FREE MONKY
BY
BOB WRIGHT
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Not much to give here, except that if you've followed the series of stories so far, you won't have to look too much up, as usual. Adrian Monk and all related characters and indicia are registered trademarks of USA Network, Mandeville Films, and Touchstone Television. And now, as always, sit back and enjoy the story.
"...Mr. Monk? Mr. Monk, haven't you been at it long enough!?"
Adrian Monk turned off his sandblaster and raised the hood on his radiation suit. "What?" he asked.
"Mr. Monk, you've been at it for nearly three hours now," Natalie Teeger had her arms folded disapprovingly across her chest, "I've told you, it's just fine."
"And I'm telling you, it's not," Adrian countered, "And since I've had far more experience with these things, I think, I think you'll have to trust me on this one."
"Does ANYONE have experience sandblasting chimneys besides you?" she raised an eyebrow, "Now they're not going to notice if a couple of bricks aren't even."
"But it would be common courtesy to make sure they are," he answered back, "After all they are a professional television crew, and they tend to notice these things. It won't take much longer, trust me. There's just a few more bricks to go."
He flipped the hood back down and turned the sandblaster back on full power before she could bring up any further arguments against him. Judging by the clock, he had about ten more minutes left before the crew from KNTV arrived to do their interview with him as part of their advance promo for the premiere of the second season of the show based on Adrian's life later in the week. The detective would have been happy if it had made just one season, and had been amazed, much like the rest of the viewing public, it seemed, that it had not only garnered incredible ratings, but that the actor playing him had been nominated for an Emmy. The one down side, though, was that lately, he couldn't leave his apartment without being mobbed by tons of people, either wanting his autograph or to mock him. At any rate, he had to make sure everything was set up perfectly at Natalie's for the interview, including making sure the bricks in the chimney were all nice and even.
"There, that's the last of them," he proclaimed, shutting off the sandblaster for good.
"And it only took three hours and seven minutes this time," Julie proclaimed from the sofa, glancing at her watch, "A new record."
"Well now at least we can clean all this up," Natalie glanced around the living room, which was covered from wall to wall with industrial plastic that Adrian had laid over everything to make sure no dust from the chimney had gotten on anything.
"Wait, wait, I think I missed a spot on one brick," Adrian revved the sandblaster back up. He pressed the drill against the nearest brick...and half the chimney promptly caved down through the fireplace. "Well, that's shoddy craftsmanship right there," he commented, hastily scraping up the debris, "You should call up the contractor, Natalie, you've got a strong case for...why are you looking at me like that?"
Natalie was extending her hands towards his throat with a strained expression, but fortunately, it was at that moment that the doorbell mercifully rang. Julie opened it. "You're from TV?" she asked the newcomer.
"Cynthia Yost from KNTV," the woman with the microphone nodded, "Is Adrian Monk in?"
"Right, right here," Adrian raised his hand and took off the hood completely, "Forgive, forgive the mess; Natalie's chimney's a little faulty, I was just fixing it."
Yost glanced with an expression that bordered between interest and confusion at the plastic all over the living room. "Well, if you're ready then, Mr. Monk, perhaps we could do this interview. I don't mean to rush, but I am on a somewhat tight schedule today; they want me in San Jose within an hour to..."
"Actually, we, can we...your broach, it's all wrong," Adrian pointed to the opal one around Yost's collar, "It's meant to be the sun, but two of the rays aren't the same size as the others. Could you go get one that is even, please? We can wait."
"Did you even hear what I said, Mr. Monk?" Yost was already starting to sound frustrated.
"Or perhaps Natalie could lend you one of her own if you can't," Adrian glanced at his assistant for approval, but quickly added, "or not," upon seeing she would clearly not have wanted to do that. He quickly took off the rest of the radiation suit and plopped down in the nearest armchair. The plastic crackled under his weight. "I, I guess any time you're ready, then," he told Yost reluctantly, "But if you could turn away so I can't see...if you understand what..."
