It came as no surprise to Captain Jack that The Governor's office was full of sparrows. Christabella's cat had one trapped under it's paw. His mistress gave a disapproving 'tsk' before lifting it by the collar. She indulgently stroked it and it purred contentedly. Until it noticed Jack.

"You got your cat fixed then," he said, leaning back as it tried to claw his eyes out. "I mean, re-aged it. Not had it neutered or anything."

"Oh, Captain," said Christabella, gently dropping the cat. She put her fluttering hands to her heart. "I'm so happy! To think your compass led you here to me, your heart's true desire!"

"Er… it was The Pearl it led me to, actually…"

"But woe, it just isn't meant to be!" wailed Christabella. "We're from different worlds, you and I. We're just different in too many ways. For example, one of us will shortly be immortal, while one of us is about to die in the next few moments. Horribly."

"Will I be pleasantly surprised which is which?" asked Jack, mouth frozen in a half-smile.

"Only if you have been particularly depressed lately. Now, hand me the water. And you know what happens if you misbehave!"

Picturing himself melting into a puddle of goo, Jack reluctantly produced the flask that held the water. He was dimly aware that now would be a good time to think of something, really, really clever. He stopped with the flask held half-way out to her.

"You know, before you kill me, there is something you ought consider," he said in a whisper.

"And what, pray tell, might that be?"

"Well…" said Jack, wrapping an arm around Christabella's shoulder. "If I have the knowing of the situation, your plan isn't just to become immortal. You also want the chest of Davy… er, Will Turner, which is at this moment in the hands of his dear wife. Now, you can track her wherever she goes, but this one's not just going to go down without a fight. No, in fact, knowing her as I do, I'd say she's going to sail off on The Pearl… Hang on a minute, she's going to sail off on my ship!"

"I'm sure you have read the situation well, Captain," said Christabella, removing Sparrow's arm from around her. "However, I am perplexed as to why this is of interest to me."

"You are aware that Elizabeth Turner is, in fact, The Pirate King? And as such, she can sail away and then sail back again with as many pirates as she so desires? Which may, my Lady, prove a might troublesome even for you."

"Hmm. A fair point. So you're suggesting what exactly?"

"I know the girl in question. She once killed me by handing me over to a Kraken. Now it's time for me to repay the favour," said Jack with a wicked grin. "In exchange for my life, of course. I give you the girl and the chest, and you let me walk free."

Christabella's eyes sparkled. Then, much to Jack's surprise, she leant forwards and kissed him open-mouthed. She tasted like red wine… expensive red wine. But he felt something pass between them, something other than saliva… it felt like…

"A binding spell," said the witch, breaking the kiss. "If you try to leave town, by land or by sea, your heart will explode.

Snatching the flask of water from his hand, she winked at him.

"So make sure you come and visit me before you go."

888

Once the fool pirate was out of the way, Christabella dismissed all but one of the sparrows. She needed her desk free. Placing the flask down, she began murmuring a series of complex incantations. When it was done, she raised the flask to her lips. Better not, she thought. Hauling her cat onto the desk, she forced a little of the water into it's mouth. She waited a moment. Nothing seemed to happen. Still, she didn't plan on waiting years to see if her cat had stopped aging. As long as she wasn't going to end up gurgling on the floor. She drank a third of the flask to be sure and sat back, trying to feel delighted. Since she felt no effects whatsoever, it was difficult to be satisfied.

Also, the fact that someone was now pointing a gun at her head rather ruined the moment. She sprang to her feet and raised her hands.

"Enjoy your eternal youth. All the seconds you have left of it," said Elizabeth.

"Let's not do anything rash, Mrs Turner," said Christabella, licking her lips. Her eyes were on the medallion around the woman's neck. "We can negotiate."

"You don't have anything I want."

"Why did you come here? To rescue Jack? You realise, even as we speak, he is trying to find you and bring you to me to save his own worthless life?"

"You get used to it after awhile," said Liz.

"There is one thing you are forgetting in all this," said Christabella, sounding more confident.

"Oh?"

With a slight wave of her hand, a vase sitting pleasantly on a table behind The Pirate King lurched forwards and smashed against the back of Elizabeth's head. The woman fell to the floor, head bleeding from the back, pistol dropped. Christabella kicked the wretched thing out of reach.

"The medallion only protects you against magic DIRECTLY," she said, kneeling down and lifting the woman's head by her hair. "And now I can tell you the negotiations are going to go much less in your favour."

