Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note in any way shape or form. I am just a humble servant of the ever great Raito and L telling their tale for others to read and admire in any way the others see fit.
WARNING! Yaoi, cursing, and a whole lot more that I can't thing of. If it offends you, please leave this story now and don't flame me. I really hate to be criticized for my hard work. Also, I might get some things messed up. I haven't read the entire manga or seen the anime, but I've picked up on a few things. Sorry if Raito or L or any other characters seem out of it… This is a FANfic and I can do what I want… so long as it's within limits. Enjoy the story!
Second warning to everyone. This is off the top of my head and when it comes off the top of my head, things tend to get a little… wacky… Just try to bear with me and let's keep it together now. If I get stuck and ask for ideas, please do help. I would greatly appreciate it and I just think it would be nice to see what other people would like to see in the story. It means that I might not do what you ask me to put in, but I will consider it. Thank you for your time.
I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but I've been seeing this strange look in your eyes that I am not able to place. It scares me to not know what you are thinking, planning. It just shakes me to the bone and I can't stop the involuntary shivers that run down my spine when you look at me with those black, endless eyes of yours. There's that look again. I can't place it still, but I know you. You won't stop it until I know what you want, what your craving for.
You're holding that fork in that strange way, yet it's oddly fascinating to me to watch as you take a bite of your strawberry cheesecake. I am still unable to see the way you eat and stay the weight you are. How can you eat those high calorie foods, but stay as thin as a pencil? You eat the cheesecake leaving the strawberry for the last bite. You spear the fruit with the fork's prongs and bring the berry to your lips. I close my eyes and I can see you lick the strawberry of the juices that dripped from its wounds you had made. Tenderly, you sink your pearly white teeth into the fruit. It's so tantalizing, but I know I must resist from jumping onto you and taking that strawberry away from you. It is your favorite food after all.
I shiver. I can feel your black eyes on me as you eat the rest of your strawberry. I open my eyes, but all I see is an empty swivel chair that's spinning around and around. You must have moved out of the chair fast to make it spin as such. When I look up from my seat, you're standing above me hunched slightly because of that back of yours. You can never stand fully straight because of that posture you must have adopted long ago. I hear a gasp come from my lips. I know that you heard it too, but you seem as if you didn't hear it. You lean close to me and I lean back to get away from you. You don't let that happen because you place a hand at the back of my head.
What are you going to do? Are you going to accuse me of being Kira again for watching you eat that cheesecake? I can't tell, but when you're close enough, your lips are almost touching mine in a kiss. Are you going to kiss me? It would be my first if you did. Would it be another test to see if I am Kira and just to watch my reaction to the intimate touch of lips? Probably, but I don't pass up that conclusion. To say that I am startled beyond belief wouldn't be a lie when you held that fork in front of my face. It had a strawberry on it. A peace offering to me from you? That would be an understatement because you would never offer a strawberry to another! They are your favorite.
You move the fork closer to my lips. I shake my head, but I don't know what I'm declining. You shrug and simply eat the strawberry yourself. I sigh to myself once you weren't so close to me. You're back in your swivel chair in that hunched and curled position you have when you sit in a chair of any kind. It seems as if you are protecting yourself, but I have to wonder from what? You turn away from me to settle your sleepless eyes on the monitors in front of you. It's closing in on midnight and you don't even listen to me when I say that we should go to bed. Do you ever go to sleep? Do you ever happen to even close your eyes for more than a few moments at a time? I am insistent when it reaches one in the morning. I tug on the chain that binds us to one another and your right hand is tugged slightly away from the strawberry bowl. You look at me. I tell you that I am tired and want to go to bed. I hear you sigh in defeat at my weakness for sleep before you haul yourself out of the chair.
I stand and lead the way to the bathroom. You sit outside the door, the chain clinking every now and then as I brush my teeth and take care of my business. I feel you lightly tug on the chain because my left hand is jerked from the handle of the toilet to flush. I flush out the toilet and open the door. You stand and we move to the bedroom. You sit on the left side of the bed and I on the right. I don't even change my clothing because I know you won't remove the chain in fear that I might escape you. Why would I do that? I am trying to help you catch Kira after all! I pull a sheet over my body and keep my back to you. My hand is jerked behind my back as you type on your laptop. Even now when I'm trying to go to sleep, you still do not let up on the case. I close my eyes to fall into a fitfully light sleep to be woken up at six in the morning from the soft call of your voice saying my name. "Raito. Raito." You keep repeating my name over and over until I open my eyes tiredly and look at you with hate and malice. "Do not be angry with me, Raito-kun." I do not know why you insist on calling me that. We aren't lovers or anything of the sort. "You only have yourself to be angry at." I ignore you as I walk to the bathroom. I do my business forgoing the shower because then that would mean you would have to come into the bathroom and sit near the shower and wait for me to finish. It sounds refreshing although.
