Disclaimer : I own no part of South Park, but, according to Stephanie, when Trey and Matt die, we're gonna take over and make a video about Kyle, it'll be raining, and it'll be to the song "Never Knew" by The Rocket Summer.

Characters : Stan, Kyle

Warnings : Male/Male

The Final Diagnosis

Ding Dong!

Stan jumped up to open the door, knowing exactly who was on the other side. It was no surprise to him to see his Super Best Friend standing on the other side of the door, a huge grin on his face.

"Hey dude, what's up?" Kyle asked as Stan let him in.

"Not much," Stan replied as they walked into the living room. "You're lucky. The fatass just stormed out."

"Why?" Kyle asked, mildly interested.

They sat down on the couch and turned their attention to the commercials until Stan decided to respond.

"Well, he heard you were coming over, and he got pissed and left. I'm not really sure what's up with him lately . . ." Stan replied.

Kyle blinked. "I know what is! He's totally jealous!" he exclaimed a moment later.

Stan stared at the Jew. "What? Why would he be jealous?" Stan asked, genuinely confused.

"Because of our obvious chemistry!" Kyle exclaimed.

Stan continued staring, until Kyle began to snigger and giggle.

"I'm only kidding, dude!" Kyle yelled between giggles.

At sixteen, Stan and Kyle were closer than ever, and they both couldn't truthfully say they had never had those thoughts about each other, yet they never felt strong enough to act on them. Or rather, the feeling wasn't strong enough to cause them to act on it.

Stan slid across the couch, so he was sitting close to Kyle. Kyle took a side-glance at his friend, curious about what was up. He stopped his laughing, and watched the dark-haired one closely.

Stan had his hand on his chin, in a pondering position, and was inspecting Kyle quite closely. Kyle didn't pull back, he actually puffed his chest out and struck a valiant pose. Stan oppressed a laugh and continued what he was doing.

He leaned back and surveyed Kyle once over. "I-I'm sorry, dude," Stan said, weakly, "but, I'm afraid you've been diagnosed with . . . Gay."

Kyle stared solemnly at Stan. "Oh . . . How serious is it, doctor?" he asked, worriedly.

Stan lowered his head. "It's pretty bad. You have Fagious Itousious. That means you are a seriously, horribly GAY," Stan replied, sadly.

"Will . . . Will I ever survive?"

"Only if you find someone else with the disease and you live with them forever."

Stan and Kyle stared at each other, pretty sadly for a few moments before Kyle spoke up again.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you have the same thing," he told Stan.

Stan's eyes widened. "Really? Do you think so, doc?"

"I'm afraid so. It's as bad as your best friend Kyle's."

"Looks like we'll have to be together forever then, huh?"

"Yeah, looks like it."

A small peck on the lips sealed the deal, and they turned their attention back to the television as if nothing happened.

Ahem.
:D

-Taryn