Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT
Author's Note: This is Leo/Don slash. If you don't like the idea of it don't read on. It's nothing graphic.
Enjoy :)
Like every other morning Leonardo drifted out of sleep slowly, not stirring until the last remnants of quickly fading dreams had drifted away. His body was so used to waking up early in order to meditate and run through katas before the others left their rooms, that he didn't need an alarm to wake up anymore. The fuzziness slowly left his eyes as he blinked, glancing around the room to get his bearings. Leo looked at the paper covered desk against the wall perpendicular to the one he was sitting against. Among the other electronics in various states of repair on the desk sat two shabby digital clocks blinking the time as 6:00 am. The electronics and papers on the desk seemed to engulf a lazily humming computer. A wall clock stood on a shelf above the desk, still keeping time even though the glass was cracked as a result of being used as a frisbee by Mike and Raph. For a moment he was confused by the hum of electronics and the various equipment he could make out in the corners of the dark room, but then something warm stirred against him. He glanced down and realized he was still in Donatello's room. Donnie was sleeping, head lying gently on Leo's shoulder, his body curled against him.
This is becoming a bad habit, Leo thought as he slowly began to untangle himself from his brother. Brother. Leo rarely used that word to refer to Don nowadays. They had moved past that word when all this had started, though Leo found a little voice in his head liked to whisper it sometimes to remind him.
He was almost all untangled from Don when the other turtle moved, mumbling something and laying his head heavily on the arm Leo was trying to slide free. Leo winced at the pressure but slowly began to move his arm again.
It wasn't that he didn't love Don, Leo thought; his mind suddenly active as he focused on freeing himself. But part of him couldn't get over the guilt of not telling Splinter what was going on. He hated keeping secrets from their sensei and deep down he wanted Splinter's blessing. He wanted his father to be happy for his sons. But would he be happy? If he demanded that it stop, would Leo be able to do what he's always done, ignore his own desires and give Donnie up?
His arm free, Leo let out a small sigh, staring at Don's sleeping form one more time. He stood and turned to go but before he could take another step something was tugging his arm. Leo glanced down in surprise to see a drowsy Donatello staring up at him.
"I didn't mean to wake you," Leo whispered, "go back to sleep, Donnie."
Donatello blinked up at Leo. One of his hands grasped Leo's wrist. He brought the other arm up, reaching as far as he could up Leo's arm and tugged again.
"Stay," he mumbled wearily. Leo smiled slightly, tempted to do as Don suggested as he began to slowly stroke Leo's arm wherever his fingers could reach.
"You know I can't Donnie, I have to be out of here by the time the others wake up." Over the past two weeks Leo had been getting lazy, staying the whole night in Donatello's room instead of sneaking out to his own. He knew it was dangerous to stay, but Leo was finding it increasingly difficult to up and leave Don after being with him.
Don however, refused to give in. He tugged Leonardo harder, surprising the older turtle who quickly dropped to his knees so that he wouldn't fall on top of Donnie.
"I don't care." Don's sleepy voice was suddenly stubborn, like a child refusing to share his favorite toy. "I'll tell them I saw you up early and asked you to help me with something. The door's locked, they won't find us…on the floor?"
Leo chuckled as his slowly waking brother realized where they were. Once things had started changing between them, Don had created a little spot of pillows and blankets on the floor of his room. Leo liked to come to this spot at night, while Don finished his work, to meditate, listening to his brother's steady breathing and the constant clack clack of the keyboard…enjoying the way Donnie would bring him out of meditation with a soft kiss. Soon they found themselves unable to make it over to the bed every night, but Leo didn't care. He was growing fond of the comfortable space on the floor. It was there's.
Leo found his gaze returning to the clock. 6:10 am. Donnie had reclaimed Leo's arm, holding it tight against his body.
"You're thinking about Splinter again…"
Don's voice was so soft Leo almost didn't hear him. He felt a wave of guilt wash over him.
"Don, we were going to talk to him last week…and now…"
"I don't like keeping secrets from him either Leo, you're not the only one that cares what he thinks. He's our father."
Leo had been keeping his gaze away from Don's face, but now it snapped back meeting a glare.
"I know that," Leo replied in a low voice, stiffening.
