Disclaimer- I do not own One Tree Hill or its characters

Ashes of Dreams We Let Die-

"Brooke?" Your voice is angry. Accusing. Even though you know it shouldn't be.

"Lucas," she sighs, and just the thought that she's sighing because she doesn't want you there fuels your anger. She steps out of the tour bus and straightens her coat, brushes her hair from her face and tries to move past you. Her progress is hindered however by the fact that you can't move. You find yourself frozen by the thought of her with Chris Keller…again.

"Excuse me," she snaps, trying to push her way past you. Only yesterday things had been different between the two of you. She had been sleeping in your bed for Christ's sake, but now it's all changed. It changed the moment Skills opened the door and the light in your Pretty Girls eyes dimmed a little more. She wasn't supposed to see that. A small part of you asks, why not? Peyton's your girlfriend. Why shouldn't you be with her in more than just an emotional sense? And another part of you knows the answer. Because even the whole time you were convincing yourself that Peyton was the girl for you, Brooke had your heart and body. You realize that doesn't make any logical sense but it does to you. Even if Peyton is your girlfriend, you still belonged to Brooke because she had claimed you in a way Peyton hadn't.

Well now she has and you feel your last ties to Brooke slipping slowly away.

"Can I help you?" she asks her voice pure ice and fire. All enough to make you melt.

"Have a nice time with Keller?" Your voice is harsh, your words hard. Just the thought of her with someone else is enough to drive you over the edge but the fact that its Chris-fucking-Keller is driving you insane.

"Is that really any of your business?" Brooke's eyes are cold. Her words steel. Of course it's not your business. You gave up all rights to ask her these questions ages ago but there's just something about her that keeps pulling you back. You know it's not your business but you don't care anymore.

None of it really matters. It doesn't matter that you cheated on her with her best friend or that you didn't fight for her when she needed you. It doesn't matter that you got together with her best friend after she broke up with you because she said it was okay with her. It doesn't matter that Peyton is still up in the hotel room waiting for you or that if she looked out the window right now and into your eyes as you looked at your ex-girlfriend, she would see something that you are severely lacking when you look into hers.

Because that's the truth isn't it? When you look into her eyes, when you kiss her and made love to her, the whole time you were really just trying to forget what you had lost. And now that the one person in your life you can't really stand to loose and yet already have is standing in front of you, everything comes crashing down.

Peyton is beautiful. Nice, sweet, caring, she understands so much about you and yet so little at the same time. She needs you. She whispers sweet nothings into your ear and reminds you of what a great person you are. She's your soul mate.

But if that's true then why do you shiver at the mere mention of Brooke's name? Why does every flash of dark hair at school, or every whiff of that vanilla perfume she wears send your mind into overdrive without a second thought to whatever else your doing? She doesn't remind you of what a great person you are. She makes you want to be a better person.

And then again, if you aren't lying about all that, why are you with Peyton? Sometimes you feel like it's out of guilt. She needs someone and she loves you. And if Brooke doesn't love you then, why not? Of course you love Peyton. You'd do anything for her. You know that. She knows that. And you guess Brooke knows that too. It's probably the real reason she broke up with you. But what Brooke doesn't really understand about you, is that you could give Peyton the world—you could give her everything she could ever ask for—except your heart. Because what Brooke doesn't get, is that she still has it. The one thing Peyton really wants from you, you can't give her because you gave it to the brown eyed beauty standing in front of you long ago. Peyton's one of your best friends and you love her. But you realize now it's just not the right kind of love.

But how can you tell her that? How can you tell either of them that? Honestly, if Brooke wasn't so mad at you, you know she'd be able to tell on her own. She always had an uncanny knack for knowing exactly what you were thinking. Now she's to pissed to care. And Peyton? Well you don't really think she can tell. Sure she loves you, but nobody can read you quite as well as Brooke can. And you guess it's a good think that Peyton cant see the way your eyes soften every time you look at her best friend or how when she just walks into a room, you can sense her presence and you always turn around to check and make sure its her even though you already know it is. Sometimes Peyton can sneak up on you and surprise you but with Brooke, you always knew she was there. You could feel her. Of course every time she tried to sneak up on you you'd pretend to be surprised but even then she'd know you were acting and she'd go into an adorable pout that you would have to kiss away immediately so you could see her smile again.

And now that you're going out with Peyton, you've tried to get rid of your Brooke-radar but it just won't seem to go away. The only comforting thought is that you suspect Brooke has one too. You can see it in the small twitch of the corner of her lip when she breezes past you in the hallway pretending to not notice you. You can tell when you walk into a room and she stops in the middle of a conversation and tilts her head to the side so she can see the door you just entered from out of the corner of her eye before going back to her conversation. Peyton cant sense you like Brooke does. Sometimes you try and sneak up behind her just to check and see. Her surprise isn't false. Its real and genuine and even when she squeals and giggles you feel a small sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

But even that sinking feeling is nothing compared to the gut wrenching feeling in your stomach as you look at Brooke now.

"Brooke," you don't even know what you want to say to her. You're angry, you know that. How she could be so immature to sleep with Chris again? Didn't she see how bad it ended last time? "What were you thinking?!"

"Like you really care," she snaps, brushing past you now, not commenting as you stumble back a little at her touch.

"Of course I care!" Oops. You hadn't meant to say that. She stops mid step and turns to face you now, her eyes ablaze with fury.

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare act like I still matter to you. You have made it perfectly clear who really matters to you so why don't you just go back to your perfect blonde goddess and do whatever it was the two of you were doing before I so rudely interrupted you."

