Failure to Understand
Nobodies are those without hearts. They are merely shadows of the people they once were. Nobodies are incapable of feeling, incapable of love.
xXx
Roxas does not remember what it was like to have a heart, to be whole. He does not know what it truly means, to "love" another. He does not understand why people—people who are whole—laugh and cry. He does not understand.
He can never understand.
xXx
Roxas asks Axel often of what it was like to have a heart. To which, Axel simply shrugs and tells Roxas that hearts bring nothing but misery and pain.
You're better off not knowing, he tells Roxas in that condescending voice that Roxas always hears others use with children.
You're not missing anything, kid.
Roxas knows this is a lie. He knows he's missing something. He entreats Axel to tell him what love is like, what it is.
Axel just grins and ruffles Roxas' hair, telling him it's the one thing that can reduce even the strongest hearts to oblivion.
Axel then takes his leave; Roxas lingers behind, unmoving and greatly confounded.
Is love that terrifying? he wonders. Maybe Axel is right. If the heart can cause a person to love, and if love can inflict so much damage on a person, then maybe Axel is right. Roxas is not sure if he believes this. He does not remember how it felt.
If hearts bring nothing but sorrow, then why do we want them so badly?
xXx
Roxas asks Axel if he ever feels anything, despite the fact that he lacks a heart.
Axel merely shrugs—like always, slinging an arm lazily around the other's shoulders. I dunno, he says indolently. And I wouldn't know it if I did.
Roxas does not understand. He can never understand.
xXx
Roxas hears Naminé refer to him and Axel as being "friends." Other members call them "friends" as well.
Roxas finds this confusing. According to the Superior, "friends" are people who enjoy being in the other's presence.
Certainly Roxas prefers to be around Axel as opposed to anyone else, but, to him, it just doesn't make any sense.
How does he know that he enjoys being with Axel? To enjoy something is to feel happy. Happiness is a feeling, an emotion. Feelings come from the heart.
Nobodies do not have hearts.
xXx
Nobodies are those without hearts. They are merely shadows of the people they once were. Nobodies are incapable of feeling, incapable of love.
xXx
Roxas is a Nobody. He has no heart, and therefore cannot feel.
That is what he has always been told.
But, if Roxas does not have a heart, then what is causing that horrible anguish, that unspeakable sense of hollowness and numbness Roxas gets in his chest as he says goodbye to Axel for the last time?
Roxas does not look Axel in the eye as he leaves. He is not sure how or why, but he knows that if he is to look into Axel's piercing emerald eyes with even the briefest of glances, he will see that same unfathomable pain, that betrayal, mirrored for him to see.
Axel is a Nobody. Roxas is a Nobody. Nobodies do not have hearts. They are incapable of love, of feeling.
Dear God, what is this pain…? I cannot feel, so what is this…?
Roxas does not understand.
I'm kind of uneasy about posting this one. I think everyone's done this idea at least once... D:
Anyway, I generally don't like writing angst, especially for this pairing. As far as I'm concerned, it's already angsty enough. Still, this idea refused to let me sleep at three AM. It's kind of a pity. It's not even that remarkable of a product. ::sigh::