(I don't own Gundam Wing)
Isn't life just a kick in the crotch.
"I don't know what to do. I just want to push him down and fuck him." He said in a desperate voice. What do you tell your gay friend that has the hots for one of his straight friend? Well in my case you say;
"Welcome to my world."
"Shit. Right you got that Chinese guy."
"Yeah" I sigh and drain my beer. 'That Chinese guy' just happened to be my best friend. My very straight best friend. Chang Wufei. I've known him practically my whole life. Our mothers were best friends and their family lived next door. We were the same age, we liked the same things, we were in the same class and on the same baseball team. We did just about everything together and you could never find one of us without finding the other. We were like brothers.
I always knew that I loved him. I mean, you love your brother, don't you? But when we were somewhere around thirteen-fourteen I started to realize that maybe loving him the way I did were not such a brotherly thing to do. But I ignored it. So I talked about girls and checked them out with the rest of my friends. I started dating them, kissed them, slept with them and pretended to love them. It went on for years. You could not find a bigger lady's man then me back then. It changed when I got a scholarship to attend a out of state collage for my writing. It was a eye opening thing to set foot in a place were no one know you, or your mother, father, grandfather or especially your best friend. And then I met Sean. He was in my creative-writing class and after a lecture we wondered over to a coffee shop and started talking. That's were he during a discussion about desserts said the words that were to change my world.
'-God no, I hate blueberry's, but my ex-boyfriend was mad about them. Give him a piece of blueberry pie and he would rolled over and spread them for you. I became something of a pie expert there for a while', then he laughed and went on talking. Just like that! He just outed himself to a total stranger in the middle of a coffeehouse. Like it was no big deal that he was gay and could bribe his ex-BOYFRIEND with pie to have sex. It was mindbogglingly to meet someone that didn't hide. That didn't feel dirty or ashamed for being gay. That gave me the courage to open up to being gay. Sean was my lifeline through that time. I couldn't talk to my family or friends from back home and that just made me feel so lost and empty. I think not being able to talk to Wufei was among the hardest things. We had always been so close and suddenly I couldn't tell him a thing about what was the hardest time of my life. The thing was that the more I accepted that I was gay, and the more content and accustom I became with my life, the less I could tell Wufei. And Sean, that by then had become my boyfriend, was a subject that did not come up. Ever. I was a bit of a coward, I admit. But the thought of telling him made me want to hyperventilate. But collage ended and a friend of my dad got me a job at the local newspaper. It's not the greatest workplace but it will look god on my resume. So I moved back to my home town. And so did Wufei. He had been going to a art school in New York and had moved back to town just a couple of months before I did. The lucky bastard is able to support himself on his art, something I probably never going to be able to do with my writing.
The thing was, that I really thought I was over him. After Sean and I broke up, I gave up on the idea of the perfect boyfriend and dated just about anyone that was interested. Pathetic I know, but not ones during that time did I think about Wu in that way. So it came as a total surprise when I saw him again. I had just steeped out of the car outside my parents house when I heard him call my name. Half a second late I had my ams around the man that I, even if we weren't as close that we ones were, considered my best friend. He wrapped his arms around me and told me how good it was to see me. I agreed and took a deep breath of the smell of pure Wufei. I reluctantly let him go and took a steep back and looked into the smiling face of what had to be the most beautiful man on the planet. Golden skin, jet black hair and those beautiful dark eyes. I think I stooped breathing there for a while. Thats when I knew I was in trouble. We started catching up and ended up in my old room, sitting side by side on my bed with our backs against the wall, like no time had past at all. So, in the end, it took less then fifteen minutes for me to fall for him all over again. So here I am. 25, single, back in the closet and hopelessly in love with my straight best friend. Isn't life just a kick in the crotch.
I take another bottle from the table. Me and Kevin has taken to getting together every now end then to let off steam over our fucked up lives. No, we are not letting off steam trough sex. Just ranting, drinking and cursing. It's both good and very sad to know that there is two of us living in the closet in this town. But opposite to Kevin who's going back to San Fransisco in the fall, I am stuck here on indefinite time. Damn, need another beer. Grabbing another one I make a mental note to let this be my last one. I'm meeting Fei later, and he hates it when I'm drunk. The guy have that health thing going on. Not that I'm complaining, his abs are a work of art, not to mention those biceps that are just not of this world... mmmm, damn, getting horny. Maybe a trip to the bathroom for a date with my left hand would be in order... or maybe hmmm, I must be just a little bit on the drunk side since I'm considering trying for a pity fuck out of Kevin. I mean he is not half bad if you go for the pumped up football player look. Which I normally don't. I'm more for the petite and lean ones... like Wufei. Damn, there I go again. A pity fuck might just be what I need and if my memory from that football camp is correct, Kevin was leaning towards the big side. Hmmm, speaking of... Kevin just catch me eying his crotch. O my, mountain of muscles coming my way. Mmm, I missed kissing. It's been far to long since I got laid. Ah, right here is something positive about sex with someone this much bigger, getting pushed down into the couch is nice. Oh, there goes my hands over my head. Right, Kevin was the one that liked holding his lovers down... not that I'm complaining because mmmm, thats very nice. We should be wearing a lot less clothes if we want then to stay clean. And..AHhh, that thigh felt very good right there.
