Chapter 12: Siegel and Shiho- Making Arresting Crazy People Sound Fun!

Disclaimer: No ownage. Bleh.

"Hey Chief, we've been getting a lot of reports in ORB county. A lot of calls have been coming in with people saying they're hearing screaming and gunshots all the time. Maybe we should go down and check it out." Murdoch told the Chief of Police.

"Yeah, they're about due for a visit. Besides, I suspect foul play with Fllay's death the other day, even though she was asking for it and was too stupid for her own good." He replied.

"Should we send a team?" Murdoch asked.

"We already have a lot of people down at the wrecks, although I'm going out on a limb and assuming it's Auel again, as usual. Might as well arrest him again and take the opportunity to investigate all these disturbances." Siegel Clyne replied and turned to his partner and wife, Shiho H. (not gonna try spelling her name so forget about it)

"Let's go shoot some crazy people, darling." He says.

She smirks and takes out a Bazooka and two machine guns. "Murdoch, get The Tank." She says. Murdoch nods and laughs as he goes to get the War Vehicle of DOOM or in short, The Tank.

"Ah, Shiho, I love it when you get out your Bazooka." Siegel said and sighed all lovey-dovey.

Just then they heard an obnoxious horn playing and walked outside to the parking lot.

"Alright, who installed the annoying horn in my tank?!" Shiho yelled, glaring at Murdoch as he got out.

"I think it was one of the kids down at Destiny Oaks, they probably did it the last time you brought that thing down there." He replied.

"Right, so either it was Athrun, Kira, Shinn, or Yzak…I'll kill them all anyways! Siegel, away!" Shiho yelled and jumped into The Tank, Siegel following quickly behind.

"MY EVIL PLAN MUST BE COMPLETED!!!" Gil yelled and took the gun from Talia and pointed it at Dearka.

Just then, the shrill sound of the sirens swooped down upon them as the cops appeared. (1)

"EVERYONE RUN! IT'S THE PO-POS!!!!"

"That's right, run you crazy crackheads! Run for your lives! I'LL EAT YOUR BABIES!" Shiho roared dementedly as she drove The Tank towards the crowd of people down the street.

"Ah, she's so beautiful when she threatens people." Siegel sighed again.

"C'mon, let's start shooting." Shiho said and got out of The Tank. Siegel got out after her and watched her train the Bazooka on Gilbert who was running around in circles.

"Wait, aren't we going to investigate before we shoot? I'm pretty interested in how all this came about." Mr. Clyne said and looked over at her daughter's house. "I'd also like to have a word with that Shinn boy before you shoot his brains out as well. Athrun sent me a strange video the other day that I'd like to discuss with them."

"Whatever, I'll round 'em up and interrogate these freaks while you go have your chat." She replied.

"Alrighty then." He said and pulled up his pants before marching over to Lacus and Shinn Asuka's house.

"Alright you freaks, get in a group in front of me, this is Police Involvement, and any of you are Candidates for Arrest. We've been getting calls about disturbances in this neighborhood, and I'm here to Investigate!" Shiho bellowed.

Dearka, Talia, Gilbert, Sting (dragging Sai), Auel (dragging Murrue), and Yzak all trudged toward her, grumbling and glaring at each other.

"Now, who wants to tell me what the crack is happening here?" she asked.

Meanwhile, Siegel was knocking on Lacus and Shinn's door.

Lacus opened the door an inch, the chain still connected, as she peered out at her father. She gasped and smiled, unhooking the chain and throwing the door open to glomp her father.

"Hi daddy! What a surprise! You should have told us you were coming over!" she exclaimed, still hugging him.

"Who is it? It better not be Athrun or any more Haros or I swear I'll kill you all!!" Shinn screeched from the living room.

"Oh hush, it's just daddy!" lacus told him and dragged the blue and purple Siegel Clyne inside.

"Oh, hey pops. I thought I recognized the thunderous sound of The Tank rolling in." Shinn said, even though the way his mouth moved didn't match with the words.

Siegel started turning white and Lacus poked him. "Daddy? Why won't you say anything?" she asked.

"Because you're strangling him in that Death Grip of yours you crazy, Haro-loving freak!" Shinn yelled at her.

"Oh, oops! Hey, I'm not a freak; you're the one who was running around screaming like a girl while poor, defenseless mechanical balls just wanted to play with you!" Lacus said as she dropped Siegel and he lay gasping on the floor.

