BlueScreen
Disclaimer: Guess what... I don't own Naruto... And if I earned money with my stories, I would buy a new PC… XP
Pairing (SemexUke)
Rated: M for later chapters
Summary: Naruto's PC crashed down again. In his fear for his most important files he decides to phone the technical support but the person who is supposed to help him seems to be the most arrogant person the kitsune vessel had ever talked to…
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STOP: N00B 413RT!
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„No way, not again!" Naruto shouted angrily. His monitor was showing him a clear, lurid dark blue screen. He just wanted to throw his whole PC system out off the window. "Where's Sai when I need him?!" The blond whined. Sai was the only one who was familiar with PCs and willing to help him with his own PC. Naruto had asked Shikamaru before, whose sole reply was "It's too troublesome." The fox vessel didn't know anything about computers. He only knew how to boot the system and how to switch it off, and he needed several hours just to figure that out. No, Naruto wasn't a computer freak and in fact he hated those little demonic things (computers). They were mean and he could swear that they were invented to annoy the shit out of everybody they hated. It was obvious that his computer had a soul, a life and did as it pleased; not bothering to listen to Naruto's commands. His computer hated him. TT
Sai wasn't there to take care of the now blue screen and Naruto began to panic. He feared for his files, his computer and, then suddenly, he remembered something which was nearly as important as his life: his dissertation!
"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" The blond ran around in circles as if he was trying to run away. He had written more than 50 pages so far and he had to give his dissertation to his professor soon, so not only was he in a hurry to write it but he also didn't remember each and every sentence he had written so far. To make things worse, since Naruto wasn't familiar with PCs at all he didn't do any backup. "This is a disaster!" the blond shouted as his pace picked up. From above it looked like the small boy was doing crop circles (well, if there were a cornfield in his living room…)
Suddenly Naruto's pace slowed down until he came to a halt, his eyes widening as an idea hit him. Didn't Sai say something about a technical support group where he worked for? Naruto quickly grabbed his phone; dialling the number Sai had given him some time before.
The blond listened to the dial tone, it sounded once, twice; then finally the phone was answered.
"Microsoft technical support group, Uchiha Sasuke speaking, how may I help you?" Naruto hesitated to answer when he heard the unfamiliar voice. He thought Sai had given him his direct access.
"Umm… Can I speak to Sai?"
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Sasuke's P.O.V.
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It's my first day working for the technical support group and they said that I would have to substitute for a co-worker first. He was ill or something, I didn't really pay attention to what they said. I sat down; it was one of those small office booths, consisting of three walls and a computer in front of me. I put on my headphones and awaited the first call.
Finally the phone rang. I answered it, trying to sound as indifferent as possible. They told us that most of the persons who called the technical support group would be very excited, so we had to remain calm to soothe them… well, that's at least the conclusion I came to. I didn't really pay much attention to what they were saying. Some people were surprised when they heard that I got that job because of that, but since I wasn't paying much attention to them I didn't really care.
"Microsoft technical support group, Uchiha Sasuke speaking, how may I help you?" Now, aren't I polite? I was proud of myself for answering the phone in such a polite way, it was almost elegant, I thought. However, I didn't expect that answer. A shy voice asked me whether he could speak to Sai. 'Hey, it's me you're talking to! I can answer your questions even when I'm not listening, so come on; give me a chance!'
I tried to remain calm as I asked politely 'Could you please tell me his surname then?' That idiot didn't expect me to know everyone in this building, did he? I won't be replaced by anyone! I'm far better than they are!!!
I felt my eyebrow twitch when he replied in a confused voice that he didn't know his surname. I can't believe that he wanted to replace me with a guy whose surname was unknown to him. Well then dobe, you have to deal with me. In my mind I saw myself sticking my tongue out at the stranger I was talking to. XP
"Then we do have a problem, don't we moron?" I asked sarcastically. The boy on the other end of the line snapped immediately, "Don't call me moron, you … moron!" I chuckled lightly when he repeated my words. "Amazingly, you are so unbelievable creative," again my voice was filled with sarcasm. "You—", he started again but I cut his sentence short. "Didn't you phone because you had a problem with your computer?!" I asked; changing the topic of our conversation since my superior started to look at me threateningly. Despite the fact it was fun to get under the dobe's skin, I needed this job.
He seemed to be taken aback when he started to form another sentence, "Umm… yeah, I do have a problem with my PC… How did you know?"
'How stupid is he?' I thought when I simply replied "Because you've phoned the technical support group…" I looked around to see my superior had gone before I finished my sentence "… Dobe." Hell, that was too much fun.
Again, he started to shout at me. I really enjoyed my little teasing game when I saw my superior came back to check on me. Can't he just leave me alone? I'm utterly capable to do my work by myself … and enjoy myself a little bit.
"So, please describe your problem, sir," I stated politely. "What are you?! Do you have a split personality or something?!" he snapped back at me. 'Energetic, isn't he?' I thought before I replied shortly "Just tell me about the problem you have with your computer," my superior didn't seem to trust me at all and I didn't want him to overhear me arguing with a customer.
