Disclaimer: I still don't own TMNT :(

Author's Note: My first non-Turtlecest fic!! Prologue is meant to be a bit unclear. Don's trying to be like he was but can't, so its supposed to seem kind of choppy and shocking. It might sound like a ridiculous concept, but I have an idea of where it's going, promise :)
The prologue is just the basic background you need to know going in. All shall be revealed eventually!!

I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for the combined will power of my father and friends, my brothers and I would be dead right now. It's been over a month and even though I was the least injured of my brothers, I still feel like I'm recovering. I suppose the guilt has something to do with it. The fact that my brother's are in their current state is partly-if not solely- my fault. I was too slow, too passive, too curious…the down falls of being more scientist than ninja I suppose. Never again.

I blame myself and the Foot. The Foot for all their crazy experiments and for sending whatever the hell it was after us. Whether it was plant, animal, or alien I'll never know, and I don't really care. What I do know is that Karai sent it to kill us and she almost succeeded. Master Splinter tells me there isn't time to think of revenge; that my brother's recuperation comes first. But I know he sneaks out of the lair some nights, and I wonder if he has not already begun some plan for vengeance. After what was done to my brother's I know I've already begun planning too…

It's probably best to record what happened, but I can't bring myself to see it in words. It's bad enough I see the images replay before my eyes a million times a day. The thing attacked as we raced through the sewers, being pursued by some Foot ninjas that had tracked us from the surface. The thing attacked with tentacles or vines or god knows what kind of appendages that were sharper than the steel of Leo's katanas. Though we managed to injure it, it was too tough, its tentacles too many. I was too slow in moving away after attacking the creature's body or core or whatever it was. That had been our plan, in and out, and stay away from the tentacles. But of course, I was too slow. Up close the creature was so unique, maybe I paused to commit what it looked like to memory. I was sliced in so many places, it threw me against a wall and I couldn't move because of the pain. I must have distracted the others, because next thing I knew they were all hurt. Hell, Raph's bellow was so loud I knew something else was wrong but my mind couldn't register it, I was so blinded by the pain…

I can't record the rest. Not yet. It's too soon. There was rage and more pain and then Splinter, Casey and April arrived and we managed to escape. We didn't kill the thing. It's on my to-do list for revenge.

The next few weeks were hell. The tentacles had projections on them; I guess the best description would be like thorns on a rose. The thorns had apparently contained some sort of toxin. Though the toxin weakened me, April and Leatherhead discovered the more blood that was lost the worse the effects. When the cure was discovered I healed almost completely. I still limp slightly, but besides that all my scars will heal.

Mike faired the best of my three brother's, if losing an arm clear from the shoulder could be considered lucky. Maybe Raph and Leo managed to help him and that's why they're in worse shape. Raph had already lost part of his left arm at that point, but it doesn't surprise me that he'd still be fighting. Good ol' Raph… he also lost everything below his right knee. Raph lost more blood than Mikey so the toxin affected him more. But Leonardo…I almost thought we'd lost him. I'll admit I wasn't much help at this point. I tried when I could but my grief and wounds kept me in bed mostly. Leatherhead and April worked night and day on the others. Casey helped where he could and Splinter didn't show an ounce of sorrow, though I know it was there. I am glad he was so strong, it helped me greatly.

Leo lost both legs as well as both arms. What's left are mere stubs. Gashes are visible all over his body. He won't be horribly disfigured or anything, but they will surely leave scars. God, he lost so much blood, when he was finally stabilized we had the toxin to contend with. Slowing their recovery, we have also discovered it affects their minds. My brother's remember little of what came before the incident and appear to have returned to a child like state. But that's skipping ahead.

By the time my brother's were safely away from death's door, I was up and moving, limping about with the help of my bo. I knew I couldn't leave my brother's as they were and with April and Leatherhead's help, by sifting through endless junkyards and everything in my workshop, through every piece of Utrom and Triceraton technology we had, we managed to create mechanical limbs for my brother's. The limbs are excellent. If it was for anyone besides my brother's I would state proudly how they move as well as real flesh and blood. But do they really? I have become more than the cause for my brother's state now, I have become in a way their second creator. The mutagen made us into mutant turtles. I have made my brother's into part turtles, part machines. Are they any less because of it? I tell myself they aren't but the guilt crushes on me everyday. I doubt they will ever be the ninjas they once were. In their current state I have started to doubt they will ever remember who they once were. I will never have my true brothers back.

My love for them is as strong as ever, don't doubt that. And yet I can't help but wonder…if they remember, will they be able to forgive me for making them what they are today?