There was much jubilation when we commenced this chapter.

But not really, because the evil school IT man made us be quiet when we started to cheer.

Silly school IT man.

Also, KEMEI, WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Really! My fingers love you, too! And, and… Oro loves you a lot. Well, we don't really know about him, but, hey. No one knows about him.

AND ZED OH EM EFF GEE CHRISTOPHER LEE R COME TO LONDON EXPO. –IMPLODEIMPLODE-

WE LOVE CHRISTOPHER LEE 8D

"Sensei, are we at Suna yet?"

"For the fiftieth time, Nagi, no. We are not at Suna."

"… Are we nearly at Suna?"

"No!"

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Three figures stumbled back into the Akatsuki hideout, bits of twigs poking out of their hair, breathing heavily. Clothes were ripped, trusts were shattered. Well, Nat's trust was shattered at any rate.

Sasori was feeling pretty pleased with himself, having nearly sold off Nat to the fourth mob of fanboys, but being thwarted last minute by some woman coming in and boxing his puppet ears for being so vile. Needless to say, he killed her, but her sense of justice prevailed, and that particular throng had thus stopped pursuing the three Akatsuki.

Itachi's hologram coughed. Kisame also coughed.

The Leader coughed louder, and pulled a copy of 'Icha Icha Traitor' out of his pocket. "Explain."

"Oh shit."

Nat had a feeling that she'd just lost all her dignity.

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"TILLY!"

"Ro?"

"TILLY!"

"Holy shit, Ro!"

"TILLY!"

"No, Ro, don't hurt me!"

"TILLLLLYYYYY!"

"I'm going to be---" Tilly stopped moving.

Naruto screamed. "Zed oh em eff geeeee!"

Sakura also screamed. "OHNOES!"

Kakashi didn't scream, but he was rather concerned. "Who shall save the heroine of Icha Icha Tactics now?"

"It could be you, sensei…" Naruto muttered, shoving Kakashi forward. Ro looked up at Kakashi, from her position atop Tilly on the ground.

"Hi."

"Um, do you mind getting off my student?"

"Yes, quite a lot actually." Ro replied, blinking stupidly. "She's in just the right position, so it's really quite comfortable. For me."

Tilly started moving again, and raised an arm shakily. "Erk… I'm so popular…"

"Like me! Y'know, I had five whole fanboys after me on the way here! The rest were like 'ho shit that girl', coz, really, I think everyone's too scared to read 'Icha Icha Hotel'. The other 'Icha Icha's were totally awesome. Reading Clood and Oro---"

"SPEAK NOT ANOTHER WORD!" Naruto cried, wringing his blanket nervously. Yes, he has a blanket. For his nervous problems. It's not easy being a jinchuuriki.

"No, Ro. Go on." Kakashi stated, having not read 'Icha Icha Staying-With-An-Evil-Guy'.

"Oh, I would but, I don't want to spoil the—"

"Isn't Kankurou dying?!" Temari spluttered, waving her arms frantically, face red from flustery…ness.

"What? OH, yeah. Chiyo's laughing at him riiight now."

"Go Sakura! Do your thing! Prove your womanly touch!" Tilly frantically motioned from beneath the Ro.

"Aww, why did you tell her?" Ro muttered, giving Tilly a rather sharp poke in the back of the neck.

"I do what must be done. Eeeesh, my neck…"

"Wonder how Clood and Nat are doing?"

"Eh, I get random reports from Clood sometimes… You don't. You killed her friends. I got a rather angry letter from her saying this. It included about a paragraph of 'KillRoKillRoKillRo's, followed by a quite horrific doodle of you getting your head lopped off by a machete, wielded by a six year old. I think Oro might be influencing her violent tendencies a little bit…"

"Should I avoid her then?" Ro asked.

"Do you want your head lopped off by a six year old wielding a machete?"

"Well…"

"No. You don't."

oOoOoOoOoO … Oink. Oink. Oink.

"Sasuke… why are you looking at me like that? What did I do wrong?"

"Everything…"

"But, Sasuke, I…"

Sasuke coughed as his eyes skim read Icha Icha Tactics for the fourth time.

"Don't… Say anything. Please."

The poor boy actually felt himself lean forward just to be closer to the book and it's illustrations, and wonderful dramas.

Tilly found herself pinned against the wall, taking in soft breaths as she felt Sasuke lean into her. She reached dow—

"HI SASUKE!" Clood cried, leaning over his shoulder, eyes also skim reading Icha Icha Tactics. "Oh, wow. Kakashi might be fairly uncomfortable when he gets to that bit."

