As we join are lovable Final Fantasy VIII characters, they have all gathered in Headmaster Cid's office.
Cid- I'm glad you're all here. We have a new mission for you.
Edea- Yes, a very important one. The reason we've asked for all of you, is that this is no ordinary assignment.
Cid- Indeed. This will be one of the most difficult missions of your careers.
*everyone looks pensively at one another*
Raijin- This sounds heavy, ya know? What's the trouble?
Fuujin- MONSTERS?
Rinoa- Has Ultimecia been revived?
Irvine- Is Timber Maniacs going out of business?
Selphie- Do we get to blow stuff to smithereens?
Zell- Has something happened to all the hot-dogs?
Quistis- Did the Trepies commit mass suicide in sacrifice to the wonderfulness of me?
Squall- Was Seifer's secret life as a kinky male prostitute who dreams of one day owning his own burlesque house for misunderstood villains from popular video games finally come to light?
*everyone pauses their own rantings to stare at Squall. They then turn rather awkwardly towards Seifer*
Seifer- What? You don't actually believe him, do you? *silence* This is /me/ we're talking about?
Zell- Our point exactly, Lap-Dog-Boy. Or should I say......lap dance?
Seifer- Shut up, Chicken-Wuss.
Edea- Children, please. This is serious.
Quistis- We're sorry, Matron. What's this all about?
Cid- Well.....actually....Squall wasn't as far off as you might think.
*everyone, once again, turns towards Seifer*
Seifer- Stop it! Stop judging me! I......I......it's only on the weekends, ok?!
Cid- No, no. This has nothing to do with Seifer. It.......wait. What did you say, my boy?
Seifer- Nothing.
Edea- Enough. Cid, explain the situation.
Cid- Yes, of course. I'm sorry. You see, it appears a rather questionable establishment has opened up in Deling City. It's a......a......well.......
Rinoa- It's a high class strip club. In drag.
Edea- How did you know that?
Rinoa-.......uhhh.....some friends told me about it......yeah!
Cid- Anyways, it's called, "The Promised Land," and it's become quite popular.
Irvine- So what's all the fuss about? Sounds like good Saturday night fun to me!
Zell- Irvine, you do realize that it's men in women's clothing, right? Not actual women?
Irvine- You're point be......I mean.....that's horrible! Sick! Terribly, terribly wrong!
Zell- I knew there was something about that pony-tail.....
Fuujin- QUIET ALREADY! FOCUS!
Raijin- Yeah, ya know?
Squall- Well, Irvine does have a point. Personal preferences aside, what's the problem with this place?
Cid- Apparently, it seems this...place...is run by some individuals wanted in other areas. We've been hired by the protagonists of FF7, FF9, and Xenogears to investigate the club and discover whether or not their villains are in charge. If so, they'd like them apprehended.
Selphie- You mean people like Sephiroth and Kuja? Oh, they are sooo sexy!
Irvine- Sefie! You wound me......
Selphie- Yeah right! You probably just don't want me to hog all the hot guys!
Irvine- *looks innocent......though not convincingly*
Rinoa- Geesh. I feel like we're living in the twilight zone.
Zell- Don't say things like that, Rin! You never know who's listening. Suddenly some guys in black suits and dark glasses will come walking out of the elevator and........*trails off as some guys in black suits and dark glasses come walking out of the elevator......towards him*
Scary Guy1- Are you Zell Dincht?
Zell- Uhhh.....yes?
Scary Guy2- Come with us.
Zell- Wait, what's going on?!
*Scary Guy's 1 & 2 take Zell's arms and begin to drag him back to the elevator. Everyone else stares on in shock, but no one moves to help him.*
Zell- Help! No, stop! I'm too young and pretty to die! *sceams echo as elevator doors close*
Rinoa- That was weird.
Quistis- Anyone remember what we were talking about?
Selphie- Hot guys?
Squall- Seifer and Irvine's sexual preferences?
Seifer & Irvine- SHUT UP!
Rinoa- I think we were talking about a mission.
Cid- Yes. Could we get back to that please. We need you all to head over to Deling City as soon as possible. The ladies will pose as customers at, "The Promised Land," and will be staying in the Galbadia Hotel. The men will be......they'll be......
Edea- Undercover.
Fuujin- SEX TOYS?
Quistis- I'm liking the sound of this.
Squall- Wait a minute. What do you mean "undercover"?
Edea- You boys will go in disguise to the club's head office and interview for jobs.
Squall- What? You can't be serious.
Irvine- But.....what about Zell? He was just...abducted.
Seifer- Don't worry about him. I hired those guys. He'll be back in the morning like nothing happened.......more or less. *eg*
Cid- Then it's settled. Tomorrow morning you all head for Deling City. Our thoughts go with you.......and our prayers......
Edea- And me!
Cid- What?
Edea- For.....support!
Rinoa- This could be very interesting.
Quistis- You're telling me.
*****
And you've all got to tell /me/ if you'd like this rant to continue. Please Review! Oh, how I've missed comedy!