We head to the kitchen so that we can get coffee. Oh no. I forgot. You have Watari to do that for you. Instead of us going into the kitchen, you keep on walking to the surveillance room. The chain drags me along. We're at our seats watching the monitors again. It is almost seven thirty by the time the entire investigation team is in the hotel room. I ignore Matsuda's usual morning greetings. I watch as you begin to drop sugar cubes into your coffee. I count how many you place into the cup. Seven, eight, nine, ten. You stop adding the sugar cubes and pick up the spoon and begin to stir the concoction of sugar. I am surprised, yet not as you take a sip and add two more sugar cubes. Once they dissolve, you take a sip of the sugar-drowned coffee again. I can't see how you'd be able to drink that. I can barely even drink my coffee with milk, let alone sugar!
The day continues as always. It's silent except for the sounds coming from the monitors and you eating and slurping your coffee. You and I fight occasionally, but they're only verbal fights. They consisted of you accusing me of being Kira, I stating the fact that I can't possibly be Kira if I'm trying to help catch him, and you saying that I could still be Kira trying to keep a step ahead of the team just so that I won't be thrown in jail or given the death penalty. It's as usual as your strawberry cheesecake that Watari brings you. Every day it happens and every day it's put aside for the opportune moment. When that moment comes, it's brought up again and shot back down with my denial and refusal to believe.
It's ten at night now. I can feel all my anger that I've stored up and it wants to be released. I need a way to vent it, but properly. I don't want to take it out on you though. However, you do make me angry enough to want to hit you in the face for some of the things you do to me. Any snide comment from you could set me off. Just when I thought we weren't going to get into a fistfight, you have to make that same accusation just before they leave us alone for the night. Why? Do you love to humiliate me in front of my father and the others? Or do you just want to see what my reactions will be?
I stand up from my chair balling my hand into a fist and punching you in the face with my right hand. I watch as you fall from your swivel chair. My punch was hard enough to knock you from your chair and land with a thud on the hard wood floor of the hotel room. I stand above you my chest heaving in anger and my face set sternly. I curse under my breath as you kick me in the knee making me fall to the ground as well. You pin me beneath your body. Your hands hold my wrists to the ground above my head and your legs straddle my hips. I buck to get you off of me, but you're clinging to my body tightly. I halt my movement to stare up at you with my eyes. I blow a puff of air up to get my hair out of my eyes. I continue to stare at you with determination to get you off of me alone.
I hear my father speaking, but I ignore his voice as I begin to struggle against your hold on my wrists. For such a thin man, you sure are strong. That I'll admit. I grunt flipping our positions to have you on the floor. You're legs are still around my hips and your hands still held my wrists that were above your shoulders now. I tell you to stop this, but you don't. You hook your leg around mine and twist me. I'm back on my back on the ground looking up at your eyes. I find myself wondering how long we would go on like this. I hear the door shut. My father and the others must have left to leave us alone to fight this out on our own.
"Raito-kun needs to learn," you whisper leaning down to my ear. My body stiffens and I can't help but turn my head towards you. I ask what you mean by that. The only answer you give me is a sharp nip to my jaw. I'm surprised. What are you doing? Why did you nip at my jaw in a loving manner? "He needs to learn his place." I gasp feeling your hips grind downward into mine. I arch my back. I ask you what my place is and where I need to be for it. "Your place is beneath me in the bedroom preferably." I shake my head. My eyes close and I try to stifle the moan that comes from my throat as you grind against me again. I know you're smiling. I can feel it against my skin because your lips are there on my neck. You place feather light kisses to the skin trailing up to my lips. I beg you, but I don't know for what. I beg again and you cut off my words as your lips descend upon mine. Gentle, yet firm. Loving, yet demanding.
I moan again parting my lips slightly. Your tongue slips past and into my mouth. It presses firmly against mine. It seemed as if you wanted me to play along in this game of twisting lips and tongues known as a kiss. I move my tongue against yours gently. I know not to battle you. I would just be beaten in the simple game. I knew it and I didn't try it. I moan once again arching to your touch. I want the feel of your skin against mine. The clothing we wore was just a covering to our bodies and it was beginning to drive me crazy that I couldn't feel your satin soft skin against mine. You release my hands to cup my face with one and my hip with the other. Your hand slid to the back of my head bringing us closer and your hand on my hip traveled down farther and hiked up my leg. I gripped your hips in my hands yanking them forward between my legs to feel you against me.
I tilt my head back releasing a groan from the contact of our groins. You kiss my neck and thrust your hips in time with my grinding. I curse aloud before I realize what we're doing. I yelp and shove you away from me. I sit up covering my face from embarrassment and panting. I feel your eyes on me, but I ignore you as I regain my breathing. I look up at you still red with embarrassment at what had just happened. "Ryuuzaki I-" I tried to explain myself to you, but you cut me off when you stood and walked away making me follow you to the bedroom. You lay down on the left side of the bed curled up in a protective manner on your side. I take the right side of the bed and try to fall asleep.
