Moving On
Written by: Ulat Bulu
Pairings: GinKira
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Drama
Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.
Author's note: The plot takes pace after the war. Ichimaru might be OOC, but hey, this is my imagination of how things would be like after the war. And like always, the story's unbetaed.
Kira ended the report on his latest mission with a graceful swish of the brush, signing his name at the bottom of the paper. He put the brush aside and neatly stacked the latest addition of paper to the ten inches thick report of the week. Getting up from his chair, he stretched himself and looked out of the window. It was already midnight, and the full moon was shining brightly in the sky.
Kira had always loved the full moon. In the past, he used to watch it from the rooftop together with Ichimaru-taichou. Those were the times he used to cherish, but as the days passed, memories of the past were drifting further and further away without Kira even noticing it. He wasn't the same Kira after the betrayal of his captain. He changed into someone who could no longer trust anyone, and loyalty was something he began to contempt. Look what it had gotten him into. Manipulated and deceived by the person he trusted the most. Some people said he had become the second Kuchiki Byakuya in attitude—aloof and uncaring. He once thought Kuchiki-taichou could be really hateful with that attitude of his, but now Kira knew better. Only a person who had experienced the most pain could completely change. He didn't know what kind of things Kuchiki-taichou went through, but with himself, it clearly laid with the betrayal of the person he cared the most.
He knew Ichimaru Gin was out there somewhere in northern Rukongai, alive but without any powers left in him. In Soul Society, a person without spiritual power would mean a useless soul. How Ichimaru lost his powers was unknown. The fact was, the man was the last remaining survivor of the three traitors.
It had been five years since the war ended. The battle was destructive and the longest anyone had to endure. Although they won, Soul Society was literally destroyed and left with nothing. It had taken three captains and a ryoka to defeat Aizen, whose true power simply exceeded anyone's expectations. With wars came the sacrifices. Aizen was dead, but he took many innocent lives as well as the protectors of Soul Society. Among the fallen were Ukitake Jyuushiro, Komamura Sajin, Kotetsu Isane, Hinamori Momo, Kurotsuchi Nemu, Matsumoto Rangiku and Ise Nanao. Many others were severely injured, and Kusajishi-fukutaichou was in a coma for six weeks. Despite being strong enough to defeat most hollows, her small body simply wasn't made to fight the formidable arrancars. Kira was there to see when her small body was flung ten feet under to land on the solid ground. Seeing his beloved little girl bloodied and unconscious, Zaraki went berserk and killed the said arrancar in less than ten minutes. Kira remembered he was brought down on his knees when the eleventh division captain's reiatsu went up ten fold the moment he released his eye patch. Later on, Abarai Renji told him a similar case happened with the tenth captain when Hinamori was struck in the chest.
It saddened both Kira and Abarai to see Hinamori leave. They had been together during their academy years, and were very good friends. But he knew the pain he felt was nothing compared to how Hitsugaya-taichou felt about losing the person he cared dearly. For a whole month, there was nothing but storms and consequent down-pouring rain. Everyone knew it was Hitsugaya's way of showing his grief for losing two of the people he cared the most.
Kira remembered vividly how Ichimaru's punishment was decided. It was, after all, the most intense meeting Gotei 13 members ever held after the war. The normally level-headed Hitsugaya was adamant in his decision to execute the traitor. The short captain never trusted the man, and had always partially blamed him for both Matsumoto and Hinamori's deaths. Kurotsuchi-taichou of the twelfth wanted to make Ichimaru Gin an experimental subject, but was outnumbered by those who wanted to spare him. The former captain of the third was no longer seen as a threat now that he had no spiritual powers left in him. However, everyone knew it was a risk to spare the treacherous man. What if he regained his powers again? That was the crucial question everyone had in their minds. But now after five years, the former captain had shown no sign of regaining the power he lost.
Shortly after the war, Kira was offered the position of third division captain. With the many loses of lives, restructuring Gotei 13 was the priority task. The young man accepted the position and vowed to himself he would accomplish what his captain could not—unyielding devotion towards Soul Society. To fulfill his promise, he trained hard everyday along with Hisagi Syuuhei, who was also appointed to be the captain of the ninth. Hisagi was well-known for being the only shinigami who was offered a ranked spot in the Gotei 13 before he even graduated from the academy. The guy perfected his bankai after only 6 months of training. Kira took a much longer time, but eventually attained his after months of hard work.
