Proximity

So close, so near, so close to...too close.

I'm so close to winning, so close to my goal. So close, so close it feels wrong. Because this goal was never meant to be completed, was it? This goal never existed, did it? I've been chasing an illusion, my own little illusion all this time, haven't I? Because I'm so close. So close to winning, but what will I win?

I can kill you. I will kill you. That's what I told myself since longer than I can remember. Was I born from the womb swearing to kill you? I can't remember of a time when I was not dreaming of cutting out your heart.

And here I am. My fingers an inch away. So close, so close to your skin. My pale mist against your ivory. My blade screaming for your blood. Can you hear its fury, its need? Can you hear my hatred--it's all for you--can you hear my need?

Close, so close--I've always wanted this closeness, did you know? I've dreamed about this--you don't know how many times. Have you dreamed about me? Do you imagine me this close, so close that I can feel the rhythm of your heart in the veins beneath my blade? Do you dream of hearing your own blood splatter across my victorious face, so close to your own?

When you're dead, I'll bathe in your blood. I'll carve out your heart and bleed you dry and soak, just like you, in the blood of my brethren. I'll kiss your still-warm lips and bury us together.

So we can be this close. Together. Forever.

-

Foolish brother, don't you understand? I can see it in your eyes, you feel it, know it, but you don't understand it. But you will soon.

Look--feel, taste how close we are. How close you are. Why don't you kill me right now? Why don't you finish the blow, slice my throat right open? Isn't this what you wanted, what you swore, to see my blood spilling like a red river?

Ha, foolish brother, you can't, can you?

No, not today, not ever. Never.

Oh, foolish brother, don't regard me so. It is not my fault that you cannot will your hand to move, is it? How pitiful, that you've lived your entire life for a goal you can only come so close to, but never fulfill.

Why never? Foolish brother, you love me. You watch me, chase me without ever stopping. Do you really think that you can kill me when your eyes brush over my face so, when your fingers touch so gently, so softly, so intimately even as you are about to make a kill? How can you dream of killing me when all you fantasize and wonder about is how my lips would feel against yours, how much you'd love my tongue, my mouth over every inch of your body?

You aren't enjoying this, are you, little brother? Foolish brother, your face hides little. You want to end this, yet you never want this to end. You regret that you were too cowardly to step into my room as a child, and instead hid outside my door, wishing you could have me. Haven't you always dreamed of pressing your body up to mine this way? Ironic that it has to end this way, isn't it?

I'm watching your eyes, and the curse of our clan stares back at me in a hazy, confused red. They widen the slightest as I smile, and I now know for sure that I've won.

You've lost. Foolish brother, you'll never kill me.

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