DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto. This is common sense. I will never have enough money to buy Naruto, although I can hope, can't I? The only thing I own is this story and my OC. So don't steal either, or I may just have to sic rabid mutant bunny-rabbits on you. Muaha. Muahaha. With that said, enjoy the story and have yourself a good cry. Or have a really boring next few minutes. But please, review either way.
Spolier :(This story takes place after the Shukaku leaves and Gaara can finally sleep)
And Don't Forget the Monsters
Why? Why is it never me? Gaara watched the happy, frolicking, careless couples embracing and skipping merrily down the path. That just made him sick. He was tempted again and again to "accidentally" let a little sand out of his gourd and end his misery for the time being. As he watched the couples, though, he could not deny it. He longed for something. . .
How he longed to be loved. His heart was racked with pain as he saw yet another faceless couple hugging and kissing and laughing and crying.
Monster!
Freak!
Stay away, you beast!
Don't come near! All these nasty things rang in his head; a reminiscent of his life.
Never. Never was the word. Never was he loved. . . how he longed for a mommy or daddy to scoop his up in their arms and say loving things to him; to hold him until he stopped crying. He had held out his arms as a child to his father, asking for a hug, but the only ones who would even venture near were his brother and sister, Kankuro and Temari.
Images flashed back to him of crying all alone; every day alone as a tiny child. He wanted so badly to deny his longings but his heart felt sore and out of use. How he wished with all that tiny fragment of a beating heart that someone, anyone would love him and not betray him. . . like all the others. For someone to say honestly "I love you, Gaara! I love you!" and for him not to wake from his few dreams.
As he sat there, he felt lonely. Hollow. Empty. Worthless. Nonessential. Nonexistent.
STAY AWAY! He just wanted to melt away and never remember his sadness ever again. He hugged his knees, wishing with all of himself that someone would care--
". . . Gaara-sama?" He opened his tear-stained, black rimmed eyes and lifted his head from his knees. Through blurry tears he could just make out that of a body of a female sitting on the tree branch beside him. He said nothing as he lowered his forehead back to his knees. He recognized the voice and the long, flowing blur of red hair. It was his new assistant; Kyoko Kija. She had only been on his staff for a few weeks but he could already tell that she was much nosier than his last assistant, and she had ended up in the mental ward.
Gaara said nothing and returned to his sulking.
"Kazekage Sabaku no Gaara-sama?" she asked again. Gaara grunted an acknowledgement that she was there.
"Kazekage-sama are you alright?" Kyoko asked in her high, soft, melodious voice. For awhile, Gaara said nothing and the two sat there in silence.
"I. . . it's not fair." he said finally.
". . . What isn't fair.?" She asked.
"Get out of my sight." he growled from his curled up position and waited. After a few seconds he repeated what he had said, "Go away now"
". . . No." Gaara sighed defeatedly,
"Why-- I. . . It. . ." Gaara suddenly sat up and gave her a start, causing her almost to fall off of the branch, "It just isn't fair! I'm the only monster in all of Suna! Nobody can love me! But every other guy in the entire universe is Mr. Perfect! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of being shouted at and I'm sick of being shunned and I'm sick of seeing all these stupid couples being happy while I'm miserable! I've never been hugged or loved in my entire life and I'm just sick of it! There's always a happy ending for everyone else! Even after I start being a good Kazekage, all I get it fear! IT'S NOT FAIR!" Surprisingly enough that he had actually burst out of his quiet, loathing appearance, it was even more surprising to Kyoko that this sudden little outburst brought on more tears.
He just bit his lip and turned his face away from her in embarrassment. He could feel his lip quavering. Never before had he cried in front of one of his subjects before; especially not her,
"Now that that's clear, leave." He waited. There was a strange sniffling noise coming from behind him and he could feel the branch shake a little.
There Kyoko was, her whole body trembling in nearly silent sobs,
"I. . . I'm s-so sorry. . ." she almost whispered between tears. Her hands shook as she tried, to no avail, to wipe her eyes clear of those tears. She took a shaky breath and said quietly,
"H… how could anyone not l-love you and n. . . and not want to hug you. . . I just. . . I just don't know how anybody could be so evil as to not love you. . ." She gave into her tears and just sat there for a moment, vulnerable and tearful. Those tears brought something out in Gaara that he hadn't felt in-- well, never.
Vulnerable and tearful. Those two lone words described his whole life in a fragment of a sentence. Gaara mentally thwacked himself. The last thing he wanted was to inflict the pains of his childhood on anyone else. He had noticed that normal human minds could hold the capacity of his difficulties well without going insane. But what could he say? What could he do? He was only a monster, a sick, twisted monster.
He leaned in close to her and as gently as he possible could, he wiped a tear from her big blue eyes,
"Uh. . . please don't cry. . . There's no reason for you to. . . To be sad. . . I'm the one who should be apologizing. . . I'm just being. . . Being selfish. I'm sorry. . . I just. . ."
"It's. . . that's only normal." she said, wringing her hands.
Gaara blinked,
"What?"
"It's normal. . . To want. . . And need things. . . You need parents who love you. . . Friends who want to spend time with you. . . And even you need a true love who wants to be with you. . . It's fine to tell people what you need and what you long for. . . It's not a sign of weakness. . . In fact. . ." She paused and smiled up at the Valentines Day clouds floating lightly through the sky,
"In fact, I believe it's a true sign of strength when a leader needs friends and people who love him. . . So. . . You should tell people what you need. . ."