His new appearance as a captain often evoked memories of the late Ukitake Jyuushiro, especially when Kyouraku-taichou was in concern. The still-mourning captain often told the younger man how much he reminded him of his deceased best friend. Kira's blonde hair no longer had that side bangs covering his left eye. Now it was swept neatly to the side and was almost the same length as Ukitake-taichou's hair had been. His long sleeved haori made the resemblance even more alarming. Sometimes Kira felt bad for bringing up the painful memories. One time he went as far as avoiding the eighth squad captain for a week.
Sighing heavily, Kira looked at the sky once again. Tonight, there was something he wished to do. He wanted to see Ichimaru again. When the former captain was kept captive in the white tower years ago, he didn't even once come to see him. He wasn't prepared to see the person who betrayed him and hurt him so badly to the point he thought he could never heal. Back then, he remembered he even felt resentment towards the older man. So since the war ended, Kira never once tried to look for him, never even once wanting to know anything of his whereabouts. But after such a long time of ignorance, Kira finally wished to see him again. Just today, he thought. Collecting his zanpakuto, he walked out of the third squad office and headed towards the gate.
Outside, the gatekeeper Jidanbou stopped him.
"Where are you going, Kira-taichou?" he asked.
"I'm going out to get some fresh air." Kira answered indifferently.
"Outside of Seireitei in the middle of the night?"
"Yes. Will you let me pass?"
"Certainly."
Jidanbou moved away from the gate to let Kira through, and just before the blonde walked away, the gatekeeper opened his mouth again.
"Taichou, I have something to report. This may not be important, but I think I have to let you know."
Kira stopped and turned. "What is it?"
"That traitor has been coming here quite often lately."
The blonde froze. That traitor…? Did he mean Ichimaru Gin? It must be. There is only one person who would be called traitor now.
"Coming here?"
"Yes. He wanted to pass through, but of course I didn't let him. He said he wanted to see someone."
Kira's heart unconsciously did a flip.
"Did he specify who?"
"No. When I asked he said it wasn't my business."
"Alright. I will be back soon, Jidanbou."
Kira dashed off, feeling strangely lightheaded. He knew his sentiments were taking over again. In the past, people had labeled him neurotic for he was prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset, especially since the captain left him. Later on, he learnt to bury those flaws behind a stoic mask.
Picking up his pace, he headed north with a place in mind. He remembered Ichimaru had shown him where he lived before he became a shinigami in one of their many trips around Rukongai. Kira hoped he would still be residing in the same place now.
Minutes later, he stood in front of a shabby house that looked like it would crumble with the storms and rains. The shoji door had a few holes and tears, and it was obvious that the house was a few decades old. Kira stood outside the door for what seemed like forever. A part of him didn't want to see Ichimaru for fear old wounds would reopen again. Another part of him wished to see his former captain for the last time before he moved on for good. He simply wanted to know how the man was doing ever since his exile from Seireitei. That was all there was to it. Kira knew being thrown back to Rukongai would be a hard blow for anyone who had experienced the life inside Seireitei. Rukongai was a literally a dead place after the war. People fight for food and shelter even worse than before, and diseases were a plague. Kira remembered Ichimaru told him the reason he became a shinigami was to avoid the difficult life in Rukongai, and he would rather die than to return there. It was somewhat ironic with how things were right now.
The young man battled once more between his desire to open the door, and to just simply turn away and leave. Before he could even decide, a familiar voice called out to him, making him freeze to the spot.
"Izuru…?"
It was unmistakable that the voice belonged to none other than Ichimaru Gin. Turning his head to the voice, Kira almost let out a stifled gasp. He had never imagined seeing his former captain in such a state. He wouldn't recognize the man standing before him if it weren't for his silver hair. Ichimaru Gin had become very thin, his black yukata hanging loosely around his frame. His hair was long and pulled into a messy pony, and hygiene didn't seem to be priority to the former captain anymore. Although his eyes were still narrow, the thing that struck Kira was the distinct disappearance of the infamous smirk.
"What are ye doin' 'ere in the middle of the night?" he asked.
Knowing there was no point in lying now, Kira decided to tell the truth.
"I just wanted to see how you are doing."
It surprised Kira himself that he sounded so calm and collected despite the raging emotions he felt inside. He secretly thanked his self-trained ability to keep his emotions under control.
"After five years?" the former captain joked and grinned.
Kira didn't answer. He only watched as the man headed towards the door and opened it.
"Wanna com' inside?" he offered. "Or ye don' wish to dirty yer haori?"
