Disclaimer: I would love to own Grey's Anatomy. I could write really sussy scenes and have them played out in front of me. Or, you know, cast myself. But first I'd have to go on a really big diet and exercise and move across the country. . .you know what? It's easier just to keep on with my own life & my own husband (who is a little McDreamy to me), and write fanfics as an exercise in fantasy. Because we all need a little fantasy. In keeping with that. . .I give you. . .not an AU, but set probably 10 years in the future. Meredith is married, with 2 kids.

Surrender

(Cheap Trick, not Kelly Clarkston. If Derek's favorite band is The Clash, Cheap Trick is probably up there somewhere, right? For the record: I don't own these lyrics any more than I own Patrick Dempsey. Which is to say, not at all.)

Mommy's all right,
Daddy's all right,
They just seem a little weird.
Surrender, Surrender,
But don't give yourself away.

Meredith turned up the volume and rolled down the window for the two-hour drive. The hour of '80s music was almost a playlist for her heart: Cheap Trick. Before that, Depeche Mode with I Just Can't Get Enough, which was perfect for this weekend. And before that, The Clash. Derek's favorite band. She thought back to the day years ago when she had made the suggestion that changed their lives.

Flashback

Meredith and Derek hadn't been able to manage lunch alone in months, not since she had returned from maternity leave after giving birth to her second child. A son, who along with the three year-old daughter, completed her family. The father was pleased with someone to carry on the family name, since he was the only son in his family. She looked at Derek across the cafeteria table. This was her chance. It was the two of them, alone, in a way it never was any more. She thought about what she was going to say, worried that it would blow up in her face. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

"Derek, would you. . ." she tapered off, her resolve faltering now that she had opened her mouth.

He looked up at her, for the moment giving her all of his attention. How she craved his attention, and it seemed as if she had it less and less as time went on.

"Meredith? What?" And he didn't sound terse right now, didn't sound frustrated, didn't sound as if the stresses of his own life were crowding in.

"Derek, remember how we. . ." But they never talked about the past now, so she shouldn't start there. "Derek? Let's have an affair."

The rest of the room, the hospital, the whole world fell away, and he concentrated on her. "An. . .an affair?" And he almost laughed, which would have ended it right there. But he didn't, and she saw that his eyes darkened with remembered lust.

"I know. It's crazy. But I need. . .I need it. And I think you do too. We can go away. We can take a day or two, I'll take care of the arrangements. You can work the hospital schedules. We'll come back, go back to our everyday lives. And then next year, around now, around. . ." she knew why she wanted to schedule it now, but wondered if he remembered, "around prom season, we'll take two nights. And remember."

He was intrigued, she could tell. And tempted. Oh, she knew his tempted face. But would he? Did he think it was worth whatever risk, either in the hospital or at home?

"I'll tell you what. If you can find a place, take care of family stuff, I'll take care of the hospital end. I'll come up with a reasonable story."

And a relief so tangible washed over her that she almost wondered if the hospital sprinkler system had come on. They would go, and have their time together.

End Flashback

She drove, almost at her destination. The lodge she had found their first time out had been almost perfect—only a couple of hours out of Seattle, but far enough away to prevent any but the worst emergency from calling them back to reality. He would be coming up after finishing his shift at the hospital, probably only slipping into bed with her in the hours before dawn. And they would wake together, and wrap their arms around each other. They would be able to kiss and caress, and remember how things used to be. And how they might be again.

After checking in at the main office, Meredith opened the door to their cabin. She brought in her tote of groceries and other supplies that they had added to their weekend tradition. Champagne. Candles. Berries, with to be served with whipped cream on a pound cake from Izzie. Poor Izzie, she thought the cake was going to the kids. But Meredith didn't want to admit to her friends that the lust that burned between her and Derek had not lowered with time; if anything, the scarcity of their time together made these moments explode with the fervor of kerosene on embers. This annual weekend was theirs, and they would pretend as if nothing in the world kept them apart.

Derek's favorite—or second favorite, rather—activity on the trip was the lavender fields. After he had discovered that the area hosted lavender farms and a lavender festival each July, he insisted on changing their tryst from May to July. Because in July, the fields were covered with the blossoms, which released their heady scent. But he hadn't told her why that first year, had only told her they were going on a special adventure.

Flashback.

"Derek, this is someone's farm. We can't just drive in here and picnic!"

"Hush." And Derek had gotten out of the car, opened the trunk and pulled out blankets and a picnic basket. Meredith tried to take the basket from him but couldn't. It probably weighed more than she did.

He gave her a blanket to carry in one hand, and took the other in his, rubbing his thumb across her palm in a slow pattern. He led her down a path between the lavender plants and they reached a small clearing within the field. He spread out the blankets.

