A/N: First, I would like to thank all my wonderful reviewers! You guys really are my motivation to keep this thing going :) And I have to say, I've got some pretty smart reviewers, too. I've got one or two who have guessed pretty close to what I have in mind for this story. Kudos to you! And I've also got really nice suggestions and critiques from you guys too! I really appreciate the feedback. Thank you guys so much!

Next, I would like to apologize for the delayed update. I recently moved up to Seattle for school and it's taken us (me and my housemates) a while to get everything situated. That includes utilities like heating, INTERNET (sad face), and we just found out there might be a problem with our water supply. Yuck. Anyways, with college problems and working/volunteering for +20 hrs/week I'm expecting some delay for the next chapter as well. Sorry guys! Life is getting in the way. :(

On a happier note, I would like to thank my beta again for her wonderful job this chapter. Thank you, Amarenima Redwood!

Onwards~

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Harry Potter.

Chapter 4: Cat and Mouse

The atmosphere in the office was tense. Two people of contrasting origins sat rigidly across from one another, one suited in a royal blue military uniform while the other was wrapped in a cerise coatdress. Their eyes jumped sporadically from sleeve cuffs to shoulder pads in search of some feeble hint to the other's personality. When it became clear that a physical evaluation could do no further good, the two pairs of eyes met each other in a silent duel for dominance. A victor was decided when shimmering golden irises suddenly lost their intensity and were momentarily covered by two consecutive blinks.

Umbridge's thin lips curled into the smirk of a trained predator as she stared down at the boy in front of her. She cleared her throat and spoke.

"So you are Major Elric? I'm actually quite surprised. You don't look nearly as gruesome and unkempt as I expected of a muggle like yourself."

Edward's eyes flashed in masked defiance but his face remained motionless. 'Meaning I'm still gruesome and unkempt even though I don't look it, right?'

Edward purposely widened his eyes in falsified confusion and tilted his head mechanically to the side. "What's a muggle? Sorry, but I'm not familiar with that term." Truthfully, the word had come up several times in Minister Fudge's briefing folder, and Edward could make a pretty confident conjecture from the numerous contextual clues. Still, it would be best to feint naiveté, especially with the plan he just hatched.

"Oh, haha. Of course you aren't. I had nearly forgotten how ignorant and utterly stupid you are. Muggles are people like you, lesser people not capable of magic," Umbridge waved her hand carelessly in his direction, as if the gesture itself could sweep him under her rug and out of her sight. Normally the Ministry official was able to keep her personal ideals locked away in order to maintain her professional image, but this incidence grated against every fiber of her being. 'There's nothing he can do to me anyway. I outrank him, and more importantly, I have magic on my side. Soon, he will be nothing more than my useless little puppet on a string.'

Edward could only hear the verbal side of Umbridge's prejudice, but he didn't doubt for a second that she was thinking nastier thoughts. Still, he took offense to the jab at his intelligence. Reluctantly, Edward decided to let it slide and steer in a different direction. He had a job to do right now (and he could always deal with her insults later). "Being a muggle doesn't make me stupid. I just make a living using different resources."

Umbridge laughed. "I almost hope you are joking."

Edward narrowed his eyes in careful anticipation. "What's so funny?"

"You have just confirmed my point. You see, you don't have any resources. You're a muggle! Not to mention a teenager. I hardly doubt you have experience doing much of anything, especially real adults' work," Umbridge sneered. She couldn't help but bring up his age. For some reason, the striking youth of the soldier irritated her to no end. There was just no plausible way for him to have even entered the famed Amestrian military at such a young age. Even if that military was just a lineup of sniffling muggles. There was no doubt in the witch's mind that this boy had bribed his way up the military ladder with his parent's money. 'Powerless and therefore useless. Ill-mannered and disgustingly overconfident. He's a complete waste of my time.'

