The Selfish Gene.
Disclaimer: Damn that Kripke.
It wasn't a selfish act.
That deal he made.
It wasn't selfishness that drove him there.
It seems like that, maybe. But it wasn't. He thinks it was, and you may think it was but I know better. You see, my brother doesn't have a selfish gene in him. His life has always been about me. I know that. I know that now.
I didn't know when I left for Stanford, I didn't know when he came to get me. I still didn't know, not really, after that Shtriga in Fitchburg. I didn't know until we crossed paths with that crossroad demon. Then, I knew. Because she offered him everything he ever wanted, on a silver platter, with a nice bow and he refused.
For me.
Because he knew I'd resent him for it. Because he knew I wouldn't understand. Because he knew I wouldn't be able to live with that decision and he wouldn't put that on me. Would never want me to carry that weight. So he chose me. Again.
That's when I knew.
He really would do anything for me. He would never disappoint me. I call the shots. That's how I know it wasn't selfishness that drove him to make that deal. To kiss that girl. Because he wouldn't do that to me.
He did it so that I could live. He wants that for me. So he gave it to me.
He made the deal.
He'd have made that deal even if she'd offered no more than 5 minutes. He'd have made it even if he knew I'd go back to school. Wave bye-bye and leave him. He'd have made that deal in a heartbeat, no matter the outcome and screw the consequenses as long as it meant that I would get a chance. A chance at the life I wanted. He couldn't have lived with the idea of me not getting what I want. What I deserve.
You see, the only thing he fears more than losing me is failing me. Losing me means failing dad, failing himself. But failing me...
He made that deal because he didn't want to fail me and that's what he thought he was doing. By not letting me have what I so desperately wanted. By taking me away from it. By getting me killed. That's how he sees it. He failed me. And the only thing he fears more than losing me is failing me.
It wasn't a selfish act.
Thank you for reading!!