I guess that since being chained to you, I developed a routine where we would stay awake from six in the morning to about one or two in the morning and I normally caught an hour or two nap in between. Tonight was different though. We were going to bed at ten thirty or eleven. I had lost track of time during our fight and I didn't know what time it was. I lay there awake staring up at the ceiling running the scenarios through my mind of what could have happened if I hadn't stopped you. I don't regret what I did. No. I'm glad I stopped you, but now you're just… distant and even quieter. There was no typing that night. I found it hard to fall asleep, but I managed to do so at midnight I think.
This time, I wake up closer to seven. I look around, but I can't find you. You took the chain off. I sit up and try to move from the bed, but I'm chained to the bedpost. I curse and yell for you to unchain me. You walk into the room to stand in the doorway and lean against the doorjamb. Oh shit. I did something wrong and I could tell from the look on your face. It held pain and regret and sadness. "No. You stay there until I'm ready for you to be chained to me again." Those words were spoken to me coldly. I really did screw this up between us, huh?
"Can I at least go to the bathroom, Ryuuzaki?" I ask hoping you would be merciful enough to allow me to empty my bladder. I hadn't last night and I can now feel the full effect of it. You shake your head. I stare at you in disbelief. How can you be so cruel to me? Isn't this called cruel and unusual punishment in the United States? Isn't that frowned upon there? Oh. I forgot. You don't care. So long as justice prevails and justice is seen through, you'll do what you have to. We aren't in the U.S. anyway. We are in Japan and the laws here are different from the ones in the United States. I sigh knowing you won't let me go no matter how much I beg. You walk away and I'm left sitting on the edge of the bed having to cross my legs from going in my pants.
The door is shut. Are you giving me privacy so I can go? You return with a bucket and set it at my feet silently. You leave and close the door again. You are… I unzip my pants and pull my underwear down. I aim and I release my pent up urine from my bladder sighing in relief. Once finished, I pull my underwear back up, zip my pants, and push the bucket away. I'm left there for hours. You return, take the bucket, and replace it in case I have to go again. My father brings in lunch for me. He and I don't make eye contact and he doesn't say anything. Did you tell him not to? He leaves and I'm left alone again. I pick up the sandwich off of the plate to take a bite. I was hungry. I hadn't had anything since dinner last night. I finish off the sandwich and eat the chips there as well. I uncap the bottled water and chug it down.
I have the feeling it's around five when you come in again. You take the bucket once again and empty it. The next time you come into the room, it's around midnight. Is this all punishment for when I refused you? Are you interested in me as in a lover? I lay down on my side of the bed and you sit on your side typing on your laptop. Just as it had been only… I'm still not chained to you. I fall asleep not know what to say or not knowing if I should say anything at all. I just think I should leave you alone until you decide to talk to me again.
I won't complain at the heated debates that I've lost, but I will complain that… I don't get to see your pretty eyes anymore… because you won't let me be near you during the day. Why is that? Are you afraid I'll still reject you? How can I? You are the first person I can have an intelligent conversation with and not feel the need to tone down the way I speak. I just wish I could still do that…
Uh… that was… kinda weird… Is that considered angst or just deep thinking? I don't know so you'll have to tell me. Please review. This is my first Death Note fic, but not my first fic. I am still new to this manga and all, so go easy on me. I think I kept them in character for the most part! Tell me what you might want to see and I'll think about it, okay? Thanks! Oh… and something that happened a week before this came on the site… Raito really needs to learn to be more open minded and to accept himself being Kira!
Raito looks up at Nimad. Was she crazy? She didn't think he'd do this, did she? "Nimad. Are you serious about the kiss and all?" She looked up at him with innocent gray eyes. She nodded. "Seriously?"
"Oh yes, Raito-kun! I can totally see you kissing Ryuuzaki-kun!" she squealed with delight. He rolled his eyes at her like she WAS crazy.
"How can you see that? How can you be such a rabid yaoi fangirl?"
"Hmm… I can't see it, but I can think it… I'm a rabid yaoi fangirl because I was raised with an open mind, Raito-kun. You should be too! You are Kira after all."
"I am not…"
"DENIAL!" Ryuuzaki yelled from the background.
"Alright. Just read the script and remember ALL of your lines and please recite them perfectly while we are on air. Please, Raito-kun?" Nimad asked as she began to pout and look at him with big gray eyes. Not perfect because it would be better if she had brown eyes instead, but gray would just have to do.
"Fine! Just get Ryuuzaki off of my case about being Kira when I am clearly not the killer!"
"DENIAL!"
(The day before this was posted, my idiotic brother pulled his computer out and it knocked out my internet so I wasn't able to get this up or do anything. So... Yeah... Momma fixed it though and I have internet again! Yay! Only reason he yanked it from the wall was because he thought it was shot and we did have a lightning strick the day before yesterday in our backyard. It hit a fence... and I still can't see how it didn't hit the trees back there! Oh well. Another of nature's mysteries... Bye!)