Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are Sthenie Meyer's. However, the rediculous ideas, and situations I place them in belong to me.

Self-Tanner:

One-Shot

Hmm, I thought, examining myself in the mirror. Maybe self-tanner wasn't such a good idea.

I did a pivot in the mirror, craning my neck around to stare at my naked body, which was now a bright orange color.

Definitely not a good idea.

I walked over to the seldom used bathroom and turned the hot water knob all the way up on the shower, almost instantly turning the large room into a sauna.

I grabbed the old, unused loofah(sp?) and stepped into the heavy stream of water. I didn't panic when I saw that none of the color was going down the drain.

I still didn't panic when I tried wiping the color away.

I DID however start panicking when I found that it wasn't washing away as I scrubbed vigorously at the odious orange hue with the scratchy brush.

Then I heard them laughing. Loudly. Their thoughts ran loudly in my mind.

HA! Putting the orange dye in the bottle of self-tanner was the best idea Alice had EVER come up with!! I'll have to thank her for getting back at Edward for me for busting the TV.

My venom boiled in my veins. Steam built up in my head.

"ALICE!!!!!!!! EMMETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I threw aside the shower curtain, grabbing for any towel I could find, and stormed downstairs to find the whole family in the living room.

Bella, included.

If I didn't have to hold up my towel, I would have lunged at Emmett right then and there.

"YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!?!?!" I yelled, gesturing to my orange-y-ness with one hand. The other hand holding tight to my towel.

Everyone stared for a minute, unbelieving, and then burst into laughter.

"It's not funny!" I roared.

"Relax, Edward." Alice said, in between cackles. "It'll come off in a week."

"A WEEK?!!" I snarled, Bella's hands going up to meet her ears.

Emmett laughed harder. "You deserve it dude, you busted my TV!"

I growled, deep in my throat, and then launched myself at him, temporarily forgetting about my towel.

I punched and clawed at his face, trying my best to cause him harm, but they peeled me off, holding me back.

"Let go of me!" I yelled, trying pointlessly to punch him in the face again.

I turned to look around the room briefly.

Bella stared at me with a strange look on her face.

Then I looked down.

Towel. Dropped. Naked. Orange. Bella. Staring.

I made a noise similar to a squeal, and jumped forward for my towel, wrapping it around my waist, sure that I was blushing… Even without my blood.

I was sure I would die of embarrassment.

"B-b-b-Bella, I-uh, I, I…" I said, as I slowly backed up to go upstairs.

"Dude!" Emmett howled with laughter, "You aren't supposed to put the tanner EVERYWHERE!"

Suddenly, I turned around and sped upstairs, trying to ignore the raucous laughter behind me. I slammed my door and locked it, blasting music as loud as I could stand with my heightened senses.

Throwing on clothes as fast as I could, gritting my teeth from embarrassment.

I wanted to smash something, but I couldn't find anything I wouldn't regret having destroyed. So I sat down on the couch and buried my face in my hands.

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Go AWAY!" I roared at the door.
"Edward, it's me." It was Bella.

For a split second, I contemplated telling her to leave me alone, but I knew instantly that it would be a huge mistake, and that she might make me feel better.

I got up and unlocked the door, pulling her in and locking it behind her. The lock was totally useless, regardless. But anyone who knocked the door down would have to face Esme… Something no one wanted to do when it had to do with defacing her house.

She sat down on the couch, looking at me curiously.

"What?!" I snapped, angry.

"Nothing." She said, quickly looking away, hurt. My gaze softened and I walked over to her and sat next to her on the couch, taking her hand.

"I'm sorry." I said. She looked into my eyes, becoming briefly dazed before looking away and muttering forgiveness.

"I love you." I said, kissing her hand.
"I love you, too." She said.

She didn't say anything else, and the silence was starting to annoy me. "What are you thinking?" I finally asked, piqued.

"Nothing." She said, and I breathed an agitated breath.

"Just tell me, Bella." I said, through clenched teeth.

"Um… Just that…" she said, taking a deep breath. "I think orange is my new favorite color."

Haha, I like this one, lol.

It, like everything else I ever say or do, was a lot funnier in my mind when I first came up with the idea… But I think it's still funny, lol.

Haha, poor Edward.