A Day in the Life
September 24th
After a series of prolonged delays and supposed "paperwork related mix-ups" on the part of Konoha-Sunagakure Corp., I have finally assumed my new post at Otogakure Enterprises. Having packed all my essentials in my three large suitcases, each weighing 23kg exactly (Otogakure Enterprises paid for my Club World membership meaning I could take three bags instead of one - which is more than the tight-fisted Konoha mob ever did for me, I might add) I sent the rest ahead on a prior flight to Otogakure. In order to make doubly sure my bags had arrived before I set out, I e-mailed my contact Kabuto, to ask. He replied within the hour and said that my bags had in fact arrived and that they had been transported to my quarters. May I again take the opportunity to stress how glad I am that Otogakure Enterprises head-hunted me?
Anyway, I arrived at the South Base where I'm to be stationed with little incident, other than my three suitcases almost not fitting in the back of Kabuto's intensely impractical two-seater, hard-top convertible - which, incidentally, I am in love with. I told him this and he casually informed me that it was a company car, given to him by Orochimaru-sama. Apparently, if I play my cards right, I could get my hands on one of those babies. This has only served to prove that I have made the right decision in coming here.
No one in Konoha drives executive vehicles. My old boss Kakashi drove an eight year old Ford Focus. It's name was Gretchen. At the last count there were at least seventeen nodding dogs dangerously obscuring the view of approaching traffic in the rear window. The only way to open the front passenger door was to kick it, hard, in just the right place (marked out by the almighty dent in the bodywork). The dashboard was littered with cigarette butts (because he picked up Asuma every morning on the way to work) and the interior smelled strangely musty, despite the proliferation of Magic Trees.
Kabuto's car is perfect in comparison. I am convinced that it is paradise on four, shiny, chrome-rimmed wheels and I am intent on getting one.
When we arrived at the South Base, Kabuto helped me carry my suitcases to my apartment. Everything here is underground! It's quite weird, really, but then I'm getting paid enough now to put up with stuff like that - because I'm going places - so it didn't bother me as much as it normally would've.
After what felt like a million twists and turns, we finally reached my apartment (it's in a big complex where all the employees stay - I have neighbours). Kabuto grinned at me and handed over the keys, saying that if I needed anything, I've just to drop him a line. Then he handed me a brand new laptop! I'm using Word to write this journal entry right now.
I swear, if there is a god, he's smiling down upon me right now. Not only does my room have wireless internet capability, but it has 100Mbps broadband and no download limit! I didn't even know 100Mbps existed! In Konoha, if I wanted to go online, I had to go downstairs to the computer suite. There was never any privacy. Never. There was always someone in there. Either Naruto on MSN chatting to Sakura who was on the computer next to him, or Naruto watching moronic flash cartoons, or Naruto playing Solitaire, or Naruto sending a whole load of crummy forwards to everyone on his address book (my name was always at the top of the list), or Naruto illegally downloading music from Limewire and playing it so loudly that everyone could hear it anyway even though he was using headphones.
Come to think of it, it was usually Naruto, but once I got up in the middle of the night and went down to the computer suite, thinking I'd be alone and (I think I might weep just remembering this) I saw Gai doing something... unsavoury. I tried to leave without him noticing me, but I tripped on a loose bit of carpet, sprained my ankle and he looked up (another good thing about Otogakure - the place is immaculate, with no loose carpet to trip on). Through my watery-eyed agony, I stuttered a few shocked apologies and attempted to sprint back up to my room - my only sanctuary from the wallow of filth the communal computer suite had become - but Gai caught hold of me before I got there and swore me to secrecy. I seriously thought about telling people, but Gai had gripped me pretty hard on the arm and his eyes were wide and really scary when he stared me down and forced a promise from me.
