There was a time when the memory of Craig Dean was more than I could stand and I would do my best to block all thoughts of him from my mind.

There was a time when I would find comfort in my memories of him, in the knowledge that I could love someone so entirely, in the hope that I would find such a love again.

And there was the day that he walked back into my life and I knew that there would never be another person on this planet that I could love more completely than I loved him.

Almost ten years after I walked away from him I found him back in my arms, his lips against mine, and I knew without question that nothing would come between us again. The fears of youth had long since passed and neither of us was prepared to walk away this time.

I had always regretted never telling John Paul how I really felt, that I let him walk out of my life without fighting for him.

I never told him the trouble I had finding him again, better to let him think it was a happy coincidence. He would never know the months of endless searching before I found him, how a simple comment made by his sister had given me just enough information to track down the love of my life.

Walking into the bar that day and seeing him standing there it was as if the past 10 years had melted away and I knew that this time I was ready to let him know that I loved him.

Kissing him again after so long apart felt like coming home. I was where I belonged, where I wanted to be and this time I wasn't about to let him go.

Craig stepped back allowing his hands to fall from John Paul's face.

A hush fell between the two men as John Paul simply stared in amazement at Craig's declaration.

Finally, taking John Paul's silence as rejection, Craig turned to leave. He should have known better, he had no right to assume that he could walk back into John Paul's life after 10 years and expect to be greeted with the same love he had once known.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I should never have…" Craig's words drifted off as, with slumped shoulders, he prepared to walk away.

A hand gripping tightly on to his arm stopped Craig from leaving, instead turning him back to face John Paul.

"I never expected…" John Paul's eyes were wide with wonder; "I never stopped loving you Craig, not for a minute."

Craig's face broke into a wide smile as John Paul pulled the man back into his arms, resuming their recent kiss with passion, until noises from the street reminded them both that they were still stood in the pub doorway.

Craig took in the décor of John Paul's home with a knowing grin, it was just as he had expected. Simply furnished in pale colours with a twin turntable in a corner surrounded by shelves of old vinyl.

Craig ran his hands over the spins of the records.

"You still play," he asked.

"Sometimes," John Paul replied, "Mostly just for my own pleasure these days… maybe the occasional party for a friend."

"And you're STILL using vinyl?"

"They sound better!"

"You are SUCH an old man!" Craig couldn't help but laugh, "Where do you even GET vinyl these days?"

"It's not easy," John Paul confessed, "But there are still one or two places, if you know where to look."

Craig's eyes continued to take in his surroundings finally coming to rest on a framed photograph of John Paul's family. The familiar smiles of the McQueen women shining out at him through the glass.

"This looks like an old picture… must have been taken…?"

"The day I left," John Paul lowered his eyes; he could still remember the faces of the strong women who had shaped his life, smiling as he held the camera in shaking hands, taking one last memento before leaving them all behind.

"I'm so sorry," Craig felt the familiar stab of guilt at the realisation that John Paul hadn't just left him behind in Chester, he had left the love and support of his family too.

"It was a long time ago," as John Paul raised his eyes back to Craig they were sparkling a dazzling blue, "There's no need to be sorry any more. Tea?"

Craig shook his head as he approached John Paul.

"I'm not thirsty," he said pulling the other man into his arms and slipping his hands under the hem of John Paul's shirt to make contact with the warm flesh beneath.

They stood frozen for a moment, their faces mere inches apart, their breath mingling into a hot vapour between them and their hearts racing with excitement.

John Paul's hands moved slowly as they undid the buttons of Craig's shirt, running his fingers over the exposed skin of his chest before pushing the garment to the floor.

His eyes drank in the sight of Craig's naked torso. So much like the body he remembered and yet still slightly changed. His fingers paused at a Celtic design in black on Craig's left shoulder.

"That's new."

Craig turned his head to where John Paul's finger rested, "Yeah… drunken night… seemed like a good idea! What about you? Anything new under this shirt."

"Not me," John Paul grinned, "I guess I just never got drunk enough."

"Still I'd better check."

Within seconds John Paul's shirt was a crumpled white heap on the floor and Craig's hands had come to rest against his belt.

Craig paused for a moment, unable to keep the doubt and uncertainty from his eyes. He had been telling the truth when he told John Paul that there had been no other men in his life and the reservation he had felt at 18 tugged at the back of his mind.

"We don't have to," John Paul said, his tone soft and understanding, "Just having you here is enough."

Craig's grip slipped from John Paul's belt reaching out instead to take hold of his hands.

"I meant it when I said that I loved you," he said.

"I know," John Paul replied gently.

"Then let me show you," Craig whispered as he brushed a gentle kiss across John Paul's lips.

Still holding his hand tightly John Paul turned away to lead Craig to the bedroom.