"Of course you still matter to me Brooke!" You don't even know why you're protesting anymore. You're not even really sure what you're protesting to. All you know is that she's standing there in her long coat looking cold and angry and more beautiful then you've ever seen her and if yelling at her is the only way you can get her to talk to you, then so be it. "God, you don't even know how much I miss you! You don't know—"

"Stop Lucas," she holds up a shaking hand and closes her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. "You should go back to Peyton."

"Will you go back to Chris?" Your voice is low and dangerous again. Brooke crosses her arms in front of her and glares at you.

"It doesn't matter!"

"Yes Brooke, yes it does matter!" You know this shouldn't bother you as much as it does, but somehow keeping Brooke from walking back into that tour bus is the most important thing you can think of doing right now. You're not even sure that she was planning on going back in, but you need to make sure that she doesn't. You're not sure if you can handle the thought of her and Chris together again. It nearly killed you last time and now that you have a girlfriend, you don't even have a real reason to be feeling a sharp pang in your heart and a coppery tang in the back of your throat.

"Listen to me Lucas," her voice is a hiss and she leans forward so you can hear her more clearly. "You are going to go back to Peyton. You are going to hold her and kiss her and tell her—" Brooke seems to choke on her words for a moment but then she regains her footing and continues. "And you are going to tell her that you love her, and you are going to leave me the hell alone, okay? What I do with Chris, what I do with anyone, is none of your business, are we clear? We are not together. We can't be friends. We don't work as friends. And I don't not need your annoying ass giving me the third degree every time you decide you want something from me. You chose Peyton over me. You don't get to ask me questions and look at me like that. I am not yours anymore and you better pull your act together before Peyton comes down here and I have to watch your disgusting display of affection for each other because god knows I love Peyton but--" her voice breaks even though her eyes stay angry and you are about to cut in when she seems to decide she needs to finish. "I can't look at you two together."

"Why not, huh Brooke? Just tell me that and I'll leave you alone. Why can't you look at us together?" It isn't fair that she's blaming this all on you. She shouldn't have told you to go after Peyton if she was going to be such a bitch about it.

"Just stop it Lucas!" she turns around and you can tell she's about to walk away so you grab her arm and spin her around, pinning her up against the bus so she can get away.

"Just tell me Brooke! Why can't you look at us together?!"

She's fighting against you, struggling to get away but you hold her arms with both hands and keep her body pressed against yours to prevent her escape. Her hair is in her face and she shakes her head back defiantly while trying to get any leverage over you that she can.

"Brooke!" Your voice is still raised. Angry. Suddenly she seems to loose all fight in her and her body sags against yours.

"Brooke," softer this time.

"Because," her voice is quiet. You wait for her to finish, dipping your head to get closer to her face because you're afraid you'll miss whatever it is she has to say. "Because I love you."

This shocks you into stumbling away from her and she takes the chance to make her getaway. You had wanted it. You had needed it. But you hadn't expected her to give up so easily.

Brooke can walk faster in those high heels then anyone you have ever met and you have to run to catch up with her. By the time she's reached the gazebo you still haven't had enough time to figure out what you're going to say to her, but you brush your worries away and grab her hand, spinning her around once more.

"Brooke."

"Don't say anything Lucas," she sighs. "I don't want to hear it."

"Brooke just listen—"

"Whatever it is Luke, it doesn't matter. None of it matters anymore." She brushes you away and starts to walk again, her heels clacking on the pavement. You take quick strides until you are at her side again and you grab her arms, staring down into her eyes and refusing to let her look away.

Your whole life has led up to this point. This is really it. It's the moment you make the final decision. Brooke or Peyton. We all have to make the hard choices in life. This is yours. What's it gonna be?

But then, looking into those honey brown eyes that are staring at you spitefully and yet unable to hide the tears threatening to appear, you know that it isn't actually a hard decision after all.

"I love you too…Pretty girl."

Her eyes widen and her mouth opens in a small O.

"Lucas," she breaths, but you cut her off in the best way you can think of. With a kiss.

Her mouth is warm and soft and exactly how you remember it and you can't help but think that you were insane for ever letting her go. Right when you're about to deepen the kiss, Brooke pulls away and you look at her in confusion.

"No," she shakes her head and a few tears actually manage to make their way out of her eyes and trail slowly down her cheeks. Your heart breaks at the sight. "I won't be that girl." She shakes her head again and pulls slightly away from you, reaching up to wipe the tears off her face. "I won't be Peyton."

"Brooke, no, don't worry, I'll talk to Peyton—we can work this out, I promise, okay? You aren't her, you aren't—"

"No," Brooke repeats, pushing away from you and now that she isn't quite standing in your shadow you can see how red her eyes are and how her makeup is smudged and running. And yet she still looks perfect. "I am not going to do that to Peyton."

Oh no, you can't let this happen again. You can't loose her. She's slowly regaining her composure, straightening her back, smoothing her hair away from her face; the warmth in her eyes little by little evaporates. Shit. Her walls are going up and you curse them in your mind. She takes a step away from you. Then another. They start off shaky and she wobbles on her heels for a few seconds before she regains her balance and the farther she moves from you the steadier she gets. She's backing away from you, and its starting to scare you how quickly she transitions from the Brooke who is innocent and vulnerable to the Queen Bitch who doesn't let anything past her guard.

"Please, Brooke, please—" your voice is shaky now. Your throat closes up and you choke on your tears. "Brooke, baby, don't do this, come on. I lov—"

"Stop." Her voice is steady and her eyes are cold again. "You got your chance. You gave me up. You don't get to have my body, and sure as hell not my heart."

Then she flashes you a smile. Cold. Sarcastic. Spiteful. And she turns and the girl with the broken eyes and fractured heart leaves you standing in the frigid night air with the lingering taste of her lips on your mouth and the haunting sight of those fucking dimples engraved in your mind.