The Farces of The Soul

By: Lady of The White Water

Disclaimer: Don't own them…pity. They are so cute too.

Summary: Everyone has a side of themselves they want to keep hidden…unfortunately for Chip, his side has just been released upon Briarwood. AU to Soul Scepter and beyond.

Pairing: Pending….and Nick/Madison

Many thanks to DJ Rocca and M14Mouse for the support and their ideas. You ladies rock!

There are many things I don't recommending anyone doing in life. One is trying to put a rubber duck into the toilet to see if it can fly. You are more likely to clog up the toilet and you lost your rubber ducky that way. Second thing is never light a match behind a cow's butt. My uncle lost a barn that way. I lost two month of my life helping him rebuild it. Third thing is never teach your cousins how to make a slingshot. You will never be allowed to hang out with them again. Fourth thing is never open strange looking bottles. It may be poison or in my case, a darn soul sucking monster.

Just say the whole experience hurts a lot.

I cannot really describe it. It is like a 1000 needles attacking you without any armor. The darkness surrounds me. I couldn't breathe or see. I couldn't scream as I try to fight the darkness.

"Hold on. It will be alright soon." A voice says.

"I hope so. It is almost as bad when I broke my arm in two places. I wonder if I still have that skateboard." I say.

"Nah…I think Uncle Carl threw it away. I thought it would be when we fell out of that tree." The voice says.

"Nahh…that one is rank third. The second one is when I used Aunt Mimi's trunk to slide down the hill and ran into that tree. Uncle Carl thought I had brain damage because I was singing the Barney song while my head was bleeding." I say.

The voice laughs.

"I forgot about that." The voice says.

Another wave of pain hit and everything become blurry for a split second. A second later, everything becomes clear and the voice returns again.

"Hey, I thought I lose you for a moment. Are you okay?" The voice says.

"I have been better. So, who are you?" I ask.

"I am a part of you. Soul scepter is dividing up our soul like a thanksgiving turkey. So, I decide to wait around and talk to you. I never really got much a chance to do that before." The voice says.

"Thank you. You seem to be an interesting other half to talk too." I say.

"Of course, I am the better you!" The voice says. I couldn't help but laugh.

"You sound like Xander." I say with amusement.

"Xander is a man whore. He is a good friend but a man whore. I wonder how he has the time for sex, saving the world, dating half the female and male population of Brairwood, and making money." The voice says.

"I wouldn't call Xander that." I say.

"But you thought it." The voice says.

"True. But he doesn't seem been dating much nowadays. At least, that is what I notice." I say.

The voice was silent for a moment.

"You know, I think you are right. You were always more observant than me. Maybe Xander is ready to have a relationship with one person instead of three. Nah…it would wreak his plan Xander. Hell, what is Plan Xander anyway? I never could figure it out." The voice says.

"Plan Xander is any plan that is worth a plan. At least, that what he told me." I say.

"Okay….Now, explain to me what in the hell does Maddie see in Nick?" The voice said.

"I don't know. As long as they are happy and Nick doesn't hurt Maddie, it is none of our business." I say.

"Maybe, it is the brood thing. I don't know why girls fall for that. It is sort of depressing." The voice says.

"Nick doesn't brood." I say.

"Please, he broods when that spell didn't go right. He broods when it rains. He broods when he doesn't get the shift he wants. He is like an Angel wantabe but less cooler." The voice says.

"That is not true. Nick just has some issues." I say.

"Whatever you say." The voice says.

For a moment, I thought he was gone because the voice went silence again.

"You know I wouldn't leave you unless the ugly son of bitch made me." The voice says.

"Thanks…that is very comforting. AHH…" I say with a shout. The pain rips into my body like I was on fire.

"Hey…Hey…stay with me. I know it hurts but Mr. Lance-A-Lot should be getting that staff. At least, he better be or I will rip him a new one." The voice says.

"You won't harm him." I say with a grin. I was getting so sleepy. Trying not getting your soul suck out of you is a lot of work.

"You are right. Fine, we just play a nasty prank on him." The voice says.

Talking to the voice was very comforting and sort of odd. It was an episode out of Twilight Zone.

"It is episode of Spiderman. You know the episode where that crazy lady was talking in his head." The voice says.

"Huh? I thought it would be the X-men. Xavier talked in their heads almost every episode." I say.

"Hmm…we are both of right." The voice says. The voice seems to be thinking before it speaks again.

"Promise me something, okay?" The voice says.

"What?" I say with curiosity.

"Ask Vida out. There is enough sexual tension between you two to cut a rock. We really need to get laid." The voice says.

"There is not." I say. I wonder if I was blushing because at this point, I should be.

"If you don't ask her, I…we would." The voice says.

"I think about it." I say. Another wave of pain hit me. It was worse than before. It feels like I am getting torn apart.

"Damn you, Necorali. We are going to rip out your heart and run over with Vida's jeep." The voice says.

"I agree…with…you…on that." I say as the pain die away again.

"Hold on…please…just a little awhile longer." The voice pleads.

"AHHHH!" I scream as the pain doubles. I hear the crash and something breaking.

"You son of a bitch. You leave him alone." The voice says. It was funny. The voice wasn't inside my head anymore. I feel sort of funny but it wasn't a bad feeling. It was just strange. I feel someone pick my head and set it on something soft.

"Hey…wake up…Come on…tell me if you are okay. Please…" The voice pleads with me.

Slowly, I open my eyes and stare right into someone who looks like me.

"Hey, my other half. Welcome back to the real world." He says.

End of Soul Split

Next Chapter: The Great Spandex Debate

A/N: Hmm…first fic is out and running. Oh, yes…Welcome to my world now. Read and Review.