The Heart's Delusion

A/N: Yaar mateys! Here be a pardon provin' I be lackin' the proper rights to all things involvin' the Pirates of the Caribbean and other belongin's of the swashbuckling nature. Me own treasure consists of the storyline, the words and the new character. So, in tha' event, don't be sendin' me to the gallows and confiscating me booty. Thank Ye.

Translation: I'm poor and will remain poor even after "publishing" this. Please enjoy it anyway!

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The sun was bloody blinding, as usual. The sand was bloody hot, as usual. And, the wind was bloody gone, as usual. It had occurred to Captain Jack Sparrow, that everything about this place was usual, though completely unusual at the same time.

Which was just maddeningly unhelpful in every possible way.

Jack didn't know how long he had been in this Godforsaken place, just that he was there and it appeared he was going nowhere fast.

Which made him realize, in his own special way, that this must be what pirate Hell was.

There was everywhere to go but no way to get there.

Yes, this was Hell.

Jack came to this conclusion, as he lay flat on his back upon the deck of the Pearl, limbs sprawled as though he had been felled by a lucky swipe of an enemy cutlass. The other versions of Jack were gone for the moment, giving him a moments rest. One really didn't realize how annoying one was until faced with several forms of oneself. Not to mention it was terribly disconcerting, looking at yourself as though peering into a shattered mirror. Jack let his head fall back onto the deck as he stared up at the gray sky, his hat tipping off his head.

"I wonder, if I had gone and done things differently--" he thought to himself, only to hear a voice from across the deck reply to his silent question.

"Done what differently?" At the sound of this voice, Jack sat straight up, his hat falling from his head and landing with a thump on the wooden planks of the Pearl. He swung his head from side to side looking for the owner of the voice, the bobbles in his hair clicking and chinking against one another as he did so. He located the intruding vocals and was surprised to see a woman sitting on the railing of the Pearl, one leg tucked under her, the other swinging freely over the side. Her eyebrows rose as their eyes met, looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer.

"And who might you be?" he said, getting to his feet, sidestepping a few times to get his bearings. The woman shook her head swinging both legs off the railing, the soles of her flat shoes hitting the timbers with a crack.

"You didn't answer my question Jack, done what differently?" As she stood Jack was able to see her entirely. She was dressed as the wife of a sailor would be, not fancy, but simply. Her soft blue skirt fell around her calves, leading up to a white waist cincher that, stitched in the middle of was a miniature needlepoint of skull and crossbones with an equally small red sparrow flying overhead. He took note of this, somewhat perplexed at its presence. His gaze then passed the cincher to a muslin top that revealed her shoulders. Her face was an oval, with a strong feminine chin, a button nose; her cheeks were full and rosy. Her eyes, which were regarding him carefully, were gray-green, the very same color of the sea after a storm, they were mindful of him but gentle. Her hair hung down passed her shoulder blades, some of it twisted up on the sides of her head and pulled into a half tail, the rest hung loose about her shoulders. But, it wasn't her hairstyle that Jack was admiring, but the color.

Twilight black popped against her pale flesh, catching the sun when she turned her head. A color Jack found extremely attractive despite it being unbelievably dark.

Except.

It was familiar, very familiar. Jack drew closer to the woman, studying her, looking her up and down as if it would give him a clue. Apparently the rum had done more to his memory than he would like to admit.

"Have we met before, lass?" He asked, unable to shake the feeling of familiarity that her face was bringing him. She smiled at him, making Jack feel a bit more at ease, and answering his question.

"We've met in your dreams Jack Sparrow." As she said this, Jack's eyes narrowed.

"Well, I don't believe you could be anymore vague." He said somewhat annoyed at her elusiveness. Jack took a few steps closer, his gait that of a perpetually (even when not) drunk man. The woman turned however, before he could reach her and walked to the railing once more, facing the great expanse of sand that Jack had come to know and hate. He stopped and looked around, hopeful that stalling would give him a chance to come up with something brilliant. It didn't.

Finally he remembered, though it would be blatantly obvious to those not in a rum induced state of oblivion that he still had no idea who she was.

