A/N: I'd recommend go into my bio to read Neva Kee and Zoda: Galactic Golfing Chronicles first before reading this but it's really not necessary.

Tatooine, a few hundred years before the Death Star exploded: In a small courtroom, there was a quiet murmur amongst the crowd as they awaited the start of a trial. Soon the Judge sauntered in and sat behind his bench and looked through a folder sitting on his desk before turning to the nearest officer, or in this case an employed bounty hunter seeing as it was Tatooine and all.

"You may bring in the accused," he ordered. The bounty hunter nodded and headed for the doors at the end of the courtroom when suddenly the doors blasted open with an invisible force and a huge wind gusted in throwing the bounty hunter off of his feet and knocking him unconscious. As the winds finally died down, two diminutive figures, each no taller than perhaps three feet, entered in the courtroom shackled together. One was blue all over with red eyes with a pair of ears that were flush against his head jutting out backwards behind him while the other was green with two large ears that were horizontal to his body.

"Smooth Zoda, real smooth," said Neva Kee, the blue one, annoyed by the others tactics. "I told you not to start this trial off on the wrong foot!"

"A grand entrance is never a wrong foot," rebuked Zoda, the green one and an on again off again Jedi Knight. It really depended on his mood and whether or not the Council had sacked him for some reason or another before deciding shortly afterwards that to have him as a rogue Jedi would be an even worse fate for the safety of the galaxy.

"Yeah well look around, I doubt these people were impressed," said Neva Kee motioning at the crowd sitting on both sides of the aisle. The entire crowd looked down at the two with pure contempt and utter malice in their eyes.

"Wow I haven't seen a crowd this mad since you sliced the ruling council's table in half back Cestpus Eight with your lightsaber," commented Neva Kee.

"I hear that," said Zoda. "Hey maybe I should slice something in half here, it might 'cut' the tension. Ha, ha!"

"Oy Pah Nagoya," said Neva Kee in shame as he held his head with his hands as the two continued past row and row of scowling faces until…

"Hi, guys! Hi!" said a Hutt who was waving at them happily with a big grin on his face.

"Hello Zobba," both said deadpan at the Hutt. The Hutt produced a camera and took their photo.

"Don't worry I'll do whatever I can to help you guys out if you are indicted," said the Hutt truthfully.

"Thanks Zobba, that…really means a lot," said Neva not sure how to respond before looking at Zoda's confused expression and just shrugged. The two continued on their way.

"How is it we manage to make every species on nearly every planet we've ever visited hate us and somehow end up with a Hutt for a compatriot?" asked Zoda bewildered.

"I've wondered about that for a long time now," agreed Neva Kee. The two sat behind their table and Neva Kee began sorting through the various documents in a briefcase already on the table. At the other table sat the prosecution, an IG-24 robot assassin droid equipped to both prosecute and if needed deliver the court appointed the verdict with his built in repeating blasters. These droids also were notoriously sore losers so that even if a verdict didn't go their way they often ended up killing the defendants anyway…and on rarer occasions everyone else in the courtroom and the courtroom itself. They typically were only used when everyone wanted the defendants dead anyway but without the consequences of violating procedural due process.

"May I ask where your robot lawyer is?" inquired the Judge. Neva Kee and Zoda looked at each other sheepishly before turning to the judge.

"He exploded after his logic circuit melted when Zoda explained the details of our case," explained Neva Kee truthfully.

"I see," said the Judge slightly disturbed. The entire galactic judicial system had heard about the infamous Neva Kee and Zoda and the situations they had often gotten themselves into it. This judge believed it to all be a load of bunk but with this comment he was beginning to doubt himself and wonder whether or not it was wise to have agreed to judge this case when most of his fellow judges had fled this and the nearby three systems upon hearing about the case in question. Though that wasn't saying much, the law on Tatooine was non-existent aside from him and he knew he was only there as for PR purposes to the galaxy at large as nearly everything was decided on the streets. But what Neva Kee and Zoda did affected them all and that was why they were on trial.

"But it's not a big deal because I'm an accredited lawyer and I can defend us both," answered Neva Kee.

"Very well," responded the Judge. "Ambassador Neva Kee, Jedi Knight Zoda, how do you plead?"

"Plead based on what charges?" asked Neva. The Judge blinked.

