Hooray for random humor fics!

Warnings: Heavy YAOI. You don't like yaoi? Then don't read the damn thing. ONE SHOT so don't ask for more chapters.. There ain't any.

But if yer really nice and leave a review I may write a sequel. :)

Disclaimer: GW not mine, everything else is so :p

Pairings: 4x2, implied 3x4,1x4

The age old question finally answered!

Why the fuck is Quatre's shirt pink?!

Enjoy!

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"It's pink..."

Not glancing up from the recon reports his eyes were currently scanning, Quatre scratched lightly at the back of his neck as he answered. "What's pink, Duo?" he asked as he shifted slightly in his desk chair to find a more comfortable position.

He had been going over various reports from his sources on the status of the military forces in the area for over two hours now. Needless to say, his rear was beginning to feel a bit numb.

Duo was sitting indian style on the large couch that was situated in front of the desk in the den with a rather perplexed look on his face. "Your shirt..." His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked closely at the button up shirt that the Arabian wore. "It's pink..." he repeated slowly.

"Actually, if you want to get technical, it's considered pastel rose. But, if you prefer, yes. It is pink." Quatre answered calmly before turning a page in the report.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

Rolling his violet eyes, Duo groaned loudly before glaring at the blonde behind the desk. "Quatre, you're a soldier and a gundam pilot in a pink shirt!" he pointed out loudly.

Quatre paused in his scanning and glanced up at his comrade. "Yes... Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Duo, but are you building up to some sort of point...?" he asked slowly as his pale eyebrow quirked up.

Slapping his forehead in frustration, Duo stood from the couch and moved up to the desk. "Yes, it's looks fuckin fruity! It's like you're making some sort of gay pride statement!" he exclaimed on a laugh. He wasn't out to insult or hurt the blonde, but the question had been grinding at his mind ever since he met the Arabian.

"Actually I'm bi." Quatre stated calmly.

Duo's eyes grew wide at the sudden admission. "What..?"

Quatre looked back at his reports and turned another page. "I'm bi. I like men and women. I'm a greedy little bastard like that." he added as a smirk formed on his pale lips.

Having hardly expected that kind of blunt honesty, Duo was a bit thrown off his original question. "Oh... Okay... Well.. Is that why you.. Wear that shirt..?" He felt embarrassed suddenly for some reason, and he was certain that he was probably blushing.

"Nope." Quatre answered simply.

"Oh... Then why..?" Duo finally forced himself to ask.

The moment the question left Duo's lips Quatre's smirk grew wider. "Simple, really.. It's part of a bet I made with my sister before I left for operation meteor..."

"What kinda bet" Duo asked, now intrigued by the mischievous express on Quatre's face.

"That I would wear this pink shirt all during the war if she wore a lime green pair of pants that had orange spots on them. They look quite ridiculous with her dark skin tone. She could pass off as a clown in Trowa's circus." Quatre told him with a slight chuckle.

Duo let out a short laugh and scratched the back of his head. "That's a pretty silly bet.. Was there something else to it?"

"Oh yes... Quite a bit more..." Quatre sat his report down on the desk and looked Duo straight in the eyes. "This is my fuck shirt."

His violet eyes shooting wide open, Duo nearly choked on his own breath as he registered the statement. "Your what?!"

Quatre smirked at his shock and leaned back casually in his chair. "This is my fuck shirt... It's part of the bet... Any time someone asks me why I'm wearing a pink shirt I have to tell them it's my fuck shirt. In turn when someone asks my sister about her pants she has to tell them those are her fuck pants." he told him as if it was nothing at all.

Duo had to bite his lip hard to keep from laughing at the outrageous statement. "I... I see... But wouldn't that give people.. Um.. The wrong idea about you and your sister...?" He could only imagine the things that would go through people's mind when they were hear something like that.

"That's the entire point, Duo."

The little smirk paired with a rather heated stare was beginning to make Duo feel uncomfortable. He tugged lightly at the collar of his shirt and shifted uneasily on his feet. "Okay... So.. Is that the entire bet...?" he forced himself to ask. He didn't know why, but he was very curious about this new side of the quiet spoken Arabian. The fact he said the word fuck was almost enough to knock him over, so he wasn't sure what else he could handle.

The smirk on Quatre's face steadily grew into a sinister grin. "Oh yes.. There's one more part to the bet.. The most important part..." He crossed his legs elegantly and laced his fingers together over his chest as he took a long appreciative glance over Duo's form. When his eyes locked back onto the wary violets staring at him his grin grew wider. "We have to fuck whoever asks us."

Duo's eyes nearly took up his entire face as he tried to remember how to breathe. He took a staggering step back when he recognized the lust behind the aqua gaze. "Wh.. What..? No.. No you gotta be kidding..." Duo stammered as he glanced nervously back at the closed door to the den.

"Oh but I'm not, Duo..." Quatre gracefully stood from his seat and began unbuttoning the cuffs on his shirt. "Those are the rules... We fuck whoever asks and whoever has the biggest tally by the end of the war wins..." he said calmly while shrugging out of his purple vest.