Fingers moving nimbly, she snatched the medallion from around Liz's neck, placing it around her cat's instead.

"Goodbye, my dear," said Christabella, pointing a finger at her.

"Wait!"

Tilting her head impatiently, she looked up to see Jack Sparrow standing at the doorway. Well, he'd had the sense not to run anyway. And in his hand was the chest. All in all, a very productive day.

"Let her go," said Jack, striding forwards and hauling Elizabeth to her feet. Liz looked in horror at the chest Jack was holding.

"No! Please, I'm begging you! You can't give her that!"

She went to grab at him, but she was dazed and Jack was ready for her. He grabbed her and threw her towards the door. Jack turned and practically threw the chest into Christabella's arms. Elizabeth redoubled her efforts, but Jack wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her shoulders. He began to drag her over to the door. She would allow him to get that far and then kill them both.

"Why are you in such a hurry, Jack?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "Let me guess… could the chest be empty maybe? Are you afraid of what I'm going to do to you when I open it?"

"Oh, I'm most definitely afraid of you," said Jack cheerfully. "But right at this precise moment, I'm slightly more afraid that the fuse on the grenade in the chest is going to run out and kill us all."

"What?" asked Christabella, flipping the lid of the chest. Her eyes widened. She squealed. "No!"

Slamming the lid closed, she was about to throw the thing away when it exploded in her hands.

888

Notfairnotfairnotfairnotfair, her mind screamed as her body hit the ground. It was at that moment she realised she wasn't dead. Since she was looking at her corpse, this was not necessarily an easy thing to process. Her hat had been blown off. Worse, her FACE had been blown off.

"Wonder if she had time to fix it?" asked Jack, lifting the flask of water.

"THAT was your plan?" asked Elizabeth.

"Hmm? Oh, I did tell you, love. Grenades. Knew they'd come in handy in a tight spot. Your husband's heart is safe, by the way."

The sparrow Christabella shook it's body in rage. She'd only barely been able to move her mind into another body in time. Humans were too difficult to take over in such a way, but the sparrow had been easy. She did not know where the sparrow's mind had went and did not ever plan on finding out.

Revenge, she thought. There would be hell to pay for this.

Consumed by anger as she was, she failed to notice as her cat crept up behind her and slammed it's paw down on her body. Squirming underneath it, panic seizing her, she tried to summon whatever magic she could in this body.

And remembered with horror that she'd placed the medallion around the cat's neck.

Blissfully unaware that it was about to eat it's mistress, the cat began playing with it's food.

888

Captain Jack Sparrow watched as The Pearl disappeared over the horizon.

"It could have been a lot worse, Jack," said Elizabeth.

"True enough," said Jack. "Besides, I'll have plenty of time to get it back. What do you say? I'd wager there's only enough rum for one, but enough of the water for two. You and I could live as two immortals, coming together every now and then to…"

"I'm waiting for Will, Jack."

"Well, exactly. I did think it might be just a teensy bit cruel if Will comes sailing over the horizon and the first thing he sees is the two of us engaging in sex more sordid than he's ever dreamed of on the beach. But if you and I were immortal…"

"Then I'd watch as my husband grew old while I stayed young and my son died before me along with my grandchildren…I don't think Christabella fixed the water at all, Captain. That is not in her power. It's always been cursed, whether it turns you into a baby or keeps you the same. You should think very carefully before…"

She turned her head and groaned as she saw Jack drinking the water.

"You were saying, love?"

"I was saying, Captain, that…"

"Immortal Captain," said Jack. "The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow."

888

And so our story comes to an end, though it may be wondered what happened to the players afterwards…

While it is perfectly possible that Pintel and Ragetti horrifically starved to death in their coffin, the pair have a nasty habit of surviving… so we'll say they eventually rejoined The Pearl…

Bootstrap Bill returned to his son's side at The Dutchman, his devotion touching the hearts off all those who stood beside him.

Mr Gibbs stepped out of retirement and returned to sea, where he knew he belonged.

The baby Greg stole Mr Gibbs' teddy bear. Mr Gibbs tried to act like he didn't mind, although he clearly did.

Lady Christabella's cat was sick after eating too many sparrows. Presumably immortal, it's current whereabouts are unknown.

Captain Barbossa was severely disappointed to learn that Captain Jack Sparrow was not dead. His hip is still bad.

Elizabeth Turner and her son were eventually reunited with Will Turner, and lived happily until the end of their days.

And as for The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow…

Ah, now therein lies a tale…

END