"I'm sorry, but do you hold something against me? I hardly know you, and you're insulting me left and right! Look, I don't have to prove my credentials to you, and I don't have to take this harassment! Obviously, you don't like me much, but I don't really like you either. So how about we just swap profiles and promise to stay out of each other's hair, hmm?" Edward decided to fold his arms for good measure and cement his persona as a spoiled adolescent.

After yesterday's talk with Hawkeye about being an observant interrogator, Edward had spent the night contemplating the best approach given his lack of background knowledge. He was basically walking into this meeting blind. Edward had momentarily considered frightening this Umbridge character into submission with his alchemy. It would have been quite amusing on his part, but his chances of gaining actual information were slim to none. Without knowing the mystery woman's personality and motive, it was near impossible to formulate an effective plan of action.

So in typical Fullmetal fashion, he decided to sleep on it and completely disregard the problem until he was face to face with the woman. As luck would have it, Edward was hit with a stroke of genius as he was staring down the witch. She seemed like the pompous, insufferable type, so Edward decided to nurse her oversized ego and see what beans she would metaphorically spill. Unfortunately, stroking her ego in this case would mean downplaying his capabilities and encouraging the assumptions she made about him. Her own twisted narcissistic mind would take care of the rest.

As Edward had hoped, Umbridge's cruel smirk widened. "Quite demanding, aren't you? I knew I was right about you: leaching off your family's fortune while hypocritically proclaiming your independence. You've only proven your inexperience."

Umbridge's smirk turned smug as she continued, "Unfortunately for you, this is no children's game. Hogwarts is a volatile environment with a self-righteous headmaster. I am more than capable of handling the situation myself. I will have influence there as their esteemed Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I don't see how you can contribute to the Ministry by pretending to be a student. Just don't come bothering me when those filthy creatures of the Forbidden Forest decide to eat you for dinner."

'I think she's told me more than enough for now. I'll just test her intellect before I wrap this up. The sooner I'm out of here, the better,' Edward suddenly dropped his rigid exterior, his back falling into a natural slouch while an automail ankle rose up and casually landed on his flesh knee. His left hand casually caught his metal calf to secure the position in place. Edward's sudden change in conduct caused Umbridge's brows to furrow in bewildered offense, and he couldn't help but shoot a satisfied smirk back at her. "I suggest you don't forget that I'm still a State Alchemist. I can hold my own."

"W-What do you think you are doing?! I am the Senior Undersecretary of the Ministry and I expect you to conduct yourself properly in my presence! Don't you dare carry yourself in such a pretentious manner simply because you can do a little alchemy," Umbridge snarled at Edward, her facing heating up to a raging red.

Finding Umbridge's annoyance quite amusing, Edward deliberately leaned back in his seat to further infuriate her. In straight defiance, Edward replied, "Sounds like you don't know shit about alchemy, if you can just write it off as little," Edward emphasized the last word with a certain harshness, his own anger rising at how Umbridge must have thought of alchemy as little because she thought he was little – which he was not! 'Stupid old bitch! I'll crush her dead!'

Umbridge unwittingly avoided a catastrophe by focusing on the former rather than the latter part of Edward's statement. "I would highly suggest washing out your filthy barbarian mouth with soap! And there is nothing to know about alchemy! It's a dead end failure for greedy worms desperate for power and longevity!"

"What are you, fucking mental?! Alchemy is a vibrant, flourishing art form that teaches the principles that govern the universe! It's a strict science that requires years of discipline and wisdom. The timeless philosophies that alchemy was founded upon can be applied long after death, yet the simplest alchemical transmutations can fill a child's eyes with wonder! If there was any true miracle on this earth, it would be alchemy!" Edward had leapt off his seat in his passionate and aggressive rebuttal.

Edward could not tolerate any insult to his life's addiction. He had a love for alchemy that could only be rivaled by his love for his brother. Even when his body had been torn apart by the Gate of Truth, even when this entity that was the core of alchemy had stolen away his precious baby brother, Edward could never blame the science. Could never shun it. Alchemy was woven into his very being, and he could never part with it even if he tried.