Backing away slowly when Quatre began moving out from behind the desk, Duo felt like a rabbit being stared down by a hungry wolf. He felt the backs of his legs hit the edge of the couch, causing a feeling of panic to shoot through him. "Quatre... You.. You can't be serious... This is just some kinda joke, right..?" he asked on a desperate hopeful tone. The clearly amorous gaze that was fixed on his was making him feel very warm. It was confusing him so much that he was actually still intrigued by it all.

The fact that Duo hadn't made a move to head for the door encouraged Quatre. Perhaps he could add another mark to his tally. "I'm very serious, Duo..." With a fast swoop of his arm Quatre knocked the stack of files and reports off of his desk. "How 'bout right here on my desk..?" he offered as the papers fell around him.

The noise of the laptop that had been on the desk hitting the floor made Duo jump. Quatre was serious, and if Duo didn't think of something fast he was about to be another mark on the blonde's score board. "Quatre... We can't... You can't... I mean... It wouldn't be right..." Duo stammered weakly. His heart was racing now, and if he didn't know any better he would have thought that he was actually turned on by how forceful the Arabian was suddenly being.

The blonde head shook in amusement as his pale hands began going down the buttons of his pink shirt. "It may not be right... But I'll certainly make it worth your while, my dearest Duo..." he purred seductively.

Duo felt that he had to be dreaming. There was no way the kind and quiet Arabian he had been traveling with could really be doing these things. It was just unheard of. "Quatre... We're.. We're not going to.. To have se.." he couldn't force himself to finish the sentence.

"Have sex?" Quatre finished for him "Don't worry, Duo, we're not going to have sex.." He approached the American calmly until he was standing in front of him. Before Duo had time to react Quatre grabbed hold of the American's hip and nearly crushed their bodies together. He enjoyed the squeaking gasp Duo gave, and moved to whisper into his ear. "I'm going to fuck you until you can barely breathe..." Quatre growled softly into the delicate ear.

His body froze when a series of burning kisses began traveling along his throat. Duo wanted to pull away, but a pair of strong hands cupped over his ass and held on firmly. A moan was torn from his lips when Quatre found a tender spot just below his ear. "Oh god... Quatre.. No.. You.. Hafta stop..." he muttered even as his hands clung to Quatre's shoulders.

"Do I..?" Quatre asked on a husky chuckle. "I think your body is telling me otherwise, Duo love.." His hips grinded forward against Duo's just so he could hear the gasping moan the braided pilot let out. "Mmm.. I believe that was a signal to continue..." Quatre murmured in amusement.

His head swimming, Duo wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. The close contact and firm knowing touch felt good. Almost too good. It had been so long since he had been this close to another person that everything felt so strong. He wanted to resist as he pressed himself further into the caresses and kisses. Confusing himself as he carried on, Duo still protested, however much weaker than he had before. "Quatre... No.. Please stop.." he whimpered. His resistance was steadily crumbling, and he knew much more would make him cave in.

Quatre knew this as well. "Shh... Stop fighting it, Duo..." Quatre slowly turned Duo around and began inching him back towards the desk. Soon he had his next score pressed against the front of his desk, and his hands began wandering over Duo's clothes to unbutton everything. "I'm not going to hurt, you, Duo... Just going to make you feel good.." Quatre mumbled before pressing his lips against Duo's in a warm deep kiss.

The hot mouth tasted so sweet that Duo found himself kissing the blonde back. Their tongues twined lazily while he felt Quatre's hands slipping into his shirt. The delicate looking hands were surprisingly rough and strong as they moved along his chest. As the kiss continued Duo felt Quatre pressing him further back onto the desk until he was sitting on it. 'My god, he really is gonna fuck me on his desk...' he thought which made his heart skip a beat. He had never been with another guy like that, and it quickly made his apprehension spike up.

Pulling away from the kiss, he lightly pushed Quatre away from him as he gasped for breath. "Quatre... I.. I can't do this... I've never.." He trailed off as a blush heated his already flushed cheeks.

Getting what Duo was trying to tell him, Quatre giggled softly as he nuzzled against the hot cheek. "Don't worry, Duo... You can be on top if it makes you more comfortable..." he purred as he nipped at the slightly swollen lower lip.

That offer made all the blood race to Duo's groin. "You... You're serious...?" was the only thing he could piece together.

Pleased how that seemed to get a pleasant response from his companion, Quatre hummed as his hands busied with unbuckling the belt Duo wore. "I've never been more serious in my life, Duo... Now what do you say, Duo...? We can easily make our time here much more enjoyable..."

The long fingers were teasing the waist band of his pants in a way that made Duo's hips jerk. "Do.. Do I have time to.. Think.. About it..." the gasping pilot asked on a whimper.