"What's your name then, girl?" he asked. The woman turned her head slightly, answering softly.

"You know my name Jack, you've known it for nearly thirteen years." Jack threw his hands up, hands clenching, this was even more infuriating than being stuck in Davy Jones' Locker. For the moment, he knew sooner or later that it would once again become the single most infuriating chapter of his life. Ever.

"So what name am I supposedly privy to?" he asked, hoping to keep his voice devoid of the complete irritation he was feeling. The woman turned, and leaned back against the rail, supporting herself by her elbows.

"My name is one you utter with near reverence, a name that has given you your captaincy." The look of a perplexed man slid from his face, as she saw his reaction, the woman smiled and nodded.

"You realize now, don't you?" Jack nodded. Had it been anyone else, the fact that he was talking to a woman that may or may not be there, that he may or may not have met before being damned would have been bizarre. But it was Jack Sparrow-- his middle name was bizarre. Therefore, it wasn't at all strange. It was just… Jack.

"I may…" he stopped and let his head fall back a bit, giving the woman a distinctly Jack look.

"You aren't going to slap me are you?" he asked warily. She tilted her head and looked at him questioningly.

"Why would I do such a thing?" Jack gave a gruff laugh, for a figment of his imagination; she most definitely didn't understand him. At all.

"Because my dear lady—I have a most unfortunate way of making those of the female nature…" He said with a minute pause, "Angry." She shook her head and smiled.

"If I'm a vision of your imagination, wouldn't it make more sense for me not to slap you?" Jack looked around as though someone were playing a practical joke.

"That is a good point." He moved forward until he was just inches from her; however, unlike everyone else she didn't flinch. He reached out a hand and prodded her shoulder, though for the life of him, it appeared he would topple from the pressure. She felt real enough, but what was real in this place? The woman gave him a sweet smile and put her hand to Jack's, her fingers curled around his.

"So, you're the Black Pearl?" Jack asked, as he looked the hand, her fingers entwined with his. When was the last time he had held someone's hand, not because he had to, but because he could? The woman nodded again.

"I am." Jack gave a slight shrug, pulling his hand away and turning to the railing, picking at it.

"My ship is talking to me. Never had that before." The woman moved towards him, her hand reaching out and brushing the dark dreadlocks from his face, giving her clear view of his eyes.

"Well if you ponder that—you're really talking to yourself." This didn't help Jack in believing he wasn't losing his mind. In fact, it just solidified the fact that he was.

"If you're truly a woman, then you know it's bad luck to have a woman on board." Jack said smiling, golden teeth flashing in the freakishly bright light.

"Funny how a ship is considered a woman, yet the moment one climbs aboard, the superstitious strike up the chants and charms against them." She stopped for a moment, tilting her head to look at Jack. "Would it be presumptuous of me to say if it's your ship, then you can carry aboard it, whomever you wished?" Jack gave a chuckle and pulled a bit closer.

"No, but why risk sinking the ship?" The woman leaned in so their faces were inches apart.

"How very, traditional, of you." She said, her cool expression throwing Jack off, leaving him grasping for words.

"You aren't exactly doin' me any favors by pointing it out."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said in a way very much like him, "did I hit a nerve?"

"Well, I do believe you are making superfluous the very nature of my captaincy." He said somewhat haughtily, aware that no matter what he was saying he was still talking to a woman that was not there. She laughed and touched his face.

"I was just trying to remind you of your own beliefs, love." Jack's brow furrowed as he thought about this, finally he threw up his hands and looked in a different direction.

"Fine. If you don't like me ship you can just—run off across that-- bit of never ending sand… and leave me all to my lonesome." He waited for a reply, but received none. He looked to where the woman had been standing and jumped as he realized she was still there. Arms crossed, eyes narrowed at him.

"Why are you still here?" he asked, half annoyed and half afraid he really was losing his mind. The woman's arms dropped to her sides and she shook her head.

"Well firstly, I am the Pearl and therefore do like it and secondly, you don't really want me to go." Jack gave her an incredulous look.

"Pearl, may I call you Pearl?" he asked, the woman nodding while muttering under her breath.

