I'm here again. Standing here needing comfort. But this time its different, he's not here.

Te first time it was an accident. Someone was throwing a party at Master Offay's in the dorms, and a party means alcohol and we both had a bit too much. We were both shocked and embarrassed by it but then after a little bit we talked about it and decided that we liked it. He was my first and I could tell from his reaction I was his.

So we decided that we'd keep doing it. It was to be a purely physical relationship, no attachments, no strings, no emotions. It was to be completely open, just something to do if we needed to blow off some steam or energy.

even after we joined up on the Hyperforce we kept it up. Not as much at first for fear we'd be caught but just every once in awhile.

Like that time when Mandarin tried to freeze me in the training room. That night I came here just to release all the pent up fear, anger, and other wild emotions running through me.

But lately it's really been me going to him. As time went on we did it more and more although it was mostly me. He hardly ever came to me, and when he did it wasn't really for release but he would just hold me and when he thought I was asleep he'd whisper praises in my ear about how beautiful I am, how brave, how proud he is, how lost he'd be without me…

Recently I've been with him a lot, pretty much every night after everyone else is asleep. I don't even think Antauri suspected a thing.

I'd just sneak in and he'd be there as if he knew and was waiting and he never denied me. Even if he was completely exhausted, he'd always have open arms when I came to him.

I think that's what first got me thinking about whether or not he'd broken the agreement, not to get attached. Then when I noticed that he would look at other women I would start chiding myself for breaking the agreement. I was not attached, it was completely open, he could do what he wanted. It was only physical….I didn't own him.

After the wormhole incident is when I finally realized that I had broken the agreement. It made me realize that I had become attached to him not only physically but emotionally and I may not have owned him, but I desperately wanted to.

That's when it started becoming routine. I would go to him every night just to make him want me and only me. To make sure he was mine and not with any others

But now….when I need him the most he's not here. I can only lie here with the covers around me and breath in his scent and wish that these covers would take on the physical of their owner and become flesh and bone. I don't know what to do. He's gone now and I may never have him again. If he ever does come back I'll let him know that I have broken the agreement and want more that just physical but emotional comfort as well. Because I know he's broken it too, the way he looks at me, they way he holds me. It's so much more meaningful than just a one night stand.

"Oh Sprx…"