Disclaimer: See Chapter One.
Summary: It wasn't supposed to happen. I know it wasn't. It was only a game, an innocent little joke. He only expected it to go on for a week, two week tops. Shigure...knows enough about the pain of love than to force this to happen to us. I still wish he wouldn't have. (KyouxYuki)
Point-of-View: Yuki's
I sighed, sitting by the window. For weeks, Kyou had been walking around blind. It was amazing how little he bumped in to stuff; though he did spill quite a lot of milk. He got more paranoid, and would have large 'trances' in which he'd just sit and stare at nothing.
Shishou
('Martial Arts Master') even came over for a while. Kyou was still
the same old Kyou, even with out his sight, and I got to watch one of
the most interesting two-second matches of my life.
"I'll
beat you any ways, Shishou!" Kyou had said, though he was
laughing and very good humored about it- unlike he was with me. Of
course, I knew why Kyou wanted to beat Shishou; to make him proud. So
that Kyou could call him 'dad'.
But the cheer quickly died down after he left; it even started raining early the next day. I had taken a spot by the open back door; Shigure had left it open 'to let the fresh autumn air in'. I decided not to comment on his..stupidity...and found that I rather enjoyed the feeling of the light mist. The rain was freezing, but the mist felt...mistifying?
Haha.
When
I heard foot steps from behind me, I didn't have to ask who it was.
Kyou was coming out of his room for a warm milk break, right on cue
as well. He'd been out every hour and a half. Was he timing
himself?
"Kyou?" I asked, not turning away from my spot.
I couldn't face him, even if he didn't know I wasn't facing him, I
still couldn't. I had caused him to loose his sight.
"Yeh?" he slurred lazily, getting out one of our smaller tea kettles to heat up the milk. I heard him open the fridge, and knew he poured it in from the clinking.
"I never knew a blind man who didn't bump in to stuff." it was intended to sound like an insult, but it sounded more like a compliment. After all, how can you make some thing like that sound like an insult.
He turned and looked at me, smiling bitterly. He forced our eyes to meet, just as I was turning my head to watch the tea kettle.
"I
guess I remembered more about this house than I'd have thought."
he said. His tone made my throat constrict and the hairs on my neck
raise.
I sighed, biting my lip to keep it from quivering. "Kyou?"
I repeated, trying not to puke as I spoke.
"What?"
he replied, turning away from me and putting the kettle on the hot
eye.
It took me a moment to respond. "Do you hate me?"
I said, trying to put my thought in to words.
As I asked, he got one of his 'trance' gazes again. He would just stare at nothing, some times for half an hour and some times for only a few seconds. Typically, they occured for about a minute...and he never seemed to know that he had been out of it. He just went right back to what he was doing. I sighed; that was the longest 60 seconds of my life.
"No. I don't hate you, Yuki." he said, seeming shocked- not to mention hurt- that I had asked it.
Then I'll be happy. I thought; I'll die a happy man if you don't hate me.
"Why do you think I hate you?" he asked, turning the eye up hotter because the milk wasn't warming quick enough for him on such a low temperature.
"Because you can't see." I said, unable to bring myself to say 'blind'. I am a sick man...
He smiled another one of his bitter smiles, and turned the eye down a bit as he got himself a glass.
"I don't hate you for that." he said, scratching his eye with his knuckle. "In fact, I really don't mind it. Cat's don't see very well, any ways."
For a minute, I was quiet. I just watched him pour the milk in to the glass, and then I stood up.
"You were having problems with your eyes already?" I asked curiously, turning my whole body to face him.
"Turning
into a giant, burning monster whenever a charm is removed can have
that effect." he said, grabbing a spoon and sipping it lullingly
off of it.
"Were you blind already?" I asked dumbly,
only then to remember what he had said when he lost his sight.
"No.
I actually saw... I guess...kind of okay. I mean, I didn't know any
other way to see." all of a sudden, he stuck his hand in to his
pocket and started fishing around. I blinked and stared at him, until
he pulled out a piece of neatly folded paper and handed it to me. "I
wrote this for you a while ago. " he said, proceeding to walk
away.
