A/N: Ello, all! Tis I, ELFLING!!! NYA! Haven't heard from me in a while, have you? As you can tell, my...interests...have shifted once more. I am an Elven Ninja. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. My therapist tells me that I should stop throwing shuriken around, though. Pshaw, as if. ANYWAY... Enjoy!

Disclaimer: "NUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!one!!eleven!!!" the author-ess screamed in pain, clawing at the cold, hard, tile floor of her kitchen. It never occurred to her that her kitchen floor was made of wood, and besides that, she was on her bed in her room, a floor away from her kitchen. All that mattered was that Naruto did not belong to her.

Title: Favorite Animals: Naruto Style

Author: Elfling

Subject: Naruto

Genre: Humor/ Parody

Pairings: Too many implied to list! But of course, me being the total Fag hag that I am have implied most of my favorite BL ones.

Favorite Animals: Naruto-Style

When asked what his favorite animal was, Uchiha Itachi answered, "A shark." Then he killed the questioner who asked the question that began it all, and the author-ess of this very random fan-fiction had to get a new questioner. When also asked to pay for the funeral, Itachi went on a murderous rampage. The author-ess had no clue what he did on that particularly violent rampage, thus showing how clueless she was as far as the Naruto story line goes. God, what a n00b.

When asked what his favorite animal was, Uchiha Sasuke replied, "Hn." He then turned around, and mumbled under his breath, "Fox." Normally, this little word would have been unbearable to the naked ear, BUT the author-ess, who was a total fag hag, heard it and grinned maniacally. Oh, she was quite pleased with herself after this.

When asked what her favorite animal was, Hyuuga Hinata stuttered, "…F-f-f-fox…" After a considerable amount of time spent trying to decipher this incredibly hard code, the author-ess got an "Oh!" face.

When asked what her favorite animal was, Haruno Sakura shouted, "KITTY!" Confused, the author-ess surfed DeviantART, looking for pictures of kitties, trying to figure out why the OSFG (Obsessive Sasuke Fan Girl) chose kitties. Then she came across a couple of neko-chan pictures of Sasuke. The author-ess once more donned the "Oh!" face.

When asked what his favorite animal was, Uzumaki Naruto answered through a mouthful of noodles, "Ramen." The author-ess then face-palmed/ sweat dropped. Then she just might have whispered a bribe into a certain Kyuubi-container's ear for a month of free ramen, so long as he answered cat. Which he promptly did. Being the fag hag, SasuNaru fan girl she was, the author-ess squee'd and danced around like the imbecile she was. No one cared, though.

When asked what his favorite animal was, Kakashi replied, "Dolphin" without even looking up from his special homosexual volume of Icha Icha Paradise. The author-ess sweat dropped and mentally slapped herself for having to ask that question in the first place. 'Cuz, seriously: it was HER fanfic, of COURSE it would have her favorite pairings in it!

When asked what her favorite animal was, Temari didn't really seem in the mood for questions from imbecilic author-esses like the author-ess, and politely showed her to the door. Not really. The author-ess found herself blown halfway across Konoha, all the way from Suna. The author-ess also found herself immensely surprised that she actually knew this much about the names of the villages. Huh. Who knew?

When asked what her favorite animal was, Hyuuga Neji immediately slapped the author-ess for calling him a girl. Oops. It's not like it's obvious or whatever. Seriously. His hair is longer than the author-ess's! But nonetheless, Neji shyly answered, "Badger…no, wait, Raccoon! DAMNIT WHICH IS IT?" The author-ess then slowly backed away, totally freaked by the sudden OOC-ness. Then she pondered what Neji could have possibly meant. Then she thought of her favorite pairings, and (for the third time in a fiction) donned the "Oh!" expression.

When asked what his favorite animal was, Rock Lee screamed "YOUTH!!!!!" The author-ess joined in and together they announced the beauty of the spring-time of youth, until Lee finally remembered the question and answered, "Bunny." The author-ess remembered seeing a picture of Sakura as a bunny. She then bade Lee farewell with a final Nice Author-ess Pose.

When asked what his favorite animal was, Nara Shikamaru mumbled, "Troublesome" and resumed watching the clouds. The author-ess shrugged, then went off to question some other unsuspecting character.

When asked what her favorite animal, Yamanaka Ino giggled, and answered, "Whatever animal you would describe Sasuke as!" The author-ess, dumbfounded that Ino, of all people, had discovered her secret plot, nodded dumbly, and walked away.

When asked what her favorite animal was, Haku simply blushed. Because she was in fact a he, but the author-ess's friend would not let the author-ess believe that. And she told Haku so. And Haku proved that he was in fact a he. And the author-ess yelled at the readers to get their minds out of the gutter. Haku smiled, and answered, "Cow." o.O. O-kay…..

When asked what his favorite animal was, Sabaku no Gaara whispered, "Turtle" before immediately sand coffin-ning the author-ess who, being the author-ess and all, was unkillable. So nya.

When asked what his favorite animal was, Inuzuka Kiba would have said "Dogs, duh!" if it weren't for the strange sense of evil-ness that was in the aura of the author-ess, so he stuttered out, "Bugs!" The author-ess smiled happily, and skipped off to ask someone else the question.

When asked what her favorite animal was, TenTen replied happily, "Porcupine!" before promptly showing the auhor-ess what she meant. It took the author-ess two darn hours getting the dang needles out.

When asked what her favorite animal was, Tsunade promptly kicked the author-ess out of her office.

When asked what his favorite animal was, Aburame Shino without delay answered, "Insects." The author-ess felt a vein popping, and said, "Don't you mean dogs?" He said no. The author-ess fell, anime-style.

When asked what his favorite animal was, Sai smiled and said…

"Penis."

The author-ess promptly died due to lack of blood, and this fic had to be ended. Her last words were, "LoL at j00."