Veering away from memories of the seedy underbelly of my stint at Konoha-Sunakagure Corp., I've had a look around my apartment and it's quite nice - well, apart from there being no windows. There're lots of lights, though, so I guess that makes up for it. And they're on dimmer switches, so if all else fails, I can pretend that I can see the days going by - like in the first Resident Evil movie where the Umbrella employees have fake cityscapes on the walls to keep them from going insane in the underground lab. The decor is tasteful, the furnishings equally so, the latest electronic gadgets abound, the fridge is enormous, there are no loose bits of carpet to trip on. My bed is a huge four-poster affair and there is a 50" HD television mounted onto the wall opposite. And that is not all. I have a mammoth digital sound-system on which I can play Depeche Mode at ear-splitting levels if I so choose (I tested it out - it goes up to 100dB) and an Apple iPhone.
Life is good.
Right, I've rambled on for too long. Going to fix myself something to eat and then test out my new steam shower room!
September 25th
I fell asleep in the steam shower room. I now look like an enormous bipedal lobster.
To top it all off, one of my neighbours came round to welcome me to the company. I tried to ignore him, but he wouldn't go away. He kept ringing the doorbell over and over. Cringing with embarrassment (though you wouldn't know it - everything is RED!) I opened the door to let him in. The guy just blinked and looked at me and my big red face, then pretended like nothing was wrong. Either that or he thought I normally looked like a crimson something from the briny deeps. He introduced himself as Suigetsu and then headed straight for the kitchen.
I followed him in and found him staring in awe at my amazing kitchen facilities. He was making little enthusiastic, squeaky noises and jigging involuntarily. I asked him whether it was normal for other Otogakure employees to have apartments like this and he gave me a look that said I plainly had been living a sequestered, coddled existence. He explained that employees get apartments according to company rank.
Apparently, there are only four people living on this floor of the complex. Suigetsu is next door to me. He's the HR manager and therefore his apartment is pretty well kitted out. Across from me is a girl called Karin, she's in charge of Sales and Marketing. Suigetsu says I'll probably see her at work on Monday - Orochimaru is calling a meeting to welcome me to the team (why do I suddenly feel nervous?) Next door to her is a guy called Juugo. He's the head of Finance and no one knows much about him. Not even Suigetsu, who said he's been here for years. He also said that Juugo doesn't come out of his apartment much and corresponds only by e-mail.
I said that I thought that was a bit weird. Suigetsu agreed with me and proceeded to raid the fridge to make sandwiches. I didn't call him on it, because I was curious and wanted to know just what I was letting myself in for.
I asked him about Kabuto. Suigetsu snorted and said, "The mighty brown-noser himself stays with Orochimaru." I asked if that was in a gay way and Suigetsu laughed and said, "He wishes." Then he handed me an enormous sandwich and steered me onto the sofa and started gossiping in whispered tones about the sordid office affairs of Otokagure Enterprises (and here was me thinking I'd be away from all that. I am so naive).
Apparently, the guy I was hired to replace (Kimimaro) was in an on-again, off-again relationship with Orochimaru for years until he left suddenly a few months ago. No one knows why - but everyone supposedly has theories. Kabuto, Suigetsu told me, has fancied the boss for even longer and was incredibly jealous of Kimimaro. Suigetsu thinks that when it was "off" with Kimimaro, it was "on" with Kabuto, so to speak.
"And vice versa," I said, with a mouthful of sandwich. Suigetsu just looked at me, confused, for a moment and then nodded. I don't think he knew what vice versa meant.
I told him flat-out that I didn't want to get caught up in office drama. He laughed and gave me another one of those looks that told me, plainly, that I am far too innocent for my own good. Then he said that, in that case, I should keep away from the boss, who has distinct gayish leanings - especially since I am "his type".
I said that it really wasn't an option, since I'm to be his new PA. Suigetsu threw back his head and laughed heartily at this revelation. He actually slapped his knee. I glared at him while waiting for him to shut up, and he eventually got the message, appearing to have the good grace to at least look discomfited. He changed the subject by asking what was in the boxes. I directed him towards the one which contained my incredibly impressive DVD collection and he is now raking through it, dividing them into piles according to the criteria of "Awesome" "Pretty good" "Good" "Average" "Poor" and "Oh Dear God Why?"
September 26th
It is eight o'clock in the evening, and my head feels like it has been punched with a wrinkly, vodka-soaked fist of doom. Suigetsu isn't faring much better. I think he's worse, to be honest, because he still couldn't speak properly by the time he left. I hope he'll be okay for work tomorrow.
