A/N: Takes place after OiS. Some movie elements may be worked in eventually. I also happen to be of those who believe River would have been at least 18, probably 19 at the time of the BDM. Just for the record. :)

Paints Me Blue

Chapter One

Two by two, he paints me blue…

Jubal Early is not dead, River can sense it. She can't explain this sense, nor can she explain to the others why she can't sleep alone anymore.

Simon isn't happy that the drugs he's been giving her don't seem to be working anymore. He spends day and night in the lab, peering into microscopes and making scribbled notations on scraps of paper that don't seem to go in any particular order.

River lets him go on working, even though she knows he can't help her anymore.

Simon will be really angry when he finds out she isn't taking the little pink and white pills anymore.

It isn't right. She can't explain, but she knows. She just knows.

No one understands anymore. The others think she is a child, or an assassin, depending on what day you speak with them. Kaylee had been her friend, River's first real friend, but now she is scared.

Jubal Early made her more fearful, with his threats and ever calm voice. River wishes he was dead, wishes the voices would go away, wishes she could be a normal girl.

Normal is a funny word. River wants to be normal like Kaylee and Inara and Zoë, but most times they aren't quite normal either. Kaylee knows more about ship engines than any man, and Inara knows more about any man than they knew about engines. River understands Zoë best. Zoë saw bad things in the war, bad things that make her frown when she thinks no one is looking.

River can understand the frowning.

The corridor is empty, the metal cold on River's bare feet. She likes her feet bare, prefers to feel the ground under her body, to prove she is there. She doesn't feel real when she can't feel the ground. The ground might not be there and she would never know, not if she cannot feel it.

Her sense of feel seems to be the only one left that has been unaffected by the Change. The Change was bad, not at first, but later when They took away her heart and made her be Different.

River's eyes are heavy but she can not close them. Simon is in the med lab, asleep over his scribblings again. She can't close her eyes there. Too much shine and things that made her Remember.

Remembering is bad.

River pauses by Kaylee's bunk. Kaylee would be kind, but there is be fear in her dreams tonight. River has enough fear of her own, tonight is not the night to be comforted by another's fear.

No, it cannot be Kaylee.

Mal is… Mal. He thinks too loud, too violently. Zoë and Wash have each other, and Inara's shuttle just feels too far. River is so tired, she just wants to sleep.

There is only one more door, one more ladder, one more bunk.

"No touching guns," River whispers as she soundlessly steps down the ladder.

She stares at the figure huddled under a thin blanket on the bunk. She can almost hear what Mal would say if he could see her now.

"No touching Jayne," she whispers, and sits on the floor, cross-legged beside the sleeping man. She eases his head off the single pillow and curls up in a ball on the bare floor beside him, her head on his pillow.

There is only one place where she is safe, only one place where she can sleep.

Jayne hated mornings, or rather waking up in general since it was hard to distinguish "morning" in space. It was always cold, and there was always something to wake up to that he didn't want.

Such as the biggest gorram neck crick Jayne had ever had in his life.

He sat up with a groan, taking notice of his nice fluffy pillow mocking him from the floor. "Great", he muttered. "No wonder my neck feels like it's gonna pop off. My gorram pillow's on the ruttin' floor."

"Good morning, sunshine." Wash's voice came through the intercom. "Suppose our big bad mercenary could grace us with his presence in the med bay?"

Jayne jabbed for the 'talk' button. "This had better be important," he growled.

"Oh it is. Trust me."

Trust him. Ha, Jayne thought. It was never smart to trust Wash when he had that tone to his voice. Jayne wasn't no fool.

He yanked on the nearest pair of pants that might be clean and a black t-shirt, grimacing as his neck stretched in another uncomfortable position. It wouldn't be a pleasant day, Jayne just knew it.

He had no idea.