"Oh?" Umbridge raised her eyebrows mockingly, happy to have finally gotten a reaction out of the alchemist. "You seem to think I'm misinformed. Well then, why don't you enlighten me? What can you do with your muggle magic?"

Edward immediately went on high alert. Umbridge was undoubtedly trying to extract information from him, but he was no amateur. From the moment he walked in, Edward had expected something like this. Umbridge wasn't second-in-command in the Ministry of Magic because of her looks, after all. He would not let the woman get the upper hand, nor would he sacrifice his hard work just to blow off some steam.

"Well, put simply, alchemy...creates things. Alchemists have the ability to manipulate the materials around them and shape them into whatever they please. Within certain limitations, of course. Alchemy is based in science, so obviously universal laws have to be followed. For example, I could make a bridge from the soil beneath my feet but not the air I breathe. I once made this elaborate sculpture of a raging horse from the minerals in a friend's backyard. It was quite detailed. You could even see the individual strands that formed the horse's reins. One of my best works," Edward flashed a proud smile while thinking, 'Let's see what she can extrapolate from that little description.'

"Bridges and statues. Is that supposed to impress me? So you can pile a few mounds of dirt on top of each other. How's that going to help you when a herd of acromantulas has you trapped in their web? They'll rip you to shreds and your art form won't be of use at all."

'Seems like she's got a few malfunctioned synapses. Obviously if I can make something with the durability of a bridge and the detail of a sculpture, it would be child's play for me to make an arsenal of weapons and a field of barricades.' Instead of correcting Umbridge's close-minded thinking, Edward chose to focus on a different issue. "Herds are for cows. I believe the word you're looking for is colony."

"W-Wha–? You–!" Umbridge's mouth dropped open in astonishment. Her attempts to strike fear into the soldier's mind were effortlessly sidestepped. The Amestrian didn't even look fazed by the idea of dismemberment.

Edward tilted his head upwards and gave the woman fumbling for words across from him a condescending look. "Isn't English your language?" He thumped his right fist into the open palm of his left hand as if he had just experienced a 'Eureka!' moment. "Oh, I see! This is why you're being sent back to school."

"You insufferable–! How dare you mock me in my own office!" Umbridge slammed her meaty hands against the surface of her desk, her chair sliding back from the impact her legs made against it as she stood.

"Oh, so sorry. I'll make sure to mock you outside your office next time!" Edward absolutely hated staying seated when the person shouting at him was standing. It made him feel that much...shorter.

"You arrogant, immature–"

"I don't want to get into an immature name-calling match with you, so I'll just take my leave," Edward interrupted. "But before I go, I just want to check that I've got all the facts straight."

Edward suddenly jumped up from his relaxed seated position and placed his gloved hands on Umbridge's desk. He leaned in until his face was less than a foot away from that of the Senior Undersecretary's. "You are an indiscriminate muggle hater whose prejudice extends to every race except your own. You are going to Hogwarts as an authoritative figure. But you're not getting sacked so your real job is actually to spread the Ministry's propaganda to young impressionable children. And from what I've learned in my years with the military, where there's propaganda, there's skeletons. Not to mention, you obviously don't want the military –especially me– involved, so you've got a hidden agenda that we aren't supposed to know about. Oh, and your boss, Fudgecakes? He's sending you in after Dumbledore when he's already sent us in. It's never a good sign when you've got more than one team tracking the same target. Maybe he's the one with the hidden agenda? Wanna fill me in now? Or later? We've got a whole year ahead of us, Professor."

Umbridge's face was contorted into an expression of horror. She took two staggering steps back and unceremoniously dropped down into her chair. She had been shocked into speechlessness, and for the first time in a long time, she felt like a cornered rat.

Edward pushed himself off the woman's desk with a satisfied smirk. After happily accessing the damage he had done to his prey, Edward spun on his heels and headed towards the door. Just as he was about to turn the corner and disappear from sight, he suddenly stopped himself. As if he had forgotten something, Edward turned back around to face Umbridge, his body casually leaning against the smooth door frame.

