Ch 115 Bar Flight

Tortuga, Saturday 27 August, 1746, later evening

"Bloody hell!" Jack grumbled after they had crossed the town square. "Just when things started to get interesting, that maggot had to go and start a brawl and ruin everything! Remind me to keelhaul him when we get back to the Pearl!"

Lizzie clung to his arm with both hands. "Slow down, Jack! I'm not very steady on my feet at the moment."

Jack stopped and put an arm around his panting wife. "Sorry, love! But when a pub brawl starts, it's best to put distance between it and yourself as fast as possible."

"Why? We're not in any-" Lizzie began. She was interrupted as a pistol fired inside the Faithful Bride. A window shattered as the shot whizzed through the air. It struck the hanging sign on a nearby building. The sign swung wildly before falling off its hooks and tumbling into the street.

"Not everyone who patronizes the Faithful Bride can read the rules! Let's get out of range!" Jack put her arm over his shoulder, hoisted her by the waist and began moving again. He supported as they hurried down the square toward the harbor. When they were around a corner and out of sight of the tavern, he slowed to a walk.

"Still with me, love?" he asked.

Lizzie gasped and panted, unable to speak. The clear-headed sensation of heightened awareness that she had been enjoying was quickly being replaced with fuzzy drunkenness. It still felt wonderful, but moving was becoming much more difficult. She pointed toward a large rock that marked the entrance to the harbor. "Rest…" was all she was able to get out. Jack helped her over to the boulder. She leaned against it gratefully. When her heart and breathing had slowed somewhat, she puffed out a halting sentence. "Should have… eaten supper before… drinking that much… too drunk to run!"

Jack tried not to laugh, but was unsuccessful. "Oh, love, I don't think supper would have protected you from that much Port! But Allie's left curry on the stove for us. Let's get you home and feed you. If anything will chase away the bed spins, it's Allie's goat curry! Can you walk yet?" He held out a hand.

Lizzie grasped it and he helped her to stand upright. After a few tentative steps she nodded. He released her hand and put his arm around her waist.

She clung to him with both hands and leaned against him as they picked their way down the rough cart track toward the Rose and Ivy Inn.

"Jack?"

"Yes, love?"

"I drank too much. I need a privy."

"It's another quarter mile or more to Allie's."

"Not good. Too far."

She teetered toward the side of the cart track, leaned a shoulder against a tree and began trying to pull up her chemise, petticoats and skirts. The sheer volume of fabric was too much for just her two drunken hands, and she could not keep all of it under her control.

"Jack, help me! I don't want to pee on it!" she whined.

"Just a few days ago you wouldn't use a chamber pot in front of me!" Jack's voice gave away the laughter he was trying to contain. But he grabbed a large double handful of silk and lace, and helped to lift it out of Lizzie's way so she could squat to relieve herself. When she was finished she pulled herself upright against the tree. Staggering away from it, she ran into Jack, who was still holding up her dress.

"Well, hello, yourself! Here's an opportune moment just placed in my hands!" he chuckled, slipping a hand beneath the raised skirts to caress her uncovered posterior. Lizzie inhaled sharply. "Mmmmm" she replied, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her tongue slipped between his lips as she kissed him. Jack pulled her body against his, both hands on her bare buttocks. Yards of lace and silk fabric billowed out over his arms.

"Right here. Right now." She murmured her commands into his mouth between kisses. Her hands groped down his body, found the hardness they sought and began fumbling for the buttons on his trousers.

"What? Oh no, Lizzie…not here."

"Why not?" Her hands continued to feel blindly around his trouser front. Jack groaned.

"Lizzie, darling… as exciting as that idea may seem to you right now… anyone could come along at any time, and see you... us... Doesn't that thought…disturb you just the slightest bit?" His reply was interspersed with little gasps of pleasure as her fingers caressed sensitive areas.

Lizzie shook her head. She'd gotten the first button on one side of the drop-front trousers undone and began pulling on the second one. The initial tightness of the pants was compounded by Jack's arousal; the buttons were not cooperative. She growled in frustration.

"No. I want you. Now. This instant!"

Jack inhaled deeply and let out a moan. "Oh gods, Lizzie, I've wanted to hear you say that since the day I met you. But I want you in a bed, not on a rocky trail full of goat droppings! C'mon, love, let's get you back to that inn, and into a proper bed!" He dropped her skirts and tried to turn her toward the inn. He had to physically remove her hands from his fly.