"You don't know?" he asked surprised.

"No," said Neva. "We were hauled out here about an hour ago and then our lawyer asked us to explain our situation and then exploded five seconds later. We spent most of the hour trying to access his memory core to no avail, that thing was completely fried."

"IG-24, could you read them their charges?" asked the Judge.

"No," came the response.

"No?" said the Judge sitting up in his chair. "Why not?"

"But the time I finished with the list of charges half the individuals in here would have died of old age," said IG-24. "But if you want to take that risk its fine with me but perhaps I should get another powercell first, my first one won't last the entire length of it."

"No, that'll be alright," said the Judge waving him off as he felt a mild throbbing on his forehead. "Will the charges be presented at some point?"

"Yes most of them should become readily apparent throughout the course of the trial though our primary focus will be on proving the primary charge," said the IG-24.

"Which is?" asked Zoda goading him. "If we had all these charges accumulated against us why are we only now being put on trial?"

"Because what you did before now could still be settled in 'small-arms' court," said the robot heading for the nearest window. "But this…this affected everyone!"

The robot threw back the blinds and revealed a scene out of a Tatoonians' nightmare. Outside there was a torrential downpour of rain and individuals could barely be seen past the blurry window running about through the wind and rain trying to get to whatever destination they so desperately needed to get to.

"That doesn't look so strange to me," commented Zoda.

"This is Tatooine!" shouted IG-24. "It never rains here, much less on the level on the level of a tropical storm monsoon! It's been raining on every inch of the planet for the last week!"

"Then what're you doing in here?" demanded Zoda. "You should be out there, this is a history making event and you're missing it!"

IG-24 growled at that as his fists clenched together tightly and began shaking before a tiny spark erupted from the side of his long cylindrical head and a brief wisp of smoke came out before he calmed down and sat behind his desk slowly simmering.

"I told you not to antagonize the prosecution," said Neva berating him.

"Screw you!" said Zoda. Neva Kee shook his head in shame.

"And don't antagonize the defense either!" he added. Zoda rolled his eyes and crossed his arms but otherwise remained silent.

"So will you two be willing to enter a plea despite these unusual circumstances?" asked the Judge hopeful so that there wouldn't be any fiasco later.

"Fine," said Neva Kee defeated. "Zoda's plea will be insanity and mine shall be incompetence."

"Zoda cannot plead insanity," protested IG-24. "Tanaab vs. Zoda states…"

"That Zoda cannot declare himself insane, it never said anything about anyone else declaring him insane," commented Neva Kee with a mild grin at having outmaneuvered the war machine. IG-24 said nothing at that but succeeded in tearing out a chunk of his table with his mechanical claw.

"Well if the prosecution has no objections then that will be their plea," said the Judge. "Though I hope you will be able to prove his insanity without a psychologist."

"Oh believe me, if an IG-24's logic circuit couldn't handle Zoda I don't think anyone else will either," said Neva with pity in his voice. The Judge shuddered at this.

"Opening statements please," he said desperately trying to get this trial underway. IG-24 stood up and faced the crowd.

"How come we don't get a jury trial?" asked Zoda curious.

"Hurtado vs. Coruscant, remember?" said Neva. Zoda nodded.

"In short, these two are responsible for the storm currently plaguing this problem and the economic catastrophe it has created," finished IG-24.

"Well that's not true, I bet the umbrella business is booming," said Zoda in response. Silence descended on the courtroom at that.

"Oh it is, believe me," said Zobba happily. Zoda and Neva Kee looked back at him as the Hutt waved happily before both turned forward, contemplated what he had said, and then both their heads dropped onto the table in defeat.

"Was that your opening statement?" asked the Judge. Neva Kee and Zoda sat back up.

"No…but yes," said the Diplomat defeated as he drummed his fingers on the desk.

"Prosecution you may call your first witness," said the Judge wondering what strange turn this trial would take next.

"I actually wish to call two witnesses in the interests of time," said the robot. The Judge's eyes went wide open at that.

"Does the defense have any objections?" asked the Judge.

"Considering it's both of us who'll be going up there, no," said Neva Kee deducing who the two individuals were that IG-24 had in mind.

"Well I guess there's no point in saying who you're going to call," said the Judge wistfully. Zoda and Neva Kee approached the officer who held out a book of international law that they placed their hands on.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" said the officer.