"Has sensei come out of his room yet?"

"No… I think he's a bit traumatized from the whole SWAEG experience."

Sasuke promptly shut the book, attempting to divert attention from the fact that he was about to read porn about himself and a girl he really didn't like very much.

"Swaeg? Staying with an evil guy?"

"Yeah. I heard several muffled sobs from his room. Well, I think they were sobs."

"They were sobs, Clood. He doesn't take too well to reading porn about himself."

"Unlike you, then."

"Yeah, unl—"

"Ha ha hahaha. LOL. HA! AMUSEMENT! HAHA! IN YOUR FACE! Teeheehee! You suck! Owned at the speed of light! Utterly! Was that really a mistake of speech, or is it unveiling… deeper feelings for dear Tilly? Are you really sexually retarded, or are you just generally stupid?"

"Go away. Now, and leave me to my…" Sasuke glanced at Icha Icha Tactics. "Studies."

Clood looked very unhappy. "Oh… Well, I'll be back to see you later. Make sure to read Icha Icha Staying with an Evil Guy, you'll never look at sensei the same way again!" She smiled evilly. "Nor yourself."

Sasuke found himself choking on his own saliva.

"Baii! I'm off to pester Nagi! And sensei, if I can break down that chakra ward on his door, and attack him in his bedroom. He'll love that. Hey, that's strangely reminiscent of the… Thing where you busted down Oro's door to…" She trailed off, leaving a rather sombre note in the air. Sasuke blinked in response. "Nevermind, don't go busting down any doors! It might just save… someone's life."

"…Yeah, go away and leave me to my porn. Go explore the rest of the inn or something…"

"Righto!"

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Nat looked to the floor, as the Leader ranted on.

"…And do you have any idea of the shame this book has brought to the name Akatsuki? Itachi and Kisame were jibed in their last battle about being part of an organization of whores. You've killed our reputation, and our dignity. Apparently, I'm a 'pimp master', and everyone here is my 'whore'. Including you! Can you explain this … this… horrible thing? This…filth of a porn book? Nat! Are you even listening to me?!"

"Sorry, sir…"

"Furthermore, … Most of the sex positions in this aren't even possible, was the guy on crack when he wrote this? And what the hell was that line about Orochimaru leaving because he was sick of being raped every night? Do you even understand what this book has done to the organization? Do you realise the shame which Itachi is portrayed with? He had… relationships with his brother. And Orochimaru. At the same time."

Nat's eyes widened. "Holy fuck." 'That sounds like the stuff of Clood's dreams…'

"Akatsuki is described as one massive group…Orgasm."

Nat's eyes widened further. "… Holy fucking fuck."

"Deidara uses those mouths of his… to… do bad things!"

Deidara screamed. Nat did, too.

Itachi at this point was refusing to look anywhere than the floor.

"… Jesus, sir, I didn't have any hand in it. It was Jiraiya! I swear!"

Kisame swung his rather obese sword down from his back, and waved it threateningly at Nat. "It's not funny girl. Admit to it, and we won't punish you so severely."

Nat choked. "N-n-now, look…" Her eyes caught the front cover of the Icha Icha book, and a sudden light of inspiration entered her eyes. "Wait… the me on the front of that book… has short hair. I had short hair two and a half years ago. Now my hair is long. Thus, that is not me, just an inaccurate henge!"

There was a joint 'ohhh' from all members, as they all relaxed a little, lowering weapons and returning to a normal stance instead of their tense battle forms.

"… Then… The real one who must be punished is Jiraiya!" Kisame started, raising his sword yet again.

"DEATH TO THE PORN AUTHOR!"

"DEATH!"

"DEATH!"

Nat agreed wholeheartedly. "Death."

Jiraiya was condemned from all angles.

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Jiraiya sneezed as his pen paused over the new Icha Icha manuscript.

He could swear that he heard the wind scream 'death' many times over.

"… Oh well."

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The Konoha group stood over Kankurou, prodding him slightly with their various affects. Kakashi was still grappling with Chiyo in the background, attempting to bash her over the head to knock her out. He eventually succeeded, silencing the old woman.

"I think it's still moving…"

Kankurou began to mutter in his sleep. "No… Gaara… Not the… No… Temari… No anal combustion… today… Narf."

"Narf? I mean… the other stuff I completely understand but… 'narf'?" Tilly blinked.

"I told him about Pinky and the Brain. NARF!" Ro replied, highly amused by her work.