The entire crew was crammed in the tiny space of the med lab. Wash was smirking from a corner, Mal was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, Inara and Kaylee were sitting off to one side, Book was standing behind them, River was sitting on the examining table swinging her legs and looking innocent while Simon was standing beside her. His arms were crossed and he looked furious.

"I didn't do it," Jayne decided to lead with. "I swear!"

Simon shrugged. "Nah mei guan-shee."

Jayne blinked, then turned to Mal. "Does someone want to tell me exactly what I'm being blamed for?"

"Swam," River said suddenly. "Swam until there was no more ocean."

"Wonderful." Jayne rolled his eyes. "Does anyone have any idea what is gorram going on?"

"Apparently someone knocked River up," Wash said, somewhat gleefully.

"That's nice, but what does that have to do with…. Oh no!" Jayne took a step back and shook his head vehemently. "You are not pinning that on me! I ain't touched her."

Mal frowned. "Now that's real interesting, considerin' this morning Inara saw her climbin' out of your bunk."

"My bunk?" Jayne repeated. "Dung ee-miao! What was she doin' in my bunk?"

Kaylee gave a sheepish smile. "That's pretty much what we were wondering."

"I did not…" Jayne backed up until there was no more room and his back hit the wall. "I did not touch her, Simon, I swear. I don't know what she was doing in my bunk but it has nothing to do with her-" His gaze dropped to her stomach. "Are you sure?"

"Sure?" Simon nodded. "Considering that I was so dumbfounded I ran her blood work through twelve times, yeah, I think I'm pretty sure."

Jayne stared in shock at River, who was staring at something on the floor with a half smile on her face. "I didn't do it… I swear!"

Simon was still standing there, eerily calm, a fact which was terrifying Jayne more and more by the second. "You're the only one it could be," he stated. "Wash wouldn't dare, Book was in Haven, not that he would have anyway, and I'm her brother. I'm afraid you're the logical choice."

"W-what about Mal?" Jayne stammered, beginning to feel somewhat claustrophobic.

"Oh no," Mal shook his head and laughed. "Nice try, my friend, but you're not pinning this on me. I'm not that hard up."

"Neither am I!" Jayne exclaimed.

Inara stepped past the fighting men and crouched down in front of River's knees. "River, honey, do you know how you got pregnant?"

River nodded slowly.

"Well, then who did it?" Mal demanded, throwing his hands up in the air.

Inara shot him a dirty look. "Its okay, River. We just want to know."

River's arms encircled her stomach and Jayne felt his stomach drop. Those baggy dresses of hers had been concealing a definite bump on her tiny frame. She really was pregnant, he realized, watching her as she caressed her belly and stared off into space.

"Jayne," River whispered softly. She didn't know what to do. Jayne would be angry with her, she knew that much, but it was the only thing she could say. "Jayne."

An hour later, Jayne was once again in his bunk, staring at the wall. Sure River was crazier than a rabid armadillo, but he hadn't realized her grip on reality was quite that loose.

The thought of him sleeping with her was just absurd. She was just a kid!

Technically she'd turned eighteen the week before, but….still! There were some lines you just didn't cross and cradle robbing was one of them.

The door to his bunk opened and footsteps could be heard.

"Get up here!" Mal's slightly angry voice demanded.

Jayne groaned. Oh this day was just getting better and better.

When he reached the top of the ladder he found Mal wasn't alone in the corridor. He was joined by River, Simon, Wash, and Kaylee. He supposed it was slightly better that the rest of the crew had decided not to join them.

Then he noticed that Kaylee and Wash were smiling.

Jayne gave them a strange look. "What in Lucifer's britches is gorram going on?" he wanted to know.

"Well," Mal smiled, the knowing smile which always meant he was about to say something the other person didn't want to hear, "Simon here was feeling a mite miffed about you deflowering his baby sister and all, and he had some right interesting ideas about how we were supposed to deal with you."

"One involved grapefruit spoons," Wash contributed.

Jayne glared at him.

