What Not To Do At Bloor's Academy
5. NO REPLACING GABRIEL SILK'S CLOTHES DURING THE NIGHT (OR ANY OTHER TIME OF DAY).
After chasing Gabriel through the school for about 2 hours, Billy became unreasonably tired and was forced to stop his chase. He grumbled angrily as he walked back to his room to fetch a bottle of shampoo and then went into the bathroom in an attempt to wash his 'dirty' hair. He scrubbed and scrubbed but wasn't making much headway.
"What is this stuff?" he asked nobody in particular. "Permanent paint?" He sighed and scrubbed harder until he heard a pounding at the door.
"Billy Raven, are you in there?" shrieked Matron.
"Yes," he grumbled in reply, his head throbbing slightly from his rubbing.
"Well, you better be getting that obsenity out of your hair," she said nastily.
"I'm trying!" shouted Billy. "It's just -- not -- coming -- OUT!" He rubbed harder and stepped out of the shower to look in the mirror, the dye had barely lightened but the rest of his head looked whiter than ever.
"Well, then I'm coming in," Matron squawked. Billy heard the door begin to open and he hastily jumped to grab his towel and managed to wrap it around his waist just before she burst in.
"But this is a Boys' bathroom!"
"Do I look like I care? Now come here!" Before he could even gasp in terror, Matron was holding his head back and had pulled out a pair of scissors while Billy desperately tried to keep his towel from falling.
"What are you doing? Let go of me!" Billy yelped.
"Hold still!" Before he could try to get away he heard the snipping of scissors cutting away above his face.
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Gabriel came running into the dorm room, panting away as if his life depended on it.
"I think -- I -- lost him," he weazed out.
"Who?" asked Charlie nonchalantly. "Oh, Billy, right?"
Gabriel nodded and fell back onto his bed and groaned, "It's a good thing he's only 8 or he might've caught me."
"Not that you don't deserve it," Charlie mumbled. "That was a dirty trick you played, Gabe. Hilarious of course, but come on, he's just a kid."
Gabriel stared at him in amazment. "Whatever, Charlie. He had it coming and you know it."
Charlie smirked and was about to speak when they heard an ungodly loud scream coming from the Boys' bathroom.
"NOOOOOOO! NOT MY SPECTACULAR SNOW-WHITE LOCKS!"
"That sounded like Billy," said Charlie matter-of-factly.
"QUIT WHINING, RAVEN."
"And that sounded like Matron," said Gabriel nervously. He gulped and bit his lower lip out of anxiety. "You don't think anything awlful's happened, do you?"
"Dunno. Billy whines a lot, that scream could mean anything," Charlie said, buldging his eyes out for effect.
Gabriel looked solemnly at the floor and groaned again. "I just wanted revenge, I didn't--"
"Oh. My gosh. Billy!" Charlie stared at the doorway where Billy stood totally aghast.
"Hi, Charlie..." Billy mumbled quietly. He looked up and shot a death glare at Gabriel, "Gabriel..."
"Billy, what happened to your hair?" Charlie asked, Gabriel backing as far from Billy as if he had the bubonic plague.
Billy grimaced and his eye twitched angrily. "I couldn't scrub it out so Matron cut it off." He reached his hand up and ran it though what was left of his hair. With such a large chunk having been cut off right in the middle, Billy looked extremely like an elderly monk, the blue cape he was wearing only increased this resemblance.
"Listen, Billy. I'm really, really sorry about this! I never meant for you to suffer this much," cried Gabriel from his corner on teh other side of the room. Billy turned to him and he threw up his arms as if he was expecting to be hit.
Billy stared at him with a look of pure loathing for a short moment and then a look of forced serenity took it's place. He even managed a smile in Gabriel's direction but wouldn't look into his eyes. "It's okay, Gabriel. I...forgive you," he said sweetly.
"You -- you do?" Gabriel questioned warily. Charlie listened to the conversation incredulously.
"Of course. It was just a joke, between...friends," Billy looked Gabriel in the eye, Gabriel's showing gradually relaxing fear and Billy's glinting silently with a lust for revenge, sweet, sweet revenge.
"Yeah. It was just a joke between friends. No problem." Gabriel laughed nervously and came out of the corner to sit on his bed.
