Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I do, however, own this! -brandishes a tomato-
A/N: FEAR THE TOMATO!!
Sasuke: Tomato…
Er... Sasuke? Daijoubu?
Sasuke: TOMATO! -tackles Kitsuru-
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! -runs around with her hand in Sasuke's mouth- GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!
Shikamaru: …how troublesome. Let's just get this troublesome attempt at crack over with…
Lee: YOSH!
"Lock the door!" Naruto shouted, running into the room. His eyes, normally filled with mischief, were instead wide with complete and utter terror. Dark shadows lay under them, accompanied by heavy bags. His clothing was dirty and torn in places from his harrowing escape, and his hair had a few twigs and leaves in it.
Sasuke, Neji, Shikamaru, Lee, and Sai blinked at him. He blinked back for a moment, before a shout from outside was heard. His eyes grew fearful once again, and he scrambled for the door.
"Dobe…" Sasuke finally began. "What are you doing?"
"TEEEEMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!" He wailed, latching onto the Uchiha in despair. Sasuke looked decidedly uncomfortable. "IT'S HORRIBLE! SAAVVVEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"
"YOSH!" Lee shouted, punching the air eagerly. "For the sake of all that is youthful, we must aid our youthful friend! And if we cannot do that, then I will run twenty thousand laps around Konoha! YOSH!"
"Too troublesome." Shikamaru said, going back to watching the clouds through the window. Huh… that one looks like a deer…
"Hn." Neji added.
"YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" Naruto pleaded. Sasuke managed to peel the sobbing blonde off of him. "I'M BEGGING YOOOUUUUUUU!!"
"Sorry, Dickless." Sai said when Naruto stumbled into him. "I don't swing that way. Pretty-boy over there might, though…"
"What was that?" Neji and Sasuke hissed in unison, anger sparking in their eyes.
Something banged on the door, startling the shinobi. Naruto, now clinging to Lee, started screaming about how 'they' were after him.
"NARUTO!" Lee cry, jumping to his feet. "YOU'RE FLAMES OF YOUTH MUST NOT FALTER IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY! I WILL STOP THIS MENACE, OR DO FIVE MILLION PUSH UPS! YOSH!!"
He strode out, his eyes flaming and his head held high. Naruto scrambled to lock the door after him, before retreating back behind Neji.
The five ninja's were utterly silent, waiting.
"FOR THE SAKE OF THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH, I HAVE COME TO… STOP… you… oh… um… OHAIYO, SA—"
Another roar was heard, and a high-pitched, terrified scream.
"There's a little girl out there?" A mildly alarmed Sasuke asked Neji, who had activated his Byakugan.
"No." He said. "That was Lee."
"OH, BY THE FIRES OF YOUTH! I BEG OF YOU, DON'T—GAI-SENSEI, HELP ME!!"
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!!"
"GAI-SEN—AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
"FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS YOUTHFUL! LEE!!"
"GAI-SENSEI!!"
"LEE—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
The door buckled as a huge weight—probably one wearing green spandex—was thrown against it, then cracked. Naruto whimpered and cowered behind Sasuke. The Uchiha exchanged a significant look with Neji, then nodded in agreement to a silently made plan between two of Konoha's genius pretty boys.
"At a time like this…" Sasuke began, grabbing one of Naruto's arms.
"Teme?" Naruto asked nervously, looking at Sasuke. "What—what are you doing? "
"…Sacrifices must be made." Neji finished, grasped the other. The blonde's eyes widened.
"GUYS?!" He yelped, as Shikamaru unlocked the door. "WHAT—WHAT ARE YOU—NO! PLEASE DON'T—"
The door opened…
"NOOOOOOOO!!"
…And in marched almost a dozen women, each holding a squalling infant in her arms. Armed with dirty diapers, bottles of milk, and other terrifying instruments of Naruto-torture, they rounded on the whiskered ninja.
"NOOOO!!!" Naruto wailed, struggling to break free of his 'friends.' "DON'T LET THEM GET ME!! HAVE MERCY!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
As they watched the wildly sobbing jinchuuriki be dragged off by his harem, the shinobi gave each other smug looks.
"Serves him right…" Sasuke muttered. "The dobe stole Sakura."
"Tenten, too." Neji growled. "And Hinata-sama."
"Troublesome…" Shikamaru muttered, then sighed. "Don't forget Ino and Temari."
"You know what they say…" Sai said cheerfully, having enjoyed the show. "You sleep in your bed, you have to clean up after the results."
"Isn't it: You made your bed, so now you have to sleep in it?" Shikamaru asked. "Or something troublesome like that…"
"Hai, but my version fits better." Sai replied.
"He's got a point." Sasuke agreed.
"Naruto probably won't be sleeping much anymore." Neji added maliciously.
The ninja, recalling the sheer number of infants, shared a laugh at the future hokage's expense.
"Please, no—anything but that!" Naruto begged, backing up as the women brandished his worst nightmare at him.
"Too bad!" Ino said with a smirk, dumping a load of diaper bags into his arms. He fell over at the sudden weight.
"They're your kids, too." Temari pointed out with an all-to-evil grin. "So you have to do your share, daddy."
"See you in a week, Naruto!" Sakura called smugly, grabbing her purse.
"A WEEK?!" The blonde yelped, his blue eyes bulging in shock and fear.
"Bahamas, here we come!" Tenten cheered as she practically danced out the door.
"YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE!!" Naruto wailed, grabbing onto the leg of the last remaining girl.
"G-gomen, N-N-Naruto-k-kun…" Hinata stammered, gently disengaging the blonde jinchuuriki and kissing him on the cheek before fleeing out the door.
"Hinata-chan?" He whimpered as the door closed. "Tenten? Sakura? INO? COME BAAAACK!
He flung himself at the closed door, tears rolling dramatically down his whiskered cheeks. He heard the laughter of his girls fading away as they walked further and further away from him.
"DON'T GOOOOOOO!!!"
Tsunade woke up with a start, her gaze darting around the room in confusion. It was empty, save for the piles of paperwork that she had—as per usual—procrastinated on doing.
"…Did I just hear someone scream?" She wondered, then realized that her head was pounding—courtesy of the twenty empty sake bottles that she had drunk before her unplanned nap. She promptly clutched her head, forgetting about the sound that she had heard in favor of moaning about her unusually painful hangover.
"Tsunade-sama!" She winced at the overly-cheerful tone of Shizune's voice. "Here's your paperwork for the next week!"
Shizune turned around to face the gathered chunin, each of which held a large pile of paper. "Okay, boys, you can bring it in now!"
Tsunade paled as, right before her eyes, the amount of paperwork in her office more than tripled. This is going to be one long week…
A/N: Tsunade has no idea just how right she is…
So, should I continue this? If so, I plan on including Naruto grocery shopping, in-laws visiting, and Akatsuki babysitting!
If not…then I'll just leave it as it is and move on to writing something else. It's your choice!