Kira glared at his sarcasm, making the man chuckle in amusement.
"Excuse me then." Kira said and stepped into the house.
It surprised him to realize just how small and stuffy the place Ichimaru called his home was. It barely accommodated three people, and had no kitchen or anything else for that matter. Kira wondered how the older man kept himself alive for the past five years. A sudden movement from the ground caught Kira's guard, and his hand automatically reached to the hilt of his zanpakuto. He was about to sheathe the sword when he felt a tug on his lower hakama, but Ichimaru's hand stopped him. The mere contact of skin sent shivers down to his spine. The hand that gripped his felt very cold.
Kira was pulled back behind Ichimaru as the man squatted down and patted something while murmuring softly to it. The room was dark, so Kira couldn't see just what the thing was, until Ichimaru lifted it up to revealed a little girl about the age of eight. He stared at his former captain for an explanation.
"I foun' her three years ago when she was five. Didn' know her background or name, so I call her Rangiku… Ye know, aft'r Matsumoto."
Kira shifted his eyes to the little girl once more and realized the girl had blonde hair—similar to Matsumoto's color—and would be quite pretty if she had taken care of her hygiene properly. It surprised Kira that the man who had once betrayed him would take in an orphan and look after her even under such circumstances.
"Here, Rangiku-chan, I brought ye some food. Been waitin' the whole day, haven' ye?" Ichimaru said and held up a crumpled piece of paper containing two pieces of chicken drumsticks. The way the little girl ate gave Kira a pretty good guess of the last time she had a decent meal.
"Have you been eating properly?" Kira asked Ichimaru before he could stop himself. He hoped he hadn't sounded too concerned about the latter's health.
"Sorta. But I need to feed Rangiku-chan so she could grow up." The silver-haired man replied as he set down the girl on the ground. He walked out of his quarter and Kira followed, closing the shoji door carefully behind him.
"Ye look like ye've been doin' well, Izuru… That haori suits ye. Third squad's lucky this time." Ichimaru said with a grin plastered on his face.
Kira felt heat rising to his cheeks, but quickly regained his composure and brushed the compliment aside.
"I heard you've been coming to Jidanbou recently. Is there something you want?"
"Did the big guy tell ye that? Well, it's nothin' really…" he paused. "I jus'… wanted to see ye…"
The young man's heart did another flip for the second time that night. So he was looking for him. Kira wanted to laugh at the irony of things.
"And why might that be?"
Ichimaru kept silent, making the atmosphere suddenly heavy. The man was looking down, bangs hanging loosely from his pony. He didn't look like the fearsome man who used to head the third division anymore. His physique had changed drastically, probably due to the environment he was living in. Kira couldn't tear his eyes off him, not when he looked so fragile and powerless. The bruises around his hands, legs and face showed just how hard he had to struggle to keep himself alive.
"Gomen naa, Izuru. I know I disappointed ye." Ichimaru whispered, a sad smile graced his lips.
Those words caught Kira off-guard. For Ichimaru Gin to apologize to him of all people was something Kira never ever thought of. He knew the treacherous man better than anyone, and genuinely apologizing for what he had done was not one of his traits.
"Why did you leave with Aizen?"
"… I guess I was just greedy fo' power. It's still hard fo' me to live without my spiritual powers now, yenno. Everyday seems like a battle. Once ye lose ye die, and I can' lose just yet. I still 'ave Rangiku-chan to look after. She's only a child, can' look after herself. She has spiritual powers though, so I plan to teach 'er how to use it and get 'er inside Seireitei. It's a much better place than 'ere."
There was another pause, and by this time Kira knew his cold front was beginning to crumble. He never knew Ichimaru could change so much after the war. He never even once saw this compassionate side of him while they were together. Falling from the top definitely had hit him hard. After all, his former captain was a man of great power before he fell to his lowest point. The mere sight of the skinny frame before him was enough to break Kira's resolves.
"Don' worry. I won' teach her to become a traitor. I don' want to screw her life like I did with mine." he joked.
"Taichou…" Kira unconsciously whispered out.
Ichimaru looked momentarily stunned. His eyes met Kira's for a brief moment before he chuckled and looked away.
"It had been a while since I was address'd like that. I should probably start calling ye Kira-taichou now. Well, I wouldn't be holding ye back any longer. It's already late. Thanks for coming by, Izuru." Ichimaru said with a smile. It was the kind of smile that shook Kira's pretense to the core.