Cid- I'm glad you're all here. We have a new mission for you.
Edea- Yes, a very important one. The reason we've asked for all of you, is that this is no ordinary assignment.
Cid- Indeed. This will be one of the most difficult missions of your careers.
*everyone looks pensively at one another*
Raijin- This sounds heavy, ya know? What's the trouble?
Fuujin- MONSTERS?
Rinoa- Has Ultimecia been revived?
Irvine- Is Timber Maniacs going out of business?
Selphie- Do we get to blow stuff to smithereens?
Zell- Has something happened to all the hot-dogs?
Quistis- Did the Trepies commit mass suicide in sacrifice to the wonderfulness of me?
Squall- Was Seifer's secret life as a kinky male prostitute who dreams of one day owning his own burlesque house for misunderstood villains from popular video games finally come to light?
*everyone pauses their own rantings to stare at Squall. They then turn rather awkwardly towards Seifer*
Seifer- What? You don't actually believe him, do you? *silence* This is /me/ we're talking about?
Zell- Our point exactly, Lap-Dog-Boy. Or should I say......lap dance?
Seifer- Shut up, Chicken-Wuss.
Edea- Children, please. This is serious.
Quistis- We're sorry, Matron. What's this all about?
Cid- Well.....actually....Squall wasn't as far off as you might think.
*everyone, once again, turns towards Seifer*
Seifer- Stop it! Stop judging me! I......I......it's only on the weekends, ok?!
Cid- No, no. This has nothing to do with Seifer. It.......wait. What did you say, my boy?
Seifer- Nothing.
Edea- Enough. Cid, explain the situation.
Cid- Yes, of course. I'm sorry. You see, it appears a rather questionable establishment has opened up in Deling City. It's a......a......well.......
Rinoa- It's a high class strip club. In drag.
Edea- How did you know that?
Rinoa-.......uhhh.....some friends told me about it......yeah!
Cid- Anyways, it's called, "The Promised Land," and it's become quite popular.
Irvine- So what's all the fuss about? Sounds like good Saturday night fun to me!
Zell- Irvine, you do realize that it's men in women's clothing, right? Not actual women?
Irvine- You're point be......I mean.....that's horrible! Sick! Terribly, terribly wrong!
Zell- I knew there was something about that pony-tail.....
Fuujin- QUIET ALREADY! FOCUS!
Raijin- Yeah, ya know?
Squall- Well, Irvine does have a point. Personal preferences aside, what's the problem with this place?
Cid- Apparently, it seems this...place...is run by some individuals wanted in other areas. We've been hired by the protagonists of FF7, FF9, and Xenogears to investigate the club and discover whether or not their villains are in charge. If so, they'd like them apprehended.
Selphie- You mean people like Sephiroth and Kuja? Oh, they are sooo sexy!
Irvine- Sefie! You wound me......
Selphie- Yeah right! You probably just don't want me to hog all the hot guys!
Irvine- *looks innocent......though not convincingly*
Rinoa- Geesh. I feel like we're living in the twilight zone.
Zell- Don't say things like that, Rin! You never know who's listening. Suddenly some guys in black suits and dark glasses will come walking out of the elevator and........*trails off as some guys in black suits and dark glasses come walking out of the elevator......towards him*
Scary Guy1- Are you Zell Dincht?
Zell- Uhhh.....yes?
Scary Guy2- Come with us.
Zell- Wait, what's going on?!
*Scary Guy's 1 & 2 take Zell's arms and begin to drag him back to the elevator. Everyone else stares on in shock, but no one moves to help him.*
Zell- Help! No, stop! I'm too young and pretty to die! *sceams echo as elevator doors close*
Rinoa- That was weird.
Quistis- Anyone remember what we were talking about?
Selphie- Hot guys?
Squall- Seifer and Irvine's sexual preferences?
Seifer & Irvine- SHUT UP!
Rinoa- I think we were talking about a mission.
Cid- Yes. Could we get back to that please. We need you all to head over to Deling City as soon as possible. The ladies will pose as customers at, "The Promised Land," and will be staying in the Galbadia Hotel. The men will be......they'll be......
Edea- Undercover.
Fuujin- SEX TOYS?
Quistis- I'm liking the sound of this.
Squall- Wait a minute. What do you mean "undercover"?
Edea- You boys will go in disguise to the club's head office and interview for jobs.
Squall- What? You can't be serious.
Irvine- But.....what about Zell? He was just...abducted.
Seifer- Don't worry about him. I hired those guys. He'll be back in the morning like nothing happened.......more or less. *eg*
Cid- Then it's settled. Tomorrow morning you all head for Deling City. Our thoughts go with you.......and our prayers......
Edea- And me!
Cid- What?
Edea- For.....support!
Rinoa- This could be very interesting.
Quistis- You're telling me.
*****
And you've all got to tell /me/ if you'd like this rant to continue. Please Review! Oh, how I've missed comedy!