After Suigetsu assembled his piles of DVDs, we fought over which of them we were going to watch. We eventually decided on The Fellowship of the Ring, and agreed to take a shot of vodka every time an orc was killed. We ended up paralytic on the floor, having not lasted until the end.
I woke up with Suigetsu's head wedged into my armpit. He was snoring loudly and to make matters worse, the DVD was left on loop the whole night. The combined symphonies of Suigetsu's olfactory acrobatics and the Last Alliance made my brain grate against the edges of my skull. I hit Suigetsu with a cushion and turned off the DVD, but that didn't work. Cursing my stupidity, I got up and downed a pint of water. Then I turned on my laptop. I had the following e-mails.
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From: "Uchiha Itachi"
Subject: Congratulations!
Hi Sasuke!
Long time no speak, little brother! Kudos on the new job. I knew you'd get out of that dead-end hellhole sooner or later. You are an Uchiha, after all, ha ha!
Otogakure Enterprises will be good for your prospects. I know Oro really well from when he used to work for the Akatsuki Group. He's a very ambitious, intelligent man with a good head for business. You'll do well by him. Who knows? One day, Akatsuki might even hire you!
Keep in touch,
Itachi.
P.S. Kisame's goldfish, Goldie, died the other night there. It was eleven years old, though, so I wasn't at all surprised. Thought you might like to know as a heads-up because he asked if he should e-mail you about coming to the funeral. I told him to go ahead, but that seeing as you've just started at Otogakure Enterprises, it wouldn't look good if you asked Oro for the time off.
----
I always dread opening e-mails from my pompous, over-achieving brother. Everything is always about "prospects", "short-term goals", "business" and "five-year plans". Just because he's fulfilled all his ambitions at the stupid age of twenty doesn't mean he has to poke his goddamn nose into mine. And he is apparently on first names terms with "Oro". Whatever. I suppose the heads-up was handy, though, because I found an e-mail from Kisame next.
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From: "Get Sharky"
Subject: no subject
Hi Sasuke,
Thought you might like to know that Goldie passed away the other night. As you can probably imagine, I'm really torn up. Want to get the funeral over with as quickly as possible so I can begin to grieve properly. It's next weekend if you can make it.
Kisame.
P.S. I understand if you can't. You've just started with Oro and it wouldn't look good if you asked him for the time off.
----
I e-mailed Kisame back expressing my sympathies but informing him, in diplomatic but no uncertain terms, that I couldn't make the funeral for the reasons he cited. I also let him know that I hoped everything would go well and reassured him that, wherever Goldie was, I'm sure she would be happy.
I also got an e-mail from Naruto. I was surprised to note that it wasn't a forward. Maybe he had taken my death-threats seriously. Curious, I opened it.
----
From: "the best"
Subject: no subject
DUDE! Saskue, am missin gyou alredy. the office is so queit witout u tellin me to shutup, lol. tho on the upside now u are gone i migh thave a chance wit Sakura. She always liked u best dude but u no that. wink wink. we went out for ramen last night and i paid so it wuz almost liek a date, lol, t was good.
Gettin a car soon, been savin up all my monies, so might be able to see u this summer. take some time off & we can go on a road trip or somthin.
see ya round like a record,
N.
----
The thought of being stuck in a stuffy car for any length of time with the loudest, most hyperactive and irritating person I have ever met revolts, though for some reason, the thing that bothered me most was that he was putting the moves on Sakura. Everyone knows Sakura had a crush on me, but that I was far too good for her, and so spurned her advances. But now that I'm gone, she's going after Naruto?! The office goofball?! Hmph. I resolved to forgive Naruto's horrid spelling and punctuation and reply later in order to find out what was going on, as Suigetsu had just woken up. He looked rough.
I asked him if he wanted a glass of water, but he just muttered something obscene and staggered off to his room. He's probably away to bed.
Come to think about it, I should probably do that too. Don't want to be late for my first day. Well, I need to take a shower first (sans steam) because I seem to smell of the distinct, lingering aroma of hobo...