A/N: I am so, so sorry that I took so long to update this! I kinda lost my inspiration (plus I have been obsessed with the HSM fandom! CHYAN!...come on, you can't tell me that 'I don't dance' isn't the most slashy thing ever!) but I think my inspiration is coming back to me and I hope you can get back into it with me! XD

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Chapter Three: I wonder where you are tonight

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The party wasn't so bad because Adam and Jordan both went too, so I didn't have to go there all by myself. And those two guys were so drunk they couldn't tell either of us apart. I actually sat outside by myself for most of the night. In the shadows so that no-one could see me, and just watching the numerous heterosexual couples making out and feeling sick. I felt sick at the sight of them, sick with myself that I wasn't one of them and sick that I couldn't just admit that I was different. No-one will ever accept me, I told myself, I can't even accept myself.

It didn't help that Adam and Jordan pretty much exiled me from everything they did nowadays. Ever since Mallory went away to boarding school and Nicky and I moved into a room together without them, they didn't treat me the same way. They thought I was a "triplet traitor" or so they called it. God, they really are immature sometimes.

When I had mentioned the party and if I could go with them they had told me I couldn't because I hadn't been invited. I told them I had been invited and they hadn't believed me, but grudgingly said that I could catch a ride with them. We were supposed to share the car that we had, but they never let me use it by myself. Not that I ever wanted to go out anywhere.

So, when we got to the party, they promptly ditched me, and I don't think they noticed at all that I wasn't inside for most of the night. When I finally went back in because I could stand the boredom no longer, I found them both drunk and comatose on the floor, with most of the rest of the inhabitants of the party. Luckily for them I hadn't had anything to drink, so I had to drag them out to the car and drive us home.

Mom and Dad were in bed when we got there but I could see that their light was still on through the window, they were obviously waiting up for us. Quietly, I dragged Adam and Jordan, one at a time up the stairs and put them into their beds. Then I knocked on my parents' door.

"Come in," said my mother's voice.

I peeked my head around the door. They were both in bed reading. "Hi, Mom. We're home. Adam and Jordan already went to bed," I said.

Dad peered over his glasses as if he didn't quite believe me, but said nothing. "Ok, hun," Mom said, "Come give me a kiss." I rolled my eyes, but went over there anyway and bent down to let her kiss my cheek. Fortunately, sitting outside all night meant I didn't smell like cigarettes at all the way my brothers did.

"Night Mom…Night Dad."

"Night Son."

"Night Baby."

I quietly made my way into my own room, making sure not to wake Nicky up. I was angry at my brothers. I felt like they had taken advantage of me, even though I didn't have to do what I did. I could have told my parents about their inebriation as soon as I got home. I think they knew I wouldn't do that though. They knew I still wanted to be included with them, and wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that.

They kept me on the outside, just enough so that I wouldn't give up, and enough to keep me always wishing for more.

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I had to get up early the next morning for work. No-one else was up, and I took advantage of the situation by having an extra long hot shower. After I was dressed I peeked in on my brothers before I went downstairs. They were in the exact positions that I had left them in. Pathetic.

I ate my breakfast, and then went into the garage to get my bike. I had to cycle there because there was no way Adam and Jordan would ever let me take the car as they always wanted to use it that day. I suppose I could have just taken it, but I would never do that.

I was working in the bookstore downtown. I had taken over Mallory's place when she had gone back to school last year when the summer ended. I actually liked it a lot. And I especially liked being away from home and school. It was like a place where I could just act naturally. And the customers were usually older people and parents with their children, so I never really had to worry about seeing anyone from school.

I was in the process of reading a new book that had just come in when a shadow appeared before me. I looked up and saw Logan Bruno staring at me and grinning. "Hi," he said.

I choked on some imaginary object that seemed to be caught in my throat. "Oh, um…hi, Logan."

He just smiled that gorgeous toothy grin. I swear a little drool escaped my mouth. I checked my watch. 9.30 on a Saturday morning. "You're up early." Lame conversation starter, I know, but it was the best I could come up with.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just used to it…with training and everything," he said.

"Oh," I nodded. "Um, where's Kristy?"

He gave me a funny look. "Uh, at home I guess? Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I just thought…well, are you two doing anything special together today?"

Logan's eyes widened. "Kristy isn't my girlfriend, Byron!"

"She isn't? But I thought…I mean, you were together yesterday…"

"We are just really good friends. We have a lot in common and she really helped me figure things out, you know, about my sexuality." I felt incredibly stupid. Also, very embarrassed at the mention of his sexuality. I could feel my face growing warm. Was it really true? "Anyway, Kristy recommended this book to me so I thought I would check it out," he said passing the book over the counter. I glanced down at the book. It was 'Rainbow Boys' by Alex Sanchez. My favourite book.

There had been quite a bit of controversy in the town when a disgruntled parent had discovered it in the store and wanted it banned. I had already secretly read it at the library and was still too scared to actually buy it, but was quite pleased when the woman hadn't been taken seriously, and it had been kept in stock.

"Um…that's a really good book," I said softly.

Logan raised his eyebrow and smiled, "Really?"

I suddenly got the sneaking suspicion that he was flirting with me! No, he can't be, I told myself. Don't be ridiculous. You are just over analysing. Not every smile is flirtatious! Not that I really had any experience with flirting so you can understand my confusion about what was going on.

I rang up the book and asked him if he wanted a bag. "No thanks," he said in a sort of laughing but kind voice. It made my knees weak. I wanted to smile back, but I was petrified. "See ya later."

"Bye," was all I could manage to huskily squeeze out. He flashed that amazing smile again and confidently strode out the door. I stood staring after him dumbly for what felt like forever. Then I grimaced inwardly as the two jerks from yesterday entered the store. I looked around desperately for something to occupy myself, but it was too late, they had already seen me.

"Hey Pike!" I cringed at the horribly familiar voice and looked up. "I just saw you talking to Bruno the Homo."

Before I even knew what I was saying (and honestly have no idea how I managed to form the words) I laughed callously. "Yeah, I know. He bought a book about gay guys. Can you believe him?" I knew my face had gone red. If those two had been smart they would have questioned how I knew it was a book about gay guys just by looking at the cover. Opportunely for me, they were dumbasses.

Just then, this geeky kid from school walked past the shop and dropped a bag full of groceries on the ground, spilling its contents. They laughed, "Catch ya later," he said, and they walked outside to harass the poor kid. I watched through the glass, too cowardly to stop them, and knowing if they knew I was gay, what they would do to me would be much worse.

I sighed heavily. I am going to be a closet case for the rest of my life, I told myself. I don't have a choice.

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That night, after dinner I lay on my bed in a cloud of melancholy, as I liked to do most Saturday nights as opposed to going out and getting trashed or laid, or both, as most other teenage boys seemed to like to do. I kept thinking about seeing Logan. Every time I imagined his face my stomach got that butterfly feeling. Then I thought about those guys bullying that kid and the feeling turned to dread and dropped right to the bottom of my stomach. It just made me believe that if I ever did come out, it might feel good at first but really, it would just make my life a whole lot worse than it already was.

Jordan and Adam then came into the room and invited me to the mall with them. I had a sneaking suspicion Mom had told them to ask me. And I was positive the only reason they hadn't objected more vehemently was because they owed me for last night. I sighed. I didn't really want to go. I liked lying around and sulking. It's one of the things I do best. But I heaved myself off of my bed anyway, knowing I needed the distraction.

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A/N: I am not used to writing in first person and pretty sure I made a some mistakes with the tenses in here. I confused myself, lol. Hope you liked it anyway! XD