"They were trying to kill me! You saw what they did! Athrun is the Devil!" Shinn screamed maniacally.

"Uh, about that." Siegel interrupted when he finally got his breath back. "Athrun sent me an interesting video the other day that I'd like to speak with you about."

"Video? What video?" Shinn asked and looked at Lacus who shrugged and looked to her father.

"Well, it involved you, Shinn, and the Haros. Apparently you were trying to destroy my daughter's birthday present from a very respectable and kind man." Siegel said and glared at Shinn.

"Who, Athrun? HE PUT CAMERAS IN OUR HOUSE! HE MADE THOSE EVIL THINGS ATTACK ME! YOU SHOULD ARREST HIM FOR BEING EVIL! Oh and burn his computer…" Shinn said.

"Nope, I think I'll arrest you instead, since you're probably the one who installed the obnoxious car horn on my wife's favorite Tank." The older man replied and took out handcuffs.

"What!? But that was Athrun or Kira! They're the technical geeks! Lacus! Do something!" Shinn yelled as Siegel chased him around the house.

"You shouldn't have tried to destroy my cute little haros. Besides, why would Athrun put cameras in our house?" she asked.

"Hehehe, you might be married to her, but I get to see everything. WAHAHA!" Athrun laughed evilly as he watched Lacus taking a shower that morning.

"Athrun, why is there a naked Lacus taking a shower on your computer, and why aren't you wearing any pants?" Stellar asked him, mysteriously appearing behind him.

"Ack!" he screamed and fell over, twitching.

"You mean to tell me that Dearka and Talia were having an affair so Durandal planned to kill Dearka with Yzak's Lucky Thirteen Sniper Rifle that Fllay shot herself with but Talia grabbed the gun and tried to shoot Dearka but missed and shot a hole into Murrue and Auel's house while Murrue was about to make Sting and Sai eat dinner?" Shiho asked after everyone gave her their stories.

"Yeah, pretty much." They replied.

"Hey, you're that crazy cab driver that almost got me killed!" Talia shrieked and pointed at Auel.

"Ah! It's that crazy chick I picked up at the Modeling Agency!" Auel shouted and hid behind Murrue, who had woken up.

"So it was you that caused all those traffic accidents!" Sai yelled and also pointed at Auel.

"I WAS TAKING A SHORTCUT! IT WASN'T MY FAULT OTHER PEOPLE WERE DRIVING AND GETTING IN MY WAY! THAT CRAZY SOCCER MOM MADE ME CRASH!" Auel screamed.

"STOP YELLING IN MY EAR!" Murrue exclaimed.

"Okay, get in the back of The Tank, Auel, as well as Durandal and Talia. Murrue…stop trying to make skinny people fat, if they don't want to eat that's their problem. And Dearka, no more affairs!" Shiho said.

"But I didn't do anything!" Talia and Durandal both shouted. Murrue shrugged and Dearka hung his head and pouted.

"Durandal, you were planning on murdering a coworker while Talia, you Attempted to Murder Dearka, even though you missed horribly and shot a hole through someone's house, which is also Obstruction of Property and Vandalism." Shiho explained.

They grumbled more as they all piled into The Tank.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! I TOOK OUT SIX SHIPS WHILE IN SEED MODE DURING THE BEGINNING OF THE SECOND BLOODY VALENTINE WAR!" Shinn yelled and ran down the street, Siegel following behind.

"Get back here you punk! You married my daughter when I wanted her to marry Athrun!" he shouted.

Shiho sighed and took out a Tranquilizer gun and shot Shinn in the leg. Siegel tackled him and then cuffed him while Shinn flopped around loopily.

"Yzak, I'm also bringing you in for questioning in regards to your late wife's death, since it involved your gun." Shiho told Yzak.

"Well what about the rest of these psychos!? I didn't kill Fllay she was trying to kill me but had the gun pointing the wrong way! Andy was the Priest at the Funeral! He was playing Strip Poker with nuns!" Yzak yelled, managing not to cuss. I applaud you, Yzak (starts clapping).

"I'm getting to the rest of them! Just get in!" she yelled at him and he squeaked and scampered inside the small and overfull Tank.

"Alright, get everyone else out here." Shiho told the ones remaining.

"Uh, can we go since we're not really involved with all this?" Sai asked, not wanting to be around all the crazy people.

