Dynamic Duo
Strawberry'd
May 1, 2007 - June 16, 2007
Disclaimer: I don't own, unfortunately, own Detective Conan. Nor can I think up witty disclaimers, so you, Reader, will have to make do with this one.
Word count: 1 262 words
Theme: #19 – cooking oil
It was days like this when Kazuha was most fearful. She braced herself before turning a corner. She clutched a heavy-duty, brass-buckle-adorned dictionary-laden purse to her side, ready to use it at any time. She would have also employed the use of a baseball bat if it weren't so conspicuous.
Because on days like this, the worst possible misfortune that could ever befall someone had befallen Kazuha.
That's right. He was here. Heiji's arch-nemesis, his greatest rival, his best friend: Kudo Shinichi.
And together, well, let's just say the world wasn't completely ready for that.
The first time he had visited, Kazuha was blissfully ignorant of what was to come. Bounding up the steps to Heiji's house, she rapped on the door and waited. Usually it didn't take more than a minute before she heard the sounds of feet pounding down stairs or floors. The lock would click and the door would swing open – to Heiji's wide smile or dark scowl.
But today there was nothing. Tilting her head, Kazuha wondered if perhaps the house was empty and the Hattori clan had gone out, but no, she distinctly recalled Heiji saying he had nothing to do that Saturday afternoon. So what was going on?
And then it came… the door burst open quite suddenly, as Kazuha was about to knock again. She drew back quickly, startled and was pushed out of the way by a male arm. The male the arm belonged to scurried down the street, great guffaws emitting from his mouth.
"What…? "
"KUDO!" A roar came. A very familiar roar. Heiji's roar. There was a flurry of noises then, a crash, something shattering, rushing water… and then…
"Heiji, what's going–" Whatever Kazuha was about to say was lost as a bucketful of water collided into her.
Heiji stood very still before the door. He blinked a few times as his mouth gaped. He took in the sight of Kazuha, Kazuha on his door step, Kazuha wearing a white shirt, Kazuha soaking wet from the bucket he just… Crap.
She gave him five seconds to run.
It was a while before Kudo Shinichi visited Osaka again, but it happened nonetheless. Although Kazuha knew now that together, they were the harbingers of disaster, she first thought it to be a fluke. After all, things like what had happened couldn't happen more than once, right?
Wrong.
This time, she had already been invited into the house, sitting primly on the living room couch. A glass of iced tea was in her hand (it was currently the sweltering summer) and fuzzy pink slippers encasing her feet.
She was a little wary of the Hattori household, knowing both Shinichi and Heiji were in it, but, she supposed, she was ready this time.
Unfortunately, it was one of those things that you could never be ready for.
"Hattori, I know you're down there!" A voice she recognized to be Kudo's called from the other side of the house. She stood up, prepared to dive under the couch if necessary.
"Um, he isn't…" Her words died as a squeeze bottle appeared out of nowhere to shot a dark golden liquid at her. She recoiled, disgusted, as the slimy liquid slid down her skin. It was… maple syrup?
"Ha! I've got you now, you bastard!" Kazuha could only watch in horror as an explosion of white cotton rushed at her. She took two deep breaths, her mouth gaping open. Every single inch of her was covered… in white feathers, stuck to the maple syrup Kudo had sprayed on her prior.
Chortling, Kudo materialized from behind the corner and stopped dead. "Ka…zuha."
"Call Ran-chan."
"What?"
Kazuha cracked her knuckles. She had what could only be called a murderous expression on her face. "This might be the last time you can actually say something to her."
An odd sound, much like a squeak, emerged from his throat. "Ha… Hattori… save me."
The third and final incident involving Kudo Shinichi was the most traumatizing, in Kazuha's opinion. So traumatizing in fact, that she didn't think she could ever recollect the event(s) without cringing in horror or bursting a nerve. Bubble gum, peanut oil, electricity and nine inch corkscrews did not make for happy bedfellows and Kazuha really, really, really did not want anything to do with them ever again.
That is why when she first stepped out of her bedroom and padded down the hallway in bare feet, turning the corner into her sitting room, Kazuha shrieked like a banshee and threw herself on the ground, covering her head protectively.
Silence.
"Kazuha, what are you doing?" A less-than-amused voice met her eyes. She opened one eye cautiously and jumped slightly to see Heiji's face about three inches from her own.
"I saw Kudo-kun…" She trailed off. That was all the explanation needed.
"Well, he's a guest of mine, so you can't be rude to him," Heiji frowned at Kazuha and sat back on his heels, glaring at Kudo who was failing to try and hide his chuckles.
Kazuha sheepishly untangled herself from the floor and sat on the sofa, grinning uncertainly. "I'll get some tea… don't move!" She eyed the pristine white lace table cover for a second and snatched it up, cradling it in her arms. "For safety."
Kudo nodded. "Reasonable. I wouldn't trust anything write in my presence either." He grinned widely, making Kazuha suspicious and anxious about her white shirt. She was going to have to change it now.
As quickly as she could, Kazuha returned to the living room, praying to God that nothing was broken, dirty, or about to explode.
Things were… relatively calm. Kudo-kun and Heiji were in an intense argument about Sherlock Holmes and Ellery Queen, but it wasn't anything she hadn't heard before. And if they were still sitting down, well, things were almost normal.
Which made Kazuha instantly suspicious.
"What did you do?"
Heiji glanced at her, mouth still open from the retort he gave. "What?"
"She said, 'what did you do?'" Shinichi replied. Heiji glared at him.
"What do you mean, 'what did you do'?" Heiji asked, a frown on his face.
"You aren't screaming at each other, throwing things, or making my living room a disaster area, so something's wrong!" Kazuha answered, her hands on her hips after she placed the tea tray on the table.
"We can hold a conversation with breaking something," Heiji said.
"No, we can't." Shinichi said with a grin.
"Yes, we – Hey! Just whose side are you on, anyways?"
"The winning side." Another wide grin.
Heiji sputtered. "The winning side? Hers? You've got to be kidding me!"
"Hey!" Kazuha interrupted, scowling. "Mine is definitely the winning side."
"Oh yeah? Just what have you got that I haven't got?"
"Kudo-kun!"
"Like he's any help!"
"Then why do you want him?"
"Like I said," Shinichi said smoothly. "The winning side."
As Heiji sputtered some more, Shinichi slapped his back amiably. "It's time you learn that you never argue with the opposite sex. They will always win."
"Thank you, Kudo-kun." Kazuha smiled beatifically and Heiji just grimaced.
"I'll get you for that," Heiji hissed at his best friend.
"Not in my house." Kazuha said firmly, pushing the two of them out of the room. "Heiji, you know your way out. Kudo-kun, have a nice stay in Osaka and Heiji, please don't blow up Osaka Castle."
She grinned at Heiji's cry of resentment and Kudo-kun's snort of amusement before heading to her room for a nap; they had tired her out like two bickering toddlers only could.
AN: Well, that was interesting. I actually started off with an entirely different concept but found it wouldn't really work with what I had written, and I wasn't going to rewrite it all… so yes. The first of my 25 Foods fic here on ffn. I'm terrible with fic challenges so we'll see how this turns out.
I couldn't think of a good way to end it, so I just left it like that. No romance in this one, but there definitely will be some in the next (higher rating as well 8D;;).