Even the Terror of the Galaxy Has to Wear a Scarf
By Jeisre Ice
(http://www.geocities.com/planet_icion)
Note: Please read the Disclaimer, otherwise this story will not make sense to you. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: This story takes place in an ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE (Gosh, I wonder how many people use this excuse in their stories?!), so (you've guessed) things are a wee bit different in this Universe from the one where genuine Dragon Ball Z takes place. For instance, there was no Namek or Frieza Sagas, Vegeta lives on Earth (like he does in the real DBZ after the Garlic Jr. Saga) and… ok, a whole lot of other small details. My story doesn't star Goku, Vegeta or Trunks however, but it Brings On the Bad Guys like Frieza, the Ginyu Force, Zarbon, and my fanfic character Deirdre (a bit more about her further down). I'm not that excellent in grammar, so don't judge me too harsh, it's my first try.
Ok, now a little about Deirdre. Ok, Deirdre is a Saiyan, but she was taken from Planet Vegeta as a child and brought up by Icia, Frieza's mother (also one of my fanfic characters). After Icia's decease Deirdre was taken in by Frieza and soon became one of his strongest fighters… That's enough info to clear this story, so without further ado, I present,
"A-A-A-A-A-A---ACHOOOOO!!!!!" a gargantuan sneeze made the ship shake as if it was in the middle of a magnetic storm. Immediately a tornado-like wind rushed through the corridor.
"E-E-E-A-A-A-A-AAAHH!!!" yelled Zarbon, carried by the mass of rushing air. As the air reached the dead end of the corridor, it mercilessly slammed Zarbon into the wall.
"Oh, shit, I should get another job…" Zarbon moaned and passed out.
"A-A-A-A-A-A…." a loud sound of someone drawing in a large amount of air made all the inhabitants of the ship run for cover.
"Run for your lives!!!!!"
"Help!!!"
"SOS!!!"
Little frog-faced aliens, dog-like creatures and other small-time soldiers ran around the ship like billiard-balls rolling over a billiard-table.
"Hold on to y'er boots, mates!!! It ain't gonna be pretty!!!" a certain red-faced member of the Ginyu Force shouted, convulsively grasping one of the pipes screwed to the wall.
"Get your blue ass outta here!!! I called this place first!!!" Captain Ginyu yelled, throwing Burter out of the comfortable hiding place, which was (surprise, surprise!) a janitors closet.
"A-A-A-A-A…." the haunting sound grew in volume.
"I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!" Recoome cried, clinging to a pipe in the far end of the corridor. His thumb was stuck in his mouth and he sucked on it with a utter most like passion.
"In here!!! There's enough room f'r two!" Jeice yelled, moving a little and making room for another person to hold to the pipe.
Burter didn't wait for the second invitation and grabbed hold of the pipe.
"Thanks, Jeice, you're a real pal!"
The hospitable "owner of the pipe" turned to his teammate.
"Not you, you idiot!!!" a well aimed ki-blast jolted Burter away from the pipe, "Deirdre! Come on!!!"
A spooked, but still beautiful Saiyan girl with long black hair jerked her head to the call. She still didn't have a hiding place, but neither was she that eager to accept Jeice's invitation immediately. Even in this critical situation that red-faced Casanova was looking for an opportunity to steal a hug or maybe even…
Deirdre considered her options. No other hiding place seemed to be available.
"You can fit in here with me!" Captain Ginyu stuck his head out of the janitor's closet. He had a stupid smile stuck on his face… Deirdre didn't like that smile… A smile of a sexually obsessed spaniel.
"Ok, Jeice, this damn pipe had better hold both of us!!!" Deirdre growled, grabbing a hold of the pipe next to Jeice. From two evils you tend choose the lesser one; Deirdre decided that she's better off hugging the pipe with Jeice, than snuggling with Captain Ginyu in the closet.
"A-A-A-A-A-A…
"OH MY GOD!!!" Deirdre yelled, her voice drowning in the roar of the approaching blast of air. Even the worst hurricane couldn't compete with the power of this blow.
The wind rushed by. Deirdre and Jeice dangled on the pipe like two leaves on a lonely branch.
With a short "AAEEEIII!!!!" Burter hit the wall and joined Zarbon in the world of unconsciousness.
"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" Guldo bounced by like a beach ball, cursing each time he hit the floor.
A loud screeching followed by a BANG! announced that Recoome's pipe gave and he was blown to the end of the corridor. With a thud he then concluded his journey by landing, quite comfortably, on top of Burter and Zarbon.
As soon as the wind passed the "survivors" cautiously left their hiding places, like mice pocking out of the holes as soon as the cat leaves.
Captain Ginyu stuck his head out of the closet, checked the "weather conditions" and left his hideout, immediately becoming his old commanding self.
"Alright you two! Break it up!!!" he snarled at Jeice and Deirdre.
Deirdre was holding to the pipe for the dear life, while Jeice had his hands on the pipe and at the same time around Deirdre, thus being both safe and cozy. However, Deirdre didn't find her own position cozy. His grip was a bit too tight for comfort, and his body was a bit too close as well.
"You can let go now," she told him, her voice holding a definite threat, "Now, please!"
Jeice made a sorry grimace.
"Sorry, but I can't," he said rather slyly, "Me hands are stuck between the pipe and the wall… Looks like we'll have to remain like this until…"
"Until I blow your hands off to get free," Deirdre interrupted him casually as if she was telling him the time.
Immediately Jeice was able to free his hands. Unhappily he released her.
At the same time Recoome, Burter and Zarbon came around, with a little help from Captain Ginyu who used his favorite technique to wake people up – blasted a nice little fire ball. Recoome who took most of the blast jumped around, trying to put out the fire on his rear. Meanwhile Burter was getting off Zarbon.
"You ok?" he asked, offering Zarbon a hand to help him up.
"I guess," Zarbon first of all fixed his hair, "Although the position was mostly uncomfortable… And you weigh a bit too much… And to tell the truth, I'd rather have Jeice laying on top of me!"
Burter jerked away from Zarbon, as if he'd touched hot metal.
"Fucking gay!!!" he muttered under his breath.
"Now will someone finally explain me what was that and why it's been happening all morning?" Captain Ginyu demanded answers.
"It's Frieza," Zarbon replied, getting up, "He's sneezing."
"I can bloody see that it's Frieza sneezing!!! No one else could have done it with such power!!! I want to know why is he sneezing?!"
"I came in with a morning report when he sneezed and literally blew me out of the room," Zarbon adjusted his creased cape, "Oh, crap!!! Look at these folds!!! Now I'll have to iron the cape all over again!!!"
"Whatever the reason is, we better investigate and cure this sneeze or else we'll be doomed to deal with the tornado warning for god knows how long," Deirdre concluded, "Let's go!"
Deirdre headed down the corridor to Frieza's room. The rest froze, as if awaiting for something.
"Well?" Jeice asked, looking at Captain Ginyu, "Should we?"
"What?! You're kidding?!" Captain shot an incinerating glare at Jeice, "It's clearly stated in our work contract that we're responsible for destroying planets and conquering races, our job does not include inquiring about Frieza's health!"
"Well, you wanna sit in the closet all day then?" Jeice snapped back intolerantly, "As f'r me, I'd rather do a little extra work, not get paid, but provide myself with a reasonably comfortable and safe environment!"
"He's got a point there," Zarbon casually remarked, still grieving over his creased cape.
"He does?" Captain Ginyu looked at Zarbon and then began tapping himself on the temple with his finger. A few moments passed in silence. Then finally Burter dared to ask,
"Captain, what are you doing?"
"Shush!" Ginyu hissed at his subordinate, "I'm trying to get that point!"
About a minute passed when Ginyu's face finally expressed clarity on the subject.
"Yep, got it now!" he nodded joyfully, "Good thinking, Jeice."
"Thanks, Capt'n," Jeice rolled his eyes. Sometimes he couldn't help expressing his contempt of the stupidity of his leader.
"Let's go, men," Ginyu turned to the direction Deirdre went off to, "Deirdre, wait for us, we're coming with you."
Frieza (in his first form) was looking out the window. Well, at least he was trying to look out the window. But his eyes were so watery that he could hardly see three feet in front of him. He couldn't breathe normally either, his nose was all blocked and running, so he had to breathe through his mouth, thus, keeping it constantly open. His hand was placed on the wall. He had lean on it for support. His head was spinning so he could hardly stand upright, let alone levitate menacingly as he usually enjoyed doing.