"Yes," said Neva Kee.

"No," said Zoda. Neva Kee glared at him.

"…Yes," amended Zoda shrinking back. The two then walked into the witness stand and after some brief shoving over who got more of the seat they both sat down.

"Would you please state your names for this court?" asked the IG-24 trying to be civil.

"I'm Grand Master Z and this Captain N: The Gamemaster!" said Zoda with a big grin on his face. IG-24 growled at him.

"That's not your names!" he said.

"Yes it is!" protested Zoda. Neva Kee's groaned.

"Zathura!" he shouted.

"Yes Enkidu?" asked the Jedi.

"Just leave it alone," said the diplomat annoyed but with a slight curve at his lips. Zoda laughed as IG-24 about popped a gasket as smoke began escaping his head.

"Do I have to hold you two in contempt?" asked the Judge to them.

"No, we'll behave," said Neva Kee. "I'm Neva Kee and this is Zoda."

"Hi," said Zoda lightly waving. Zobba happily waved back and Zoda instantly stopped upon seeing this before looking away annoyed. Zobba, ever the optimist, continued smiling and produced a camera which he took a snapshot with.

"Confiscate that camera," ordered the Judge. "This isn't a circus I'm running here!"

"No!" protested Zobba holding the camera close to his body as the other bounty hunters closed in on him.

"What are you so scared about, they can't hurt you, you're a Hutt!" shouted Zoda past IG-24.

"Oh yeah," said Zobba before he hung the camera, with its gigantic strap, around what could be considered his neck and held up his fists.

"Bring it on!" he shouted as the Bounty Hunters tackled him.

"Would you start at the beginning?" asked IG-24 aggravated as behind him chairs went flying and shouts could be heard as a three way brawl emerged as observers ran for their lives as the fighting continued.

"Well," began Zoda thoughtfully. "First Tatooine cooled. And then the Krayt dragons came, but they got all big and fat and they turned into oil. And then the Jawas came and they bought Sandcrawlers. And then Prince…"

"Zoda!" snapped Neva Kee as IG-24 began turning red from the inside.

"Whoops!" said Zoda looking at the assassin droid wide-eyed. "Maybe Neva should tell this part of the story."

"Yes, maybe we can restore some civility to this madhouse," agreed Neva Kee amicably. A bounty hunter slammed into the Judge's bench before collapsing unconscious. Zobba kept fighting with the other bounty hunter before his tail slammed against him, knocking the hunter unconscious. Zobba settled down and so too did the terrified audience as Neva Kee began his story.

"It began on this planet, not too long ago…"

Earlier, Tatooine: Several bantha were chewing on some grass when a tremendous explosion reverberated across the Dune Sea. The banthas made a break for it as a massive flaming object screamed across the sky and plowed into the ground throwing sand everywhere. Two individuals ran from the object before it exploded flinging debris everywhere.

"Nice flying Zee," commented Neva Kee picking himself up off the ground.

"Oh be quiet," said Zoda brushing sand off of his jacket. "You should be grateful we're still alive."

Together the two looked at the wreckage behind them and headed for a town in the distance.

Mos Eisley: Neva Kee emerged from Bob O.'s Speeder Rental and Repair shop.

"So what'd he say?" asked Zoda anxiously who had been waiting outside.

"He said we'd be better off buying a new ship but he'll do what he can," said Neva.

"So let's buy a new ship then and get going," said Zoda wanting to be off.

"No," responded Neva shaking his head.

"No?" asked Zoda confused. "What do you mean no?"

"We're not leaving," answered the diplomat walking off. "We're staying right here."

"What?" demanded Zoda following him. "Why?"

"Because I need a vacation after having to constantly flee planet after planet because of something you did," answered the blue alien. "And it's time you learned some responsibility since you're the one who stranded us here."

"Hey!" protested Zoda. "It's not my fault! How was I supposed to know the ship could handle those kinds of stresses?"

Neva Kee stopped in his tracks. "Oh gee, I don't know…maybe BECAUSE I TOLD YOU THE SHIP COULD HANDLE THAT STRESS!"

Zoda paused at that.

"You could've been wrong," he offered lamely.

"And when have I ever been wrong?" asked Neva Kee bluntly. Zoda again thought about this before realization dawned on him.

