Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. – Swedish Proverb

Fay wasn't feeling well. It had been a long time since he'd felt anywhere close to good, but today was especially bad.

Now, on top of everything else, he had a fever. Kurogane had been watching him like a hawk the entire night. At least Fay had shut up and stopped insisting that it wasn't necessary.

Kurogane had to stop himself from drawing the dagger hidden in his sleeve when a shrill warbling pierced the air. He scowled and tried to relax again upon realizing that it was just one of those stupid birds singing at this ungodly hour. Kurogane's inner clock told him that it was still several hours before dawn, which meant several more hours of a little peace and quiet before he had to be on high alert, unless -- God forbid -- something nasty decided to show up and spoil the brief rest they'd managed to find.

For Fay's sake, Kurogane sincerely wished nothing else happened. The loss of his eye had seriously affected the man from the way he held himself to how much noise he made when he walked. Kurogane knew a decent amount about the after effects of serious injuries, but this was unlike anything he'd ever seen. Sure, the physical wound was starting to heal, but he could tell that the long term damage was going to be serious. This fever was probably just another symptom, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

"Aaa… Choo!"

Fay shot straight up, making Kurogane jump. Better add "deadly allergic to something in this world" to The List of Things Wrong with Fay, he thought ruefully. The blonde man flopped backwards with a muted fwump, and Kurogane was suddenly reminded of the cats that used to crowd Tomoyo's bed whenever the princess was sick, in particular a little calico, who would practically shoot across the bed every time she sneezed.

An idea flashed into Kurogane's mind. He was far from giving a shit about what the bespectacled doctor Syaoran had dragged in had to say about herbs and leeches for curing a fever -- the best method in Kurogane's book was and always would be for someone else to absorb the excess heat and provide a certain amount of comfort with just their presence.

Wordlessly, he removed his shirt and climbed in next to Fay, maneuvering the smaller man so he lay between his legs. He knew that Fay preferred to sleep on his stomach, but he really didn't want "accidentally smothered" added to The List if he could at all help it.

Fay sighed and dropped his head back so it lay in the hollow of Kurogane's neck. The ninja fought the urge to shift to a more comfortable position -- this was for Fay's benefit, not his, and he could tolerate the discomfort if it helped Fay even a little bit. He just prayed that someone wouldn't walk in and get the wrong idea about what was going on here.

Unexpectedly he found himself yawning and, despite himself, reminiscing about home. Once his mind started on Tomoyo it was hard to stop, and before he knew it he was thinking more about his dear princess who'd unceremoniously shipped him off on this dangerous quest than the man he was supposed to be looking after as he drifted off.

When Tomoyo had been younger she'd been prone to develop colds and chills easily, and besides the company of the plethora of cats who seemed to show up out of nowhere she also insisted on having someone in bed with her when she was cold; Kendappa if she happened to be visiting, or whomever was on hand if she was not.

Somehow this responsibility had fallen on Kurogane, though at first he was very nervous about what might happen if someone walked in and thought the wrong thing, as he imagined that type of thing went against some two thousand year old rule somewhere. Tomoyo always was a perceptive little kid, and latched onto this discomfort almost immediately after Kurogane took on the assignment.

"Why's Kurogane so tense?" She asked from amidst the sea of pillows and cats he'd somehow squeezed into. "Do you not like sleeping with me?"

He remembered mentally cursing to Heaven, Hell, and everything in between -- not just because some nosy servant might overhear and start spreading rumors that could cost him something worse than his head -- but because he knew that she honestly had no idea what she was implying.

"It's not that at all, Tomoyo-hime.' It was the truth, and just being physically close to someone in those days was more than he felt he deserved. "But don't say it… like that!"

"Say what?" She blinked her doe-like eyes.

"Sleep with someone. It's just… People think that means two people are in…" He gulped. "Well, a relationship."

"Aren't we?"

Damn it.

"Well, yes… but not that type. When you say 'sleep together' people think that two people are involved, well, you know…" One of the cats stood up and flicked her tail under his nose, nearly making him sneeze, though it thankfully allowed him a moment to think. "Sexually."

"What's that mean?"

Kurogane just about popped a vein. Sexual Education Instructor certainly was not part of his job description, and he was mortified that he was apparently the first person to approach the subject with her. She just continued staring at him, blissfully ignorant.

"Well, Tomoyo-hime… It's when two people really love each other, and they show that by making each other feel good."

Tomoyo clapped her hands together and sat up, beaming with delight. "Oh, right! Like when Ne-chan comes for the night!"

Was she trying to kill him? Because it was working. Inside his head he was screaming in aggravation, but miraculously he managed to maintain a straight face.

"Not quite… It's not like with your family." God forbid. "It's when a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman…" Might as well give her the whole story… He pulled nervously at his collar, suddenly feeling very warm. "Well, they really want to be with each other, and it's like it hurts if you're not close to them," he motioned to his chest to illustrate his point. "And you'd do anything for them, like give up something really important to help them. Oh, and it oftentimes involves babies when it's a man and a woman."

Luckily he'd had the presence of mind to add that last part. She seemed to ponder it for a moment, and then looked up at him curiously.

"Have you ever felt that way about anyone, Kurogane?" she asked, leaning on her hands. He supposed he should have expected that question at some point, but it still caught him off guard.

"Not really." Luckily the room was dimly lit, or she would have seen him blushing. He hadn't quite perfected his façade at 18, and it showed. It was the truth, but it still felt strange to admit. Sure, he'd had crushes and infatuations, but he'd never seriously considered a relationship with anyone yet. His personal life -- or lack thereof -- certainly wasn't the first thing he thought about when it came to sexual relationships.