Frieza shook his head, trying to clear his mind from the persistent, pounding headache. The last time he felt so bad was when he got in a little trouble with King Cold after breaking his father's favorite anti-gravity pod. The headache (not to mention the ache of other body parts) from that "incident" lasted for more than a week.
But this time Frieza was completely at loss at what may have caused his sufferable condition.
A soft voice at the door interrupted Frieza's gloomy thoughts,
"Frieza," the voice called.
He turned. Too fast, and paid for it as his head began pounding more severely, and he felt rather dizzy.
"Who the hell is it?!?!" Frieza tried to sound as evil as usual but his voice let him down and instead of a mean hissing he heard a sick mix of his first, second and fourth form voices. No, he sounded more like a mentally retarded bullfrog in heat.
"Good grief, you sound terrible," the same voice said. It was a woman's voice. And there was only one woman on the ship (and in his entire Force).
"Deirdre?" Frieza blinked with his unseeing eyes.
"No, Zarbon!" she replied sarcastically as she approached him, "Of course, it's me, can't you see?"
Frieza considered blasting her to another dimension. She was the only one on the entire Force, who dared to speak to him in such manner, it always flared him up, but in the end he always forgave her the insult. After all she was the ward of his late mother. And if there was anything in the Universe that Frieza cared about more than power and strength, it was his mother.
"No, I can't see!!!" he snapped meanly, "I have something in my eye!"
He felt a gentle touch on his forehead. It was her hand, her touch was caring and concerned, Frieza felt it with all of his being. Then he realized that he was loosing his reputation of the ruthless tyrant by allowing some Saiyan to touch him so disrespectfully. He despicably brushed her hand off, although admitting to himself that it felt good to know that someone cares for you.
Deirdre didn't take it as an offence, she was used to his rudeness and knew very well that there's a soft center behind this hard shell.
"My, you're burning up!" she said, "You're sick, Frieza…"
"Thank you!" the tyrant smiled mercifully excepting the "compliment".
"Geez, no, I didn't mean it in that way, Frieza! I'm talking about your physical condition, not your mental state of mind. You really are ill… It appears that you've caught a serious cold!"
"Bullshit!!!" Frieza began to argue, but suddenly another urge to sneeze tickled his nose, "A-A-A-A-A---"
"
"Anyone of you ever heard of rank respect?!?!" Captain Ginyu roared at his subordinates, "A soldier must give way to his commander!!! How many times do I have to tell you that, you morons?!?!?!"
"Captain, now's not the time for a soldier code lecture!!!" Burter screeched, wildly swinging his legs in attempts to push himself free.
"I must say, this is even less comfortable than the predicament I was in earlier today," Zarbon sighed, mentally kissing goodbye his freshly washed and ironed over-arms, let alone his cape, "But at least now I'm squeezed in with someone much more attractive… By the way, Jeice, would you mind stopping kicking your legs?"
However, Jeice, who was indeed stuck next to Zarbon, couldn't care less about his neighbor or anyone else, he had other problems on his hands, or, rather, on his hair,
"Oh, my hair!!! My HAIR!!!" Jeice moaned, all of his attention directed at his glorious mane of white hair buried under Recoome's feet.
The next moment Captain Ginyu, in another attempt to break free, accidentally stepped on Guldo's stomach, which made Guldo make a rather loud and vulgar sound (in plain English: he farted loudly). Burter, whose head was a few inches away from Guldo's rear, jerked like a wild horse, kicked Recoome's feet and pressed them down even harder. As Recoome's feet pulled Jeice's hair further, Jeice gave an abandoned cry of despair for his hair and kicked his feet with all the power he could. BAM! And Jeice's left foot hits Zarbon in the groin. Zarbon opens his mouth to give a shout of pain, when Jeice's right foot kicks in and gets stuck in his mouth.
"A-A-A-A-A…" Frieza's sneeze approached, as Deirdre's attempts to hold his nose failed.
"A-A-A-A…" and Deirdre drops on the floor behind Frieza as if awaiting for a bomb to go off.
"
"
The hurricane wind hits the six howling men and pushes them out of the doorway, like a cork out of a bottle. One by one they hit the wall and crush on the floor, Guldo on the very bottom and Recoome on the top, everyone in between in order by height. And the wind travels further into the depth of the ship, spreading pain and panic wherever it passes.
"See what I mean," Deirdre said, getting up from the floor. She walked up to Frieza and extended him her hand for support. He didn't refuse to take it, obviously he was in a very bad shape.
"Was there someone with you?" he asked Deirdre.
"Yes, the Ginyu Force and Zarbon."
"Oh! So where'd they go now?"
"Stepped out in the corridor to give you room to breathe," Deirdre said sarcastically, then changed her tone to a serious note, "Frieza, you look really bad. You should take some medication…"
"Nonsense! I feel fine… I'm just a little hot…" Frieza protested, "I just need to cool down. It's our luck that we're only a few parsecs away from the planet Sneg. It's covered with ice, all I need to do is take a nice long walk in the fresh air and this weird feeling will pass…"
"Uh-huh, and in a few hours we'll have ourselves a nice big Frieza-cone!" Deirdre's tone became impatient, "You already went on that nice long walk yesterday, when you conquered that planet excuse for an iceberg, even though I've told you to at least wear a scarf, but did you listen, NOOOOOO! You wouldn't be standing here right now, sore and sick, if you'd just considered my advice to be valuable enough to follow!"
Frieza turned his face to her. His expression clearly stated that he gave up, or rather didn't have anymore power to argue on.
"Alright, alright!" he sighed, "I'll take your stinking medicine."
"Good," she nodded, satisfied, "Now, while I get the medicine, you better get in bed. You can hardly stand."
Frieza grumbled something under his breath but didn't argue with that either.
At the same time the Ginyu Force were getting up from their orderly pile.
"I got the to-o-op!!!" Recoome sang triumphantly getting off Burter's back.
"Have you ever considered taking those groin plates off your armor?!" Burter hissed, rubbing his lower back on the spot where Recoome's groin plates have been pressing.
"Oh!!! Oh, shit! My back!!!" Captain Ginyu groaned, "Jeice, you bastard, this is all your fault!!! And be sure that its coming straight out of your pay!!!"
"Hey, don't blame the poor guy. How was he supposed to know that this was going to happen!" Zarbon appeared to be laying under Captain Ginyu. And when Ginyu got up, Zarbon didn't even move.
"My, that's comfortable!" Zarbon grinned slyly.
"Please, get 'im off me!!!!!" Jeice's plea sounded from underneath Zarbon.
Burter gave a menacing grin.
"Whatever for? I think he's quite cozy as is!!!" he was obviously still mad at Jeice for blasting him away from that pipe.
"Shut up, Burter!" Ginyu interfered, "I will have none of THAT in my team!"
He threateningly approached Zarbon. Zarbon had absolutely no wish to mess with Captain Ginyu himself, and left his cozy "cushion" with the most regretful expression on his face.
"Oh, my back! Oh, my hair!!!" Jeice moaned. He did have a rather shabby appearance, which was quite understandable due to the fact that he'd been laying under about half a tone of live flesh.
"Hey, where's Guldo?" Recoome asked.
"He was somewhere under me," Jeice got up, carefully examining his bones for any sign of breakage.
Guldo indeed was on the very bottom, the weight of all of his teammates and Zarbon turned him into a nice round pancake with four stupidly blinking eyes. Deciding not to waste his time on scraping Guldo off the floor, Captain Ginyu ordered Recoome to do the honors, while he and the rest of the men cautiously entered Frieza's room.
In the doorway they ran into Deirdre, who was heading out.
"Oh, it's you, guys," she paused, "Where've you been?"
"Out in the corridor, slammed into a wall," Ginyu replied ironically, "So, what's up with Frieza?"
"He's got a cold."
"WHAT?!?!" Captain Ginyu dropped his jaw, "King Cold's here and I haven't been notified?!"
"Geez, not King Cold!" Deirdre rolled her eyes, "A cold is a common disease that is caused by chilly weather conditions!"
Ginyu's eyes widened even more,
"WHAT?!?!?" he gasped, "You mean Frieza can get sick just like the rest of us?!?!"
"What's so surprising about that? He's not a god, he's just a regular mortal with all the weaknesses that the rest of us have. And if you haven't idolized him so much, Captain, perhaps, he'd be more down to earth and listened to the good advises no matter who they come from."