"It is my name." Jack's hands clenched in air, his eyes closing in exasperation.

"How is it you've come to the conclusion, of which you are astoundingly incorrect, that I didn't wish for you to move on, when I've plainly said, in my own words, me mouth moving and all that I did indeed wish for you to depart?" The woman gave him a pointed stare and Jack was forced to resign to what he already knew.

"Because you are intimately aware of all the profound ponderings swimming about my head." Pearl gave a quiet sigh, clasping her hands together ahead of her and bouncing up on her toes.

"Jack," she said, "I am simply a vision of what your mind desires." Jack let his weight fall back on one leg, hands on hips.

"What makes you think I desire you?" Pearl's feet stilled upon the deck and her mouth settled into a straight line.

"Because you are the one who's hallucinating." Jack's eyes lifted heavenward, shifting about as he considered this.

"So you're saying that not only are you a figment of my much underappreciated, but apparently over reactive imagination, but that you are the woman I—" he couldn't seem to finish. Pearl threw her hands up.

"Jack—I'm not real. I'm just the vision of something you wish you had." Jack was silent. He tried to move away but was overtaken by Pearl, her skirts rustling as she rushed to move in front of him. He backtracked, but once again was stopped by the woman.

"Jack! What is it you desire? What is it that you want that would make you hallucinate me?" Finally Jack stopped, his demeanor turning to explosive aggravation.

"LOVE! I wanted LOVE, a MARRIAGE all right?" Josephine was quiet at this sudden outburst, a little smile playing across her lips.

"Marriage? You wanted to marry—a ship?" Jack threw his hands up in defeat making a less than serious face at her.

"Maybe—don't look so important, could've been anyone'd who'd have me." Pearl; shook her head in disbelief.

"That's not very pirate-like now is it?" Jack stalked down the deck, hair bobbles clinking, boots thumping.

"Don't bloody remind me." He stopped after a moment, his mind clearing of his humiliation at being found out. He gave a swift round about on his heel, hands up, one finger lifted questioningly.

"If you," he said pointing at her and weaving slightly, "are up here--" he continued pointing at his head as she nodded, not quite following.

"THEN WHY THE BLOODY BLAZES DID YOU MAKE ME SAY IT OUT LOUD?!" he flailed his arms wildly, gesticulating at his sudden connection between what she was and what he was saying. The gesticulating on the other hand was causing him to lose his balance. Pearl closed the gap between them and took his hands in hers, calming his wild flapping and steadying him. She looked him in the eye, freeing a hand to touch his cheek.

"Jack, you've never been very good letting yourself feel anything more than what lets you survive. Someone had to help you see just because you want something as foreign as love, doesn't make it wrong." Jack let his head drop slightly, knowing and desperately trying to quell the feeling he had when he felt her touch. It wasn't that he was opposed to the female sex, it was a well-known fact that Jack enjoyed a good game of "find the mast" and that women were very good at said game. However, he was a pirate. Pirates were the lone wolves of the ocean; if they happened to fall for a woman, it was short lived and if a child came from such a union, it was purely by accident. Falling in love was like purposefully chaining oneself to the mast and waiting for a giant sea creature to come swallow you and your ship up. Which Jack also remembered was exactly how he had gotten here in the first place, and that it was a woman who had made it all possible. He met her gaze, pulling her hand from his cheek.

"Whether I want it or not, I have decided those of the fairer sex have succeeded in making me more deceased than I was interested in becomin'. Quite truthfully, being dead has proven to be an endeavor most unpleasant. Now, if you don't mind, I'd rather endure my abundantly sandy, windless, and positively luminous prison without dwelling on that, which I cannot procure." Pearl shook her head in disappointment. She, even as an illusion of the mind, knew that at times, Jack felt very alone. She knew that he had been jealous of those called Will and Elizabeth, from the moment he saw what either was willing to go through for the other, he had begun to feel the pang of an empty heart. Of course they were the two he had called friend and was betrayed by, more specifically the lady of the couple. It had cut deep what they had done. Regardless of what he said now, he was still alone, only this time it was loneliness tenfold.

