Dean stared as his father stood there and for once in his life he didn't have anything to say, he got unsteadily to his feet and surveyed the man in front of him. Father and son stood for a few seconds, staring at each other before John strode forwards and took Dean by surprise by pulling him into a tight embrace.

Dean stood there, arms pinned to his sides as his father hugged him tightly but he felt no desire to return the embrace. Instead of feeling the intense wave of relief he expected to feel when his father finally arrived he felt something different. His muscles were tense and his jaw was working and as his stomach lurched he realized what it was.

Anger.

He lifted his arms and pushed him away from him more forcefully than he had meant and John stared at him as Dean glared furiously at his disheveled father.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He suddenly exploded causing John to flinch at the rage in his son's voice.

"Dean…"John began uncertainly but he was cut off.

"I've been trying to call you for the last two days and you haven't even picked up your phone or tried to call us. Nothing." Dean said knowing that now he had started the floodgates had been opened and he wasn't going to stop, no matter how long his Dad stood there with his mouth open looking like a fish out of water.

"What the fuck Dad? You always tell us to call you if there's an emergency and I'd class this as a fucking emergency." He yelled, voice hoarse as he felt his face flushing red with anger. Anger not just at his Dad but at the whole situation, Sammy, the hospital, everything was being directed at his father because he was there and he deserved it.

John swallowed hard and forced himself to look into his son's eyes but he did not find them full of the anger that he had been met with but instead there was a look that he never wanted to see there ever again- desolation but above all disappointment. John's relationship with Sam had always been rocky, Sam always questioning everything but Dean, Dean had always had blind faith in his father and never questioned him but now…now that faith was gone and that hurt more than any of Dean's words could.

"Dean I…I'm sorry…I left my cell at the motel and…"He tried to explain but he knew it would fall flat. It was his fault and nothing he said could change that.

Dean stared at his father his fists clenching at his sides. He couldn't believe it, that was his excuse? He'd been thinking his Dad had been hurt or in trouble or he'd at least have a better excuse than that…this couldn't be his father, his father wasn't that careless. He was never careless.

"You what? Jesus Christ Dad how many times have you ripped me and Sammy a new one for doing that or lectured us on how important it is?" Dean said lowering his voice as he realised that the nurses were starting to stare.

John had nothing to say to that. That's exactly what he'd been thinking the whole drive over here.

"Dean I'm sorry." He said softly.

Dean sighed and looked away.

"Yeah so am I Dad, sorry that Sammy kept asking where you were, getting hopeful everytime I walked in that you'd be there then me having to tell him that I couldn't get in touch with you." Dean said. The few times when Sam was conscious he had seen the way his eyes lit up everytime the door opened hoping it would be Dad and it had been hard to watch.

John swallowed with difficulty, his chest feeling tight, the sickening feeling of guilt eating away at him.

"How is he?" He asked quickly, his worry for his youngest son returning full measure.

At the question all of Dean's anger seemed to deflate and he sighed shakily, now that he wasn't yelling everything returned back to him, what the doctor had said.

"Bad…really bad Dad." The anger was gone from Dean's voice and it had been replaced with a sad, defeated tone that didn't suit him.

"What's wrong with him?" John asked his voice low and unable to hide the fear that laced it heavily. Dean looked away finding himself unable to meet his father's desperate gaze. He didn't want to say it. Saying it would make it a reality he had to face rather than pretending it was some sort of twisted nightmare that he would be able to wake up from and everything would be back to how it should be.

"He's got meningitis, they can't get his fever down and there's pressure on his brain and he…he had a seizure and I saw it and…Dad I can't deal with this it's too hard. Why Sam? Now they're saying…"He trailed off his voice wavering slightly as John listened in horror, his insides had turned to ice and his heart was pounding so hard he swore it would burst from his ribs.

"What Dean?" John asked breathlessly. He could barely talk all this information in. His son, his baby was sick, really sick and he hadn't even been here.

"They said he's got septicemia, blood poisoning and with that there's a fifty percent chance of him making it."

John couldn't look into his son's teary gaze anymore, the look of hope in his eyes, willing John to make everything better was more than he could stand.

He felt his legs buckle beneath him and he managed to lower himself onto a chair as he placed his head in trembling hands. This was more than he could handle. His son, his Sammy could die, he could lose him to something so small as a bacteria when they put themselves in danger from things most people couldn't even imagine but yet here he was, facing the possibility of losing his son.

Dean watched as his father grappled with the bombshell he had just dropped, he didn't know how to react. He was torn between feeling sorry for the guy and still wanting to punch him.

"I'm sorry." John whispered sadly, his voice hoarse and scratchy. Dean swallowed, he didn't think he'd ever heard his father sound so beaten down.

"It's not me you need to apologise to." Dean said softly.

Their conversation was interrupted by the door to Sam's room opening and Sam's doctor stepping out. Dean immediately got to his feet and John followed suit, quickly composing himself.

"Hello Dean and…I take it you are Sam's father?" The doctor asked as he surveyed John's rather frantic appearance.

"Yes, John Winchester." He said, holding out his hands. He was all business again, no time for showing weakness.

"I've started Sam on a vigorous round of antibiotics which will hopefully fight the blood poisoning. He'll be monitored carefully and the next few hours are crucial. We've started several IVs to increase his fluids and we're monitoring his kidney function as decreased urine output is the first sign of kidney failure which we need to watch out for. But don't worry, I'm confident that these antibiotics will work." The doctor said trying to reassure the two men before him as they balked at the mention of kidney failure.