Kakashi just stood there, reading porn and calming down after knocking out an old granny. Sakura sat down in a corner, breathing heavily, having just done the most taxing thing since she had to brush her sensei's hair. Naruto was playing ping pong with Temari on Kankurou's stomach.

"Oh, hey, don't we need to pursue the Akatsuki?"

"Fine, but, … rest first." Kakashi stated, eyes not moving from the porn. "I don't want to go kill people today. I'm not in the mood."

"You're never in the mood to do anything butread porn." Naruto replied, stopping in the middle of a serve.

"That's not true. I…I…I'm often in the mood for… sex."

"Which is very similar to porn."

"No, it isn't. Sex is sharing the pleasure. Reading porn is keeping it all to yourself! Unless you're Naruto. And, well, Icha Icha contains many great, literary feats. In this one, we've got Sasuke's brother doing very bad things to his younger sibling."

The rest of the room stared at Kakashi, except for Tilly, who 'yay'ed.

"I read that bit! It's good, yeah? … Ha. I read faster than you."

"What, no, I've read it already. I'm rereading."

"Damn you to hell."

Kakashi turned around, eyes still fixed on the porn, and walked slowly up to his room.

Tilly glared at his back, pulled out a copy of 'Icha Icha Tactics' and began to recite from it. She'd also bunshin-ed, and henged one of her into Kakashi.

'"Sensei… it's not that… I can't help myself! I can't!"

"Tilly… This isn't right. You're… so young. I'm … so old… But then again…"

"You have more experience, right? That can only make things better."

Kakashi's breath hitched, for what seemed to be the fortieth time that day.

"All the better to…" He started, moving towards his student, hand outstretched, aimed solely at Tilly's---

"Look, will you stop doing that? It's creepy!"

"More creepy than reading porn in front of underaged students?"

"Yes, in fact."

He had a point, seeing as all his 'underaged' students were sitting at Tilly's feet, wanting her to continue, obviously having gotten used to all forms of horrible creepiness.

"Actually, it just hit me…" Tilly started. "What is the legal sex age here, anyway?"

Kakashi's eyes still observed the wonderful porn illustrations. "Uh… 15, I think…"

"OH YES! I'm a year and a half over the limit! In your face, Naruto, you barely make it! I pass blatantly! I can go and have sex with anyone I want! Anyone!" Tilly began to do a little dance on the spot. "Sensei! Come to my room later!"

"No."

"Awww, but…" Tilly had disappeared and reappeared at Kakashi's side, and was now clinging to his arm, speaking in a slow and sultry manner. "But… sensei… Why?"

"Go away!"

Much hitting and dog summoning later, the general group retired to their separate rooms, complaining as they went about how disappointing the day's lack of killing had been. Chiyo's unconscious form was left on the floor in the medical room, next to Kankurou's twitching body.

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Sasuke sighed as he reclined in the warm water, completely nekked.

(See!? We told you he'd be in here!)

That's all you get!

Oh, fine.

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Ahem. Sasuke sighed as he reclined in the warm water, completely nekked. He had two Icha Icha books propped up in front of him on the side of the rather small hot spring, as he attempted to read from both. At the same time.

He was finding this rather difficult, but somehow he was managing with his sharingan. One could get the impression this is not what the Uchiha elders intended their super eyes to be used for. But, it worked all the same.

He had dumped his team mates and his still not speaking sensei back at the village, thoroughly fed up with their consistent interrupting of his porn reading.

"Oh, my… God."

You don't want to know what was going on, really.

Just, think, a teenage boy, two porn books, totally alone, happy fun time.

At least, he thought he was alone. Oh please, you thought we'd actually leave him alone?

"SASUKE! STOP DOING BAD THINGS AND GET OUT OF THAT WATER!"

Sasuke expected that to be Clood and quickly moved his hands to cover his special bits, but no, that was his male teammate, quite happily observing him from the doorway.

"Go away… Please…"

"I'll get Clood to drag you out. I don't think she'd be too happy to find you doing that…"

There was a feminine voice from the side. "No, I wouldn't mind!"

"She might even go tell her Tilly friend!"

Sasuke choked on his saliva again. It all came back to him. The weeks of terrible teasing under Tilly's iron fisted regime, the pies… The ignoring… the 'genital warts' rumour… The lack of Kakashi's training. In favour of her."Oh, god, NO! Please, Nagi, don't let Tilly know!" All Nagi could do was chuckle.

Chappyter end! Reviewz plox 8D

We'll get around to the real plot soon, we promise x3