She must have seen something in his face, for she suddenly reached out her tiny hand and placed it on his hair like she was stroking a cat.

"Don't worry, Kurogane. Ne-chan says that everyone has someone out there who 'speaks to your heart', or something like that."

Yeah "out there" is right. He thought sullenly, even as his head nodded in agreement. Knowing my luck that person's as messed up as I am -- if not worse -- and that's assuming they exist in the first place.

"Alright." He said, pulling the covers over her head, deciding that they'd talked this more than enough about this for the night. "This has been a very nice conversation, but it's time you went to sleep. You're still sick"

Tomoyo protested, but in the end Kurogane won out. He dimmed the lanterns and took his place off to the side. If anyone managed to get past Sohma -- which wasn't likely in the least -- he'd be there to slit their throat before they got within ten feet of Tomoyo. He sat back and let his mind wander, expecting it to be a quiet night.

"Kurogane?" Tomoyo asked suddenly. He'd thought her to be asleep.

"What is it?"

"Isn't it supposed to hurt the first time a woman is with someone?"

He sprang to his feet. That's it, he decided, stomping towards the door. I'm dragging Sohma off patrol and she's handling this! When he chanced to look over at Tomoyo and saw the hurt expression on her face he froze mid-step, realizing he'd made a mistake. He sighed.

Moving a wayward cat out of the way he sat beside her, putting an arm around her little shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Tomoyo-hime, it's just…" he paused for breath, trying to make sense of everything spinning around in his head. "It's just all really convoluted. People get really worked up about this type of thing, they pretend they want it -- but then they don't for whatever reason -- or they just pretend they don't have those feelings at all. I mean, look at me, I can't even explain it properly and I'm all flustered."

Tomoyo smiled. "People are really silly. I love Kurogane and Ne-chan, but I don't want to have babies with them. Why would people think that?" Just for good measure she reached up and pinched his nose, giggling the entire time.

Anyone else would have lost their arm for that, but Tomoyo was his weak spot, and all he could do was ruffle her hair and smile wickedly at her. Good times, back then, which made them all the more easy to miss.

Kurogane opened his eyes, but instead of a cat-filled bed and a laughing princess he found himself in a strange country in bed with a half-dead man and potential danger lurking in every corner. Reality certainly had a way of slapping him in the face lately.

He glanced down at Fay to check on him, finding that while the fever had abated slightly, he was still warmer than he should be. Kurogane understood that rest was important for everyone in the party, but if they stayed too long in one place trouble was bound to find them. As it was they were pushing their luck, so he'd give Fay another day and then have them ship out.

Absentmindedly he took hold of ones of Fay's hands and began inspecting it, for lack of anything better to do. It was almost frightening how pale Fay was even in health, and now that things had begun to go downhill his coloring had taken a turn for the worse. Kurogane half expected Fay to simply blow away like a pile of ash one day -- he'd actually had a nightmare recently where just that happened -- and the idea frightened him more than he'd like to admit.

But what was even more troubling was the fact even though the rest of Fay's body was burning, his hands were unnaturally cool to the touch. If it wasn't for the other man's shallow breathing Kurogane might have thought he was holding a corpse's hand for the lack of warmth.

"What are you doing?"

Kurogane just barely prevented himself from jumping out of his skin, opting to bite his lip instead. He'd just pretend that he knew Fay was awake the entire time.

"Trying to figure out why the hell your hands are so cold." He grumbled, trying his damnedest to sound casual and avoid any awkward questions about how they'd ended up like this.

Fay chuckled, a low rumble against his chest, and Kurogane felt the other man lean back, more fully into him. Did Fay know just what he was putting pressure on when he did that?

"I am from an icy world." Fay said lightheartedly, though there was more tiredness in his voice than Kurogane thought was healthy. "Maybe some of it got into my blood. That would certainly explain a lot."

Ouch. Kurogane winced, suddenly happy that Fay couldn't see his face. He never thought he'd prefer the superficial, smiling Fay to the gloomy Fay, but he couldn't easily disagree with his gut on this one. If there was one quality he hated it was fatalism, and the blonde was absolutely dripping with it. It was almost pathetic.

Considering everything they'd been through lately, the last thing Kurogane was expecting at that moment was for Fay to comfort him, but that's exactly what happened when one of those unnaturally cool hands came up to brush his cheek. He felt his determination to stay the strong one begin to waver at that one gesture.

"You're tense." Fay said calmly, without any pretense or playfulness. And damn it, he was tense. Fay was too damn observant for his own good, and now that Kurogane was aware of his own tiredness it was even harder to fight. He felt his eyes drift shut and the muscles in his back being to relax before he consciously realized what he was doing. And suddenly, Fay was mere inches from his face, looking at him mournfully with that one eye.

Kurogane's heart skipped a beat. Fay was way too close. His rational mind did not like where this was going, and damn the parts of him that didn't agree. When Fay's hand came up again to brush his face again he caught it on reflex.

"Stop it." He tried to say it firmly, but his voice faltered on the last syllable. He stubbornly shut his eyes, so he wouldn't have to look at Fay's face and see the pity there. This situation was completely backwards from what it should be, and he wouldn't have it, not when Fay was sick and injured and God knows what else. The selfish bastard was putting another person before himself again -- as contradictory as that sounded -- and it made Kurogane mad. Worse, he knew all too well that this wasn't exactly the most productive mood to be in when sorting out complicated relationships.

Seeming to realize this, Fay dropped his hand and turned around, but not before he placing a single, chaste kiss on Kurogane's cheek.

Kurogane opened his eyes and found himself staring at empty space. Fay seemed to have already fallen asleep against his chest, leaving him more confused than ever and suddenly very alone.

Tomoyo was right. He thought bitterly. People really are silly.