Yost was ignoring him. She gestured for her cameraman to set up a proper shot, then counted him down to the start of the piece. "There are very few shows on TV that seem to ignite the imagination of the public any more these days," she began into the camera, "One of San Francisco's native sons, however, has become the subject of one that recently has. After a very successful first season, new episodes about the adventures of our own Detective Adrian Monk will begin airing this Friday evening. I'm here with the man himself right here; Mr. Monk, what have you thought of the show so far when you've watched it?"
"Um," Adrian reached down and began fiddling with the plastic under him; it felt wrinkled, "I, I like it, actually, it's, it's pretty accurate, really; a couple of things get changed every now and then, but by and large what you see on screen is what actually happened. It's, it's become a tradition that we go over my to brother's to watch it--I think you'll be formally meeting him this season, if what they told me about the schedule this season was right, and then afterwards...we're, we're not live, are we? I should point out, crowds really don't make me comfortable."
"No, this is live to tape," Yost informed him, looking puzzled as to why that would even be a factor, "Would you relate to the viewers how this show came to air in the first place?"
"Well, a few Christmases ago, when Sharona came back to visit, Benjy showed me the script he'd written about me," Adrian related, "When I helped to arrest Roger Chalmers at Disneyland last year, I convinced the people at Disney they might have something valuable in that script. Several revisions later, it became what viewers have seen Friday nights."
"So, not to spoil things for viewers, but you and Sharona have since reached a parting of the ways, then?" Yost's gaze instinctively fell on Natalie in the corner, whose brow furled deeply. Adrian had seen that furl a lot more over the last year, when people had been increasingly asking her, "what she'd done with her hair," ignorant that she was another person entirely. Since Natalie rarely if ever liked being compared to other people, it had naturally been a little hard at first to go through it, but she had gotten somewhat better over the last few months about it.
"Uh, sort of," the detective added quickly, "I'd, I'd rather not spoil anything for viewers, however, so if you...first, can we switch seats? This just doesn't feel right here."
Yost sighed wearily, but complied with his request. "Next, do you have a favorite episode?" she continued the interview once it was done.
"Um," Adrian paused thoughtfully, "That, that's a good one. There's been so many good ones so far. If I had to pick one, though, it would probably have to be the time I met Willie Nelson. I know Trudy liked that one, wherever...wherever she is now."
His expression got much more dismal. "If, If I may, that's why I'm glad this show has been a success," he stated, his eyes no longer staring right at the camera, "Now that more people out there know what happened to her, I'm hoping there's more of a chance that somebody can come forward with any information at all that might bring an end to the torment I feel, day in and day out. It's torture like you can't imagine."
He sighed deeply, knowing deep down how much he'd give to have his wife see how famous he'd become--it was miserable enough not to be able to share the moment with her directly. "I understand," Yost looked sympathetic to his feelings, "So anyway, what can we expect to see this coming season?"
"Well, for one thing...can we switch again, this isn't right here either," Adrian protested. Yost let out a full howl but once again went along with it. "As I was saying, you..." the detective began again, but suddenly the doorbell rang again. "Monk, are you in here?" came the familiar voice of Lieutenant Randall Disher.
"We're taping for the show," Natalie called to him. Disher stuck his head in through the door. "Cynthia Yost, pleasure to meet you," he flashed her a big smile, "Care for a little more to this piece?"
"If I wasn't on a time schedule, maybe I could," Yost shook her head, prompting the lieutenant's expression to briefly fall. "Uh, anyway, when you're done here, Monk, the captain wants you," he said once he recovered, "There's been something at the Aquarium of the Bay we might need you for."
"I'll be right there," Adrian told him. He turned back to the camera and finished with, "Any, anyway, I think the viewers are going to like what they see in the next month or so, it's, it's good. And I guess that's...could we start over again from the beginning, that lamp shade behind me there's crooked, didn't notice it until..."
Everyone in the room growled this time. "On second thought, it was good," the detective rose quickly from his seat. "Thank you for your time, Mrs. Yost, I hope everything comes out OK with this story. Well, best to be off."
He started towards the door, then stopped in midstep and strode back over towards the chimney, where he picked up a briefcase. "Best to be prepared," he told anyone who cared to listen, "There's a strict amount of supplies you need when going to an aquarium, so better make sure I have all of it first."