"Ohh, Jack, no!" Lizzie moaned.

"Come on, love, not much farther now. Then you may, nay, shall, will, must have me!" He put his arm around her waist and began walking. A few minutes later she reached for his trousers again. Jack intercepted the hand and captured it. But the first time he let down his guard and relaxed, her hand crept back toward his buttons. When he stopped to catch her hand, she threw herself at him and thrust her hips into him as she kissed him fiercely.

"I can't wait, Jack! I want you right now!"

Jack groaned. "I'm never going to let you sober up again!"

"Aren't you drunk too?" Lizzie asked.

"Not as drunk as you are. If I was, we'd be on the ground right now! I can wait long enough to get you to that bed-'tis only a little farther."

Grunting sounds from the woods made Jack's head snap up. "Lizzie, shush!"

She squirmed impatiently. "No!"

He put a hand over her lips. "Listen!" A branch cracked nearby, and something rustled in the underbrush. Several small dark animals came out of the woods and milled about in the road around them, making little squeaks and squeals.

"Bugger!" Jack muttered, pushing Lizzie aside so he could reach and draw his pistol.

"What?" Lizzie asked, confused. "What are those?"

"Baby wild boars. We need to leave right now before their mum shows up! She'll be 200 pounds of protective mother armed with razor sharp tusks, and more ill tempered than Davy Jones!" He began inching past the babies, pulling Lizzie with him.

"Oooh, they're precious!" Lizzie cooed as they got closer. She leaned down to get a better look.

"Lizzie, leave them and come on!" Jack tugged on her arm and kept inching, trying to avoid touching the inquisitive baby hogs. As they squeezed past the last one, it took a keen interest in the wine-soaked hem of Lizzie's dress. It began sniffing and nipping at her skirts. Lizzie yanked the skirt out of its mouth. "No! That's mine!"

The baby hog squalled in high-pitched frustration. Something much bigger squealed in reply as it crashed through the woods toward them.

"Bugger! That's the mum! Run, Lizzie!"

Lizzie took two steps and stumbled on the rocks. "I can't!"

Jack holstered the pistol and scooped her up in his arms. "Sorry, love, we need to fly!" he grunted as he shifted her body over one shoulder and began to run toward the stairs leading to the inn. "Oof! Ow!" Lizzie grunted and yelped as she was bounced and jostled.

The crashing sounds turned to clattering as the sow reached the rocky cart track. She squealed again and again as she chased them. Jack stumbled and faltered on the uneven trail, but somehow never fell. At last he reached the stone embankment that shored up the hill upon which the Rose and Ivy was built. In his haste to outrun the sow, he nearly passed the stairs. He turned at the last second, and jumped up as many steps as he could at once with Lizzie on his shoulder. He plopped her down on the step above him. "Shhh, be quiet and hold still!" he whispered. He turned to face the track and drew his pistol again.

The sow rushed past the bottom of the steps in the darkness below them. When her angry squeals had faded away in the distance, Jack put the pistol away. He turned back to Lizzie. "Go on up, but be quick and be quiet!" Lizzie stood, turned and began to stagger up the steps. She couldn't haul up all of the skirts and hang onto the rock wall at the same time. She tripped and went down on her hands and knees. Jack, who was following close behind her, narrowly avoided falling over her. He helped her to her feet and half-carried her the rest of the way.

When they were in the garden at the top and Lizzie was standing on solid ground, Jack allowed himself to gasp for air.

"She won't follow us all the way up here. We didn't hurt her babies, just got too close. She had to chase us away."

Lizzie leaned against the stone wall near the steps. "I'm not… not feeling very well…" She rested her elbows on the wall, and put her forehead down against the cool stones.

"If you're going to…" Jack began, but Lizzie weakly waved a hand at him.

"Shhhh!"

She remained quiet against the wall for several minutes, eyes closed and one hand pressed against her stomach. When she finally opened her eyes, Jack was standing just a few feet away. The light of the waning moon was dimmed by clouds; she could barely see his face. He stepped closer.

"Are you going to be alright, or should I get you out of Allie's flower garden?"