All was silent there in the treetops for a moment until Gaara finally said softly, in an almost cracking voice,
"I. . . I need a hug."
Kyoko stared at him for a moment, puzzled. Then, smiling, she leaned in closer to him and lay her head on his chest, allowing him to wrap his strong arms tightly around her. His chest was warm and firm as he held her there, holding her as if she would disappear if he released her. She slowly wrapped her arms around his thin waist and closed her eyes.
Gaara, in his entire life, had never felt so secure. There was another human, with a fully functional mind and heart was willingly holding him, caring for him. Caring. . . He had only ever heard that word. Never had he experienced it. His thankfulness overwhelmed him and tears began to seep from his blackened eyes.
She could feel his body shaking and could feel his warm tears dripping down into her hair. He laid his head on top of hers, so happy that he could finally embrace someone and not have them shrink back or faint.
Kyoko clung to him and buried her face in his clothes, feeling so relieved to be held in Gaara's arms; she felt so safe. So warm and protected. His large, warm hands held her fast and tight up against him and his stifled breaths tickled her ear.
"Thank you, Kyoko-chan." Gaara whispered into her ear as he released her from his embrace. He wiped his black rimmed eyes with the heel of his hand and then stated down at his palm with a completely perplexed look about him. Kyoko glanced at his shaking hands,
"Wh-What's wrong? Are you alright? Should I send for a medic?" Gaara looked up at her,
"I don't kn-know. . . I have this strange feeling. . . My hands won't stop shaking. . . And my face feels like it's burning. . . My heart feels like it's swelling-- like it's going to explode. . . I almost feel nauseous. . . And now my ears feel like they're on fire." He said as he pulled at one of his earrings absentmindedly.
"Well. . . When did you start feeling that?" Kyoko asked, glancing down at her folded hands. Gaara's face reddened even more as he stared at her,
"When. . . When you allowed me to hold you in my arms. . . I'm not going to die or something, am I? You don't have any diseases, do you?" he asked as his nonexistent eyebrows knit. Kyoko let out a guffaw and at the same time, her face grew red and she fumbled with he hands, not making eye contact.
"No. . . you're not going to die or anything. . . I think what you felt. . . Is love. . ." She peeked up at him through her bangs and found the expression on his face quite adorable. He looked so confused; almost fer-shmuggled. (Just for the record, no that is not in the English dictionary, I've checked. ) His eyes were wide and a perplexed look written on his face. His cheeks burned like fire against his ivory skin,
"Love. . .?" He looked down at his swinging feet like an embarrassed little child, "What. . . What exactly is love. . .?"
It was impossible! Simply impossible! A person not knowing what love it! Especially Gaara Sabaku. The very same young man who had the picture-word love carved into his pale forehead by the sand its-self; the sand and the Shukaku promising to love him.
Love. How to explain it. It's like teaching an adult to speak for the first time; or trying for that matter to explain what colours are to a blind man or the sound of a dog barking to a deaf man.
"It. . . It's a wonderful feeling. . ." Kyoko began, choosing her words very carefully. She smiled as she closed her eyes, "You. . . You want to spend time with the one you love. . . You want to hold their hand. . . And you want to hug them and hold them close as long as you possibly can and to never want to pull away. . . You have a fondness for them. . . When you adore them more than anyone else and. . . and you can cry with them and share your feelings with them. . . You can trust them and they can trust you. And you to long to stroke their face and t-to. . ." her voice trailed off for a moment as she realized that their faces were beginning to loose distance. Her gaze moved to his soft-looking lips as he licked them, a longing for his lips to touch hers washing over her.
"And. . . You want to k-kiss them. . ." Gaara could feel her warm, moist breath on his lips and his face flushed deeply. He felt as if he were being magnetized to her
"And. . . And you know you want to be with them and only them. . ." her voice trailed off.
". . . forever. . ." Gaara whispered, finishing her sentence onto her moist pink lips.
The Kazekage slowly lifted his left hand and carefully caressed her face with his sandy-smooth hands, sending electricity up and down her spine. Kyoko just barely noticed a few tears rolling down his face from his vibrant, black rimmed, icy blue eyes.
Then their eyes met. Blue locked with blue and more emotion that could ever be said in mere words was conveyed from one's to the other's.
"Kyoko. . ." He began, almost choking on his words,
"I'm. . . I'm nothing special. . . I'm only a. . . a monster. . . And you're. . . You're. . . Absolutely amazing. . . And. . . I. . . I lo-love you." His heart was almost busting out of his chest.
Gaara leaned in, closing his eyes. Kyoko's eyes grew wide and tearful but then closed automatically as Gaara's lips gently pressed against hers, his hand gently pulling her warm face closer. Her hands gripped the front of his shirt and his other arm wrapped around her waist.
As they pulled apart, Kyoko could hear her heart beating a million miles per hour in her ears. Her face reddened and she practically glomped him, burying her face in his chest and beginning to weep,
"You're no monster, you're handsome and sw-sweet and. . . I'm in love with you. . . I love you Kazekage Sabaku no Gaara-kun! I love you Gaara!" She cried, pulling herself as close to Gaara's chest as she could possibly get.
Chan- friendly; familiar
San- respectable
Sama- highest respect
Kun- love or the strongest friendly relationship
No honorific- absolute love, trust, etc.
This story helps me remember that there's always someone out there for everyone. No matter how lonely you feel, someone out there somehow, somewhere will love you.
And for the record, don't ignore the "monsters." You may end up falling in love with one someday.
With that said and my moment of inspiration over, review please!
Mysteria Pearl