Deirdre's lecture was totally in vain. The only point that has reached Captian Ginyu was that Frieza, the All-powerful and Undefeated, Terror of the Galaxy, was NOT some kind of supreme being, like he always thought he was. And that lowered Frieza's prestige in Ginyu's eyes a good five points on the scale of one to ten.
"Anyway, I was going to get some medicine for him…" Deirdre suddenly paused, as if thinking something over and then turned to Jeice, "Actually… Jeice, can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything in the Universe f'r ye!!!!!" Jeice eagerly leaned forward and flashed his eyelashes.
"I just wondered if you could go to the recovery room and…" Deirdre bent forward to Jeice's ear and whispered the rest of the phrase so that only Jeice could hear it.
"Got that?" she asked as she'd finished giving the instructions.
Jeice nodded and backed to the corridor.
"No fair!" Zarbon made a sulking grimace, "You always ask him for favors and never me!!! I feel left out!"
"Have it ever occurred to you that I can't stand the looks of you?" Deirdre gave Zarbon an incinerating glare.
Zarbon dropped his jaw, speechless. It seemed as if he was going to have a heart attack.
"I was kidding," Deirdre shrugged indifferently, "Besides I need your assistance here. We must get Frieza's bed ready. Our "high and mighty master" will be spending this day in a horizontal position."
Zarbon nodded, relieved, and followed Deirdre to Frieza's bed.
Captain Ginyu and Burter approached Frieza, who was leaning on the wall near the window.
As they walked, Captain Ginyu whispered to Burter,
"Listen, Burter, there's one thing I can't quite put my finger on. Five minutes ago Zarbon was accosting Jeice, and now he's acting the same way with Deirdre… What kind of sexually orientated freak is he?!?!?"
"He's a bisexual," Burter whispered even quieter.
"Wha'???"
"It means that he's…" Burter felt a little fastidious of talking about such things with his commander, "He's…um-m-m-m… attracted to both men and women…"
"BLOODY FREAK OF NATURE!!!" Ginyu exclaimed, astonished, totally forgetting that he should keep his voice down.
"What was that, Captain?" Frieza's menacing voice (well, as much as it could be menacing then) sounded.
"Sorry, sir!" Ginyu automatically saluted Frieza, "Expressing my point of view of the leader of the race we last conquered, sir!"
Frieza couldn't care less about the explanation, actually he didn't really care about Captain Ginyu swearing in his presence either. He just reprimanded him out of habit, just like Captain Ginyu saluted him out of habit. At the moment Frieza felt so badly that he didn't care who was around him and what was going on.
"Permission to ask, sir?" Ginyu spoke again.
"Uh…Mm-m-m… Yes…" Frieza didn't quite hear or understood what was asked, his ears were somewhat blocked.
"I know an old method to determine whether the person is sick or not, and I've never had a chance to try it… So… can I try it… on you, sir?"
Frieza didn't hear half of what Ginyu said, he was falling asleep. His head pounded, and his only wish at the moment was to get in bed. But not wanting to show his weakness to his subordinates, he mumbled, as if fully aware of what's going on,
"Yes, Captain, you have my permission."
He couldn't possibly be asking for much. It won't do much harm to agree to whatever he wants.
Frieza thought to himself.Ginyu reached his hand underneath his chest plates and took out… an egg. An ordinary hen egg. Like a professional cook he masterly cracked it over Frieza's forehead and emptied the contents right on Frieza's head! The egg sizzled and cooked in mere seconds.
"Yep, you really are sick, sir!" Captain Ginyu concluded his experiment by removing the fried egg off Frieza's head. Frieza who was half-asleep didn't feel anything, or else he would have blasted Ginyu to the world to come for such an insult.
"H-m-m-m…" Captain Ginyu grinned slyly, "That gives me an idea!"
In a few minutes Deirdre and Zarbon came to get Frieza. As they approached the group of three they froze, astonished at what they saw. Frieza was still standing in the position they left him, meanwhile Captain Ginyu was masterly cracking and frying eggs on his head.
"Oh, hi, guys!" Ginyu greeted Deirdre and Zarbon, "Anyone's up for fried eggs?"
"You should try 'em," Burter nodded at the small pile of steaming fried eggs he was mentally holding up in the air, "Captain sure knows how to cook eggs!"
"Oooooh!!!!" Deirdre draw her hand over her face.
She came up to Frieza and brushed off the undone egg off his head, then took Frieza by the hand.
"Captain Ginyu, you're are an incurable sadist!!!" she glared at the Captain, leading Frieza to his bed.
"My duty, my pleasure!" Ginyu smiled stupidly, taking Deirdre's words as a compliment, "I'll save some eggs for you, in case you change your mind."
"What an idiot!!!" Deirdre sniffed angrily.
She helped Frieza to get in bed.
"That's better," she said as if taking on the role of a mother caring for a child, "Your medicine should be here any minute now."
She looked at the door. As if hearing her mental call, Jeice came in, holding something in his hand.
"Got it!" he extended the object to Deirdre.
"Good. Now to pour it in…"
At the same moment Frieza opened his eyes. To his utter most horror he saw Deirdre holding a SYRINGE!!!
"
"Frieza!" Deirdre rushed to him.
Frieza was up on his feet instantly and gave a massive power up,
"Don't come any closer!!!!!!" he howled, pale from fear, "I can't stand any needles!!! I HATE needles!"
"Don't be a baby!" Deirdre made another step towards Frieza, "It's for your own good!"
"Stay back, I'm warning you!!! I won't allow sticking that thing into me! Even if I were dying, I wouldn't have let you do it!!!"
"I didn't want to resort to this, but you leave me no choice," Deirdre sadly shook her head, "Get him, boys!!!"
Mentally she sent a message to the "boys", which said that due to his sickness Frieza's power level was now very down. That was needed to overcome their inborn fear of Frieza and his power.
The "boys" didn't wait for a second command. Taking advantage of Frieza, even for a moment, was more than a pay-back for all the insults they've suffered from him. Each of them hold a grudge against the tyrant.
Frieza gulped, and found himself tightly hold by Zarbon, Captain Ginyu, Burter and Jeice. And he couldn't do anything, his cold lowered his power level big time.
Deirdre approached with the syringe.
"Hold still, and don't worry, it won't hurt," she said softly.
"Yeah, it won't hurt," Captain Ginyu nodded and then grinned sadistically, "Much!"
Frieza's eyes widened as he saw his reflection in the shining needle… Shining, sharp, awfully big needle!
"
The rush of energy swept away the four men. Deirdre was also jolted back and fell, dropping the syringe. It whirled in the air and… stuck into Recoome's thigh.
"Hey, guys!" Recoome started cheerfully as he entered the room, rolling Guldo (still in a pancake form) in front of himself, but suddenly he felt a bit drowsy and looked around the room from underneath heavy eyelids, "YAWN!!!" Recoome stretched, "Nighty-night!"
The next moment Recoome was peacefully snoozing on the floor, hugging Guldo like a teddy-bear.
The forth form Frieza was breathing heavily. He felt terrible: wasting so much energy on transformation left him even weaker than before. He was barely able to stand. Sweat was running down his face like a miniature river. His whole body was shaking wildly.
Deirdre assessed the situation and decided that one more power up will be sure to finish him off. She approached him, softly and calmly. As her hand lowered on his shoulder, Frieza shuddered.
"Calm down, I'm not going to give you a needle," Deirdre said, "Let me just get you back in bed."
Frieza didn't protest and allowed to be led to bed. But once he was laying down, he wouldn't let go of Deirdre's hand and whispered in half-rave,
"Do you promise you won't give me a needle? Swear, that you won't!!!"
"Ok, ok, I swear I won't give you a needle, if you swear you won't get up from the bed."
Frieza gave that promise willingly. He had absolutely no wish to leave his bed. He felt completely broken.
"And I want you to get some sleep!" Deirdre added and then addressed the Ginyu Force and Zarbon, "Let's go, guys. Let him rest."
As they all left the room, Deirdre took a notice of Recoome, whom Captain Ginyu dragged out by the foot. Deirdre took the syringe out of Recoome's thigh and turned to Jeice,
"What antibiotic did you put in it?" she inquired.
"Soporific," Jeice replied, proud of his "knowledge" in medicine.
"What?!" Deirdre rose her eyebrows, "Didn't I tell you to get an anti-cold serum?!"
"That's what I brought! Frieza always asks f'r "anti-cold" serum when his father, King Cold, comes to visit, and puts his old man to sleep, so he doesn't bother 'im."
"Are you really an idiot, or just acting that way to annoy me?!" Deirdre took Jeice by the collar and glared in his eyes.
