(Apologies that this has cropped back up, it was an accidental click! So I've tidied the grammar and a couple of spellings - I was an embarassing writer back then sometimes - but there's been no other changes.)

PICKING UP THE PIECES

Maddison fic. Addison tries to set up a new life for herself but there is one man she really misses.

Chapter One – Electricity (Addison's POV)

I stared out of my hotel window down onto the streets of Seattle for the last time. After tonight, I wouldn't be able to do this anymore. I wouldn't be able to look north and see the glaring lights of Seattle Grace Hospital, and know that within the next twenty four hours I would have saved another life there, or brought another baby into the world. I wouldn't be able to lean out and take a deep breath, knowing that the people I cared most about were breathing in the same air. My friends, Miranda, Callie and Adele; Richard Webber, who I had known and liked for so long; the interns I had grown to adore, watching them progress, I felt, annoyingly, like a proud mother. And the man that I loved. But I would never admit it. Even to myself.

I can't really explain it

I haven't got the words

It's a feeling

That you can't control

A knock at the door startled me from my reverie. I looked at the clock. It was nearly one o'clock in the morning. Had someone got the wrong room?

"Who is it?" I called out, trying to make myself sound sleepy.

"It's me."

My heart did two things at once – some sort of strange back flip as well as skipping a beat. I opened my mouth but no words came out. So I closed it again.

"Addie? Let me in."

Suddenly shaky, I stood up and walked across to the door. I turned the key in the lock and opened it slowly. Mark Sloan stood outside my room, holding a bottle of champagne and a bunch of flowers.

I suppose its like forgetting

Losing who you are

And at the same time

Something makes you whole

Still clutching the doorframe as if for dear life, I looked up at his face.

"I thought you could do with celebrating your new job." He said. I smiled weakly. He can't be here! He just can't! He would make me go mad!

"Mark, I really need to get some sleep right now." I said, forcing a kind smile. He shook his head slowly at me.

"You weren't sleeping, and you had no intention of doing it. I know you, Addison. Now for Christ's sake, let me in."

Without another word I stepped back and let him through the door. He closed it behind him with his foot and then he handed me the flowers.

"Congratulations, Dr Montgomery."

I smiled as I took them. Red lilies. How had he known they were my favourite? I was suddenly thrown back into a sudden memory of Derek buying me white roses and claiming that he knew they were my favourite flowers, and I was smiling and agreeing with him even though they weren't.

Its like that there's some music

Playing in your ear

And I'm listening

And I'm listening

And then I disappear

"Thank you." I breathed, "They're beautiful."

"Beautiful." He whispered, not taking his eyes off me, and I forced myself to turn away and walk back into my room, where I sat down on my bed. My heart was racing and my hands were sweating, and I wasn't sure how long I would be able to hold out. Mark came back through from the kitchen, holding two glasses of champagne. He handed one to me.

"Why didn't you tell me you were planning on leaving?" he asked, his eyes showing something I couldn't place – something that was almost disappointment. I sighed and looked him directly in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Mark. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want to change the way people acted around me. I didn't want my last few weeks at SGH to be different."

"It's gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you."

And he reached out and put a hand on my leg.

And then I feel a change

Like a fire deep inside

Something bursting me wide open

Impossible to hide

I looked at him, failing to disguise what I was feeling.

"I'm gonna miss all of you." I said, and downed the champagne in one gulp. Mark lifted the bottle from off the floor and poured me another glass, which I drank straight down again. Then he looked at me, and something in his eyes had changed.

"Addison…" he breathed, and reached out and cupped my face with one hand. The feel of that hand on my cheek was burning through my skin. There was nothing I could do to stop the feeling rising inside of me. I wanted to reach out and put my arms around him, I wanted to hold him and love him and kiss him and stay right here with him forever. How did Mark Sloan manage to have that effect on me? How did he manage to make me weak at the knees and shaky? What did he have that other men didn't? What did he have that had made me unfaithful to my husband, that had made me go crazy at the sight of him, which had made me so loathe to leave Seattle?