One second I'm surrounded by heat, and the next there is a "Get the fuck of him!" and a 'wush' of air and I'm alone on the couch.
Oh Shit! I look over to the floor and there is Wufei beating the shit out of Kevin. Did I mention that Wu have this black belt lying around? No? Well I can tell you it's not for show. And I think it's time for me to interfere.
Grabbing a hold around my best friends waist i managed to pull him of.
"Wu! Chill man, it's not what you think, calm down."
"What the fuck man, you broke my tooth!" Kevin complained.
"Get out Kevin. Now!" I shout as Wufei try to make a break for it. Holding tight I manage to hold him back as Kevin obeyed me.
"Duo, what, and he, what the fuck is going on?!"
Letting him go I pick myself of the floor only to drop down on the couch with my head in hands. I was so hopping not having to do this in, ooh about a 100 years.
"Duo?"
God, he sound so lost. Like his world just tipped up side down. And maybe it did, things won't be the same after this. Because he knows now. What if I lose him, I can't lose him, not when I just found him again. But I have to tell him.
"I'm gay." I don't dare to look at him. Like a child holding their hand over there eyes saying 'I can't see you, so you can't see me'.
"Your... but you...How long?"
Ah yes, thats Wufei for you. Always cutting down to the important part. 'Fuck this. Let's just get it all out.' "Since like fourteen or something when I figure out that I was in love with you"
There is a long stretch of silence that was cut off by the sound of a slamming door closely followed by my heart breaking in pieces.
I woke up by someone knocking heavily on the apartment door. But I ignore it. The knocking continued.
'Yes, yes, I can hear you, but there is -no- way that I'm getting up again. I just got home from work. I didn't even take the time to get my jeans of before I crash landed in bed. And if voluntarily sleeping in tight jeans doesn't speak for it self then...' A muffled shout was heard from the door but I ignored it to.
"fugh of" I mumble into the pillow.
"You really should get a better lock on you door, it took me like five seconds to get it open." I heard a voice say from my bedroom door. There was a pause before I almost throw myself up in a sitting position with the cover wrapped over my shoulders.
"...I thought you weren't coming back." I said in a small voice.
"Oh for god sake Duo, I always leave when I'm pissed of! You know that." 'And I did. Wufei was a bit strange like that. He hates angry conflicts with people he likes and respects. So on the rare occasions that he became angry with his close ones he always wondered of to meditate and came back with logical arguments. I don't think anyone ever won a argument with him.'
"I forgot" I pulled my cover closer around my naked chest. 'Thank god I didn't take my pants of, that would have been awkward'. I watched Wu as he started to pace back and forth in my small bedroom.
"I was pretty pissed that you didn't tell me. But that's understandable considering the subject. Well I think I found a solution to this but it's going to take some work. I did a bit of research and I found this psychologist named Thornwell that wrote a report about sexuality. He made a examination of bisexuals and their outlook on attraction. And based on those results he came up with this theory that you could control your own sexuality. That with the right line of thinking you could change what you found appealing in a partner and there by your sexuality."
I don't know if I should be laughing or crying. It was such a Wufei way of thinking. There were a problem, you read about it, you came up with a few theory's and started trying them out. I settled for a sad laugh.
"Wu, believe me when I say, that if I had a choice, I would not be gay. I have been trying for years to be straight but it..."
"Not you baka, me."
"...what?"
"Well think about it. I already love you, I'm just not IN love with you, that we could work on. The only real problem should be the gender thing. But if I manage to determine what it is about women I find attractive, I should be able to draw a parallel between those things and things about the male body. I have not attempted this, but in theory it should work. Another way of looking at this would be to become accustom to the differences. Humans are very adaptable, we constantly change our ways in order to function in our environment.
'Trust Wufei to turn me being in love with him in to a documentary of human nature.'
"So as a human, I should be able to adapt to this."
'Oh god, he's serious. I have to stop this before this get out of hand.'
"Wu your not gay."
"Not yet I'm not. But if my calculations are correct..."
Oh no, his turning this into a math problem with a logical answer. I feel like banging my head against a wall. How the hell did I fall in love with such a geek?
