Disclaimer: We do not now, nor have we ever owned Naruto legally. We also do not own a spell checker, as you shall soon see. A plotline costs extra.

Sasuke and Naruto awoke the next morning. Sasuke stared groggily into those cerulean eyes that he ad lusted after for so many long, drudging, lengthy, prolonged, wasted years, to ask himself if the events that occurred last night had truly occurred.

"Naruto." He said to his darling.

Naruto sat up and returned the glance. "What's going on? Why am I naked? Why are you naked? What's with the tattoo? What happened? ...Do you have any ramen?"

Sasuke fell into shock. "How could you not remember that wonderful, invigorating, kinkfying, dripping sexy boy love we made last night?"

"Wait a second…what?!"

"Love! We made love Naruto? Have you truly forgotten it so soon?" Sasuke could fell his eyes filling with warm, wet, salty, truly emotional tears. "Shall I remind you, Naruto darling?"

"Uh…okay…so long as you stop calling me 'darling'…"

-Three hours later-

Unbeknownst to the lovers, Gaara stood at the other side of the room. "I didn't know you two were into that sort of stuff."

Sasuke and Naruto blushed, having been caught mid-nasty.

Sasuke finished up and said, "Truly, we're not really into this sort of stuff."

"Then why were the two of you making kinky, hot, explicitly detailed, explosive, and drudgingly slow love?"

"I don't know. Why are you using so many useless, unneeded, repetitive, and redundant adjectives?"

Gaara blushed, having been caught in mid-adjective.

As an attempt to change the subject, Gaara said, "I had no idea you two knew so many different positions. I mean, with most guys, its just doggie style! Sometimes missionary. But I mean, you tow tried it in 69, Cowgirl, London Bridge, Twister, Lollipop, Mongoose Fighting a Cobra, Bingo style, The Toll Booth, The Doorknob, Ninkin style, Alex Trebek style, Chipmunk with a Speech Impediment style, and you even tried it Horny Grandma with Too Much to Drink and a Rubber Band style! Which didn't work out, but it was truly a noble try. I'm impressed. As well as slightly confused. And really horny, now that you mention it."

"We didn't mention it."

Naruto scratched his head (the one on top of his shoulders) and said, "I didn't know they had names."

Kakashi appeared from under the blankets. "You'll want to remember those names. You'll be tested on them later." He moved back under the blankets.

"Aw man! Are you serious!" Naruto complained. "I hate tests."

"Don't worry, it's likely to be an oral exam."

Akamaru walked by. "You just like saying 'oral', don't you?"

"Why, yes. Yes I do." Sasuke paused, and slowly smiled. "Oral."

Gaara had an idea, striking a rather Rock Lee-like pose. "Let's have a threesome." He declared.

"How would that work?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know." Gaara said. "I was hoping you could tell me. Any ideas Sasuke?"

"Plenty."

-Three hours later-

"Wow, my ass hurts." Naruto said, rubbing said ass. "I'm tired of being the girl."

A rather sweaty Gaara and Sasuke sat in the corner playing strip poker. Which was slightly unnecessary, considering they were both already naked.

"Oh, Naruto, my love. You are truly the Shuichi to my Yuki."

"What does that mean? Have you been stealing Sakura's manga again?"

"Maybe."

At that very moment Sakura appeared, for no explainable reason. "Sasuke?!" She screamed in her piercing, loud, shill, annoying, eardrum shattering, Sakura-like voice, "What's going on?"

"Truly, if I knew, I might tell you."

"You guys are having a threesome? I swear to god, who writes this shit?! Masashi Kishimoto would roll over in his grave!"

"He's not dead." Sesshomaru said.

"Well if he were, we would be rolling like a stupid dog in a pile of shit! And Sasuke, I can't believe you, you little whore! First Naruto, then Kakashi, then Itachi, then Choji, then Naruto again, then Sesshomaru –nice to see you again, by the way, Sesshy-chan."

"As well as you, Sakura-chan."

Sakura cleared her throat. "And then you did Shikamaru, then Rock Lee, then Hiei, then Naruto again, then Kurama, then both Hiei and Kurama, then Ed, then Al, then Ed and Al, then Luffy, then Naruto a couple more times, then Yugi, then InuYasha, then Sesshomaru and InuYasha, then Tuxedo Mask, then Vegeta, then Goku, then Trunks, then Naruto again, then Light, then L, then Aang, then Harry Potter, then Draco Malfoy, then Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, then Orlando Bloom, then Johnny Depp, then Angelina Jolie, then Naruto again and to top it all off, you've never even kissed me!"

"You're a girl. That's gross."

"Oh yeah? Well Sasuke, your penis is downright diminutive!"

"I'm not complainin'." Naruto said.

Sakura turned to storm out, and then turned back. "Oh and Gaara? Do you want my number?"

"No thank you. But, uh, get a sex change and we'll talk."

Sakura stormed out of the room, for real this time.

"Hey guys, who knew we were in a room?"

"I had just assumed," said Zuko, "that we were in a forest. Did you really do all those people."

"No, Angelina Jolie is gross."

End Chapter 1