Dear Goo

I am sorry I had to choose you out of everyone else to tell this to. But before I can do that, I guess it's only fair to tell you why I'm writing this. You should already know yesterday was the day Bloo threw down his stupid joke on me once again. You have no idea how stupid I feel right now the more I'm not telling you what I really need you to know. People think that every time he does that stuff, I never see it coming. Like he's the master or whatever he thinks of himself to rule at.

This won't be a lie I'm about to tell you. This year however, I knew exactly what Bloo had plotted.

Down to the last aerial exclamation on his blueprints I found. Everything. Why did I act as though I didn't know? This was actually the last thing on my mind from which I could easily justify as a stupid move. I was going to start planning the easiest route in ruining his plot, and remaining safe for once this year. The blueprints that Bloo had spread out were no big.

Until I saw your name.

I would not have cared if it was my Mom, Frankie, or anyone else I knew that was nice to me.

But you? Now I'll have you know this. I actually went through all that trouble humiliating myself once again. And do you know why?

Each minute you went along with Bloo's stupid trick was just another minute I wasted thinking you would somehow reveal the truth I already knew but just wanted to hear you say.

Never did you once disobey Bloo's orders.

I was almost starting to get the hang of it.

Then you told me I stank.

It would have been better if I just did not hear anything from you, but insulting someone was another case you hopefully know I never forgot about. You think I don't feel hurt when someone says something bad about me the first minute I hear it? You think I never have dilemmas sleeping at night? The only way that happens is when I cry myself to sleep usually.

And do you know why? Because it's never easy trying to think of something else when all you can think about is the insults people throw at you. Just like when you told me I stank.

Even if you and the others would not have believed me, I still wanted to simply let everyone know I was acting dumb.

But upon seeing your face, a voice inside of me kept saying it was wrong. I know that voice was not my conscience, but I guess it was something I never had the stomach to admit to until now.

Love.

It was at the moment I saw you smile when the feeling I had for you, the same feeling I felt the day we first met, could no longer be held back.

You'd expect me to believe I thought you were a weird stranger who had a demented way of releasing such ingenuity. The truth was, I only yelled at you when I thought Bloo was the best friend I had ever created.

I was wrong of course.

I know it's pointless for me telling you how much I cared about you when it will only add more guilt to you after I finally give you the message.

I'm done beating around the bush, here's the big mosaic.

I'm tired of having to deal with Bloo throwing me these surprise parties.

I never recover from them, and if I did, then I would not have so many sleepless night.

The point is, even if I stop going to Foster's, my home life will be just as unsatisfying as it was before I met Frankie and the others.

But you know what else? I'm tired of thinking of life as being a noun.

As being something you can own when false hopes force you to keep it.

Cause truthfully, I never had a life.

I just lived.

I'm sorry.

But by the time you're done reading this letter, it will be too late to change my mind.

Just as it was too late to stop me from thinking how you were not like all the other people who actually found it fun to lower my spirit with Bloo's dumb antics.

It won't be long till that arsenic pill really begins to work.

What I really want you to know is that you were someone I actually wanted to be with.

But I guess all those thoughts about someday actually sharing my living with you years to come were nothing but exaggeration, just like my faith in Bloo towards someday not lying to me when he told me over and over again he would not throw a surprise party for me anymore.

It's too late to fantasize now.

Just promise me you'll make other friends, even if they're imaginary.

Maybe someday, you'll meet someone in your life twice the person I was.

And if not, do just like the song we use to sing together when we were moody.

Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know. don't stop looking you're one step closer .don't stop searching it's not over, hold on.

Just remember that song when you think of me.

And remember that I always loved you.

Forever, Mac