"I'm just not anxious to tell him Leo. You have to think logically. We have no guarantee Splinter and the others will…well accept this, especially right away. I know you. If Splinter says we have to stop….you would stop wouldn't you?"
It sounded like an accusation to Leo and Don hated to see that guilty look again on Leo's face as his older brother looked away. Over the last few weeks this issue had been eating away at Leo, Donnie knew. He knew from the way Leo tried to avoid being near him when Splinter was around. From the way he was constantly making up plans on how to tell the others. Don hated lying, but he loved Leo and knew in the end Leo would do what was best for the whole family, not what was best for him. If Splinter somehow convinced Leo this was bad for everyone else…Don wasn't sure he would be able to do anything to change Leo's mind.
"I don't want this to stop, Leo. I don't want to lose what we have. Stay," Don whispered.
When Leo didn't move, Don reached out and grabbed Leo's chin, turning his head so that they were staring into each other's eyes. Don loved Leo's eyes.
"I love you."
The words hung in the air and Don saw the instant reaction in Leo's eyes, a mix of emotions as he let his control slip for a moment. The desire and love were so intense Don's breath hitched. He always felt honored when Leo opened up a crack to let him in. It was like seeing into his brother's soul. It was beautiful and made him love Leo even more. Then again, this happened every time and Don knew what to expect next. Leo closed up a second later, smiling softly as he reached out to stroke Donnie's cheek.
"Me too, Don," was all he said. That was all he ever said in reply. Don knew what Leo meant but it was frustrating that he would never say the actual words. He was sure Leo loved him but something held his brother back. Maybe he was afraid that admitting it out loud would be the final act of vulnerability that would crack his control for good. Or maybe he didn't want to admit it out loud so that if he was ever forced to leave Don he could pretend he never felt it at all.
Don didn't let his frustration show. He just grinned broadly and gave Leo a playful look.
"Then stay. Just this once. I'm sure you haven't slept in for awhile….and we've been pretty busy the last few nights," Don's eyes sparkled at the memories, "You need to regain your strength you know, or the others will become suspicious."
Leo found himself unable to argue with the look in Donatello's eyes. With a defeated sigh he sat down heavily. Don instantly pulled Leo closer, letting Leo lean his head against his plastron. Leo felt himself calming as he listened to Don's heartbeat. Don gently stroked from Leo's neck to his shoulder and back up again. Leo pulled the blanket that was crumbled around Don's feet over their legs.
"Can't say no to you…" he mumbled. He heard Don chuckle sleepily and listened to the soft rumble quiet in his chest.
"You know you won't be alone, Leo," Don said, gently squeezing Leo's shoulder, "when we tell Splinter, we'll do it together." Leo nodded trying to let Donnie's words reassure him. He had said when not if.
Soon Leo felt his sibling fall back to sleep. Leo thought of trying to slip out again but quickly pushed the idea away. It would hurt Donnie, which was one thing Leo could never do. Unless Splinter told you to, a voice snickered in the back of his mind.
Leo glanced at the clocks. They flashed 6:28 am. Splinter would be up soon and probably surprised not to find his eldest son in the dojo. Little did he know Leo was with his brother….brother the voice piped in again. Leo squeezed his eyes shut trying to move closer to Don. Don responded by nuzzling Leo with a soft hum of pleasure.
If Leo was truly honest with himself, it wasn't the thought of obeying an order from Splinter to stop being involved with Don that added to his guilt. It was the notion that if Splinter gave him such an order he wouldn't, no couldn't, obey it. Then what would that do to their family? What would that do to Splinter's trust in him to protect and care for everyone? But didn't he have a right to be selfish and happy for once? He knew he should tell Don this, reassure him that deep in his heart no matter what Splinter said he would never give Don up, but for some reason his throat always choked closed when he tried. Just like when he tried to tell Don he loved him back.
Leo began to count in his head, knowing he should take advantage of the chance to get some extra sleep. He continued counting until he felt the tension leave his body and let himself forget about the hurtles that he and Donnie would no doubt face all too soon. Leonardo focused on the present, laying against Donatello and forgetting about the rest of the world.
As sleep began to overtake him, Leo let out a content sigh.
"Love you too, Don…"