"Can we see him?" Dean asked.

"Of course. I'll be back to check on Sam on my rounds later." He said leaving with a smile as Dean and John thanked him.

Dean walked straight into the room without looking back at John leaving him to follow after him, trying to mentally prepare himself but as he opened the door he felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

Sam was paper-white and sweat clung to his bangs, plastering them to his shining forehead as he slept. An oxygen mask shrouded his face, his breathing was slightly erratic. He looked so small, his young body lost in the large bed and the tangles of IVs and wires attached to his lanky frame.

"Oh god." John whispered, his broken voice barely audible above the steady beeping of the heart monitor and the gentle hiss of the oxygen tank.

He walked over and sat in the chair by the bedside as Dean stood back, allowing his father the moment he needed.

John took Sam's smaller hand in his and squeezed it gently, feeling heat in his eyes.

"Oh Sammy." He said softly, stroking his thumb gently over the back of Sam's hand. John had never been an affectionate, touchy-feely parent even though Sam was the kind of kid who wanted that but now he didn't care. He needed Sam to know he was here, late but there all the same.

Sam shifted slightly in the bed, forehead creased in a frown as he let out a small moan. His eyelids fluttered before blinking blearily and finally opening, resting at half mast and frowning against the light that was causing his head to pound.

His neck was stiff and every movement caused it to ache dully, his back still hurt and his head felt like it was about to explode. His whole body felt like lead and he could barely find the strength to keep his eyes open. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

But even through the pain-induced haze he could tell the figure by his side wasn't Dean.

"Dad?" He rasped out, his aching throat protesting and his voice was muffled by the oxygen mask.

John looked up at his son and smiled as he saw Sam's eyes open, his small hand squeezing weakly at his.

"Sammy." He said sitting up straight.

Sam weakly tried to lift the oxygen mask from his face but his limbs didn't seem to want to co-operate properly, frustrated he sighed shakily, breath hitching in his throat at his head continued to throb.

"Leave it on Sammy, you need it." John said softly, moving Sam's arm away and soothing him as he continued to breathe rapidly, breaths shallow and quick.

"Is that normal?" John asked, only now aware that there was a nurse in the room checking Sam's monitors; he had been focused on Sam the whole time.

"It's an effect of the septicemia; the mask should be helping with that. Try to calm him down." She replied adjusting an IV. John nodded aware of Dean tense behind him, he was obviously worried about his brother. Ever since John had placed Sam in Dean's arms all those years ago he knew Dean had taken it upon himself to look after Sam more than was expected of him. He practically raised the kid.

"I didn't think…you were coming." Sam rasped weakly, voice barely audible. John swallowed hard. The words weren't meant accusingly but they caused his stomach to churn with guilt. He struggled to compose himself as Sammy watched him sleepily, struggling to stay awake.

"I'm here now okay buddy?" John said as Sam frowned again, pain written across his pale, drawn features.

"Where's…Dean?" Sam said between breaths and John couldn't help but feel the tiniest stab of jealousy. Sam had always wanted Dean, when he fell over and scraped his knees when he was little, had bad dreams he always called for Dean. Sure John had bought it on himself by never being there and leaving Dean to be something of a surrogate father to his youngest but still, it felt good to be needed.

"I'm over here Sammy." Dean said, stepping forward and managing a strained smile.

"Tired" He rasped again his voice nearly completely gone and each word was like fire.

"Sleep Sam." Dean said softly, brushing his bangs away from his face. Sam blinked blearily and his eyelids slid shut.

"Thanks Dad." He mumbled. John frowned.

"For what?" He asked. Sam's ham growing lax in his.

"Coming." He said softly. His breathing began to even and soon he was asleep again and John swallowed with difficulty, his mouth suddenly felt dry and his tongue was sticking to the roof of his mouth as he stared at Sam, sweat still lacing his brow and a frown of pain on his face even in his sleep.

He blinked quickly and looked away.

"I uh…need some fresh air." He mumbled quickly, stumbling to his feet and leaving the room in a hurry leaving Dean alone with only the beeping machines for company.

--------------------

John strode out of the automatic doors out of the hospital and let out a long shaking breath as the cool night air hit him in the face with a blast. He paced along the sidewalk restlessly running shaking hands through his hair.

"Damn it." He whispered shakily as he struggled to hold everything together. He looked up at the starry night sky and burning tears blurred his vision.

"DAMN IT" He yelled kicking the wall forcefully. His angry tones echoed across the parking lot.

He collapsed bonelessly onto the bench that sat by the wall and cradled his head in his hands. This was so fucked up. He felt hot tears sliding down his face and he swiped at them angrily. He was a failure of a father. He had left his child alone knowing he was sick, he'd laid the responsibility of caring for Sam on Dean who was still a child himself.

When had it all changed? When he stopped being a caring, responsible father? When had he started passing on his fatherly duties to his son?

He knew when. As soon as Mary died.

What had he done? What had he let happen to Mary's sons? Sam could die. Sam the only innocent thing left in their lives, he had already tainted Dean but Sam…Sam represented everything they were fighting for, the last piece of Mary he had left and he had fucked things up and now he could lose him.

He'd put hunting ahead of his children and now he was paying the price for it. He wasn't going to be that man anymore, he couldn't afford to be. Sammy needed him, Dean needed him and he couldn't let them down.

A/N I know not a lot happened and you may have found it boring but John needed some attention lol Don't worry it will be back to the Dean and Sammy angst soon and the drama. Tell me what you think!