I knew one thing. When he was touching me, I couldn't think. My brain didn't work like it should. It didn't run the way it usually did. I couldn't concentrate, and I certainly didn't trust my own judgement.

And suddenly I'm flying

Flying like a bird

Like electricity

I put my hand over his on my cheek, ready to bring it down slowly so I didn't crack and lose all my self control. But then he brushed my hair back from in front of my eyes with the other hand, and I found myself – cliché or not – mesmerised by his eyes. Mark Sloan had taken complete advantage of me – and I didn't care.

"Stop it." I breathed, but I sounded weak, and less than forceful. He bent his head and brushed his lips with mine.

"No." he said defiantly, and two strong, muscular arms came around me. Somehow my hands found themselves curling at the back of his neck, and I couldn't stop myself from leaning up and kissing him. His lips on mine tasted like something too wonderful to imagine. I was able to forget that I was leaving tomorrow; I was able to forget that I probably meant nothing but sex to him, and I kissed him without a second thought.

Electricity

Sparks inside of me

And I'm free, I'm free.

I couldn't breathe for kissing him, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. It was such an amazing feeling, the same feeling that had led me to cheat on Derek, the same feeling that had made me so angry when he had turned up at Seattle Grace, and the same feeling that made me shiver at the thought of leaving and never coming back. I couldn't understand it. I was like I had been as a kid, the day I had had my first kiss. Out of control.

I found both my hands tousling his hair, and his hands were on my shoulders, my hips, my waist. He was gently fiddling with the hem of my shirt, gradually pulling it up and over and off. I found myself tearing his open, spreading my fingers on his bare chest, letting his mouth wander down to my neck. I couldn't breathe… I couldn't breathe…

It's a bit like being angry

It's a bit like being scared

Confused and all mixed up

And mad as hell

He lifted me slowly into his lap, and we were kissing wildly, unable to get enough of each other. I have never hated myself more than I did in that moment. I could have stopped him, I could have pulled away, said no. But I didn't. I just deepened the kiss and was suddenly thrown into a memory, of a day almost six months ago now.

I rushed downstairs to open the door. At last, company! Derek had been at the hospital for well over thirty six hours, I guessed he had decided to sleep in an on call room, but I missed human contact. You didn't get very many emergency operations in gynae, and so I was home a lot and Derek was…absent. So when I opened the door and saw Mark Sloan, Derek's best friend who had lately become one of mine, my heart leapt. I hugged him.

"I've missed you." I said, and he nodded. Then I let him in and he sat in the lounge with his bags whilst I made coffee. He'd been in Thailand for two months, and so my life had been even lonelier than usual. But with Mark back suddenly everything was looking up.

"How've you been, Addy?" he said, "I called a couple of times but both of you were always out."

"He's always out, you mean." I said, but immediately felt guilty for saying it. I knew I was lonely, but I didn't need to burden Mark with my marriage issues. And I knew that Derek was out there saving people's lives. So really I shouldn't have been angry about it. But I couldn't help it. And before I knew it I was practically crying to him.

"He's never here, Mark. He always has one more surgery, or one last patient to check on, and it seems to take him forever. He'll sleep in on call rooms, sometimes even for days on end, and I hardly see him. I can't even remember the last time we had-"

"Whoa!" Mark interrupted. "I don't wanna know that."

"Sorry." I sniffed, "Mark, am I really that boring, or ugly or stupid that he doesn't want to spend any time with me?"

It's like when you've been crying

And you're empty and you're full

I don't know what it is

It's hard to tell

The anger in his eyes surprised me. He took both my hands and looked me straight in the eye.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, don't you ever say that again. You are certainly not boring – and stupid? You're the best Neonatal surgeon in the country! And whatever else, Addie, you are not ugly. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. And… and…" He trailed off, and when I looked at him closely I could see that he had almost blushed.

"What?"

"I brought you a present." He said, and brought something in a pretty Thai decorated pouch out of his bag. Then he handed it to me, with a kiss on the cheek.