"Um-m-m…" Jeice didn't quite understand what he was reprimanded for, so he decided to change the subject (to the only thing he could think of, being so close to her face), "While I think on that, how about a kiss?"
Deirdre sharply pushed him away.
"I give up!" she sighed, heading away, "You, guys, are impossible! Each and every one of you!"
Deirdre disappeared in the darkness of the corridor.
"Well, it really sucks to know that!" Jeice made an offended grimace.
"I wonder who's the most impossible in her opinion? I hope it's not me," Zarbon echoed.
"Youth, youth!" Captain Ginyu shook his head, "You're just rookies in the love field! You don't know women yet!"
Both Jeice and Zarbon gave Ginyu a look that almost screamed: "Look who's talking!!!!!". But Ginyu paid absolutely no attention to that, he just made a "I-know-it-all" grimace and "interpreted" Deirdre's words in his own way,
"That actually means she likes us!"
No one argued, because it would be in vain.
Frieza woke up a few hours later. He still felt feverish and overall weak. But the persisting headache was gone, his vision cleared somewhat and his nose wasn't running anymore. It was still blocked though.
Frieza coughed and blew his nose.
"What time is it anyway?" he mumbled and mentally turned on the mini-COMPPU (Computer of Multi-Purpose Personal Use) at his bedside. A knock inside his brain reminded him that he should have done it by hand. His power level was still dangerously low.
"Darn!" Frieza commented his weakness.
The screen of the COMPPU lightened and the clock displayed the time. 4pm.
"Double darn!!!" Frieza spat, "What a total waste this day's been!"
He didn't feel like getting up though. It felt like it was 2am, rather than the middle of the day. Frieza thought of something he could entertain himself with. Usually a good dismemberment of one of his subordinates cheered him up, but he didn't feel like torturing anyone today. The yells of the victim would surely awaken his dormant headache, he needed a more quiet way to relax.
A thought popped in his mind. This time he reached his hand and pressed the button on the control panel of the COMPPU. Then Frieza reached under his pillow and took out a tiny disk-like device and inserted it into the COMPPU. The screen blanked as Frieza pressed "PLAY".
"I guess old home-videos will have to do as an entertainment," he adjusted the pillow under his head.
It was indeed a very old video. In this video Frieza was at the age of three, actually it was his third birthday. Happy little Frieza has just finished unwrapping his presents. His favorite was the new toddler anti-gravity pod, his very first one. It was the present from his father. Frieza smiled as he remembered how much joy it brought him to finally get one of those.
But what's that in the corner of the camera? Frieza growled as he saw the familiar silhouette of his older brother appear on the screen. Coola, about six years of age, approached his younger brother and critically inspected the pile of presents. His gaze stopped on the anti-gravity pod. At the time Coola didn't have his own.
"Nice pod, Frieza!" Coola gave an overall friendly smile.
"Really?" little Frieza stretched his lips in a BIG smile, happy to hear a nice word from his usually mean sibling.
"Yeah…" Coola nodded and then suddenly pushed Frieza down on the floor, "If you're, like, three!!!"
"But I am three!!!" Frieza whined, tears appearing at his eyes.
"Whatever!"
The next moment Coola was already inside the new pod, obviously intending to take it for a ride.
"WHAAAAAA!!!!! That's MINE!!!!" Frieza cried loudly, rolling on the floor and kicking his feet.
"Shut up, Frieza!" King Cold thundered, "Learn to share! Let your brother have a turn, he's older…"
Frieza furiously hit the "STOP" button. That memory was a pain by itself and now it has awakened a light headache. Bloody, fucking Coola!!! He's always been a thorn in his side!
I need to calm down, or this headache will get even worse,
Frieza thought and pressed "FAST FORWARD". There has to be something easy (and pleasurable) on this disk.Frieza pressed "PLAY".
It was him again, but older. Uh, it was yet another recording of his birthday, his eight's birthday. This birthday was indeed very special, Frieza's got his first own space ship, a small one, with the beginner's gear, but it was his own ship! Little Frieza was sitting inside and curiously looking at the control panel, which was designed in bright colors, specially made for a kid to learn how to fly a space ship.
"Hey, bro, how's your birthday going?!" a menacing voice of Coola sounded over the opened hatch.
"Um-m-m-m…" Frieza fearfully pushed himself into the seat as far as possible, "Well… I… I got this new space ship…"
"Nice!" Coola walked into the ship as if it was his own. He looked around, critically.
"Hey, is that training gear?" he pointed at the control panel.
"Yes… Why?" little Frieza whispered, awaiting for the inevitable.
The inevitable followed immediately. Frieza was dragged out of his seat and outside the ship. Coola laughed all the way,
"HA!!! WHAT A BABY!!! Dad tells me you still sleep with a teddy-bear!!!!!"
"I don't…" Frieza attempted to argue, tears running down his eyes.
Coola forced him on all four and hopped on his back,
"So you like space ships? Perfect, we're gonna play "space ship" then! And guess what? You're gonna be MY space ship! LIFT OFF!!!!!" Coola yelled and swatted Frieza on the behind, holding one of his horns. Frieza still remembered that he had to fly his brother around the planet on his back for three hours! God, what a humiliation!
Enraged Frieza tore the disk out of the COMPPU and slammed it into the floor. The sharp movement, as well as the uncontrollable fury, made him dizzy. His head span, and his nose started running again.
"Shit!" Frieza growled, "SHIT!!! This day is becoming a real pain in the head!!!"
The same moment someone knocked on the door.
"YES?!?!?!" Frieza barked.
"It's me, sir," Zarbon's voice sounded, as he entered, "I've just made you some soup and thought I'd… WHOOOOAAAH!!!"
Zarbon stepped on the stray piece of slammed disk and slipped. He tottered for a moment, balancing a big bowl filled with steaming liquid. Then he toppled on the floor with a loud thud. The bowl flew out of his hands, traveled in the air and landed right on Frieza's head, pouring hot soup all over the Terror of the Galaxy.
Zarbon's eyes became the size of the dinner plates,
"OH DARN!!!!!" he gulped in absolute terror.
Menacingly slowly Frieza raised the bowl from over his eyes, as if it was a hat. He gave Zarbon a murderous glare.
"You!!! You!!!!! YOU!!!!!!" he growled like a wild animal, "Oooooohhh!!!! You… A-A-A-A-A…" the pepper from the soup had obviously reached Frieza's nose and urged Frieza for another sneeze.
"OH MY GOD!!!!" Zarbon yelped and grabbed the hold of the bed post for his dear life.
"
As soon as the wind passed, Zarbon dared to let go of the bed post and get up.
"Sir, I'm sorry!" he decided to beg for forgiveness before Frieza could enrage any further, "I'm so, SO sorry!!!"
A surprised expression ran over Frieza's face, and then changed to something like a grin. He chuckled. Then started laughing louder.
Good, he's not too mad!
Zarbon thought and opened his mouth to continue the apology. But his words drowned in Frieza's hysterical laughter. Zarbon made a puzzled grimace and put his hand on his hip, that always helped him think. Then he realized why Frieza was laughing. His hand touched the bare skin of his thigh. Shocked, Zarbon looked down at himself. The wind of Frieza's sneeze tore off all his clothes!Zarbon's face went crimson, as he desperately attempted to cover his lower body with his hands. Getting more red by each second he hastily backed to the door.
Now Frieza was rolling on the bed, laughing unstoppably.
At the door Zarbon sharply turned and rushed out, but at the same moment the door opened and Zarbon collided with Jeice, who was about to enter. Dazed by the hit they both fell down, Zarbon landed on top of Jeice. Jeice blinked his eyes to clear his dazed vision and froze as he stared at Zarbon's face. His gaze expressed astonishment. Then he looked down… His eyes filled with indescribable horror.
"
The next moment his yelps were heard in the corridor, as he super-speeded down to his room, as if he was chased by the Devil himself,
"
Zarbon, ashamed and humiliated, crawled to the wall and stuck his face to it, unable to look Frieza in the eyes.
Meanwhile Frieza had fallen on the floor and was rolling there, literally dying from laughter.
The next moment Captain Ginyu barged in, intending to find out the cause of the commotion. He paused as he saw Frieza rolling around in hysterical laughter and then his gaze found Zarbon, crouched in the corner of the room. His eyes flared up with rage,
"WHY YOU BLOODY PERVERTED FREAK OF NATURE!!!!!" he roared preparing to blast Zarbon to the oblivion.
