I'm so sorry I didn't update in forever. School started. Came into vice-presidency of GayStraightBisexualAlliance. Time was eaten. However, some people reviewed recently and it re-inspired me. You know who you are. Goes out to you.

Uchiha Sasuke.

The phone rang once. Sasuke shot it a scathing glare. It rang again, but a little quieter. He reached out on hand and picked it up. He hated phones they sucked.

"Yes?" he growled menacingly.

"This is the Konoha--"

"I no longer live in Konoha," Sasuke said. "Goodbye."

He hung up.

Ten seconds later, the phone rang again. Sasuke glared at it. It rang a little louder this time. He turned up the intensity of his glare. It rang even louder. He stretched out his arm again and picked it up, smashing it against the side of his face.

"What the hell do you want?" he snapped.

"Konoha Guilt Association," said the telemarketer. Sasuke shivered unconsciously. Once, a long time ago, Kurenai had talked about using that against Asuma to get him to date her. Just once. Only once. Granted, Sasuke never found out if it had worked, but that was beside the point.

"What do you want?" Sasuke repeated.

"Well," the telemarketer said, "we mostly guilt trip people. You wouldn't know anyone that needs guilt tripping, would you, you traitorous son of a bitch?"

Sasuke removed the phone from his ear and blinked stupidly at it. "Excuse me?" This was decidedly unexpected.

"I asked if you knew anyone who would need guilt tripping. Someone who abandoned their village, maybe? And left their friends to rot and feel sorry for themselves and become depressed because that someone is a traitorous son of a bitch?" The voice sounded as if it shrugged on the other end of the line. "Nobody coming to mind?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You don't know anyone who has broken the hearts of people who loved him, including his two loyal, dedicated teammates? Or maybe all the people who had hope for his future because they believed in him?"

"No."

"Not even one person who betrayed people and doesn't even deserve to be alive because he would jump in front of a hundred senbon needles to protect his so called 'closest friend?"

Sasuke grimaced. "No. No one coming to mind. I suggest you take your business elsewhere?"

"Well gee wilikers, I could have sworn this was the residence of someone who acts like an angry four year old but isn't quite hateful enough to finish the job of killing," the voice paused, lowering to a conspiratorial whisper, "well, anything. You know, too weak."

In a sudden fit of rage, Sasuke threw the phone against the wall. It shattered into a million tiny pieces and sprayed all over the bedroom. Sasuke glowered at it and one ricocheting piece hit him in the eye. Clutching his face, he stomped into the hallway.

"Kabuto! Get your ass down here, the damn phone broke again!"

Uchiha Sasuke: Soulless Bastard.