Craig couldn't help but smile as he entered the bedroom. Decorated in the same simple style as the main living area it was so reminiscent of the room John Paul had occupied in the McQueen house, even the bedding was the same shade of blue.

"That's a bigger bed than we were used to," Craig chuckled.

Craig felt John Paul move to stand directly behind him, the warmth of his chest pressed against Craig's naked back, his arms slipped around Craig's waist and his chin resting lightly on Craig's shoulder.

"We never used to mind being squashed up in my single as I recall," mused John Paul.

"True," Craig agreed wistfully tilting his head back slightly to lean against John Paul's.

They stood in a contented silence for a few moments. Craig couldn't remember ever feeling so comfortable, so at peace before. Being held in John Paul's arms like that felt like a moment in heaven.

"I never realised." Craig didn't know that he had spoken out loud until John Paul replied.

"Realised what?"

Craig raised his head and turned in the circle of John Paul's arms until he could look into those deep blue eyes.

"I never realised how much losing you was going to hurt…"

Without warning a tear began to trickle down Craig's cheek, his eyes filled with sorrow.

John Paul gently brushed the tear from Craig's face replacing it with a single kiss.

"I was never lost," he whispered, "I was just gone for a little while."

Craig reached a hand up to John Paul's face, running his fingers of the softness of his cheek before tracing the curve of his lips.

"And I never knew that finding you again could feel this good," he breathed as he leaned in to taste again the sweetness of John Paul's mouth.

John Paul pulled Craig in close as their kiss deepened with the passion that they had both been searching for, a passion that it had taken them 10 years to find again.

John Paul's hands fumbled with Craig's belt making Craig sigh with anticipation as their softness passed over his hips, easing his trousers slowly out of the way.

Resting his hands on John Paul's shoulders for balance Craig stepped out of the rest of his clothing before returning his eyes to the incredible passion he could see in the blue eyes that were observing his naked body with desire.

Craig smiled with the realisation that he felt completely at ease under John Paul's gaze, more so than with any of the women he had taken to his bed over the years.

He watched hypnotised at John Paul slowly peeled away his own clothes, leaving them abandoned in the middle of the room as he pulled the naked form of Craig back into his embrace.

Craig's lips moved with words he couldn't find, but the time for words seemed to have passed and all he wanted now was to feel the heat of John Paul again, to remember the pleasures that he had denied himself for so long.

John Paul's mouth rained kisses down Craig's neck before pausing to bite it, lightly at first but his bite growing harder as the growls from Craig's throat encouraged his actions.

As one they climbed onto the bed, hands and mouths never ceasing to caress, to taste, to explore. A need was building up between them that made them cling to each other in desperation.

Facing each other and on their knees John Paul broke away from the kiss to sit back on his heels before stretching out a hand to trace a lazy path down Craig's chest and over his belly.

Craig's watched as the hand moved ever lower, his heart racing as it reached his belly button.

John Paul's eyes burned into Craig as he observed the reaction his simple touch was having. After a short while of running his hand over Craig's trembling torso he finally decided his teasing had gone on long enough and, pulling his own body back up against the one before him, he allowed his hand to trail those last few inches, listening to the soft moans as he took Craig's cock in his hand began and stroking it lightly.

Craig couldn't believe that he had forgotten how good it felt to have John Paul touch him. Nobody else had ever known just how to touch him the way John Paul did, Craig shook with a need that he hadn't felt in so long.

Craig wrapped his trembling hand around the firmness of John Paul's cock, marvelling in the strangely familiar sensation of touching another man so intimately again.

Their lips crashed together in a kiss fuelled by an intensity that took them both by surprise. Their grip on each other tightening as their tongues fought a heated battle inside their open mouths.

Craig gasped as he moved back from John Paul's kiss, he had never wanted somebody so much, never felt a desire so strong as the one he experienced at John Paul's touch.

Locking his eyes with John Paul's Craig nodded his head, a small gesture that spoke volumes between them. John Paul raised an eyebrow in question, "Are you sure?" his eyes asked. Craig simply nodded again, smiling that he still didn't need words to be able to communicate his feelings with this man, he had never been surer of anything.

John Paul moved to the side of the bed, leaning over and dipping his hand inside the drawer of his bedside cabinet. Fishing out a small bottle John Paul's eyes fell upon the photograph that he kept there. The dark smiling eyes of the 18-year-old boy he had loved looking up at him from their hidden location.

Pushing the drawer closed John Paul couldn't help but smile. He had never expected to see those eyes again, much less see them filled with such love for him.

Craig rested his hands against the coolness of the wall behind the headboard, feeling the fibre of the wallpaper beneath his fingertips, gasping softly as he felt the warmth of John Paul's hand running down his back.

It took every ounce of John Paul's strength to hold back in his need to take possession of the body before him, instead he touched Craig slowly, ran his hands over the lightly tanned flesh and caressed the roundness of his behind.

