A/N: Last update for a week or so, I'm going on vacation! So enjoy!
A/N 2: Tweaked very slightly and re-posted. Oh, and to answer a question about ships... yes, they'll be involved, but not as part of the main focus. I'm mostly sticking with canon pairings for this: Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny, Remus/Tonks, etc. The only slightly non-canocial pairing I'm using is Neville/Luna, and even that's not all that unbelievable. Why? Because I'm the omnipotent Authoress, and I say so! And because I'm fond of both of them and think they'd do well together...
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Sirius was rather… well, not worried. Anxious might be overdoing it. Concerned. That worked. He was concerned. And he had good reason to be. He had been around the Weasleys long enough to know that when Fred and George were huddled in a corner, whispering to each other, they were usually plotting something, and that Something wasn't likely to be a Something he wanted to stick around for. A certain Prank War in Grimmauld Place, a few summers before, came readily to mind, involving the troll leg umbrella stand, several heavy Muggle textbooks, and a large amount of squid. Sirius winced slightly. The upstairs hallway still smelled odd.
"OK, that's five minutes to work out strategy, you two have to read now," Tonks announced. The twins had asked for a brief reprieve, which no one had seen any harm in granting. Now, though, Sirius was rather regretting giving it. The twins' faces bore identical expressions of angelic innocence, but Sirius knew that face well enough to see the glee under it. How many times had he given the 'Padfoot Eyes' (as James had called it) to a teacher after pulling a prank? Ron and Ginny didn't seem to see the warning signs; possibly they just didn't bother anymore. But Sirius had seen them, and he was heeding the warning.
"Sirius, where're you going?" Remus asked as the twins opened the book to their story. Sirius muttered something about feeding Buckbeak. Remus just shrugged and turned his attention back to the twins.
It was a brite and clear day, they read in perfect unison. Fred nd George were in there 6th year at hogwarts wen teh twins came 2 scool. Oddly, the Weasley twins seemed to be reading it with as much emotion as they could, like a librarian reading to a bunch of small children. Nd every1 new, teh prank warz had started. There were 2 twins. Even Remus snorted with laughter at this redundancy. There wuz Celeste who had brite blond hair nd blu eyez nd Maria who had black hair nd blu eyez both were pretty nd gorgeus nd lovely nd luvvly nd slim nd slender nd had curves in all teh write places… "Again with that!" Harry complained, frustrated. "What is it with these ridiculous descriptions? All of them are exactly the same!" …nd gr8 legs nd fabulus clothes lo-cut genes (1) with rinestones nd tite pink tops that perfectly showd off there chests nd red hi-heal peep toe shoes nd gorgeus gold jewlry a gold neck lace each from there mum who died when they were kids. Both were in griffindoor of coarse they luvved 2 play pranks nd got on perfecktly wit fred nd George both teh 4 decided 2 hav a prank war. teh 1st 1 wuz at brakefast teh next morning. Evry1 wuz setting down 2 eat when teh male came there were 4 big packages 1 4 evry house table when they landed the packages bust open and started singin it's a small world afterall really loud nd no 1 could shut it off Celeste looked at Fred nd george 'nice' she said then left B4 they realized there hair wuz green. Remus snorted slightly. The Marauders had pulled both of those in their first year, repeatedly, and he was sure the twins had done so too. Fred and George kept reading.
when Maria woke up teh next morning she had a bunch of jerbils in her bed butt they were cute so she conjered a cagé 4 them nd kept them Celeste woke up with a bunch a hamsters in her bed she kept them 2. Another old classic, Remus thought. teh weezly twins still had green hare nd all there cloths were pink, celeste's shampoo had hunny in it fred's wand started whistling marias bookbag tried 2 eat her nd georges books were gone re-placed with witch weakly magazines. This writer really didn't have any original pranks.
things got werse snape's cauldron X-ploded in poshins "Serves him right," Ron muttered. but he could nt proove any thin so they got off but not B4 jixing teh black bored.
Then they went 2 charms class were georges chair started running a round nd maria's wand would nt work. transfigerashun wuz a mess. Blu wombats evry were. teh weak went on nd teh pranks grew worst teh slitherinns waked up 2 find tofee in there hare… Harry cracked up, remembering Draco Malfoy's sleek blond hair full of sticky toffee, when he had pulled that same prank. …nd teh skool black boreds started singin cristmas songz loud. nd celeste fell even moor in luv wit fred nd maria fell in luv with george but they where 2 shy 2 tell them so they never new fred nd george luvved them 2. eventally teh twin gurlz 1 teh prank war fred nd george just could nt cum up with such good ideaz as them… Anyone watching veeeeeeeery closely could see George and Fred scowl slightly, but they kept reading steadily, still in perfect unison. …till george set off dung bombs durin break fast so teh gurlz re-taleated nd set off fire works durin class time. then some1 charmed teh toiletz 2 not flush then teh dorms got set on fire nd a anvil dropped on snapes head nd teh grate hall wuz filled wit hedge hogs 1 mornin but maria still could nt tell george she luvved him nd celeste could nt tell fred
then at quiditch 1 mornming they saw them alone… At this particular sentence, the perfect example of idiocy, Hermione couldn't help but roll her eyes. …nd wen they saw eachother they new they luvved eachother nd they spent the rest of teh day w/ eachother nd that nite they… Everyone expected Fred and George to stop, but to their horror, the twins kept going. …they had fun they went 2 teh room of require-ment nd got teh strawberries nd teh spark-lerz nd cream nd pink hand cuffs nd their where 2 beds all ready nd an vat of melty chocolate nd… by now everyone had their hands over their ears and was either screaming at the bad mental images or humming loudly, hoping to drown it out. …nd they all likked eachother so they kept swiching… By now it was apparent that George and Fred were not taking in a word of it, but merely reading aloud. A good strategy, really. …nd after they pulled teh twins outof teh choco late… Remus seemed shocked and horrified that his beloved, his joy, was being used in this way. …than teh makin out started… Ron's mouth was hanging open. …she kissed him all-over… "God, it never ends!" …she got out teh whipped cream nd wips… "End it now! Please, kill me now!" …nd then… By the end, everyone was lying on the floor, moaning as they tried to block out the images. The twins, who hadn't registered a word, were grinning evilly, mission accomplished. In the midst of this, Sirius poked his head in from the hall, where he had been hiding out.
"Is it over?"
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The loss of their great and holy Book hit all the Sue-nese writers hard, and they devoted the next several hours to tracking it down. One of them remembered hiding it in an unused cupboard for safekeeping…
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(1.) A/N: They mean low-cut jeans, but inadvertently make a remark about their inbred origins that speaks volumes. ;D