"Sit. This is my night to take care of you, to make sure you are having a wonderful time. Let me know if I'm lacking in any way." And his slow smile told her that there would be no lack, no complaint that she could make.

He unpacked the basket, first pouring her a glass of wine. Next he opened up the strawberries. They had been rinsed and cored, so he began feeding them to her. She took a bite of one and giggled as the juice ran to her chin, reaching up to wipe it off.

"Allow me." Derek bent over to her, took her face in his hands and slowly licked the sticky juice from her chin, giving slow small touches with his tongue until he came to her mouth. Her lips parted, and she gave a soft whimper as he licked her bottom lip. She was turning in to press herself against his body and deepen the kiss when he let her go, and turned again to the basket, ready to unpack the next edible delicacy.

The sun was setting as they finished their meal, and the scent of lavender was blowing around them as the twilight surrounded them. Derek took Meredith into his arms and began slowly kissing her face, beginning with the lip he had abandoned earlier.

"Meredith, thank you," Derek whispered huskily between kisses. "Thank you for your suggestion at lunch that day. Thank you for knowing how much I need you. Thank you."

"Derek," Meredith could hardly get the words out, as she kissed the face of her lover. "Please. . .stop talking."

He ran his hands smoothly along her face, caressing her hair and stroking her body. His fingers found their way to the skin of her back at the bottom of her blouse, and slowly moved up until he had pulled her shirt almost to the top of her body. Then with one swift movement, he pulled it up, over her head, and tossed it to the side, followed quickly by her bra. And he looked at the woman he still loved, would always love, through anything that might separate them.

"You are so beautiful. Meredith, you are so beautiful. You are everything."

Meredith smiled, wanting to believe his words, but knowing that, after all, she had borne and nursed two children, and the road map of her stretch marks was still evident on her belly. Her breasts, well, they were larger than they once were, they had their own stretch marks, but she had thought to herself more than once about talking to Mark about. . .not an enhancement, but a lift. Because bigger isn't always better if you can't pass the pencil test. Knowing she was beautiful in Derek's eyes, though—she could ignore a multitude of her own flaws as long as he looked at her like that. And that once a year, no matter what, they could be together.

She reached out to him, and took the buckle of his belt in her hands, wanting to see the body that she still wanted, even years after she had first met him, just a guy in a bar. After unbuckling his belt, instead of continuing to undress him by taking off his pants, she took off his shirt. Took off his shirt, and nearly threw herself into his embrace, skin against skin, chest against chest. Her mouth sought his, and she kissed him deeply, feeling his tongue against hers, his teeth against her lips.

Now his fingers played along the tops of her pants, easily sliding them down her hips. She arched her back, lifting her bottom off of the blanket and he slid her pants and panties down, kissing each toe as he untangled her feet from the shoes and clothing. He ran his hands back up her body, and she quivered under his touch. Reaching up, she found the strength once again to unbutton his jeans and tug them down, even though they resisted much more than her elastic-waisted pants had. As she worked the pants down his legs, she kissed his stomach and hip, giving small licks in unconscious imitation of his earlier kisses along her jaw. He reached down and took her hair into his fists, holding her head close to his body. She could feel his erection through his shorts, pressing against the side of her head. Meredith exhaled and slowly blew through the cotton fabric, watching him twitch in reaction.

"Damn." He cursed and then finished undressing, reaching behind him to pull a light blanket from its folds and wrap it around her. Even though it was July, the sun was now down completely, and they needed the blanket to contain the heat from their bodies. Both naked now, they stretched against each other, feeling their asynchronous heartbeats and breaths as they treasured this moment.

It was only a moment, but it felt like it was forever before Derek moved again, rolling Meredith over onto her back and trailing his fingers down her body to her hip. He caressed the slight pouch in her tummy and stroked down to the soft hair where her legs met. She groaned and shifted opening her legs, wanting to feel him, all of him. Her hands were stroking his sides and back, then she shifted one to the front and began to stroke him, running light circles with one finger around his tip.

"Oh, god, Meredith, my sweet, sweet Meredith." Derek bent his head to her breast, running his tongue around it before taking the hardened nipple into his mouth and rolling it between his teeth.

"Derek, please god, please now please" and Meredith wrapped her legs around his waist and guided him into her hot wetness. When he finally entered her, time stopped for them both. He looked into her eyes, losing all sense of self. They didn't move, just felt themselves, within and without.

And then they were moving. First with a slow barely there rocking that caused Meredith to moan. And then gradually moving faster, because her moans that became words that became incoherent did nothing to slow her lover down. And when she screamed as she felt the tingling take over and the pressure bear down and her lover was within her and he loved her and she loved him, she came in a starfire burst of pleasured sensation, and screamed that she loved him and yes and Derek I love you, and Derek, Derek, yes. And in that moment, if in no other, she completely and totally belonged to him.

