Disclaimer (applies to all chapters): I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor am I affiliated in any way with the copyright owners of Fullmetal Alchemist. Fullmetal Alchemist's story and characters are copyrighted to Hiromu Arakawa and the various companies who produced the manga, anime and merchandise.

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A/N: A big shout-out to JIO a.k.a. kuraieiritrJIO! She helped me out so much with this fic. She's my favorite (and only) beta-slash-coauthor! She helps me fill in backgrounds and actions a lot between her own fic writing. Read her stories!

NOTE from kuraieiritrJIO: I've only played with this fic as a Sounding board. I didn't have time to actively do anything but toss suggestions until almost October 1, 2007 toward this fic. Too many of my own projects in the fire. Since I have breathing room again for a morning, I'll do the edit so Alima can repost if she likes the changes. Thanks Alima for sitting through Gundam Wing, frame by frame, second by second, as I paraphrased the dialog for Wounded Heart.

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Chapter 1

April 23, 1917

Dearest Alphonse,

My brother. My life.

If you are reading this letter, it means you have been snooping through my things. And you should be ashamed.

Honestly, if you ARE reading this letter, it means you're about to find out just how disgusting your big brother really is. This letter is concerned with how I feel about you. I wouldn't blame you for hating me after you've finished reading this. But, ever since you got your body back... That beautiful body...

Alphonse, I love you. I mean that. And that is why I left. I will be back. I don't know when. I can't leave you alone for very long. But, if I had stayed with you, I might have done something we would both regret. Maybe a few days away will help to cool me off, and maybe then I'll be able to look at you without thinking... THOSE... thoughts... Thoughts where I see you panting under me, gasping my name...

My dearest little brother. My reason for living. Sometimes, I love you too much. Not a brotherly love, but more. The wrong kind of love. Love may not be a sin, but lust is. I lust after you. I am so sorry.

Of course, I'm only writing this letter because I am sure you will never read it. But if you are... well, now you know why I have been acting so strange lately. I don't think I'll tell you where I'm going. If you found me, I might end up hurting you in the most severe way. I never want that to happen. Even though I'm eighteen, and an adult now, you're still a minor. I couldn't do that until you turned eighteen next year... not that I could do anything anyway. I know you would hate me for it.

It's so bad. I find myself wanting to take you. I think only of breaking you. All this time, I only wanted to get your body back for your sake. And now, I find myself wanting that body for my own. I want to own you. Hate you. Love you. Break you. Fix you. I want you. Your brother is nothing but a selfish bastard. I can never ask you to forgive me for something like this. Something so despicable.

I will be back in a few days. Like I said, I just needed to get away to get over some things. I AM NOT ABANDONING YOU!

I love you,
Edward Elric