuck, Riku. Only you would ask that question before a blowjob," he said and laughed, kissing my hips as he starts working my zipper down.

Remember the problem Sora might have assumed I had in the beginning, with the dick not being fully saluting its master? Definitely, definitely not a problem anymore.

The pants, not a problem like the shirt, either. Sora was surprisingly (or not so surprisingly, after all... he's done it before) good with that part. As for the boxers, he didn't have to worry about those. I always go commando. Yes, I just winked at you in your head. Moving on.

And no, not all gay men wear pink thongs. I think a lot less men would be gay if their potential partners wore anything remotely pink and...thongy. Anyways, for fuck's sake, you're making me go on a tangent. Back to the issue at hand. My really hard dick.

What happens now is pretty much Sora pulling down my pants, my cock saluting him in all its glory. This sounds kind of weird in my head, but it's a lot sexier and realistic when you're me, about to get your cock sucked off by Sora and –

Holy shit, it's in his mouth. My dick is in his mouth. Oh my shitty hell that is... I'm going to come, aren't I? Oh fuck I'm going to explode in his mouth 2 seconds into a blowjob.

I'm...I'm...

BANG

And that would be the motherfucking piece of shit bathroom door shooting open. Not the stall, not yet, just the men's room door.

My heart is now in my throat, and I could swear that Sora just bit my dick off and was currently choking on it. Does that sound terrifyingly nauseating? Good, now you know how I feel.

But Sora's a little quicker than I am, and he managed to escape the horrible situation without another thought. I didn't even get to pull my pants up before his palm was covering my mouth, his finger pressed to his lips telling me to be quiet.

From outside of the stall, it appears we're not the only ones who're horny as fuck at this dinner. We hear kissing, and stumbling, and maybe they were even lying on the floor. Too bad we're not fucking superman with x-ray vision or whatever the fuck it is he uses to strip people down. The laughter stopped occasionally, most likely cause of the making out.

A loud moan fills the air and I'm so close to laughing, but Sora's palm is still covering my mouth, harder. He can feel the smile on my face, and again presses his index finger to his lips. I roll my eyes, thinking: "I fucking know!"

"Are these buttons, like, fucking bullet proof or some shit?"

"No retard, your fingers are backwards," we hear a familiar voice respond acidly.

Sora's jaw drops slowly, his eyebrows rising into his hairline, and he looks at me again, removing his hand. "Roxas?" he whispers.

This is about the point where the camera man barges in, microphones shoved up your face in every direction, and an annoying dork with absolutely no fashion sense, screaming out, "Congratulations! You're on Caddy Cam!" Really, I take Derek and his fab five gay sleep-over parties over this shit.

Nope. All I can hear is the nauseating sound of what Axel sounds like when he's getting off. Not the metal picture I quite wanted after I ate.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the only dick-softener worse than hetero relatives: Axel motherfucking Asukai.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

Believe it or not, that wasn't me. It was Sora. It's always the little ones your underestimate. Remember that. Epic advice from a guy who's lived it.

"What the fuck!" he repeats in rage, after he swings the bathroom stall open, revealing a very shocked Axel and Roxas on the ground with less attire than both of us combined. " .!?"

Roxas looks at him omnisciently, cocking his head in my direction, and let me just add; Roxas's hand, or for lack of a better term, arm, is currently taking residence in Axel's pants. "What were you two doing?"

I cough and Axel blushes, pulling away. Cue: Not looking at your best friend in the face after you caught him receiving a handjob from your soon-to-be step-bother's cousin in a men's restroom at your father's rehearsal dinner.

Allow me to reiterate, in case you skipped over the last minute: Restroom, and a very luxurious one at that, we're talking fucking marble floors and the fucking soap probably costs more than your fucking cologne. Me, with no pants on, hanging out limply. But nobody notices. Sora is too focused glaring the fucking sun at his cousin, Axel, surprisely, is completely mute, besides his idiotic face-making, but that's normal, and Roxas? Looks like he won the fucking lottery, that familiar smirk playing on his lips. There's some weird cousin telepath nonverbal communication going on between those two, because their conversation is uncomprehensible in any human language in the last hundred billion years.

"You-"

"I-"

"You-"

"What?"

"Uh huh."

Right about now, you're asking;

Can this get any more ridiculous?

Yeah, exactly. You jinxed it. Fucker.

"Riku, where have you-Why are your pants around your ankles-?" My father stops short, eyes unblinking as he accesses the bizarre environment in front of him. I'm sure seeing your son, future-step-son, step-son's cousin, and your son's best friend all together in a bathroom barely clad really wasn't something you walked into everyday at your average rehearsal dinner.

It wasn't until later--yes, I'm slow as fuck, no need to point it the fuck out, you prick--to realize Roxas had instigated this whole scenerio, on Sora's request. Only Roxas threw in Axel at the last minute.