Zarbon sensed that death was mercilessly spreading its wings over him, and gave a pleading cry,
"Master Frieza!!!!!"
"Leave him… Ginyu…" Frieza was barely able to say between the laughs, "And you, bare ass, get out and put some clothes on!"
Zarbon flashed out the door that instant. Captain Ginyu remained standing, with his mouth open from astonishment. Frieza continued laughing.
The door opened again and this time Deirdre stepped in. Her face was rather pale, and her eyes were wide open.
"Did I just see what I thought I saw?!" she forced her dry lips to move, "Did Zarbon just…"
"Run naked past you!" Frieza bolted and bust in another bout of laughter.
"Dear god!" Deirdre swallowed nervously, "I'm living in a nightmare crazy house!!!"
Then she notice that Frieza was down on the floor, that made her forget everything else,
"What do you think you're doing?!?!" she forced him up, "The floor is ice-cold and you're as feverish as hell! Get in bed immediately!"
"Hey, don't you dare order me around!!!" Frieza's eyes flared up, "I may have listened to your advises till now, but this doesn't mean you can start commanding here! Remember, you're just a mere Saiyan!!!"
"Yes," Deirdre growled under her breath, "I'm a mere Saiyan girl… brought up by your mother!"
Frieza's face immediately changed. His expression was filled with child-like adoration, or rather idolization, his chin started to tremble and tears filled his eyes.
"Mother! Mommy!!!" Frieza sulked, "My dear sweet mommy!!! She always cared for me!!!"
Automatically Frieza stuck his thumb in his mouth. He all gathered up on the bed, like a baby in a crib. Deirdre smirked triumphantly, and covered Frieza with a blanket.
"If your mother had been here, she'd acting the same way as I do," she addressed Frieza, "You're impossible, worse than a five-year-old! You absolutely can't take care of yourself! Now stay in that bed and don't get up, or you'll surely kill yourself."
Deirdre turned to Captain Ginyu who has been speechlessly watching the scene which unfolded before his eyes. He didn't quite understand the psychological side of the situation, but he was astounded at Frieza's behavior. When Frieza started to suck on his thumb, Captain felt cold sweat running down his back.
Deirdre led him out of the room.
"May I suggest, Captain," she said seriously, and maybe even somewhat threateningly, "That you forget everything that you heard and saw in that room just now. God forbid you tell that to any living soul. Erasing this episode from your memory is the best thing for you to do. If not, let's say Frieza has ways to keep people silent even after death… Catch my drift?"
Captain Ginyu silently nodded. Now he was sweating like a horse. His mind was carefully deleting the forbidden information.
"Excellent," Deirdre grinned, "Have a pleasant evening, Ginyu."
Frieza lay for a little in his baby-position, sucking his thumb and thinking over what Deirdre had said. On one hand, it felt good that she was looking after him with such motherly care. But, on the other hand, she considered him incompetent of looking after himself. Him, the Terror of the Galaxy, the Conqueror of Planets and Races, him, practically the Lord of the Universe! She thought that a mere cold was enough to knock him off his feet and make him as helpless as a "five-year-old"! Well, he was going to show her and anyone else who doubts his unbelievable power! Even though he's sick, he's more than capable of… of… destroying a planet, for example! Yes, that's what he should do to cheer up!
"Just a usual daily destruction, desperation and death conduct!" he smirked as he got up from his bed, "I'll just randomly choose a planet and blow it up, then they'll know that even a sick Frieza is all-powerful! Bwa-ha-ha-ha… Cough! Cough!!!"
Frieza got a sudden fit of coughing. It stopped in about a minute, and Frieza cautiously popped his head out in the corridor. No one was in sight. Frieza stepped out and headed to the space pod module.
The module was empty as well. No guards, no bored soldiers hanging around the corridors…
"Ah, it must be dinner time," Frieza said to himself.
There wasn't a soldier on the Force who would stay out of the lunch room during dinner. No sane person would miss an opportunity to get the grub. Food was one of the few of army life's pleasures, and the sound of the "dinner" signal was like Heaven's music to soldiers' ears.
Frieza approached one of the space pods parked in an orderly line. He opened the hatch and sat down on the seat. Then pressed the "IGNITION" button. The hatch closed. In a moment the metal voice of the computer sounded,
"Welcome, Lord Frieza! Initiating: blast off preparation. Where do you want to go today?"
I should probably change that to "What planet do you want to destroy today?"
Frieza thought for a moment and then closed his eyes and pressed the first button which happened to be under his finger."Understood!" the computer said again, "Destination: Planet Earth. Initiating: final countdown. Blast off in five, four, three…"
Frieza leaned back on the seat and relaxed.
"This cold isn't going to ruin my day!" he hummed to himself.
The space pod blasted off.
"My, that was delicious," Deirdre stretched pleasurably, "My compliments to the chef!"
Zarbon's lips stretched in a self-satisfied grin. It was he who cooked the dinner today.
"You've really outdone yourself today. Everything was superb," Deirdre continued, "Don't you think so, Jeice?"
Zarbon turned his face to the mentioned Ginyu Force member and gave him one of those "eat-that!" looks. Jeice's eyes flared up with a green fire of jealousy.
"I really mean it!" Deirdre meanwhile continued, knowing perfectly well that she was waving a red rag before bull's eyes, "You cook almost as good as you run!"
The Ginyu Force bust in uncontrollable laughter at that comment, while Zarbon blushed a deep shade of red. Although Captain Ginyu "forgot" about what had happened in Frieza's room that afternoon, but he couldn't help telling this 'harmless', yet delightfully amusing detail of the incident.
Deirdre laughed a bit too. She was in a good mood. She always enjoyed such pleasant evenings, when there were no missions to spoil a perfectly peaceful and friendly atmosphere. No one could have said that these cheerfully laughing men were cold-blooded murderers who could destroy whole civilizations just as easily as if they squashed a bug. During such evenings all the negative emotions were put to the back of the mind and all that was left never spoiled a warm, almost family-like feeling.
Deirdre smirked at the thought. She felt like a hen with seven chickens on her hands. Mean, ruthless and nasty chickens, but at the same time so… stupid and helpless. And their worst vice was that they were all too proud, too proud to admit that even they had weaknesses. Speaking of which…
"I think I better go check on Frieza," Deirdre spoke out loud, as she got up from her seat, "He hasn't called for anyone for almost three hours now. I wonder how he's feeling…"
"Why are you so worried about him?" Captain Ginyu asked, "He doesn't pay you for the housekeeping work you do. He's not even grateful for your care! Leave him alone and let him cure himself!"
"Oh, I know!" Burter hissed, grinning mysteriously, "She just trying to kiss up to him!!!"
Immediately he was silenced by Jeice slamming his fist into Burter's abdomen.
"You just don't understand, do you?" Deirdre sadly shook her head, "Even if it was any one of you in Frieza's place I would have still acted the same way."
The Ginyu Force gasped, while Jeice and Zarbon each hastily began to develop a plan of laying down with a FATAL disease.
Deirdre walked to the door, but stopped mid-way, and turned. She couldn't stay mad at their naive stupidity for long,
"You all are just… impossible!" she gave them a mocking grin.
"Thank you!!!" the choir of six voices sounded. They already loved her pet name for them.
"Hey, Deirdre, what about dessert?" Zarbon called to her, "You haven't even touched your chocolate soufflé… And I worked so hard on it!"
"I'm sure it tastes devine, Zarbon, but I don't really feel like anything sweet right now. If anyone of you, guys, want it, you can have it."
Deirdre exited paying no attention to the scuffle that immediately started over her soufflé. The Ginyu Force mingled together in a heap, gifting each other with punches and kicks. In a minute the outcome of the fight was clear as Captain Ginyu knocked out all four of his subordinates and triumphantly dug into the prize.
His men gradually came around, meanwhile Ginyu finished the soufflé.
Suddenly Deirdre appeared at the door. She looked worried.
"Frieza is not in his room!" she announced from the doorway.
"Don't worry about it," Captain Ginyu licked the remains of the chocolate from his fingers, "He must gone out for a whiz…"
"He's not THERE either," Deirdre gave him a venomous glare, "I've looked around his headquarters, he's nowhere to be found."
"He could have gone down to the lower deck of the ship," Zarbon cut in.
"Help me look," Deirdre addressed all of them, "We must find him, he's not in the condition to walk around… or stay up on his feet for too long, it'll kill him."
"Why?" Jeice decided to ask the question that was bothering everyone for some time now, "He just has a mere COLD! It's not even a serious disease!"