The stranger inhaled to calm himself down I assumed, before he replied, "I got a Bluescreen," he paused and I waited for him to continue. When I realised that he wasn't going to continue his sentence to explain which Bluescreen he got, I decided to speak again.
"What does it read?" I asked calmly. "Umm… PFNLISTCORRUPTPFNLISTCORRUPT," he replied; confusion clearly evident in his voice.
I typed the error message he told me in my PC program to find a solution for his problem. After a short while I knew what to do.
"Alright, what's your operating system?" I asked my final question.
"Operating … system?" he asked me in return, obviously he didn't know what I was talking about.
'This is going to be a long day…' I sighed. "Complete my following sentence: I use Windows …" I really hoped he would be able to tell me which Windows version he was using but reality hit me hard when he replied "How am I supposed to know which Windows version you are using?!"
I rubbed my temples to soothe my beginning headache. 'He really is a dobe.'
"Usuratonkachi, I wanted to know which Windows version YOU are using!" I heard a gasp on the other end of the line. "Wow, you're good! How did you know I was using Windows anyway?" I looked up at the sign in front of me which read 'Microsoft technical support group' before I replied shortly "I just guessed. So which version are you using?"
"Windows XP," my interlocutor replied. 'Hell, I actually got a useful answer!' I beamed inwardly.
"Alright," I typed his answer into my system to reveal the appropriate solution. "First, I want you to boot your PC again and then…" I was stunned when I realised that the guy had hung up on me. 'Wtf? He can't be such a moron, can he? Anyway, he'll call back soon… in 3… 2… 1…' My phone rang again, 'Mine!' I was somehow excited to phone with him again, it just felt like I've just won an Ebay auction for a very rare article. I answered the phone again and cleared my throat.
"Microsoft technical support group, Uchiha Sasuke speaking, how may I help you?" I couldn't hide my smirk as I heard a familiar voice, "Gosh darn it! You know, that didn't help at all!" "Of course it didn't," I replied coolly, "You didn't let me finish my sentence." The boy on the other end of the line turned silent; seemingly embarrassed.
"Alright then, don't hang up on me again unless I say so, got it dobe?" I paused to hear him whisper an embarrassed "Y-yes…"
'This is almost like telephone sex,' I zoned out, 'I'm the master and he's the slave, similar to a dog.' I snickered as I imagined me telling him 'Go, get the paper for daddy!'
I was brought back to reality when I heard him yelling at me "Hey! Bastard! Are you alive?"
"Sure I am and don't call me bastard, dobe!" I took a deep breath to get rid of the thoughts I just had had. "Alright this is what you have to do: First I want you to push on the start key on your keyboard, it's the one with the windows logo. Then click on 'Run'. Got that?"
"Yes…" came his hesitant reply.
"Good. Next, type into the now open window 'msconfig' and press the enter key on your keyboard. You will now see a new window open up. Choose 'Systemstart' and deactivate any anti virus program, firewalls and backup programs."
"You are a hacker, aren't you?!" he asked suspiciously, "I won't fall for that! Sai had told me everything about you! Those programs protect me from you!"
"They're using too much of your RAM capability. You need to get rid of every program that starts automatically and uninstall them, dobe!"
Why did I choose to tell him the easiest way to get rid of his problem when he wasn't even listening to what I'm saying? If I had told him to uninstall the driver for his graphics card, sound card and his modem and download updated drivers from the official websites, he wouldn't have understood a single word at all. I had to choose one solution and this was the one that seemed to be the most appropriate one.
"Hey… Bastard!" My head shot up when I heard him calling me a bastard. "Don't call me bastard!" I snapped back before I heard him beam happily, "Thank you. It worked…" I fought back a blush. The way he thanked me was so unbelievable cute, it almost made my heart stop.
"You're welcome," I replied in a smooth voice and this time I could have sworn I heard him blush. "Umm… can I ask you one last question?" he asked and I wondered what was wrong. "Anytime; what is it?" I replied. "Why is my screen black now?" I rubbed my temples again. This was going to be a long day.
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Error log file (also known as Author's note):
Oh how great it is to be insomniac. Well, I hope you liked the story so far. For those who want to know about the computer problem Naruto had: PFN is the abbreviation for "Page Frame Number" (Despite the fact that it could also mean 'Pound (a) fuckable Naruto)' and describes the arrangement of each RAM page, in which program commands run or drivers work in. Usually one page is 4 KB big and the PFN List allows access to each single page. If now a driver or a program tries to exceed that limit a couple of times, you'll see this Bluescreen. It might sound pretty complicated first but it's rather simple, the programs or drivers try to use more RAM capability than they are allowed to, in a result this Bluescreen will show up.
…
As for the title, "STOP: N00B 413RT!", I assume you have read the word N00B (noob) a couple of times now. It describes a person who isn't familiar with something (in this case, computers). "413RT" just means "Alert" (4 A; 1 L; 3 E)
…
Is there anything else I might need to explain? Hmm, I guess not.
See you
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