"When you let me fly the ship, ha ha!" laughed Zoda. Neva Kee dropped his head in humiliation.

"Come on, let's go through customs," he said waving the Jedi forward as they continued on down the street.

Customs: Zoda and Neva Kee were standing in line waiting to be processed.

"I can't believe it took us ten minutes to get here and we've been in customs for over three hours," Neva Kee grumbled. Zoda shrugged.

"Anyway, so I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice," he said oblivious to Neva Kee's annoyance at their whole situation. Neva narrowed his eyes and starred at him for a few moments.

"You're an idiot," said Neva Kee finally. Zoda shrugged.

"Just trying to pass the time," he said.

"Yeah well you're making it seem longer than it should be," said Neva Kee. "Must you tell that story every time we're in a customs line?"

"Don't be jealous that I met someone famous when you weren't around," stated Zoda crossing his arms in a huff.

"Zoda I'm more bewildered as to how you made it to Tibet much less how you met the Lama," answered the diplomat. "Earth's not exactly within walking distance you know."

"Well I did it anyway," said Zoda with a gigantic grin on his face. Neva Kee rolled his eyes but chose not to respond. They finally reached the customs agent.

"Names?" asked the Agent.

"I'm Neva Kee and this is Zoda," said the diplomat quickly before the Jedi could open his mouth.

"Please answer separately please," answered the Agent. "Species."

"Xamster," answered Neva.

"Whill," responded Zoda. Neva Kee spun and faced him.

"Oh for-, you are not a Whill!" he scoffed.

"I am too a Whill!" protested Zoda.

"No you're not!" Neva Kee retorted.

"Yes I am!" responded Zoda refusing to back down.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Would you knock it off, you know that's not true!" said the Diplomat on the verge of nearly throttling his fellow companion.

"Prove it," responded Zoda smugly. Neva Kee smiled darkly at that.

"We met the Whills remember?" he said. "They tried to kill you for trying to steal their damn journal!"

"…Oh yeah," said Zoda recalling that encounter. "Those preachy bas-."

"Anyway," said Neva. "Just write down 'unknown tridactyl species' for him."

"Okay…" said the Agent confused. He always seemed to get the weirdoes on this job.

"Professions?" he asked next.

"Diplomat," responded Neva Kee.

"Hellraiser!" commented the Jedi happily crossing his arms. The Agent looked at him doubtfully.

"I'd actually write that down, it's probably the most accurate job description he's ever assigned himself," said the diplomat. The Agent reluctantly wrote it down, he'd be hearing from his boss later about this.

"Intended length of stay?" he then asked.

"Knowing our luck it'll be indefinitely," responded Neva Kee looking at Zoda pointedly. Zoda looked at him shocked.

"Oh sure, blame the Jedi!" he shouted. The Agent's jaw dropped as he looked at Zoda wide-eyed before Zoda recoiled realizing what he'd said and what that meant here.

"Oh, you are not a Jedi either!" said Neva Kee covering for him.

"I am too!" protested Zoda. The Agent calmed down and just shook his head as he chalked it up to another lie.

"Oh yeah, then stop this!" shouted Neva Kee. This was a perfect opportunity to get in some blows against Zoda for his own amusement. Neva Kee punched out his fists in various directions before throwing a punch that knocked Zoda off of his feet.

"And the crowd goes wild!" said Neva Kee in a rare moment of not being completely serious.

"The crowd is about to get its butt kicked!" said Zoda getting back to his feet and leaping at Neva Kee who deftly sidestepped him only to have Zoda come to a halt and spin around and then soon both were beating each other up. They were still going at it a few moments later when the Agent looked at his watch.

"Is this going to take much longer it's almost time for my break," he stated. Neva and Zoda abruptly stopped and looked up at him.

"No, we're fine," said Neva Kee nonchalantly. The Agent handed them their Tatooine ID certificates.

"Welcome to hell's rear doorstep," was all he said and then closed his booth. The diplomat and the Jedi picked up what little belongings they had managed to recover from the crash, everything they really needed they always kept on them, and made for the exit. Instantly they were surrounded by an unruly gang.

"You want to pass, you gotta pay the toll!" the leader ordered as he held a massive mace and hit it against his palm.

"Oh I'll show you a toll!" shouted Zoda as he leapt at them.