"It's not a serious disease for any of us," Deirdre crossed her arms, "But for Frieza it can turn fatal!"
The men gasped in utter surprise and disbelief. Deirdre decided to explain,
"Frieza's genetic structure is very different from any of us. Although he is physically stronger than any other being and has a great advantage in combat, his organism is weak against diseases… Not that he's prone to contracting them, but he can't fight them without a medical support. His organism has no natural defense against it. While each of us is immune to a common cold or flue, Frieza is not and if he allows the disease to develop even further it can become fatal for him."
The Ginyu Force and Zarbon listened very carefully to Deirdre's every word. Her tone made it very clear for them now: Deirdre didn't care for Frieza because of any emotional reasons, rather it was her nature to care… for any one. And that concern suddenly passed to all of them.
"We'll split and search the entire ship," Captain Ginyu said with determination, "Burter, check the lower decks! Jeice, you take the space pod modules! Guldo – the engine room! Recooome - the food storage…"
Suddenly Ginyu stopped noticing that Recoome began to dribble and a sly expression has entered his face.
"Oh, no!" Ginyu corrected his own mistake, "You take the Soldier Barracks, and I'll take the food storage!"
Saying that Ginyu slyly rubbed his hands.
"Oh, no you won't!" Zarbon interfered, "If you do, than we're sure to loose our yearly supply of chocolate!!! Don't even dream about it! I'll take the food storage, I'm the only one who's not chocolate-crazy around here!"
"Yeah, but you're 'something else' crazy!!!" Ginyu sniffed angrily.
"You check the recreation facilities, Captain," Deirdre said before Ginyu could argue with that decision, "I'll check the control room."
They all went to their assigned locations.
Deirdre entered the control room and proceeded straight to the main computer, ignoring the guard on duty, who jumped up and saluted her. She leaned over the control panel and began entering the required codes.
"X'cuse, commander Deirdre, ma'am" the little guard dared to speak, "But I'm under Frieza's personal orders… not to let… anyone near the controls…"
"Listen, you wanna take an early trip to another dimension?" Deirdre turned to the guard, pointing her index finger at him.
The guard yelped and darted out of the room.
"I thought so," Deirdre turned back to the controls. For a few minutes her fingers ran over the buttons, while the images on the big screen changed from one to another. She was checking the security camera records. Then suddenly her attention was drawn to a little button, which was flashing red. She pressed it. The metal voice of the computer announced,
"Unauthorized blast off from space pod module #5. Space pod #6247 has left the mother ship three hours, six minutes and 42 seconds ago."
Deirdre's eyes narrowed suspiciously, she gave a command,
"Locate the pod!"
In a few seconds the computer replied,
"Pod #6247 located. Current position: X74, Y58, quadrant 36E, sector 7S. Destination: Planet Earth. Attempting contact…"
Deirdre waited, she knew for sure that it was Frieza in that pod. Her intuition was never wrong.
"Failure!" the computer spoke again, "Contact denied! Pod #6247 has terminated mother ship control link and has gone autonomous. Reel back impossible! Contact terminated. Have a nice day!"
The computer became silent.
"Man, that last sentence is annoying!" Deirdre slammed her fist on the control panel, "I should remember to delete it from this darn machine's memory."
She took a microphone and spoke into it,
"Attention! Ginyu Force and Zarbon are to report to the control room immediately!" she thought for a moment and added, "The rest of you, have a nice day!"
While waiting for the men to arrive, Deirdre prepared the ship's control system for take off.
Soon the Ginyu Force and Zarbon came running in. Deirdre hastily pointed to the seats around the control room,
"Take you positions, we're blasting off in two minutes."
"Why? Where are we going? What's all the commotion with the transmitter?" the questions poured.
"Frieza's taken a space pod, and he's heading for Planet Earth," Deirdre explained, sitting down at the main control, "We must reach him within the next two hours and give him the medicine. Otherwise, consider him a goner!"
The men exchanged gazes and silently nodded. Each then took a seat.
They blasted off and headed to the Planet Earth. Caring none for the waste of fuel, Deirdre switched on the hyper-gear allowing the ship to travel at the speed of light.
Frieza felt a light hit and realized that his journey was over. He yawned and stretched. The latter didn't quite work as he was strapped for space in the tiny space pod. His head didn't ache and his nose wasn't blocked. This fact lifted Frieza's spirit up a bit.
"I knew that all I needed was to get out of the ship!" he mumbled to himself, "So, Planet Earth… Let's see what it looks like."
Frieza pressed the button, opening the hatch. Bright sunlight blinded him. Too dazed to fly out of the pod, he got out the "old-fashioned" way. Immediately he felt a soft touch of grass underneath his lizard-like feet. He also heard the birds tweeting somewhere nearby, and warm rays of the sun sliding over his head. Frieza blinked ferociously to clear his vision.
The first thing he saw was a little boy with pitch black spiky hair dressed in a bright yellow dress-like shirt. The boy froze and gazed at the alien. His eyes were wide open from astonishment. Frieza also looked at the boy with curiosity. The next moment the boy recovered from the initial shock and dashed away.
"MOMMY!!!" he cried as he ran.
Frieza followed the boy with his eyes. The boy ran to a reasonably attractive, but an aggressive looking woman. Her black hair was gathered in a tight bun, her clothes was an ordinary homewife's dress. At some distance from her another woman was standing. She looked younger, her hair was of a sea-green color. The women looked rather surprised, not scared-surprised, but caught-off-guard-surprised.
Without thinking Frieza turned away from the women, intending to fly away, but then stopped, secretly blowing his nose,
"What am I doing?" he said to himself, "Usually I would have blasted anyone I first met on the planet and now I'm intending to fly away and let these turkeys live! I must be sick!"
He turned around (which suddenly made him feel rather dizzy and his mind clouded a little), taking on the most threatening and evil look that he was capable of at the moment. Then he adjusted his voice and hissed menacingly,
"I am Frieza, the Blob of the Northern Galaxy… Oh, I mean, the Lord of the Northern Galaxy! And I am here to plestroy your dlanet… Er, I mean, to planet your destroy… No, to… um… destroy your planet!"
Ok, the only reaction this mambo-jumbo draw out of the women was quiet giggling. Even the boy chuckled. Now they weren't afraid of him at all. Frieza's anger began to boil. Perhaps, he didn't speak threateningly enough. He draw a deep breath and gave it another try,
"Didn't you hear me?! I'm oblivion you to going blow!!! Oh, shoot… I mean, I'm going to blow you to oblivion!!!"
Now the women looked at him as if they were looking at an insane. Their lips stretched in a half-pitiful, half-mocking grin. The boy meanwhile resumed playing with the flowers, paying no more attention to the Blob (oh, sorry, the Lord) of the Northern Galaxy.
That made Frieza furious, he sniffed in rage (and also because his nose was starting to run again), and growled at the women,
"Hey!!! Why aren't you screaming in terror?! Why aren't you fleeing in panic?!"
The woman with green hair pointed at the sky and said with a perfectly calm voice,
"That's why."
"Huh?" Frieza turned around to see seven sparks of energy appear in the sky. The sparks approached at high speed. Then seven warriors one by one landed in front of Frieza.
One was a tall, rather handsome man with a funny hairstyle, dressed in orange. He looked very Saiyan like. Another was a Namek with green skin and pointy ears. Then a tiny warrior with ghostly pale face. A three eyed warrior next to him. Then another handsome young man with long black hair and a scar on his cheek. Another was a bald-headed shorty with no nose. And the seventh warrior Frieza knew very well, it was Vegeta, the Saiyan Prince, who deserted Frieza's service and ran away from his Base.
As soon as Frieza saw him, his spirit arose even more. Now he was going to have a pleasure of blowing up a planet and punishing a deserter. What an incredible offer: buy one, get another one free! Frieza grinned and spoke (his voice suddenly became rather coarse),
"My, my, my! Look what we have here! How nice it is to see you again, Vegeta. I see you chose a nice place for your new home."
Vegeta made a despising grimace,
"Gee, what happened to your voice? Did they operate on your vocal cords or something?"
"SHUT UP!!!" Frieza choked and coughed a little, "Drepare to pie!!!"
All seven warriors gave Frieza a puzzled look.
"SHIT!!!" Frieza cursed, slamming his tail into the ground, "Prepare to die!!!"
He assumed a battle pose and was about to charge, when the boy (who's been gathering flowers till that moment) suddenly gasped as he saw that the battle was about to begin. A sudden gust of wind tore the flower bouquet out of his hands, which made him gasp again. Automatically Frieza turned to the sound and… the bouquet of freshly picked field flowers hit him in the face. Petals and pollen whirled around him.