Billy smiled again. "I reckon it's about time for lights out so I'm just going to get ready. Be right back."
"G'night, Billy," Gabriel said hurriedly.
Billy jerked his head around, "Good night, Gabriel."
Aproximately 20 minutes later, Matron turned the lights off and sent the dorm into silent darkness. 10 minutes after that, Billy got up and began digging through his suitcase for his most prized possession: a pair of underwear once belonging to his favorite American cellebrity. It's was a silky and black and exactly what he needed. He crept over to Gabriel's suitcase, laughing maniacally inside his head. He froze as Gabriel stirred in his bed, moaning something about "Oh, Charlie, where did you learn that?" When the strange sleep-talking stopped he continued onward with his dangerous mission. He swiftly opened the suitcase, pulled out all the underwear and (after kissing it goodbye) threw his underwear inside. He took the pile of pink and neon green cotton boxers he now had and went into the bathroom. Had anyone been awake, they would have heard the toilet being flushed many times and someone crying out in frustration about the pipes being too small. Then Billy slithered back into his bed, the maniacal laughter keeping him awake.
The next morning, the dorm room woke up and began dressing as normal. Billy dressed lightening faast and sat on his bed to wait for Charlie, Fidelio, and...Gabriel.
"Come on, Gabriel. You better hurry up, you're not even dressed yet and for goodness sakes put some friggen pants on or something!" Fidelio turned away from his nude-from-the-waist-down friend. He threw a pillow at him over his shoulder.
"I AM hurrying! I can't find my freakin' underpants!" He began pulling clothes out and throwing them willy-nilly in his desperate search for underwear.
Charlie shielded his eyes until he could only see the suitcase. "Well, can't you just go commando for a day?" he asked. Gabriel looked up at him as if he were crazy.
"No way, Charlie! That's disgusting!"
"What's the big deal? I do it all the time," Charlie said nonchalantly.
Fidelio and Billy looked at him. "Too much information, Charlie."
"Whatever, man. If it were up to me, guys would be able to wear skirts too."
"Charlie, that's just weird!"
"Shut up! I like a healthy breeze around my privates, thanks!"
"Ugh!"
Fidelio, trying to change the subject, said, "Gabriel, why don't you just wear those?" He pointed to a pair of tiny silky black shorts.
"Honestly, I don't know where it came from."
"Well," injected Billy suddenly. "they're in your suitcase so they must be yours. Just put them on. Go on, do it..." Billy's eye twitched uneasily.
Gabriel winced and picked them up. "I suppose you're probably right..." He put them on as everyone else turned away pointedly. He threw on his pants and cape and was ready to go, yet feeling a little bit...odd.
They began walking to assembly, Gabriel every now and then jerking his head as if he was on some sort of up-tempo beat that no one else could hear. "Hey, does anyone else feel like dancing?" He tapped his feet on that same beat.
"Gosh, Gabriel. What's wrong with you?" Billy asked innocently.
"I--don't--know!"
Suddenly Gabriel's pelvis kept thrusting in random directions, mean while his feet kept sliding and tapping and he could't resist doing spirit fingers. His voice rose about three octaves and he yelled out "Hee Hoo!!"
"Gabriel Silk! Calm down and stop yelling this instant!" yelled Manfred.
"I can't!" His pelvis was uncontrollable and his feet were moving like there was no tomorrow. All of a sudden, a song started playing from no where. "What's that!?"
"Why, I do believe it's Thriller by Michael Jackson. How interesting. How do you feel, Gabriel?"
Gabriel's eyes got wide and he felt like he really wanted to hug Billy. He had no time though, for his body suddenly started acting out some sort of crazy 80's dance that he had no idea why he knew.
"Silk! Stop all that jiggling and get to Assembly!"
"I CAN'T!" He pleaded, he then fell to the floor and began doing the worm.
"That's it Silk! Enough of this crap! That's detention for you!"
"ARGH! HEE HOO!"
Billy released his maniacal laughter as the music finally stopped and followed Gabriel as he pelvic-thrusted all the way to the Assembly hall.
Author's Note:
If you don't know who Michael Jackson is, look him up, and go out more, you've been living in cage your whole life. Or just look up Thriller. lol. Have fun with it. Love you all!