Opening the bottle John Paul massaged a little of its oily contents into Craig's skin, pouring it over his buttocks and listening to the soft sigh from Craig as gently ran his hands through the silkiness.

John Paul ran his hands over the slickness of Craig's buttocks, running his fingertip between them. Craig gasped with pleasure as John Paul gently but firmly eased his finger into his eager body, biting his lip as it moved a little deeper.

Craig's need grew with each second, with each touch of John Paul's hands.

"Please John Paul," he breathed.

Needing no further encouragement John Paul slowly guided himself into Craig revelling in the feeling of the hot body gripping him tightly.

Craig let out a whimper as he felt himself being stretched in a way he hadn't felt in so long causing John Paul to pause.

"Don't stop," Craig breathed. He knew that this moment of discomfort would quickly pass and, as John Paul began to move deeper inside him, he felt the long forgotten pleasure coursing through his flesh.

John Paul held tightly onto Craig's hips as he moved himself deeper, holding back the urge to completely let go, wanting to make this moment last for as long as he could.

Pressing his mouth against the crook of Craig's neck he bit gently into the flesh, tasting the salty sweetness of his skin. And then, as he bit a little harder, a sudden sharp metallic tang as his teeth sank deep enough to draw blood.

John Paul seemed unable to remove his teeth from the firmness of the flesh in his mouth and, judging by the sounds coming from Craig, the quickening speed of his breath, Craig had no desire for him to stop.

Sliding his hands around Craig's body John Paul took hold of his cock in his oiled grip and held it firmly, moving over it's length in time with the motion of his own cock buried deep inside Craig.

Craig's fingers clawed at the wallpaper, the feeling of John Paul inside him and holding him so tightly making his body ache with the need for release.

The speed of John Paul's movements increased steadily, pushing himself as deeply inside Craig as he could, making Craig cry out in delight as his cock pressed against that exquisite point, touching it again and again with each thrust, until Craig could hold back no longer.

John Paul felt Craig begin to pulse in his grip as his body tensed, his passionate need building to a fever pitch, his breathing ragged, his moans and cries growing louder.

Unable to hold back a second longer Craig welcomed the climax that ripped though his flesh as John Paul's grip on his cock tightened, his teeth sinking into his neck, making his body shudder with pleasure as he came, his orgasm washing over him in waves until he could hardly remember his own name.

The vibrations running through Craig's body pulsed over John Paul's cock, causing the final drive to push him over the edge as he gave in to his desire, thrusting himself hard into Craig as he came, pouring himself into that beautiful body.

John Paul held onto Craig tightly waiting for the trembling of their bodies to pass before reluctantly easing himself backward. He stoked his hand over Craig's back, slick with sweat, pausing to press his thumb against the redness of blood at his neck.

"You'll have a mark there tomorrow," he said softly, "Sorry about that!"

Craig turned to face his lover, his eyes shining with love and satisfaction, "I don't mind."

John Paul pulled Craig into his arms, holding him tightly confident in the knowledge that this time he never had to let go again.

John Paul lay quietly, watching as sleep finally overtook Craig, his long dark lashes resting against his cheeks and his chest rising and falling with each restful breath.

He realised that this would be the first time he would ever spend the night with Craig. Despite their time as lovers he had never been able to spend the night with Craig in his arms or wake with him in the morning. At last he could hold Craig through the night and have Craig's face be the first thing he would see when he awoke.

Ten years had changed many things for John Paul. His life had changed so completely from that of the 17-year-old boy who left home to save his heart being broken, only to find that it was too late.

But the one thing that hadn't changed was how much he loved Craig.

John Paul laid his head back against the pillow finally allowing the blanket of sleep to wash over him.

Tonight he wouldn't have to dream of Craig or wonder where he was and if he was happy. Tonight his dream had come true, Craig was here with him and they were both the happiest that they had ever been.

Craig moved in with me after that night and he's never left. It wasn't something that we had to discuss, it just happened as naturally as breathing. Being together was where we belonged, having him with me finally made my house feel like a home.

After ten years I remembered how it felt to wake up feeling truly happy because I woke up with him.

We knew that it wouldn't always be easy and there were times when we would argue like any couple. But there was never a time when I doubted how much I loved him, and I never had reason to doubt he loved me too.

I had always been certain that I wasn't gay. For a while I had even tried to convince myself that what I shared with John Paul was just an experiment of my youth. But as the years passed and the pain of losing him never faded I realised that what I shared with John Paul was love, a love that I had never known before or since.

Moving in with John Paul made my life complete and I knew that from that moment I would never love another person for the rest of my life.

Gay or straight really didn't matter.

I was just me.

I'm Craig Dean and I'm in love with the most amazing man in the world, and he loves me back.