Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

WARNING! The following chapter contains sexual innuendo. If such material offends you do not read on.

Setting him Straight Part 1

The sun was shining, the Pidgey were making an obscene amount of noise, and there'd been a sale on underpants in Ash's size. All things considered Delia Ketchum was having a reasonably good day.

But that was just the morning. There was plenty of time for a foul afternoon.

When she arrived home she called up to her son, who was staying there for a few weeks, that she was back. She wasn't really surprised that he didn't call back down. It was after all only eleven. He may not have even been up yet.

She was walking up the stairs just to make sure he as alright when she spotted Pikachu, who was sitting beside Ash's door staring at it longingly and occasionally scratching at it.

And for a moment Delia was very angry with her son. How dare he just shut Pikachu out of his room? And so, without knocking, she opened the door to demand an explanation.

And there was her day good and ruined.

The scene before her would be with her forever. There was Ash with his jeans hanging around his ankles, a magazine in one hand and his… ahem… in the other. There was a mad scramble and he hastily threw the magazine and let go of… you know… in order to pull his jeans up and shout an indignant, "MOM!"

Delia felt her face burning red, and turned to leave; pausing only for the slightest of moments to read the title of the magazine Ash had been so interested in.

The company hand gone with "Pokemon; A Beginners Guide."

And her son was getting his groove on to pictures of Pokemon.

It wasn't very often that Delia Ketchum opened a bottle of wine at eleven o'clock in the morning, but the occasion certainly called for it. After all, it wasn't everyday you witnessed your only son getting into his stride with a magazine of small creatures fighting each other.

Of course she was still his mother, and would love him even if he was a… weirdo. But today she was surely allowed to panic a little bit and wonder just how literally Ash had chosen to take all that about raising Pokemon with "love and care." She would probably have to kill Professor Oak either way.

When she was on her third glass Ash wandered down the stairs. He took one look at her, mumbled something about going out for lunch, turned bright red and left. Delia sighed as she watched him go.

"My poor little weirdo- I mean Ash," she corrected as she heard the door slam shut.

What's a mother to do?

Her little boy was growing up. He was already fifteen. And he'd been travelling away from home for five years already. He'd probably seen more of the world than she ever did in her youth. And he'd made such wonderful friends…

All through he train of thought Delia Ketchum was forming a plan. It seemed the only logical thing to do. Draining the last of her fourth glass of wine she made her way over to the video phone, and called the Pewter City Gym.

Four shabby pick-up lines, two screaming rows and a glass of brandy later Brock understood the situation, and put down the video phone to now try and convince May and Max, who had curiously decided to stop by, that a visit to Pallet Town was in order. He was somewhat surprised when they agreed so eagerly.

So the three were quickly onto one of the buses. After a switchover at Viridian Station the three reached Pallet Town, and were enthusiastically greeted by… no one. The Pallet Town bus station was in fact just a sign with a bus crudely drawn on the front of it.

So the group walked to Pallet with May making a fair bit of noise and Max looking around eagerly. Eventually they made it to Ash's doorstep, and rang the bell.

"Oh, I wonder who that could be." Mrs. Ketchum called from inside a little to conspicuously. Then the door swung open to reveal Mrs Ketchum and a bemused looking Ash.

"Hey guys, what are you doing here?" Ash asked as Mrs Ketchum waved them in.

Brock cringed slightly as he realised he'd spent the whole journey down explaining the situation to May and Max so they'd never actually got around to making a cover story. Luckily for Brock that May was on the ball.

"Oh, we decided to come to Pallet Town to check out the awesome shops!" May exclaimed, thrusting one finger into the air triumphantly. "So we thought we'd stop by and see are friend Ash." Ash blinked.

"Shopping?" he asked.

"Yes."

"In Pallet Town?"

"Er… Yes!"

Ash stood for a moment as if not sure whether or not to believe May had come all the way to Pallet Town for the sake of three shops, one of which had recently been converted to a fast food outlet anyway. Then he just shrugged, and everyone else breathed a sigh of relief.

When Ash went to bed that night (finally) Brock, May, Max and Delia gathered around the kitchen table to think up a plan.

"First plan of attack!" Brock exclaimed. "Tomorrow night me and him are going out to Viridian City. We'll wander around. Explore the nightlife. And then I'll teach him to pick up girls!"

Delia looked for a moment as though she might object to this. She didn't want her son doing what he'd been doing yesterday anymore, but she also didn't want him to turn into Brock. But she just nodded.