"What about your father?" Jack, who had plopped down on the deck in the hopes she would disappear, raised his kohl-darkened eyes and squinted at her. The very thought of his father sent a chill down his spine, he hadn't seen the man in years, but of all the things he feared, it was the man who had fathered him.

"What about 'im?" he said, his voice betraying his attempt at remaining calm. Pearl dropped down in front of him, skirts forming a puddle of fabric around her knees.

"He had a wife did he not? They were in love, no?" she asked, trying to get him to answer. Jack grimaced.

"If by love you mean a morbid and rather distressing interest in entering affairs with a Barracuda, then yes." Pearl grew discouraged as Jack wheedled his way out of speaking with her seriously. This discouraging feeling was Jack's-- he never seemed to be able to get passed his well-engrained belief that love was beyond him. This, delusion, as it were, was becoming all too real. Finally Jack stood again, trying to make the lass feel better.

"Love, it's not that I do not appreciate the finer things of life. I just do not partake in them." Pearl rolled her eyes.

"You must be joking." Jack shook his head as he gave a bow and walked away.

"No my dear lady, I am not."

Jack went about his business after this final declaration of permanent singularity, heading up to the wheel despite the obvious fact that the Black Pearl was going nowhere. He stood there for a moment, stroking the wheel.

"You're the only love I need, aren't you?" he crooned to the inert ship. After risking life, limb, and what little sanity he had left, she bloody, well, better be. However, as he ran his hands over the well-worn wood and looked up at the dark sails, he knew something was amiss something that had been amiss a very long time. Finally after allowing the thought to sink in and thoroughly annoy him, Jack let out a sigh and looked down at the planks beneath his feet.

"Pearl?" The deck was silent and Jack suddenly felt a pang of concern that she had left him completely.

"I couldn't leave you Jack. I am your only love after all." Jack's head snapped up from it's downward gaze and met with Pearl's stormy one, her sudden appearance out of nowhere making him lean back in surprise, Pearl tilted her head and gave a him a half grin as she set his hat on his head. He hadn't realized that he had left it on the ground until it was back on his head. He gave her a weak smile. Despite her being a complete figment of his imagination, he still felt guilty for sending her away.

"As you should Jack, you'll find most women don't appreciate such mean behavior." Jack's face became annoyed again.

"Would you stop bloody doin'that!" Pearl gave him a look of confusion.

"Doing what?"

"Answerin' me as though yer in me bloody head!" Pearl's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline, eyes wide.

"Jack, I am in your head!" Jack stopped and absorbed this for a time, again seeing the folly of his ways. It wasn't easy arguing with a hallucination.

"I… I know that, but for one moment, let us pretend that you are indeed not in my head and you do not know whatever it is I'm thinking." Pearl shrugged her bared shoulders.

"We can pretend Jack, it won't make it any less true." Jack's eyes narrowed as his annoyance became apparent.

"Thank you." They were quiet for a moment until Jack looked at the dark haired woman again.

"So, what are you here to tell me darlin'?" gray-green eyes matched his stare.

"What is it, deep down that you desire?" Jack looked up to the gray skies, thinking for an instant and a half about what it was he desired, deep down.

"My ship." Pearl sighed and shook her head.

"You already have a ship Jack—what is it that's caused you to bring me here?"

"My ship in water?" Pearl's lips thinned, her eyes narrowing at him. Jack knew what it was that she was trying to dig out of him but as he had stated to himself, it just wasn't possible. Pearl looked ready to reply to words that had not yet been stated. As her lips parted to answer, Jack threw his hands up.

"Don't." He said forcefully. Pearl's mouth closed, staying silent at his request. Jack looked at her sadly.

"I've been trying to tell you, I'm a pirate" he turned away from her, taking hold of the wheel, gripping it tightly as though looking at it as a lifeline. "Pirates can't love the sea and a woman."

Pearl looked off to the never-ending sand, teeth gritting. Finally she moved up behind him and whispered into his ear.