"ACHOOO!!! ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO!!!" Frieza went into a severe sneezing fit. His eyes filled with tears, and his nose felt like it was going to explode.
"ACHOO! ACHOO!" Frieza couldn't stop himself. The gust of wind created by his sneezing rushed down the hill, safely avoiding the seven warriors, who now looked at Frieza with something like compassion (that is, everyone except Vegeta). The woman with black hair looked at the man in the orange clothes.
"Poor thing," she said, "Goku, look at him, he's obviously sick!"
"Yeah, that's the worst allergy reaction I've ever seen," Goku nodded, "Do we have any hay-fever medicine, Chi-Chi?"
"No, I gave it all to Gohan last week… Oh, my, he doesn't look so good! At least give him a handkerchief."
She handed Goku a clean pink handkerchief. Goku approached Frieza, who was still sneezing unstoppably.
"Here you go!" Goku extended a handkerchief with a naively friendly smile, "You might want to use it. Gosh, you should be more careful with sniffing the flowers! Didn't you know you have an allergy?"
"ACHOO! FLOWERS?!?! ACHOO! CAREFULL?!?! ACHOOO!!! ALLERGY?! OOOOOOHHH!!!!!!" Frieza growled between sneezes. He wanted so much to blast Goku, as well as everyone else present, to tiny bits, but…
His sneezing turned into a spasm that hit his lungs with sharp pain. His head span, the world whirled in his eyes. Then came the darkness.
Unconscious, Frieza dropped on the grass. Those around gazed at him with a mixture of surprise and shock. Goku bent over him and placed his hand of Frieza's forehead.
"WOW!!!" he jerked his hand away, "He's burning up big time!!! This fellow is seriously sick!"
"Lemme at 'im!" Vegeta stepped forward, "And I'll cure the Universe of the worst disease that has ever existed, the disease by the name of Frieza!!!"
"Vegeta!!!" Goku frowned, stepping between Frieza and Vegeta, "You will not touch him! Look at him: he's sick, he's down and he may be dying… And all you can think of is your revenge. Learn to show compassion!"
"Compassion?!?! This scum doesn't deserve compassion! He's killed more people than you know!!!"
"It is still wrong to kill someone who can't fight back!"
"Oh, for crying out loud, stop it you two!!!" Chi-Chi approached them, she also touched Frieza's forehead, "Oh, my! It looks like he has a very bad fever."
"Perhaps, we should call an ambulance!" Goku suggested in his noble and naive fashion, and turned to the green-haired girl, "Bulma, could you please?"
Bulma opened her mouth to say something, when suddenly a loud clash in the air draw everyone's attention to a fast approaching flying apparatus of some kind.
"Wow, that was fast!" Goku commented, "The ambulance surely works superb these days!"
"But I didn't call any ambulance!" Bulma rose her eyebrows.
"Then what the heck is it?"
The apparatus approached. It was round and had an appearance of a big bug, but even more it looked like a flying saucer.
"OH MY KAMI!!!" Vegeta gasped, "It's Frieza's Mother Ship!!!"
Goku's eyes widened in utter astonishment,
"You mean THAT THING is his MOTHER?!?!?! Gosh, what kind of freak is he?!?!"
"Geez!!!" Vegeta rolled his eyes at Goku's stupidity, "You're so damn stupid, Kakarot! A mother ship is the main ship in one's fleet, is that clear enough for you?!"
"I don't want to cut in," the short bald-headed warrior gulped, "BUT WE'VE GOT COMPANY!!!"
While Vegeta and Goku argued, the ship has landed soundlessly at some distance from them. The main hatch buzzed and opened. Two figures appeared in the hatchway, a short woman and a tall man. They slowly descended on the ground.
"Oh, no, not her!" Vegeta growled under his breath, recognizing Deirdre, his ex-crash.
"Who're they?" Goku quietly asked Vegeta.
"Frieza's minions. I suggest you watch the girl carefully, she may not look too tough, but she's about as dangerous as Frieza…"
"Forget the girl!" Bulma suddenly cut in, "Who is that dream boat with her?!?!"
Vegeta rolled his eyes,
"That's Zarbon. And believe me, he's not as dreamy as he first seems!"
Meanwhile Deirdre and Zarbon scanned the area and located Frieza.
"Good Lord!" Zarbon gasped, "They've killed him!!!"
"No," Deirdre said calmly, "He collapsed from the deterioration of his condition. Those three hours that he's been up on his feet allowed his fever to completely take over his organism. His energy resources have been emptied. In plain English, that means that he has about half an hour left to live, if not given the medicine at once!"
"In that case we must get him from those Earthlings. But they don't look like they're going to give him up without a fight…"
"Who said 'fight'?! That's our cue!!!" Ginyu's voice thundered.
FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!!
The Ginyu Force landed in front of the ship in an orderly line, preparing to make one of their "stylish" entrances.
"No, no, no! Anything but this!!!" Deirdre howled, slapping herself on the forehead. Zarbon rolled his eyes and made a grimace of disgust.
Then the usual performance started. Each member of the Ginyu Force stepped forward and stroke an individual pose, announcing his name.
"Recoome!"
"Burter!"
"Jeice!"
"Guldo!"
"Captain Ginyu!"
"And together we are… The Ginyu Force!!!" all five men froze in their group pose, which was taken very seriously by themselves but looked comical to any observer. The Earthlings bust out laughing (except for Goku and Vegeta), while Deirdre hid he face in her hands and Zarbon went slightly red with embarrassment.
Goku stepped forward and addressed the Ginyu Force in cheerful and friendly manner,
"Hi! I'm Goku and these are my friends. It's very nice to meet you, guys! I believe you're friends of this Frieza fellow. You know your friend is very sick, you should have made him stay in bed or something."
The Ginyu Force dropped their jaws at this. Their battle pose, which arose horror of the peoples throughout the galaxy, was now laughed at, mocked and… considered silly!!! Captain Ginyu growled in anger and prepared to blast the "impudent little worm" to bits, but Deirdre's laughter stopped him.
She walked forward, saying as she went,
"This man's courage as well as his naive stupidity deserve a commend! At ease!" she commanded the Ginyu Force, "I'll handle this, gentlemen."
"But he laughed at our STYLE!!! I'm gonna kill him for that!!!" Captain Ginyu argued.
"I laugh at your style, and you never attempted to kill me," Deirdre gave him an icy-cold glare, "I said, draw back!"
On any other occasion Captain Ginyu would have continued arguing, but the situation was tense as is was. And besides he didn't feel that good for some odd reason,
"Oh, shouldn't have had that second soufflé!" Ginyu mumbled and gave a sign to his team to halt.
Meanwhile Deirdre took a closer look at the Earthlings and noticed Vegeta among them. She gave him a greeting nod,
"Ah, Vegeta, good to see you again. You chose a glamorous little planet as your sanctuary. I'm glad that you're doing well."
"Too bad I can't say the same about you!!!" Vegeta snapped venomously.
Deirdre ignored his comment and turned to Goku,
"You named yourself Goku, I presume you are the leader of this group of warriors. I am Deirdre, commander of the Frieza Star Fleet. Our arrival on your planet is for one purpose only, we came after Frieza. He is sick and needs medical attention immediately."
"Oh, yes, yes," Goku nodded, "By all means do take him. We were going to call an ambulance for him ourselves. And if you need any help…"
"I appreciate you concern, Goku. We'll be fine."
Deirdre's eyes sparked with blue energy as she directed her gaze at Frieza, who was still laying unconscious on the ground. Deirdre mentally lifted him up in the air and directed him into the ship. Then she gave a sign for the Ginyu Force and Zarbon to get back inside the ship too. They complied. Deirdre was the last one to come on board.
"Hey," Goku's voice stopped her in the hatchway, "How about you stay for dinner? We'll have barbecue…"
Deirdre returned him a friendly smile,
"Thank you for your hospitality, but I'm afraid I must decline. Our sides are not ready to come together… yet. But I shall remember your kind offer and, perhaps, one day we will pay you a visit. But for now, farewell."
The ship prepared to lift off.
"Aaawww! What?!? No fight?!?!?" the warriors from both sides sighed in disappointment.
While Chi-Chi and Deirdre growled in unison,
"NO! No fight!!!"
And yet again diplomacy had prevailed over brutal force.
The ship disappeared in the sky.