"So," Mal continued, "then our Kaylee had an idea that while much less violent, seemed as if it would provide the same amount of entertainment."

Jayne continued to stare at them with a confused expression on his face.

Mal pushed River in front of him. "Here ya go. By the power invested in me as the captain of this here boat, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Several choice phrases slipped from Jayne's mouth. "Huh?"

"Well, it ain't exactly legal." Mal shrugged. "But we figure it's legal enough for an old mercenary like you, and Simon's appeased so I don't have to listen to his yappin' anymore."

Jayne looked like he was going to faint.

"Oh yeah, and now the crazy girl is your responsibility." Mal grinned. "That just might be my favorite part."

River loves being barefoot. She likes walking around the ship, feeling its 'essence' below her body. Walking in the dark is even more rewarding. Although she knows exactly where each piece of furniture, each step is, she feels along the floor delicately with one toe, memorizing the structure.

Soon walking in the dark is not enough. She can still see a little, small pieces of light coming from equipment and such, so she closes her eyes.

Now it is truly dark, and she smiles to herself as she silently steps down the stairs into the dining area. Two small steps to the left would take her to the table, one to the right would touch the wall. River's feet carry her straight.

Suddenly the room is not dark anymore. Without opening her eyes, River knows that someone has turned on an overhead light. She is no longer alone, and she stops.

There should be nothing between her and another wall, but she senses an object.

Jayne wasn't sure what he was expecting when he flipped on the light switch, but it sure wasn't River's nose barely a millimeter from his chest. He started, and pushed her away. "Gorramit, girl! You trying to give me a heart attack?!"

River opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Your heart is fine," she said. "No attack."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Well, not now." He sighed. "What are you doing here in the dark anyways? You're gonna trip over something and bleed, and then your brother is going to slit my throat."

"I will not let Simon hurt you," she said softly. "He doesn't understand."

"He's not the only one," Jayne muttered. "And for the record, I don't need you protectin' me little girl. I can do just fine on my own."

"No you can't."

"Yes, I can."

"No."

"Yes!" Jayne shook his head. "Look at what I'm doing, fighting with the crazy girl."

"She is less crazy than you think." River smoothed down her thin white nightgown and stared at the floor, at her feet just peeping out from underneath the long sleeveless garment.

Jayne crossed his arms. "Not ruttin' likely. Now what are you doin' down here anyhow?"

"Jayne hungry."

"Of course I'm hungry, why else do you think I'm down here."

River didn't correct him. "I wanted some food."

Jayne opened a cupboard and pulled out a slice of bread (actually protein shaped like bread, but a likely enough simile). "Here. Eat it." He shoved the piece of bread into her hand.

River took a tiny bite.

"Go to bed." Jayne flopped down into a chair and nearly growled when River plopped herself in his lap. "Wuh de ma! What are you doin' girl?!"

"Waiting."

"For what?"

River stared at him, unblinking. "Instruction. Simon gave me to you."

Jayne leaped up, expecting to knock her to the floor, but instead she sprang upon her feet like a rubber ball. "I ain't your keeper, girl."

"Captain says you are. We're supposed to obey the captain."

Jayne snorted. "Well, I ain't. I mean to give him a piece of my mind in the mornin', for dropping you on me like that. In fact, I oughtta push you outta the airlock for telling them I was the one who put that babe in your belly."

River didn't answer.

"Why did you do that?" Jayne crossed his arms again and stared at her. "I know you're off your rocker but you've got to know as well as I do that I ain't never done anythin' like that."

River stared at him for a moment, then closed her eyes and rocked backwards on her heels. "Two by two…" she whispered.

"Aw, gorrammit!" Jayne rolled his eyes and grabbed her arm. "Don't you be startin' that now. I'm putting you to bed. On the floor." He pulled her out of the room. "And without my gorram pillow this time…"

She smiled secretly at her feet. Jayne was so predictable.