"Just so you know, as of right now, you are a lot more ignorant than me." The young alchemist waved a cheerful goodbye and disappeared from Umbridge's view.

It was only a few minutes later that Umbridge came to realize that in her desperate attempts to intimidate the Amestrian, she had not learned anything about Edward Elric.

Roy Mustang pushed open the bathroom door and reentered the main hallway. He took a step towards his office but suddenly stopped in realization. 'All that's waiting for me back there is more paperwork,' he thought.

Swiftly turning around, Mustang headed straight for the elevator on the opposite end of the hall. 'I'll just tell Hawkeye I got lost along the way.'

Mustang leisurely stepped into the welcoming elevator and watched in triumph as the decorated metal doors closed, obscuring his view of the workplace (and Hawkeye's view of his impromptu getaway).

The General contemplated briefly on which floor to get off at before deciding to just follow one of the people standing around him. 'Hmm. That's quite the interesting color for a trench coat. I'll follow him then,' he thought as he scanned the small space.

A few floors later and Mustang could be seen casually strolling the hallways of the Law Enforcement Department. It was actually quite a boring setting and he had half a mind to turn back and pick a different floor. This notion was quickly snuffed out when a beautiful redhead hurried past him.

'She's got quite the figure. Nice rack too,' Mustang smirked and hurried after her. "Excuse me, miss?

The young woman looked up from the file she had been skimming and began to turn towards him. Looking peeved, she chided, "Look you, I don't have time for–...wow."

The woman's demeanor changed from annoyance to shock, and settled on appreciative wonder. Her nine-to-five work schedule was very taxing on her social life, and she constantly pulled extra hours in order to prove herself to her more seasoned co-workers. As a result, most of the males she interacted with were fifty-something year old men unhappily married to nagging wives. But here was this exotic male specimen, standing within her reach in all his glory. Needless to say, she was flabbergasted.

Mustang's smirk widened when it became obvious that the woman was already mentally undressing him. It seemed that no matter what country he was in, women would still react to him the same.

"I-I mean...hi," she said as she let out a breathy exhale.

"Hello, my name is Roy Mustang. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"Oh no, not at all! I was just skimming over this template for our latest Educational Decree. It's a...thing," the woman waved her file in the air. Abruptly, she extended her right hand and said, "I'm Rosanna Leagurn, by the way! B-But you can call me Rosie."

"Well then, Rosie, it's a pleasure to meet you," Mustang flashed his pearly white teeth and shook her hand with a comfortable firmness.

"The p-pleasure's all mine," A deep red blush reached all the way to Rosie's ears and she shyly looked towards her feet. "S-So, what can I help you with, Mr. Mustang?"

Mustang's chuckling nearly caused Rosanna's heart to skip a beat. "Please, Roy is fine. You see, I transferred here with my team from Amestris yesterday. Unfortunately, I'm not very knowledgeable of the legal side of the Ministry. If you're not too busy, I was hoping you could fill me in?"

"Oh wow! All the way from Amestris? That's so…exotic," Rosanna replied. "I'm pretty sure I can take an early lunch break. This thing isn't due until later today anyway." Rosie gave a girlish giggle as she offhandedly waved the file in her hand.

"Why don't we go to the break room? It would be much more comfortable than standing in the middle of the hallway," Rosie bravely hooked Mustang's elbow with hers and started leading him down the hall.

"That sounds wonderful," Mustang said as he eyed the file in Rosie's hand. 'I wonder if that file pertains to my case at all. She did say it was an Educational Decree, which will no doubt affect the target at least minutely. I suppose I could get some work done while I'm here. Maybe Hawkeye won't kill me if I bring back something useful.'

"So tell me about yourself, Rosie. What do you do around here?" It was time for Mustang's favorite sport: fishing.