"I'll come with you!" May said. "It sounds like fun."

"I'll come too," Max added eagerly.

"Oh no you most certainly will not Mister," Delia said sternly. "You're far too young."

"But May's only thirteen!"

"I don't care. You are staying right here."

Max was very upset at this, but eventually gave in and let Delia march him to bed. She promptly came back for May and Brock.

Ash was very upset the next morning when May and Brock told him they were taking him to Viridian City for the night. He was also upset that Pikachu would have to stay at home with Max and his mother. He was even more upset when May took him down to one of the three stores in Pallet (a supermarket, a fast food outlet and, for some reason, a kinky sex shop) and got him to try on about four hundred different shirts. Eventually she managed to narrow it down to thirty-two, which she promptly paid for using her father's hard-earned money.

"You're just a little princess aren't you?" the bloke behind the till (who Ash was certain he saw peaking at him while he was trying on the shirts) said with a giggle. He waved at Ash as the pair left.

Then May allowed him to go to the fast food outlet and order up some cheeseburgers. After a terrifyingly quick lunch May dragged him home, where she and Brock spent TWO HOURS dressing Ash up.

So Ash now found himself waiting for a bus at what appeared to be just a blank sign that a child had drawn on. After a whole day lost he was now wearing a black shirt with blue stripes (or was it a blue shirt with black stripes), a pair of jeans and Brock and May had also made a half-hearted attempt at taming his hair, before letting him but his hat on. Brock and May were also dressed up. May was wearing a miniskirt and a shirt that Ash thought were probably a little small for her given how much skin seemed to be showing. Brock was even worse, having pulled a John Travolta-like white suit out of nowhere. He looking like a world-class idiot, and Ash wasted no time in informing him so.

The three sat on the bus in relative silence, only occasionally interrupted by Ash's rumbling stomach. When the bus arrived in Viridian it was already starting to get dark. Ash shivered slightly, though apparently the cold didn't bother May, who was wearing the least amount of clothing.

"So, where are we going?" Ash asked.

"First, we'll get some food, then we'll try that new nightclub that opened recently," Brock said.

"Cool," was all Ash could mutter. He walked on ahead, but May saw a problem with that.

"A nightclub?" she asked in disbelief, grabbing Brock's arm. "But Ash and me aren't eighteen." Brock just grinned and tapped his nose.

"Just leave that to me," he said with a terrifying looking grin.

Ash quickly located a chip-shop, and promptly ordered three meals, before turning to the others and rather rudely asking if they wanted anything as well.

May and Brock watched in disbelief as Ash shovelled chips into his mouth. They sighed. This was going to be hard.

Then fate threw them a lifeline. Two beautiful girls had entered the room. Well, Brock saw two beautiful girls. Ash saw two women wearing too much make-up and not enough clothes.

"Right Ash, just do what I do," Brock said, before putting on his cockiest grin and marching over to where the girls were ordering their food.

"Hey baby. My name's Brock. Remember it, because you'll be screaming it later."

Ash hadn't been watching, but he did hear the loud slap. He also noticed when Brock collapsed into his chair with a large, red mark on his face.

"Right Ash, you try it," Brock said.

"Try what?" Ash asked through a mouthful of chips.

"Try picking up a girl. Just do what I did."

"But it didn't work."

"Just try it!" Brock groaned. Ash turned to May.

"Hey baby. My name's –"

"NOT TO MAY! To one of the girls!" Brock snapped at Ash, before slapping him roughly over the head. May giggled as Ash turned bright red before walking over to the girls who rejected Brock.

"Hey baby. My name's Brock. Remember it, because you'll be screaming it later."

Ash braced himself for the slap that never came. Then he noticed that the girls were not angry. They were laughing.

"Oh, he's adorable!" one of the girls squealed, pinching his cheek. "Is he your little brother?" she added to Brock.

"Why yes ladies he is!" Brock exclaimed, bursting forward to shake hands with the girls. He was just about ready to put his best moves on the girls when May had him by the ear and was dragging him back.

"Let's go Casanova," she muttered. "We're supposed to be helping Ash."

"I am helping Ash!" Brock shouted as May dragged him out. Ash waved at the girls, ate the last of his chips, and was out of the room behind May and Brock.

"That was fun. Where to now?" Ash asked. Brock sighed and gestured for the pair to follow him.