Dropping his cold act, his hand automatically reached out to grab Ichimaru's arm before the latter could reach for the door.
"Taichou, don't go." Kira pleaded. He knew he sounded desperate now, but he didn't care. Ichimaru had seen many more sides of him before anyway.
"It's already late, Izuru. And ye better don' let people see ye talkin' to me, or they might think yer planning another treachery. Go back."
"Taichou, didn't you say you wanted to see me? I'm here now, so why are you chasing me away?" Kira said feverishly.
"I'm not chasin' ye away. I'm done with what I 'ave to say. I already apologized, what more do ye want fr'm me?" Ichimaru said and tried to pry younger man's hands, but the blonde refused let go.
"You think an apology is enough?" Kira hissed furiously. "You have no idea what I've been through, taichou. While you were enjoying life up there in Hueco Mundo, I was suffering down here. All I could think about was you, you and you. I know I was only a tool, someone for you to use, a fuck toy even, but if you—"
Kira stopped talking when he was shoved against the wall. Ichimaru's hands were gripping on his shoulders tightly. It surprised him the man still had such a steely grip despite being powerless, and it was a rare occurrence for Ichimaru to have his eyes opened. The man's gaze was so intense Kira thought he could disappear if he continued to level his stare.
"Ye were nev'r a fuck toy, Izuru." he said lowly.
"I wasn't?" Kira retorted mockingly. "How was I supposed to believe you when you acted like I was one? You manipulated me into believing you care about me, and yet it was so easy for you to walk away." he added spitefully.
"Would ye come to Hueco Mundo if I had asked ye to?" Ichimaru asked grimly.
"I would. You know I'd do anything for you. If you just asked me, I wo—"
"Ye won't. Ye may say ye would, but if it was a real decision, I know ye wouldn'." the silver-haired man whispered. "I knew that, Izuru, that's why I didn' ask ye. That's why I left without you."
Knowing there was no point in continuing the conversation, Kira closed his eyes and leant on the wall for support when he couldn't find the strength in his legs anymore. It wasn't in his plan to have a confrontation with his former captain, but things swiveled out of control along the way. He felt Ichimaru's grip on him loosening a little, and the next thing he knew, something soft was pressed against his forehead. The younger man opened his eyes to see Ichimaru kissing him. Tears welled up in his eyes in no time. He didn't care if they start falling non-stop. He had been suppressing five years worth of tears anyway. The dam was bound to break sooner or later.
At their close proximity, Kira took the opportunity to capture his former lover on the lips. The feel of Ichimaru's lips was different now. His lips were chapped but still managed to retain the softness. The kiss was chaste in the beginning, but as desire and longing started to take over, tongues clashed and bodies molded against one another. Soft moans emitted from both men, and things would have gone further if only Kira didn't feel the sudden presence of another person—the little girl. She was tugging on Ichimaru's lower yukata, making him pull away before Kira could stop him.
"Go back, Izuru." he ordered as he picked up his tiny companion. "Go and don't ever look back. You have a life in Seireitei. Mine ends here." he added before turning away towards his house.
Kira could only watch as his figure disappeared behind the shoji door. He stood there for another minute before finally turning to leave. As he walked away aimlessly, Kira wondered how on earth he was going to move on after this. How could he pretend Ichimaru Gin never existed when he knew the man was still alive and struggling out there? How could he move on when his former taichou was in such a state? How could he just leave the man he cared for dearly, the one who still held a spot in his heart even after the things he did?
Kira realized he couldn't move on after all. He was bound to this—bound to Ichimaru Gin for the rest of his life. He thought five years could make him forget, but in truth he still thought of the man every single day, loving him even more deeply if he was being honest with himself. Maybe it was a mistake to see him today. Maybe he should have just gone straight into his quarter and sleep the night away. Maybe then his heart wouldn't be hurting as much.
FIN
Ahh!! My second longest GinKira fic after Empty! I hope you guys enjoyed it. I got the inspiration to write this story after I saw a really good picture of Kira as a captain. He does look a little like Ukitake in the pict, except that his hair is blonde of course. I made Kira tougher here (a little aloof like Byakuya even, but not that you could notice it). I've written a lot of soft-Kira in all my other fics, so I thought I should make a change.
Anyway, that's all there is for this story. I hope you guys drop me reviews and tell me what you think about this fic. Reviews will also give me the motivation to start on another GinKira fic!! I'm on a roll here, baby!! XD