RAPUNZEL: YONDAIME IS COOL. 'NUFF SAID.

Shikamaru yawned. He'd been walking for hours to reach the Ancient Tower of Ogle-Boggle Swamp in order to find Temari, the Legendary Emo Whisperer. Itachi would be home in two and a half days, and Fugaku was busy preparing for his mega-emo son's return.

Itachi had vanished one night, nine years ago, on the night of Fugaku and Mikoto's fondue party. Itachi was merely thirteen at the time, and Sasuke being seven. Of course, Shikamaru only knew the basic info of that night, since he wasn't a Shogi Master back then. The old Shogi Master was none other than his old man, Shikaku Nara, who was now the Mayor of Grimly Tales. Shikamaru was the Fifth Generation Shogi Master, and Shikaku being Fourth Generation.

The Shogi Master title passed from shogi player to shogi player of the Nara family. It was an even higher honor than Road Master.

Shikamaru, the cool Shogi Master, suddenly stopped. He'd almost crashed into a crumbling, crooked tower. A sign next to it read, "Teh Aneshytt Towah uv Oogle-Boogie Swampp!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. It seems that the Swamp was as primitive as ever. Shikamaru and Shikaku once came here, looking for a place to practice their shogi techniques. Shikaku's wife was always banging pots and pans at their Mayor House, and screaming at the new Shogi Master for being such a failure at life. She also told her son to go find himself a bride. Great advice, Mom.

Seeing the Tower in full-view now, the Shogi Master decided to take a nap. So what if Itachi was returning home in a few days? Shikamaru deserved a break, since he'd found it so quickly. He was about to lie down (in the Swamp?!) when a gust of wind knocked him off his feet. Shiakmaru grumbled, and stared up at the Tower. At the highest point was a tiny square window, where two people were fighting. One was blonde with four spikey pigtails, and the other with medium-length orange hair.

Up in the Tower, Princess Temari, Emo Whisperer, was attacking Tayuya Rapunzel with her giant fan. Ah ha! So that's where the gust of wind had come from!

"What did you say about my hair?!" Tayuya shouted at Temari, whacking the Emo Whisperer on the head with her flute.

"I said it's ORANGE, like an ORANGE!!" Temari shot back, lifting her fan in defense. After a few seconds, they began to punch each other with great gusto.

Fifty meters down, the Shogi Master heard the fatal sounds of a catfight. I don't wanna get involved with that, He thought lazily. What a pain in the rear.

Suddenly, a head popped out a window eight meters down from the Temari-and-Tayuya window. She had fiery red hair, which was super long, like ten feet long. No, twenty feet! So why wasn't she the Rapunzel of this fairytale?

"Will you two stop it?!" the red-head woman shouted. Another gust of wind came through the top floor window, and pushed the woman all the way out. The woman yelped as she came tumbling down the tower.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" she screamed. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. No doubt he'd have to break her fall. Just as he was waiting for her to squash him flat, a yellow flash of a very hip person pushed him to the side. Shikamaru fell into a deep gully of swamp water, and went under. When he came up again, his hair was full of mushy gunk. Also, the great entrepreneur Yondaime was there, wearing a white cape with flames printed into it. He was holding the red-headed beauty in his arms, the cape billowing out behind him cheesily.

Yondaime smiled, and two thousand of his fans melted into soggy puddles of grape jelly.

"Well, what do we have here?" Yondaime asked, grinning at the red-head. "Are you Rapunzel?"

The woman shook her head. "Nah. Orangey up there was here before me."

"What's your name?"

"Kushina."

Suddenly, Yondaime remembered something. He must know this Kushina! She reminded him of someone from long ago. But, he couldn't recollect anything from his past, for it'd be snatched from him by Anko, the Dango Witch.

Shikamru jumped out of the swampy water. "Uh, yeah." It was all he could say before he was really squashed flat by a giant fan, followed by the Legendary Emo Whisperer. Tayuya was still up in the Tower, cursing and swearing like she's never cursed and sweared before.

Yondaime pulled out his Blackberry phone, and called his trusted partner, Sir Leader. After he'd got off, he smiled once more. If he kept this up, he was going to run out of fans! But of course, the Yondaime fanbase was always respawning itself every twenty-eight seconds, so he had no worries.

"Will you accompant me?" he asked Kushina, who blushed.

Kushina shrugged. "Got nothing better to do."

Yondaime grinned his biggest and sexiest grin. "Let's get married-- in Vegas!"

"w00t!" giggled Kushina, and the two lovely-dovely almost-strangers raced down the swamp-filled roads, heading for VSFFAC as fast as their animated legs could carry them.

"Temari stared at Shikamru. "I ain't marrying you." she said matter-of-factly.

The Shogi Master groaned, and grabbed Temari's arm. he began to drag her away from the Tower. "Yeah, whatever," he mumbled. "Let's go."

"Go where?"

"To the Royal Castle, where else?"

Temari pulled away from Shikamaru. "Now wait one moment, mister! I don't go anywhere with some ugly guy anytime they come for me!"

"Gee, thanks for your honesty."

Princess Temari rolled her eyes at him. "You're hopeless. Anyway, I have to go have a shower somewhere, and it ain't gonna be here or that Royal Castle you was spoutin' about! I want a five-star hotel room, on the spot!"

The Shogi Master pulled out his wallet, and shifted through the coins inside. "Only got enough for a seven-star."

The Emo Whisperer sighed. "Fine!"

Shikamaru placed his wallet back into his convienent pocket. "Oh, and you gotta stop Itachi, The Mega-Emo, after this."

Temari raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Wait, that guy's still alive?"

"Manga and logic don't mix, especially in fanfics," said Shikamru. "You of all people should know THAT."

Temari nodded in slight agreement. "Too true. Now, to the hotel!"

NEXT TIME!!

Shikamaru and Temari head off to the seven-star hotel, whilst Kushina and Yondaime go to elope. Meanwhile, what's going on in Port-e Love? Will Lee Pan ever win the hearts of the citizens to rename it Port-e Youth, or will Captain Kakashi make him walk the plank? And what's naruto doing buying a mysterious item from Shino, The Button Seller? Find out next time!