He held her, then, feeling the quivering of her body gradually calm, kissing her face, her forehead, each eye and the tip of her nose. She breathed slowly and licked her dried lips, and swallowed to moisten her parched mouth.

"I love you, Derek."

"I love you, Meredith."

He started to move again. And this time, as their pulses quickened and they exchanged kisses and love talk, when the time came that their world was only each other, they both screamed out their love. And they both were quiet, listening to the sounds of the night, and their beating hearts.

End Flashback

Meredith stood for a moment in their cabin, eyes closed, her body remembering the sensations of that night from several years ago. How she had discovered the next day Derek had planned it all, even giving the family who owned the farm an evening in a Seattle hotel. She quickly put the remaining groceries on shelves, fixed herself a light dinner and went upstairs to bed. She was alone until her lover met her, but alone was enough for her right now. Between work, her children and her husband, she rarely had time to sit and think about her life and the choices she had made, and the regrets she would always have.

Saturday Morning

Meredith woke up the next morning to a slow massage. Someone's hands were rubbing her back, and she felt a warm body spooning against her. "Mmmmmmmm," she murmured. "Someone got in late last night." She rolled over to look at Derek, who had propped himself on an elbow to look at her.

"I had a surgery run late, and then George was curious about our meeting," Derek answered, gently brushing away the blonde locks of hair that had fallen across Meredith's face.

"That's your end to deal with, remember? Cover story at hospital. Since you are the big bad chief, you get to handle it." Meredith stretched and yawned, making groany morning noises before getting out of bed.

Derek frowned slightly as he noticed her left hand. "Mer. . ." She looked down and realized that she was still wearing her wedding rings. She smiled, taking them off and zipping them into a pocket of her weekender bag.

"Is that better?" she asked.

Derek continued to frown. "Marginally."

"Derek, remember the rules. No talking about Seattle Grace. No talking about Seattle. Just talking about what is here. That would be me. And my lovahhhh." Meredith purred at Derek, giving him an overdone vamp. "So tell me. How should we start our tryst this year?" His frown slowly transformed into a leer.

"Let's start with a shower."

Sunday Morning

When Meredith woke that morning, she was alone. She knew she would be; Derek always left before she woke. She would find the coffee brewed and a love note waiting for her. She had a secret hiding place with the notes from every year they had done this, notes she never shared with anyone in Seattle.

Darling,

I can't tell you how much these stolen moments mean to me. Sometimes I wonder if I can live the rest of the year without having you alone with me. I love you. Remember that. And next year, I'll be your lover again.

-D.

She showered, replaced her rings, packed her bags and loaded them into the car. The drive home seemed much shorter than her drive two days earlier. She pulled into Thatcher and Susan's driveway, where her children had been anxiously waiting for her. Holding James in one arm, and Anne's hand in the other, she listened to them tell of the adventures they had visiting the Troll under the Bridge. Finally managing to capture them within car seats, she drove home, expecting her husband not to be there but at the hospital, where he spent most of his time.

But he was, and he too met her in the drive way, smiling and glad to see her. And she was glad to see him as well, glad to know that he was there and would always be there. She gave him a hug and quick kiss on the lips before pulling back and looking into his eyes.

"How was your weekend?"

"Oh, boring. Meetings and meals. Nothing to get excited about. You're later than I thought you would be."

"Ugh, I had to wait for 4 ferry runs at the Bainbridge Ferry. But I didn't want to go the long way around. I wanted to ride the ferryboat."

"You wanted to ride the ferryboat? I have a thing for ferryboats. An intense thing for ferryboats."

"I remember, Dr. Shepherd. I remember." And linking hands with her husband, she guided her family indoors, ready to immerse herself back into her busy busy life.

Whatever happened to all this season's losers of the year?
Ev'ry time I got to thinking, where'd they disappear?
When I woke up, Mom and Dad are rolling on the couch
Rolling numbers, rock and rolling, got my Kiss records out
Mommy's all right, Daddy's all right, they just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.

A/N: Fun, no? Did you know? My husband did. Some other people who read this didn't. I wrote this because I wondered what would keep Mer & Der together, when Der & Addison didn't work. How to keep him from being distant. We saw in "Desire" that Derek has his own issues that need to be dealt with. This was written before "Desire", though, so I didn't write Derek quite as dark&twisty as I might today. Up 'til now, he's been written as nearly perfect, noble McDreamy. But he's not. He's a (albeit fictional) real person. If you want McDreamy, watch Cinderella. (Actually, I guess that would be McCharming, wouldn't it. . .)

Oh, and how cool is it that when I googled Seattle weekend getaways, I found the lavender festivals? Totally would happen. And the troll under the bridge is real as well, but I got that from apodiform/Emily.