Five Minutes Later: Neva and Zoda were walking down the street as Zoda counted the credits the gang had had on them.

"Twenty Credits?" said Zoda surprised and annoyed. "Man we'll be lucky if we can get a decent meal out of this. It figures the only gang we hit is the poorest one."

"Well that can't all be winners," said Neva Kee looking around anxiously for something.

"Yeah I guess you're right," said Zoda pocketing the creds. "I figure we find a place to hole up here and I knock off a couple of the more prominent gangs every night and in a couple weeks we should be out of here."

"I don't think so," said Neva Kee putting an end to that thought. "It's too hectic here in the city I want a place to relax."

"Man don't be lazy, we could have some real fun here," said Zoda. "And what the hell are you looking for?"

"That," answered Neva Kee pointing at a gigantic crate. They two walked over and Neva began feeling all over the crate for something.

"Neva you can't lift that," laughed Zoda. Neva grumbled something before finding a button and pressing it and the end of the box detached and came falling right at Zoda. The Jedi barely avoided it as Neva walked into the crate and an instant later came flying out in a Sorosuub landspeeder.

"Nice," said Zoda as he hopped in on the passenger's side with his stuff. The speeder took off down the street.

"Why not a T-16?" asked Zoda curious. Neva Kee looked at him darkly at that as the speeder shot out of the city.

"What?" asked Zoda confused. Neva sighed.

"Zoda do you remember back on Kamino when you somehow got that Waveskimmer to achieve ESCAPE VELOCITY!" shouted Neva. "And you put us in orbit of that world?"

"Oh yeah," said Zoda chuckling. "That was great!"

"We nearly died!" shouted Neva. Zoda turned serious.

"If Zobba had shown up when I told him to we would have made it off that planet," Zoda said crossing his arms.

"I told him not to show up!" shouted Neva. "We couldn't just avoid our jobs and cut out on those negotiations."

"He who turns and runs away doesn't have to negotiate that or any other day," said Zoda deliberately misquoting the idiom. Neva Kee rolled his eyes.

"You're an inspiration to us all," he responded lamely. Zoda looked around at the massive expanse of desert.

"So are we going somewhere or is this the scenic route?" asked Zoda dryly. "Because I think I saw the most interesting womp rat about five miles back."

"We're heading for our new home," answered Neva Kee.

"And what are we going to do there, become pirates on the high desert?" asked Zoda hopeful. Neva Kee shot him a look but remained silent. "Okay, gem miners perhaps?"

"Nope," responded Neva Kee. "We're going to be purveyors of hydrogen oxide."

"Oh well that sounds-," began Zoda before realization dawned on him. "Oh no…."

"Yep," said Neva Kee happily. "We're moisture farmers!"

"Oh that's a lame profession," said Zoda.

"Hey, it's very noble!" protested Neva. "Without these farmers this place would simply dehydrate."

"Whatever," said Zoda leaning back in his seat and placing his hands behind his head.

"So you bought a place?" asked the Jedi after a few moments.

"I've actually owned it for awhile I just never got around to visiting it," answered the diplomat truthfully. Zoda's eyes narrowed.

"Then who's been running the place?" asked Zoda curious. Neva remained silent at that.

"…Someone reliable," said the Ambassador tactfully. Zoda thought about that statement for a few moments before he slumped his head onto the forward dashboard defeated.

"He is perfectly reliable!" insisted Neva before Zoda could say anything.

"Neva, you are the model of clear thinking but how could you do something do something so irresponsible as to leave Treadwell in charge?" said Zoda at a loss.

"He will do fine!" said Neva, although fully aware he was in a loosing battle.

"He has no arms!" shouted the Jedi incredulously. "You'll be lucky if the place is still standing by the time we get there!"

"We'll be fine, trust me," said Neva trying to manage a convincing smile and failing miserably.

"This sucks," said Zoda saying what was both on their minds.

"It'll get better I promise you," said Neva Kee as the moisture farm they were heading towards grew larger and larger.

Trial: "Needless to say it didn't get better and it was at that farm that everything went horribly, horribly wrong," said Neva Kee ominously as a lightning bolt flashed outside the window and thunder caused the building to rumble briefly.

…

"It's alive!!!"

"RAAAAAARRRR!!!"

"Zoda shut up!"