Curiousity got the better of me, and I had to pick it up. With a sigh, I opened it. The first words alone made me want to barf.
Yuki-chan:
I wrote this letter, knowing that it would be either the Stamp of Love or the Letter of Good-bye. I know that we are strange, I know that people will despise us, I know that Akitou wants us as his pets.
I have made a vow within this letter to love you, and do what I can not to hurt you. This doesn't mean that if we've decided the relationship won't go any where, I'll still be with you- it simply means that 'Loved' isn't a word.
You have to decide for, not only you, but for us- will this relationship grow? Or will you end it now? I have chosen that I would put my heart and soul into this. Now you have to decide.
Are you ready for love? Not just a regular High School 'I love you' 'I love you too', but real, true love? If not, then I will wait.
Some people wait forever. Maybe I'll be one of those people. Maybe I'll get lucky.
This being said, no matter what your decision, I will be happy- content at the least. Perhaps I will even write a story about this one day, and like Shigure be a writer. I don't know what the cards hold for me.
The question is no longer about if I love you, because I know I do. Hate and Love are quite alike, and..well..I know more about you than I thought. The question is..Do You Love Me?
Kyou.
It wasn't the most romantic letter, but it had more meaning to it than any of those cliche' "Oh I love you so much!" letters. I sighed and walked in to my room. I didn't know quite yet if I could do it... it would be such a large step...
I wished I could've gone ahead in time and seen if it would be worth it.
I yawned and opened my drawer, putting the letter in there. Now I knew I'd never loose it. Slowly, I walked out of the bedroom, only to meet Shigure in the hall. At the time, I hadn't realized how much I hated him for this...but once I saw him it all welled up inside of me at once.
Then I knew how Haru had felt when he first had seen me.
My eyes shifted into a narrow glare. My entire body writhed with a stinging, burning pain.
The only word to describe how I felt?
Hate.
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, SHIGURE?!" I yelled. I yelled so loud, I could feel my head vibrate. My voice even squeaked as I got to the end, though I still sounded strange.. powerful.
For a moment, he gave me a blank stare. "What-what did I do?"
"YOU SET US UP! JUST SO THAT YOU COULD JUST GO TELL YOUR PRECIOUS AKITOU ON US! NOW KYOU IS BLIND! AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU, SHIGURE! I HATE YOU!" I had said it. Three words that could bring nothing but destruction. I know why I hated him.
"I-I'm sorry...I..."
"SORRY WON'T BRING HIS SIGHT BACK!" I shrieked, feeling the uncontrollable salt water begin to drip down my eyes.
"I didn't know that it would happen." he said, looking down. Still, I felt no guilt.
"IS THAT YOUR EXCUSE?! YOU KNOW AKITOU IS A MADMAN! YOU KNOW HE'S CRAZY! YOU KNOW HIS HOBBY IS BEATING US TO A BLOODY PULP! YOU KNOW THAT LOVE HURTS, SHIGURE, AND YOU STILL DID THAT!"
"I didn;t know, Yuki-kun." he said, trying to settle me down. "I didn't know that you two would really fall in love to begin with. It's such a strange thought, if you think about it. It was only meant to be a joke."
I knew. I had known it was a joke. And I had played in to it. "I'm sorry, Shigure-nii." I said with a sigh, turning my back on him. "I guess I just wanted some one to blame accept for me."
"Understood, Yuki." he said, turning his back.
With nothing else to do, I walked into Kyou's room. The lazy cat had left his door open, and he was laying down, sleeping in a sleeping bag. For a while, I thought I'd just sit and watch him. That is, until he woke up.
"Yuki." he said, with out even opening his eyes. I knew at that moment that he'd left the door open on purpose. "Did you read the note?"
"Yes."
"Do you know?"
I was quiet, hoping that maybe he'd forget.
"Yuki?"
"Kyou." I said quickly, running my thin fingers through his hair. He relaxed and closed his eyes. "Because I'm not sure for now, we should end it. Maybe we'll have a chance later."
He
knew. He knew why. I could tell from his expression. His accepting
nod. He could say yes; he already had.
And some how, I couldn't
bring myself to say it.
I am a failure.