"Something for the most beautiful woman in the world." He said, and this time I blushed. But I knew Mark. He was just messing with me. He had a different girlfriend every night, and he called Derek and I frequently from bars in town, wanting a lift home with the latest big busted blonde. But as I opened the pouch I felt different. I felt special.

Inside was a necklace with a gold chain. I lifted it out of the bag, and the pendant on the end was two snakes, entwined with each other, set either side of a beautiful ruby. I held it there for a moment, transfixed by the beauty of it.

"Let me put it on." He said, and he took it from me. I shifted a little in the seat so that I was facing away from him. He lifted the necklace and fastened it around my neck, rough hands brushing my skin lightly, sending shivers down my spine. I turned around.

"It matches your hair." He said, and his voice was low and husky.

"Thank you, Mark." I said, and I leant forward to kiss him on the cheek. I don't know what came over me then, but in between moving and reaching his stubbly cheek with my lips, I managed to find his. Rough and dry lips that when they brushed mine set my heart on fire.

It's like when there's some music

Playing in your ear

But the music is impossible

Impossible to hear

For a moment we just held there, our lips touching, enjoying the sensation of it. But then I felt his tongue coaxing my mouth open, and to be honest, I didn't need the coaxing. My arms were around his neck, and I had lifted myself into his arms. I felt like I was devouring his face, but nothing in the world could have stopped me. I felt special, I felt like I mattered. And for once in my miserable existence I needed that. I needed it all. Gradually I felt him pull away. I found myself grinning.

"Addison, should we be doing this?" He asked, his eyes full of concern. That struck me as a very un-Mark like thing to do, but I couldn't think right then. I leant forward and kissed him softly.

"Bedroom?" I whispered. His eyes widened.

"Are you sure-"

"Shut up." I said, and lifted myself off the sofa, pulling him with me into the room Derek and I had slept in, side by side, for eleven years.

And then I feel it move me

Like a burning deep inside

Something bursting me wide open

Impossible to hide

We lay, exhausted, side by side, on my bed. I had made it neatly to help the hotel staff in the morning, but all my good work had gone to waste. We lay in a tangle of sheets, Mark's torso out of the covers, laid on his side, facing me, eyes closed. Asleep. I snuggled down deeper under the blankets, as if trying to hide from what had just happened. Trying to hide from my own pathetic lack of self control. Trying to hide from everything.

I stared at him for a moment, wishing I could understand him, understand us. I could hardly remember why I had been so stupid, except for there was something about Mark that made it impossible for me to think straight, and impossible for me to make the correct judgement. I sighed and let my eyes drift shut.

And suddenly I'm flying

Flying like a bird

Like electricity

Electricity

Sparks inside of me

And I'm free, I'm free.

When I woke again, my eyes focused on one thing – Mark's face above mine. He bent down and kissed me. I kissed him back, desperate and weak against the strange power he seemed to hold over me. I felt his arms coming around me again, and I felt my consciousness slipping away as I let myself drown in him for the second time. His mouth on mine took me back to a time when things were simpler, when we were teenagers, and we were spontaneous and anything that we did didn't change anything. We were free.

Electricity

Sparks inside of me

And I'm free, I'm free

Oooooooooooooh

I looked at Mark beside me. He was asleep. A shaft of sunlight was shining across his face, suddenly illuminating what had occurred. I couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore. I silently slid out from under the covers, and crept across to my wardrobe, grabbing the one outfit I had left out for today. I changed in the bathroom, and then I shoved the clothes that were scattered on the floor into my case. I brushed my hair and cleaned my teeth, and then I zipped up my case and looked around. Mark was still sound asleep. Slowly, I pulled a pad of hotel issue paper from the drawer and scribbled down a few things on it, knowing that really nothing could say what I felt in my heart.

I put it on the table, along with both hotel keys. He could check out for me. A last favour. I can't say how much I wanted to give him a goodbye kiss, but I couldn't resist waking him. That would ruin everything. So I left the room, shutting the door behind me.

I'm free….