"If you choose to lock your heart away Jack, then you've truly lost." Jack's head turned so quickly he miscalculated where she was standing until they were nose to nose. For a moment, Jack forgot that she wasn't real. The space between them certainly was miniscule and he could feel her very breath against his skin. She was real enough to him. In a second of weakness Jack leaned forward, overtaking Pearl's lips with his own. Shockingly enough she was receptive, hardly the splintery, wooden feeling he was expecting. When he pulled away, Pearl's eyes were still closed; the surprise on her face was still evident. When her eyelids finally fluttered open, they were met with the sight of Jack Sparrow's crooked and golden grin.

"That's what I want, love." Pearl's let her head drop back as she looked at him, still slightly dazed.

"A kiss?" Jack shook his head and flapped his hands in the air.

"No lass—I want a good woman with which to share a good kiss—several kisses," he threw his hands out in a form of measure as he continued, "An ocean full of kisses. I want a good woman and a passel of kiddies to boot." Pearl gave a triumphant smile as Jack finally said what had been plaguing his mind while "enjoying" his stay in Hell.

"Really?" Jack gave a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"Freedom doesn't have to be enjoyed alone darlin'. Sometimes one has to learn that the hard way." Even though he had come across this epiphany of looking to enjoy the fruits of marital bliss and possibly fatherhood, Jack was quick to remember that it didn't matter what he wanted.

He was stuck in a place where those sorts of things would never come true. The light that had so suddenly made an appearance in his eyes, was clouded over as sadness set in. He fiddled with the sash tied around his waist; it wouldn't be very pirate-like of him to show any emotion other than a swashbuckling attitude.

"Though, I suppose it doesn't matter now, does it? I've been thinking about it and now that I am deeply aware of what it is I was looking for—I'll be content with the knowledge I'm staying here." Pearl shook her head. She didn't believe him anymore than he believed himself. She took his face in her hands, bringing his head down until their foreheads touched.

"Have faith in the future Jack. Nothing is certain." Jack gave a doubtful smile, his hands lifting to her hair, fingers threading through the silken tresses. He glanced at the locks and made a discovery.

"You're hair is the same color as the ship's sails." Pearl rolled her eyes heavenward. Jack certainly wasn't stupid, but one did wonder if his obsession with rum made him less than swift in noticing somewhat obvious details.

"I believe that's because I have black sails." Jack's eyes closed and he took in a deep breath. As much as he loved the Pearl and all of her sudden "mirages", she could be quite exasperating. He threw his hands up in the air, his body bobbing back and forth.

"Well, I'll just keep that in mind. Ho, crew! My ship manifests itself in the shape of a woman, with locks as black as the sails. No one'll think that mad at all!" When silence settled over them like an uncomfortably wet blanket, Jack gave a nervous laugh.

"So, you as the ship have decided I am your captain, yes?" Pearl smiled sadly. She touched his face lightly.

"Oh Jack, you've always been my captain—I just fear it will be difficult for you to keep me from those who would claim me as theirs." She said quietly. Jack had to agree, between Barbossa and the East India Trading Company; it was becoming more and more difficult for him to remain captain of his own ship. Finally Pearl getting on her tip toes a bit to kiss Jack, a light touch to his lips. Her hand lingered on his cheek, Jack covering it with his own as she backed away.

"You'll be leavin' me then?" he asked, as his heartstrings were pulled taught. Despite her being a hallucination, Jack felt the pain of his heart being ripped at. In the short time he had come to know this figment of his imagination, Jack had found himself desiring something, anything, which resembled that which Pearl had forced him to see.

Her leaving made it more difficult than he had ever imagined.

"Even though it's hard to believe right now Jack, I'm with you, always. I just won't look like this," she said gesturing around at the cold, wooden timbers of the ship. "This ship is me Jack. I will keep you afloat. I'll be your freedom." At the sound of her final words, Pearl disappeared.

The echoing sound of her promise soon faded into the unnaturally still air, leaving Jack alone once more. After a moment of despair, Jack put a hand to his mouth, where seconds earlier, Pearl had laid her farewell kiss. He looked out across the empty horizon, his own emptiness equal to it. Finally his eyes roamed up to the black sails of the Black Pearl, the raven canvas hanging still in the windless sky. Putting a hand to his heart Jack made his final farewells.

"You may not have been real, love… But you would have been enough for me."