"I feel better…just needed to calm myself. Too much… bouncing." She reached for him and hugged him tightly. "I couldn't have—couldn't have run—run away from her." Her words were carefully chosen and over articulated. Tipping her head back to look up at him nearly overbalanced her, and she clung to his arms to catch herself. "I shink I'm really drunk, Jack!" She giggled.

"No question there, love, you are beyond a doubt more drunk, inebriated and under the influence than I've ever seen you. Some of us sober up right quickly when our lives are threatened," Jack commented, one eyebrow raised. "Lucky me to marry the one woman who gets drunker when under attack!"

Lizzie giggled again. "Thank you, handshome Captain Jack Shparrow, for reshcuing me from the evil pig!" She hiccupped as she laughed at herself, and threw her arms around him again. "Mmmmm," she murmured as she pressed her body against his.

"You must be feeling better! If you're up to it, I know just how you can repay me…" Jack grinned lustfully.

"Do you, now?" Lizzie's wicked smile was evident in her voice. Her hands crept toward his trouser buttons again.

Lightning flashed and thunder cracked directly overhead as rain began to pour. "Come on, love!" Jack grabbed Lizzie's hand and they rushed into the inn. The bells tinkled as the door opened and closed.

"Bugger! Sorry, Allie, it's just us!" Jack hissed.

An unintelligible murmur came from the back of the inn. Lizzie started to say something, but Jack shushed her.

"You sit right here. I'll get us something to eat. Then we are going directly upstairs, savvy?" he whispered. He pulled out a chair at one of the tables and helped her to sit down. She pushed her damp hair out of her face, and leaned both elbows on the table top. Jack set off for the kitchen.

He felt his way gingerly around the room in the dark, unsure where things were kept. The stove made its presence known by singeing his fingertips. Sucking on the burned fingers, he felt further until he found a bowl on the sideboard. A flash of lightning through the window lit the room just long enough for him to locate a loaf of bread and a spoon. He waited for another flash to find the pot of curry warming on a back burner. Timing his movements to the light provided by the storm, he filled the bowl with curry, stuck the spoon into it and broke off a chunk of bread which he dropped on top of the curry.

Carrying the bowl, he returned to the dining room where he found Lizzie still sitting in the dark. He put the food before her, whispering, "Here, eat this. You'll feel better!" He felt for and found one of the candle lanterns on the wall. Placing it on the table, he lit the candle stub it contained. "There, now you can see what you're eating."

"I'm not hungry." She shook her head and pushed the food away.

"Lizzie…" There was warning in his voice. "You should at least eat the bread."

"But I don't—," she began.

Jack sighed. "Just take a bite. Just one."

She lifted the curry soaked bread and took a tiny bite. "Mmm…" She took a bigger bite. Then she pulled the spoon and bowl closer to herself and began to eat. Jack chuckled, and went back to the kitchen to fill a bowl for himself.

By the time he returned Lizzie had already finished her meal. Jack seated himself in the chair next to her and began to eat. As he ate, Lizzie trailed her hand up and down his thigh.

"You certainly are being familiar tonight!"

"We are married, aren't we?" she shot back. "Eat fashter!"

"One appetite at a time, love! I'll be done in a thrice!"

Lizzie's hand strayed back to his buttons again. But the angle for unbuttoning them was wrong, so the hand lingered on what lay beneath those buttons. Jack inhaled sharply and adjusted the tight pants.

"I'm so glad I followed along to keep you out of trouble when you dined with Pardal. Port wine makes you quite randy!" He smiled as he wolfed down the food.

"It doezzh sheem to do that, doeshn't it?" Lizzie replied. Her voice was unnaturally lilting and singsong. As he put down his spoon, Lizzie stood up and took him by the hand. She pointed upstairs.

"Now. Right now!"

"Yes, ma'am…" Jack stood up, adjusted his pants again, and lifted the lantern. Lizzie gathered up her skirts, grasped the mass of silk with both hands and headed for the stairs. She hiked the dress to a shocking height to avoid tripping as she led the way up the stairs. Jack, following behind her with the lantern, commented quietly, "The view from here is quite enjoyable!" When they reached their room, Lizzie pinned him to the door with a deep, passionate kiss.

"I'm going to stock the entire cargo hold full of Port wine," Jack muttered between kisses. Behind his back he fumbled with the doorknob. As the door swung open they stepped into the bedroom, moving in a silent galliard.