"Well, I hope you're happy, Kakarot!" Vegeta announced venomously, "You've just let go the most dangerous group in the entire Universe!!! Mark my word, you'll live to regret this day!"
"You're wrong, Vegeta," Goku shook his head, "They may be evil, but as long as Deirdre is with them she'll keep them at hand, just like Chi-Chi keeps me!"
A blow on the head with a frying pan followed.
"So I keep you at hand, eh?!?! So I'm your jailor, am I?!?! I'm your tormentor?!?!?" Chi-Chi took another couple of swings at Goku.
"No, Chi-Chi, darling, that's not what I meant… I mean… WOW!!!" Goku barely managed to avoid the blows.
Then he ran downhill, closely followed by the enraged Chi-Chi, who was furiously swinging the frying pan in attempts to hit him again.
The rest of the Z-Warriors followed them, laughing. Only Vegeta remained standing on top of the hill, looking in the sky where the space ship had disappeared.
"Is it just my luck, or did I ran away from one crazy house to find another?!" he sniffed to himself and followed the rest of his comrades.
"Uh, rise and shine, sleeping beauty! And how do we feel?"
Frieza started at the sound of the voice, and opened his eyes.
"Deirdre?" his voice sounded normal again.
Deirdre's face leaned over Frieza. She was smiling. Frieza attempted to get up, she didn't stop him. Surprisingly, Frieza felt… completely recovered. As if he never had any cold at all. He sniffed. His nose wasn't blocked. He looked around. His vision was perfectly clear. His headache was gone completely and he didn't feel feverish anymore.
"I'm… I'm cured!" Frieza murmured in surprise, "Funny! I don't remember anything since I got on the Planet Earth…"
He looked around again. He was in his room on board of his Mother Ship.
"How did I get here?" Frieza addressed Deirdre, "And what happened to Planet Earth?"
"You blew it up," Deirdre replied, clearing off the table by his bed.
"And Vegeta?"
"Vegeta?"
"Yes, he was there on Earth…"
"Then you got him too. When we got there you were floating in space, hit by the recoil of the blast."
"How strange. I don't remember how I blew up that planet… But I feel fine now, I'm absolutely cured. I told you all I needed was a good exercise and…"
Suddenly Frieza stopped as he noticed a metal shine in Deirdre's hands. He flinched when he recognized a syringe. Then he felt something on his upper arm. It was a tiny piece of bandage. Frieza gasped at the realization,
"You… you… you actually gave me a shot!!!!!…… How could you?!?! You promised!!!"
"Hey, you were the first to break your promise!" Deirdre calmly replied, "We had a deal, remember: I won't give you a needle if you won't leave you bed. You broke your word, so…"
"I don't care!!!" Frieza roared in fury, "No one dares to make deals with me! No one dares to disobey my orders, and that was an ORDER, not a request!!! You've been nothing but trouble since the moment I took you in! Perhaps, today is the good day to remedy the sad fact of your existence!!!"
Frieza aimed his hand at Deirdre. And she just stood, looking at him. Her gaze wasn't filled with horror, it was indifferent and somewhat sly. Then she started humming something to herself. A sound of a soft, soothing lullaby… Icia's lullaby…
Frieza slowly lowered his hand. There wasn't another force in the Universe that could defeat him.
"Why?" he asked without any threat in his voice now, "Why is it every time I want to kill you, something within stops me?"
She grinned, or smiled… it was hard to tell which,
"Don't ask the questions you don't want to hear the answer for."
Frieza kept quiet for a moment and then decided to change the subject,
"What do you say we celebrate my getting well by a nice big dinner! Cos I'm starving!"
"I'm sorry, Frieza, but I must decline you kind offer," Deirdre gave a sigh, "You go ahead and celebrate. I think I'll go off to bed early today, I'm kinda tired and I don't feel so… so…. A-A-A-A-A….. ACHOOO!!!" she gave a vent to a violent sneeze.
Frieza sprang on his feet at the sound.
"What was that?!" he inquired with a mixture of surprise and concern in his voice.
"I… I just got some dust in my… ACHOO!!!" Deirdre sneezed again and was jolted a few steps back.
Frieza approached her and, despite her protests, placed his hand on her forehead.
"You… you're burning up!" he said, his eyes widening, "Deirdre, you caught my cold!" suddenly a sadistic expression entered his face, "I guess that means I'll have to give you… the needle!!! Hey, somebody! I require assistance!"
Deirdre turned her face to Frieza.
"You know I'm not afraid of shots, but you truly are a heartless sadist!!!"
"Why thank you," he grinned back.
The door opened and Zarbon entered. He looked extremely languor. As he noticed Deirdre his face seemed to have lightened slightly.
"You called, Master Frieza," he spoke, his voice was barely audible, it was obvious his throat was sore, "I… I think I'm sick… Deirdre, could you check if I feel warm?"
"What? You too?" Frieza sniffed in surprise, "Ha, this is getting interesting, I bet the Ginyu Force will love this one! Ginyu Force! Get in here at once!"
The five men came running in. Yet instead of starting their usual enthusiastic "performance", they just lined up rather unorderly.
"Ginyu Force ready for a….. A-A-A-A… ACHOOO!!!!!" a gargantuan sneeze stopped short Captain Ginyu's report.
"ACHOOO!!! ACHOOO!!! ACHOOO!!! ACHOOO!!!" his subordinates echoed devotedly.
Frieza looked at them intently. Their eyes were watery, and their nose were running.
"Ha!!! You're all sick!!! You've all caught my cold!!! Ha-ha-ha!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!" Frieza bust out laughing as if he heard the best joke in centuries.
"I guess that's called "compassion" in his vocabulary!" Burter hissed, "Man, my head feels like it's gonna explode!"
"Burter, just shut up!" Captain Ginyu tried his best to hold another approaching sneeze, "You're no the only one with a headache!"
"Captain, my throat hurts!" Recoome whined, "And my head hurts! And my muscles are sore too! And my tummy hurts as well…"
"And what about your ass, does it hurt too?!" Guldo gurgled, barely managing to keep his voice from going coarse, "Quit bugging everyone with your complaints! I don't feel that great myself, yet you don't hear me whining about it! By the way, Captain, may I go to bed early today, I DON'T FEEL SO GO-O-O-OD…"
Jeice was suffering from this cold more than anyone. It wasn't the feeling of sickness, but it was rather a feeling that the disease has changed his always perfect looks for worse. It was the depression about getting red eyes, swelled, running nose and loosing his voice. Now all plans of getting Deirdre's undivided attention due to this sickness were failing miserably. All that Jeice's face expressed now was suicidal misery.
In about a minute Frieza stopped laughing and looked at his sick minions.
"Well since you all cared for me when I was sick," he said, "I ought to do the same for you. And the first thing I'm going to start your treatment with (and which I'm going to personally perform), is a nice, curing, almost non-painful… SHOT!!!!!!!"
The eyes of the six men became about the size of the bicycle wheels.
"AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!" they screamed in unison and darted out of the room.
"Not to worry," Frieza yelled after them, "As soon as I get the syringes filled, I'll find you anywhere on this ship… or in this Universe!!!"
Then Frieza turned to Deirdre, who crossed her arms and stared at him with a disgusted criticism. He ignored her hint.
"Deirdre, my dear, I must admit, you were right all alone," he cheerfully winked to her, "I sure had learned a valuable lesson from all this sickness business. It really does feel good to care for others!!!"
"I'm glad that you feel that way," Deirdre smirked ironically, "But there's one thing you never quite understood…"
"Which one?"
"THE DEFENITION OF THE WORD "CARE"!!!!! YOU HEARTLESS SADIST!!!"
P.S.
Zarbon:
"Hey, did anyone notice that this story has no fights in it?"Captain Ginyu:
"Yeah, what happened to the good ol' energy combat?!?!"Jeice:
"YEAH!!! We want sparks flying!!!"Frieza:
"Oh, so you want to see a few energy attacks, do you?"(Fires his Frieza Beam, Eye Lazer and a few other cool and pyrotechnic energy attacks. The Ginyu Force and Zarbon flee in terror.)
Frieza (grinning evily):
"Remember, kids, be careful what you wish for, or you might just get it!… Oh, and… don't try this at home, I'm a professional after all!"Disclaimer: All the characters are copyright© to Akira Toriyama and Toei Animation, Deirdre is copyright© to Jeisre Ice. This story is copyright© of Jeisre Ice. Permission is given by the author to copy this story for personal use only, providing no changes is done to the story or this notice.