"Of course, Duo.." Quatre moved back to Duo's ear and whispered hotly into it. "Go back to your room... I'll give you five minutes... If you don't want any more tie something around the handle of your door.. I'll leave you be and we'll pretend this never happened..." His hand slowly slipped inside Duo's pants and carefully caressed the hardness trapped within the silky boxers the American wore. "However... If you want to take this further... Be stripped down and on your bed waiting for me... I promise you I'll make it worth your while..."

Duo was breathing erratically and absently thrusting against the stroking hand. "H.. How will you make it worth my while...?"

"Mmm.. By letting you have me any way you wish..." Quatre kissed his way down Duo's trembling jaw as he continued. "I'll surrender to your every whim, Duo.. Just be ready for me when I come to your door..." He knew that he was leaving his well being within Duo's grasp, and he was eager to see what he would decide. However the way trapped erection seemed to jerk and throb made Quatre smirk. He knew that he had the beautiful young man right where he wanted him.

The thought of having Quatre surrender to him was such an erotic idea that Duo wasn't sure if he wanted to think it through. But Since Quatre was giving him this option he was going to take it so he could figure it out without the seductive influence of the blonde. "Okay... I... I'll think it over..."

"As you wish, Duo..." Quatre slowly pulled away from the shaking body and lifted his left wrist to glance at his watch. "You have five minutes starting now..."

Instantly missing the warmth that Quatre's body provided, Duo stumbled over his own feet walking to the door. When he reached the door he glance over his shoulder at the blonde watching him. The sly wink Quatre gave him made his heart leap into his throat. After taking a long look over the pale graceful body, Duo opened the door with his mind already made up. 'I'd hafta be dead to pass that up...'

Quatre watched him leave for a minute, but once the door was closed a wide sinister grin formed on his face. With a slight bounce in his step, Quatre moved to the vidphone that was miraculously still on his desk and began making a call. After a few moments of waiting, the image of a young woman with shoulder length black hair and a dark complexion soon appeared. "Hello, Sosa, how are you today?" Quatre asked on a bright cheery tone.

The woman's expression turned into a deep frown as a growl escaped her. "Quatre... No.. Don't tell me..."

The grin grew wider as Quatre's head nodded. "I'm afraid so, dearest sister.. The tie's about to be broken. I have number fifteen waiting for me as we speak. You might as well give up now, you're not going to win. I'll have my trophy and there's nothing you can do about it."

"You're getting it over my prone oversexed body! I'll never give it up!" the woman declared dramatically.

Pointing at the screen rigidly, Quatre glared at the image of his sister as he spoke. "You're going down, woman! I'll get Mr. Floppinshire back if it's the last thing I do!"

The woman on the screen was soon clutching a stuffed white rabbit to her chest that had on a little black top hat, a monocle, and a purple pinstripe vest with a pocket watch. "Never! Mr. Floppinshire is mine! I won him fair and square! You'll never have him, you hear me! Never!" Sosa exclaimed while snuggling the plump white bunny.

Growling in annoyance, Quatre stuck his tongue out at his sister and flipped her off. "Enjoy Mr. Floppinshire while you can, Sosa! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a sexy young American naked in bed waiting for me." he stated smugly.

Sosa's dark eye twitched as she clutched tighter to the bunny. "That's not fair.. First a hot French circus performer, then the steamy Japanese soldier, now you got a sexy American?! You get more sexy guys than I do! It's not fair!!" she whined with a pout.

Quatre laughed at her sister's pout. "Deal with it, bitch! Now I'm off to have my brains fucked out. You better take care of MY Mr. Floppinshire!"

"You slut!"

"Skank!"

"Whore!"

"Ass hat!"

Sosa blinked at that insult and quirked up an eyebrow. "Ass hat.. What the fuck..?"

Quatre gave a careless shrug and a sheepish grin. "I couldn't think of anything else.."

Rolling her eyes sarcastically, Sosa chuckled and shook her head. "Well, it was a new one... Anywho, have fun, Quatre. Love you, baby bro."

Smiling, Quatre winked at the screen. "Oh I will. Love you too, Sosa. I'll call you later." He then disconnected the line and let out a deep sigh.

Mr. Floppinshire was a stuffed animal that he and Sosa fought over non stop when they were little, and as time passed they held bets on who would get to keep him. As they grew older those bets turned into nothing more than excuses to get laid for the sake of a thread bare rabbit. It was a ridiculous bet, he knew it was, but that was probably what made it so damn fun. So far that stupid rabbit was one of the few things that helped him through this horrible war. Plus he wasn't about to let his sister gloat and hold the priceless fluffy white sex idol over his head again.

Coming out of his silent musings, his aqua eyes glanced towards his watch. "Hmm.. Duo only has another minute left... I best not keep him waiting.." He steadily walked towards the door, his grin returning wide as ever as he left the den thinking about how much he was going to enjoy the rest of the day.

"Thank you, Mr. Floppinshire..."

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The End

This fic is dedicated to Mr. Floppinshire..

Where ever you are...

Probably under my bed...

Muahahaha!!

Later!