Protection

Remus Lupin was drinking something more than tea that night. No, not the Firewhiskey – Sirius usually made short work of that. He was drinking in Nymphadora Tonks.

He and Tonks were sitting alone at the kitchen table, talking, laughing. Sirius, grumbling loudly about the dismal old house his mum left him, had staggered upstairs wanting to give Buckbeak a late night snack. Remus vaguely wondered if his best mate had passed out on the stairs, but realized that he didn't care. The attention he usually gave to his old friend had quickly been redirected to the new auror that, literally, stumbled into the chair opposite him.

With Tonks, the house didn't seem dismal at all – quite the contrary. Maybe it was her raucous tee shirts, maybe it was her bright hair colours, but honestly he couldn't quite put his finger on it. All he knew was that when she was around, the kitchen didn't look so gloomy, he didn't feel so tired, the war didn't seem so hopeless.

They had long since abandoned the tea in their cups because neither one could manage to not spray it across the table during fits of laughter. He loved making her laugh. Sirius said he was flirting, but Remus didn't think so. It felt too natural to be flirting, like flying a broom or waving a wand. Hearing her high, giggly laugh was far more pleasant than any other activity he could imagine.

Her eyes glittered, her cheeks flushed, her lips curled upwards slightly before parting to reveal her brilliant smile. Then she laughed, filling the room with feminine sound and energy. She wasn't laughing politely or forcing her amusement. When Nymphadora laughed, it was pure happiness – a volcano bursting forth, complete with multi-colored lava.

With an endearing yawn, she rose from her chair at the table and stumbled slightly towards the door. Remus also stood to take their dishes to the sink. He enjoyed cleaning up after her – nothing too ostentatious, but just enough to show he cared. A disproportionately cheerful "goodnight" made him smile as she left the kitchen for her room upstairs.

With a rap of his wand, the dishes in the sink jumped to life. Water splashed and soap bubbled as each piece of china cleaned itself. Remus leaned against the sink and stared out the window, but his brain never registered the rapidly swelling moon outside. Pink hair and green eyes floated before him and what he was sure was a dopey smile played across his face.

He loved her.

The realization almost sent Remus sprawling across the floor. Blinking quickly, he tried to think of what he should do. He needed to tell her – at least that was what they did in romance novels Molly reads. The man always stood in the middle of a crowded street and shouted his love for the woman. That's what he'd do. Right here in the main hall of Grimmauld Place. If Mrs. Black had something to say about all the shouting, Remus would hex her into next week.

He turned and made to run up the stairs, but the pull of the temporarily forgotten moon on his body sent him careering into the table instead. Elbows hooked on the table, Remus dragged his now disoriented feet underneath him before sitting down heavily on one of the chairs. He had never felt older. What in Merlin's name was he thinking?

As thrilling as that realization had been, he knew now that he could never act on it. Making such a statement would surely jeopardize the fast friendship they had built. He could never ask her to love a lycanthrope. She deserved someone young and whole who could provide for her every desire. He was none of those things.

He loved everything about her: her abilities, her determination, her energy, and, of course, her laugh. A nymph adored, indeed. She had bewitched him with her entire being. He couldn't dare think she adored him in return. She was just too perfect for him. He couldn't imagine her young potential confined by his age and infirmity. Despite his best attempts, he also couldn't ignore what felt like a Grindylow seizing his heart every time she smiled at him.

Feeling the moon's weight to his very core, Remus heaved himself off the chair and trudged silently up the stairs from the kitchen. He stopped short in the main hall. Tonks stood at the other end, ready to mount another flight. She looked so tired, Remus thought. Her shoulders sagged and her pink spikes of hair drooped like wilting flowers. For the first time since meeting her, Remus realized the strain the war was putting on his nymph.

After two steps, Tonks paused, overtaken by another, larger yawn. She continued to inhale, arching backward precariously. Remus rushed up behind her just in time as she lost her balance on the narrow step. His arm, wrapped tightly around her slender waist, startled her mid-yawn.

"What did I do now?" she sighed against him, mild embarrassment evident in her tone though he couldn't see the expression on her face. She tried to tilt her head back to find his gaze, but his arm held her tightly, possessively against him.

"Your yawn knocked you off your feet," he chided gently, turning her in his arm and sliding the other under her relaxed knees. He scooped her off the stairs and carried her towards the bedroom, careful not to bump her feet against the house-elf heads protruding from the wall.

"Remus, this isn't necessary. Thank you for catching me, but I think I can walk up the stairs by myself." Tonks wriggled in his arms, trying clumsily to put her feet back on the floor. He was grateful for an excuse to hold her tighter.

"I have no doubt that you can climb stairs admirably, Nymphadora." She sputtered like an angry Kneazle when he used her first name, but Remus continued over her inarticulate objections, "But you've had a long few days working double shift for the Ministry and the Order. Its okay, I don't mind. Just relax."

His soothing tones stilled her protests. She slipped her arms around his neck and snuggled her torso against him. "Remus," she murmured, burying her face into his jumper-clad shoulder, "Thanks." At her simple words, his heart swelled in his chest, painfully colliding with the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

He watched in pleased silence as her eyelids drooped and finally fluttered closed. Her arms around his neck relaxed slightly. The rhythm of her breathing became more important and more natural to him than his own heartbeat.

Smiling down at the sleeping rainbow coloured bundle in his arms, he maneuvered through the bedroom door and laid her softly on the bed. Unlacing her ebony combat boots, he pulled them off her feet (to reveal neon orange and green striped socks) and arranged them at the foot of the bed. He tucked the blankets around her, observing her relaxed and peaceful expression.

He knew in the morning she would again become a frazzle of energy that ignited his day as she went off to save the world – literally. They and the rest of the Order of the Phoenix seemed to be rushing headlong into a second, violent confrontation with the most evil wizard of the age. Nymphadora was poised to lead the charge. The Grindylow migrated from his heart to his stomach at the thought.

Remus Lupin had lost so much in the first war. Yes, he had Sirius back in body and sometimes in spirit, but Lily and James were irreplaceable. The loss he felt in that one night was something he would wish upon no one, least of all Nymphadora. He would watch over her, shield her as best he could from the pain and suffering to come.

It would be nearly impossible to guard her completely when her job required her to run headlong into evil on a daily basis. He wanted to take her in his arms again and never let go, but he knew he couldn't. Insulating her from harm also meant insulating her from him, the Dark Creature that he was. Instead he settled for tenderly brushing the drooping pink spikes off her forehead before moving for the door.

From the other side of the doorway he waved his wand to dim the lights. Looking down at the threshold, he understood. This was where he belonged, on the other side of an invisible but very real divide. His place was behind her, below her, but never next to her. A poor, decrepit lycanthrope could never stand up to a smart, talented auror.

He lingered at the door for a time, silently promising her his protection and steeling his own resolve to ignore his feelings for her.

A loud snore startled Remus from his reverie. Frantically looking around, he spotted a dark lump sprawled on the next flight of stairs.

It appeared Sirius had passed out on his way to entertain the resident hippogriff after all. Remus sighed heavily, rolling him over and hoisting the unconscious man on to his shoulders. He tottered unsteadily under his best friend's weight.

Tucking this one in would be far less pleasant.