"Um, I usually work in the Improper Use of Magic office, but the Senior Undersecretary suddenly requested that this decree be put in action by tomorrow. The Educational Laws Branch was short on people, so I was temporarily transferred to help out."

"I hope this decree doesn't affect the students too much. I have a niece who's starting her first year at that famous Hogwarts School next week. She's already nervous enough as it is, you know?" Mustang eyed Rosie from the corner of his eye, anticipating a reaction to the school name.

"Oh, no need to worry! This decree is focused more on the staff, and Hogwarts is a wonderfully friendly environment. I would know, I graduated from Hogwarts just two years ago!" Rosie replied.

Of course, Mustang already assumed that Rosie would be a Hogwarts alumnus. Hogwarts was the only magic school in the country, after all. What he was pleasantly surprised by was how little time had passed since Rosie had last been in that environment. Mustang didn't doubt that her experiences would be very similar to what Edward would eventually have to go up against.

As a result, the cogs in Mustang's brain started turning at full speed, churning out one inquiry after another. "You don't say..."

Several hours later saw Mustang stalking down the halls of the fifth level with a mildly disgruntled auror tailing behind him.

"Where the hell is that Mustang anyway? The bastard shouldn't need a two hour bathroom break," a muffled chuckle made its way through Mustang's large wooden doors. "Maybe he's got himself locked in a stall. Or maybe he's found some secretary girl–"

The General hastily pushed open the doors and cleared his throat pointedly. "Don't lecture me about taking it easy when you're the one lounging on the couch, Fullmetal. And unlike you, I actually was working, just out of office."

Edward huffed in irritation. "I was doing work. I finished my intermediate report half an hour ago." The alchemist glanced discreetly behind Mustang at the unknown man standing just outside the door. "It's in EC05."

Mustang's eyes widened at the decided use of an Encrypted Code series. Those were usually only used for sensitive information. Not to mention, the fifth variation was moderately hard to crack, and relatively tedious to write out. Deciding not to give away his level of surprise to the wizard standing behind him, Mustang answered nonchalantly, "Hm. Guess I'll read that later. Most importantly, I would like to introduce you to this man."

The mysterious man who had stayed at a distance stepped into the office at Mustang's prompt. He was dressed smartly and with his piercing grey eyes and rigid face, he advanced purposefully towards Edward.

"John Dawlish...sir. I am a senior auror for the Ministry. I will be escorting you to Daigon Ally today to get your school supplies for your mission."

Edward stood up from his comfortable position on the couch and offered his automail right hand for a shake. "Major Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist."

After what he assumed was a firm shake, Edward turned to Mustang and raised an eyebrow in question. "Care to explain?"

"After I left the office, I decided to do some field research. I was questioning an employee in the Law Enforcement Department and she mentioned that she graduated from Hogwarts recently. Her younger sister is entering the fifth year with you so I asked for a list of books and such so you can get caught up for schooling. Here," Mustang pulled out a folded piece of parchment from his left pocket and handed it to Edward.

"You've got a lot of studying ahead of you this week, Fullmetal. You should probably get going now. Right, Mr. Dawlish?"

"Yes, sir. We have a lot of ground to cover. It would be best if we head out now," the auror replied.

Edward skimmed through the list, his expression visibly changing at various things on the list. Once he was done, Edward turned to address Dawlish directly. "I'll just grab my coat and we can get going. That alright with you?"

"Yes, sir."

A/N: I am no expert at picking up girls (especially from a guy's point of view), but I hope that little Rosie scene was still believable. I was so tempted to have Mustang pull a classic Tribbiani "How you doin'?" in this chapter (obviously watching too much Friends lately xD). Unfortunately, that would've been way weird so I had to restrain myself.

On the subject of names, the name Rosanna may not be used as often now, but in the 1970's it was an increasingly popular name. And since this story is set in 1995 (this chapter being on Tuesday, August 29th haha I did my homework) I thought it would be appropriate.

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