"Sure, go ahead, if you are involved we'll find you anyway." Shiho said and he whimpered before running to the car, Sting sighing and walking after him.

Tolle and Nicol came out of their house, and Murrue got Andy and Milly. Siegel threw Shinn into The Tank and went over to Kira and Meyrin's house while Lacus went to Athrun and Stellar's. Shiho walked over to Rau and Cagalli's before going to Rey and Luna's.

Once everyone was gathered Shiho and Siegel began interrogating them.

"So Kira and Meyrin, there was a report from the Happy Hills Mental Institution saying they had to come in and pick up you two." Shiho began.

"Meyrin's the crazy one, I'm the victim! Besides, we were robbed by some punks!" Kira exclaimed.

"I'M NOT CRAZY! TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!" Meyrin screamed and Luna face-palmed.

"I heard that you and Rey went searching for those punks before the Insane Asylum came." Shiho said, ignoring Meyrin.

"Well yeah, but we couldn't find them." Kira replied.

"Rey shot me in the leg!" Athrun yelled and pointed to the blonde.

"You were in my way!" Rey yelled back.

"Rey, in The Tank." Shiho said. Rey growled and scowled before stomping over to the overfilled Tank and climbing in.

"Alright, Milly and Andy, you're next." Siegel said and the couple stepped up.

"She took my coffee!" Andy whined and pointed at Milly.

"You impersonated and Priest and played Strip Poker with nuns!" Milly screeched back at him.

"Andy, you're in The Tank as well, however funny that sounded it was still illegal and immoral." Siegel said and Andy cried while Shiho dragged him to The Tank and threw him in.

"Rau, we've heard that you also did some impersonating. Crazy hobos paying whores? That's an oxymoron!" Siegel yelled.

"You're an oxymoron!" Rau yelled back childishly.

"Aha! Insulting an Officer of the Law! TO THE TANK!" Siegel yelled and Rau tried to run but Shiho shot him with the tranquilizer gun and Cagalli helped her throw him in The Tank.

"Oh thank goodness, you're arresting all these psychos!" Nicol said, clinging to Tolle.

"Yes, and unless you did anything wrong, you can go back inside. We'll make sure they pay for the repairs of your house one way or the other." Shiho told them.

"Phew! Okay, let's go back inside honey!" Tolle said quickly as he dragged Nicol inside their house.

"Alright, Athrun and Stellar, it looks like you're the last ones." Shiho said.

"I don't think Athrun did anything wrong." Siegel said and The Tank started moving around while everyone inside was screaming all the bad things Athrun had done to them:

"HE CREATED THOSE EVIL HAROS AND MADE THEM ATTACK ME! HE ALSO INSTALLED CAMERAS IN MY HOUSE!" (Shinn)

"HE GOT ME PUT IN HERE JUST BECAUSE HE WAS IN FRONT OF A PERFECTLY GOOD MAILBOX I WAS FIXING TO SHOOT!" (Rey)

And so on and so forth, bleh.

"Officers Shiho and Siegel Clyne, Stellar drew this for you." Stellar said and took out her picture she drew to freak them out.

"Athrun has cameras in everyone's house and watches all my friends shower, change, and go potty. He also made lovable haros into evil killing machines and had them attack Shinn-san. Stellar thinks you should confiscate Athrun's computer before he gets the chance to delete everything." She said happily while Athrun gawked at her.

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME!? WHY!?" he screamed as Shiho shoved him into The Tank trying to protect him from the suddenly angry housewives of the neighborhood. When eh was thrown into The Tank there was more movement as everyone tried to attack him.

"Uh, thank you for this…strange drawing…I think." Siegel said, pouting because Athrun is a criminal.

"REY'S GONNA SHOOT ME AGAIN!" Athrun yells from inside The Tank, pressing his face against the window and holding up a "Help Me!" sign.

"NO ONE CARES BECAUSE THIS IS THE END OF THIS FIC SO HA!" I yell back at him.

Bam!

"Owww……"

-Author's Note: Holy crack that was a long chappy! Well, you read right! This is the end of this fic! However, don't get too depressed because there's going to be a sequel with all new couples and crazier stories! I don't know how soon or how far away it might be, but one day, I shall post a sequel and it shall be called Crack Still Killz! Please review and tell me what you think! Any suggestions, ideas, comments, questions, etc. are always welcome!

(1) still awaiting the alliteration challenge winner!

Peace out!-