The ride to the hospital was silent. Tensions nested themselves inside of their bodies the closer they grew closer. Their minds wandered at a million miles a minute trying to absorb the levity of the situation.

They were taking him home today.

They pulled into the parking lot, and pulled themselves from the car. Burke wrapped his arm around Cristina tight and protective and they took their first step together towards the hospital. Their chests were tight and their airways constricted. It all seemed so surreal.

They were taking him home today.

Their hearts raced jointly as Burke laid his hand across the cold steel handle of the NICU's door to push it open. Cristina held to his side tighter, trying to focus on breathing. They continued through the door and into the NICU. They started down the carpeted path to Xavier's bedside and in the same moment they froze. They weren't ready for this.

How would they ever be ready for this?

Addison stood at the bedside looking over Xavier. Her eyes trailed up to the monitor and she shook her head before glancing back down at the baby. She glanced up to see Burke and Cristina standing a few feet away from them. Swallowing down a lump in her throat she approached them slowly. She laid her hand over Burke's arm. "We did…everything that we could."

Burke heard her words, but his mind couldn't process them. They were taking him home today. They were supposed to take him home today.

"What was it?" Cristina asked softly, her voice trembling. She dug her fingers into the back of Burke's hand trying to hold onto something real; fighting to keep her composure.

"A seizure." Addison breathed, trying to keep herself together, "They had taken him off the monitors to prepare him for discharge and the home apnea monitor that he was placed on didn't alarm when he…" Her voice trailed off. "I'm so sorry."

"His scans were.." Burke protested.

"His scans were pure. His labs were improving." Addison confirmed, "Secondary epilepsy is not uncommon with drug addicted babies."

"You don't think I know that?" Cristina snapped at her, then withdrew. "Why…why didn't they stay with him while he was on the monitor?" Her voice evened out and she pressed her lips together as she searched Addison. She needed answers.

"The monitor was functioning fine and the nurse stepped away to attend to another infant, Cristina. This isn't anybody's fault." Addison tried to keep her voice soothing.

An uncomfortable silence hung between the three of them for countless minutes. Cristina's eyes wondered to each nurse standing around the NICU wondering which one had not been there. She had wondered which one was careless enough to let Xavier just die.

She knew that it was better that she didn't know.

"Do you want to see him? To…" Addison paused, fighting to find the right words. "You should hold him. Say goodbye."

"I don't think-" Cristina started, but Burke cut her off.

"We want to see him." Burke's voice was strained, but even. His eyes trailed to the bedside where their son lay under a warmer free of tubes and lines, swaddled in a blue fleece blanket.

Cristina's grip on Burke loosened slightly and he pulled her towards the warmer. "I-I-" She stammered, "Burke, I can't do this…" Her voice was no more than a whisper as she glanced at him in horror. "Burke…" A tear slipped down her cheeks as she looked up to him, "I can't do this."

He pulled her into his arms, holding her tight, "You have to, Cristina. We have to. We're doing this together." He didn't want to do it anymore than she did, but he knew that they had to. He knew that if they were going to move on from this- if they were going to come back from this that they had to let him go.

They were supposed to bring him home today, instead they were letting him go.

The nurse lifted Xavier from the warmer and placed him into Cristina's arms. She glanced down at him and her eyes stung as the tears began to flow more forcefully. She couldn't choke them back any longer. She pressed her lips to his artificially warmed skin. Tears slid from her cheeks wetting the tufts of black hair that adorned his head. Holding Xavier tightly against her chest, she leaned into Burke unable to support her own weight any longer.

Cristina felt everything spinning out of control and she just wanted to make it stop. She wanted the tears to stop; she wanted the thoughts to stop. She wanted the pathetic glances and gazes of pity from the staff to stop.

"I wanted this." She whispered softly, "Dammit, I wanted this. I wanted to give you this, but I wanted this too. Burke, I wanted it too." The words kept coming, the tears kept coming, and the emotions kept coming. The realization that they would never be parents kept coming.

Burke held her tightly as she sobbed against his chest, tears falling slowly from his own eyes. He tried to focus on the sun slowly rising through the window. He fought to keep his emotions in check. He would have to be strong for her now.

His grief would come later.

"I know you did, Cristina." He finally murmured softly against her ear. "I know you did."

After many hours spent at the hospital signing papers and making arrangements they returned home. The house that been filled with so many dreams now seemed lifeless. The echoes of their feet through the long hallway past the door to the nursery drowned their thoughts. The sheets of their bed felt like ice against their skin long after they'd been warmed by their bodies.

Silently, they both prayed for sleep to take over, for their bodies to shut down. Burke held Cristina close to him, his free hand snaking through her curls. He shivered as he felt her tears drop onto his hand and he pulled her closer. Despite everything that had happened to them over the past months, he couldn't help but think that they still fit. Their bodies still fit together like pieces of a puzzle.

They were two halves made whole, yet forever incomplete.