"Wu, Wu please just stop. This is not something you have to fix. There is no right answer and no easy way out. But most of all, this is not your problem, it's mine. You don't have to change or 'adapt' to this. I just have to get over you, that all there is to it."
Wufei just stopped and looked at me. He gave a sigh and walked over to the side of my bed and sat down next to me.
"How long have you been in love with me?" He asked meeting my eyes straight on. I could feel my face burning.
"About 10 years or so." I mumbled and looked down at my hands. I really needed to take better care of my nails. These last few days I have been biting non-stop on them and...
Wufei cut of my line of thought by taking a hold of one of my hands. Shivers went down my spine as rough callous went over the palm of my hand.
"If this haven't gone away for ten years, don't you think it's time to try something else? I'm willing to see if we can make this work, will you let me?
So your straight best friend just offered to try turning himself gay for you, what do you say. I'm not convinced that what his saying is possible. I have been fighting my own sexuality for so long and I really believe that it's something you are born with, something that you can't control... something permanent. But looking into those dark eyes...he looks so sure of himself, like he knows this will work. It sounds crazy, but on the other hand, Wufei always have some crazy plan that he is working on. If the guy ever decides to become a terrorist, the world would be in a lot of trouble. But looking back, I can't remember Wu ever failing with one of his plans. Could it be possible? Could it be that it would work and I could have...The thought just hit me for real, I-could-have-Wufei, he could be mine. I gave up hope on that dream when I was fifteen and Wufei introduced me to his girlfriend. And now, hope is returning. But to embrace hope only to have this turn out to be a failure will probable break my heart. Can I risk it? But how can I not risk it for the chance to have, god I hate this expression, but I could have the love of my life. I take a deep breath.
"Okay, we'll do this you way." He smiles that big grin of his. The one that shows all those perfects white teeth of his. Not a lot of people get to see it, and for a second I pretend that I'm the only one that does.
"So... how are we going to do this?" I ask as I rearrange my self on the bed. The covers slips of my shoulder and I can almost feel his eyes on me like a physical touch. He suddenly looks really nervous.
"Eh, I emm, I kind of, think that maybe I'm going to go with the theory about humans adaptability. It seems like the best way to approach this." He runs a hand over his hair, making some of it fall out of his ponytail. "Well, maybe, the ehmm, what you call the more 'improper advancing' would be the most effective way to grow accustom to the diversity between the two sexes." It takes my brain a second to catch up. Did he just offer to have sex with me?! I wonder if this is the world way of paying me back for all the trouble I've had. 'Sorry about that, here have some sex with your best friend as a consolation.' It's never safe to assume things but please, please, please let it be so.
"Fei... did you just suggest that we have sex?" Oh, I didn't know that Chinese people could turn that color. He looks even more nervous now and he's even started to fidget. I don't think I've ever seen him like this.
"Erh, well if- if we ehm, I think-...yeah." His eyes ones again wanders to where the covers slipped of. He moves closer and puts a shaky hand on my naked shoulder. Very slowly his fingers started to wander, down my collar bone, up along my neck and down again.
"It's like the same thing, like with a girl, right?" He liked his lip in a nervous gesture and his eyes that had been locked on his own wandering hand, meet mine.
What I saw in his eyes just confirmed my suspicion. Wufei was a nervous wreck.
"Yeah, pretty much the same thing." I said trying to calm him down. "Wu, are you sure about this. We don't have to do anything. There is no reason to be..." nervous, afraid, panic-stricken... went trough my head but I needed something that would not hurt his pride... "feeling out of place. Look at me. I'm still Duo, I'm still the guy you went camping with in the backyard, the same guy that held your secret on what really happened to your fathers apple tree. That makes bad jokes and can't ever be on time. I'm still me... and I would never do anything that you didn't want me to do." Just watching him relax at my words made me take control over my hormones. There were no way I was going to screw this up.
"Come on, let's go." I said as I throw off the cover and got up to find a shirt. 'Hmm, black tight t-shirt, that one looks good on me'.
"Go? Were are we going?" Turning towards him I couldn't help but smile at his confusion. "If we hurry, we can catch that Tarantino movie at eight." I started pulling the shirt over my head, and I'll be damned if Fei didn't just check out my chest as I stretched. Feeling overjoyed that this just might work, it just might.
"But, why?" He asked looking up at me from his spot on my bed looking muddled and just adorable. I could not help myself as I walked over to him and did something that I had been wanting to do for years. I leaned down and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear as I planted a soft kiss on his forehead.
"Because you and I are going on a date. Now come on, let's go. But know this..." I put on a serious face. "I will not under no circumstances, share my popcorn." With that I leave the room with the sound of Wufei's startled laughter ringing in my ear.
A/N. I still haven't decided if I'm going to leave this as a one-shot or not. Opinion, anyone?
Based upon a conversation with a friend.